Anyone meet their spouse after 40 and go on to have biological children?

[Anonymous]

OP, there's a huge difference between age 40 and "almost 42" in this scenario, unfortunately.

It certainly isn't impossible, but it is going to be very unlikely.

[Anonymous]

Met my spouse when I was 39. Went straight to IVF at 41. Success!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, there's a huge difference between age 40 and "almost 42" in this scenario, unfortunately.

It certainly isn't impossible, but it is going to be very unlikely.

She is 41.75 years old and will probably be 42 by the time divorce is finalized. I think it will take her time to be even ready to start dating again and then to find a guy who wants to start trying for a baby immediately seems like it would be very difficult.

She met her husband on a dating app and they did want the family. I think the problem was they were more in love with the idea of marriage that they weren’t in love with one another. Or so the husband says. Baby did not happen immediately and fertility problems magnified everything that was wrong with the relationship. Family and finances were big ones.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A friend of mine had 4 kids without any fertility help. The last 2 of the 4 were at 42 and 45. All kids are healthy.

Having your first biological child after 40 (without fertility treatments) is much less likely than what you describe, so not really relevant for op’s friend, I’m afraid. Basically if you don’t use it your body shuts it down sooner.

Op, tell your friend to go to an RE and get a work up to find out what her chances are. They will give her specific info about her body like egg counts and help her figure out what her next options might be. Information is power.

To be honest her own egg chances are already only 4% at age 43, even with Ivf. Donor egg though is still very possible.

This is not true. I gave birth just after turning 43. I had no problem getting pregnant. I was lectured by a whacko doctor at 38, he told me if I wanted kids I needed to go on fertility drugs ASAP. I was newly married at the time and we didn’t know if we wanted kids. Fast forward 4 years to conceive naturally and have an easy pregnancy.

The statistics that the medical community bases the conception mis information off of is from 1970s and the research stopped at women over 35. Women are having kids later and fertility treatments are better. My advice to your friend is to freeze her eggs. Also, date a younger guy?

This is terrible advice!!!! Freezing eggs at her age won’t be good. At minimum she should freeze embryos. Eggs from someone her age do terribly when thawed. Also, I did 4 failed IVF cycles at 39 and 40. The drop off in Fertility is not a myth!

[Anonymous]

I got twins at 37 with IVF while my older sister was 41 and still single. 9 months later she was married while 4 months pregnant. And she just got her second at 43. I am pretty sure she could get pregnant again if she wanted to. Btw I got pregnant again without help at 40. Anyway everyone is different and this is definitely possible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, there's a huge difference between age 40 and "almost 42" in this scenario, unfortunately.

It certainly isn't impossible, but it is going to be very unlikely.

She is 41.75 years old and will probably be 42 by the time divorce is finalized. I think it will take her time to be even ready to start dating again and then to find a guy who wants to start trying for a baby immediately seems like it would be very difficult.

She met her husband on a dating app and they did want the family. I think the problem was they were more in love with the idea of marriage that they weren’t in love with one another. Or so the husband says. Baby did not happen immediately and fertility problems magnified everything that was wrong with the relationship. Family and finances were big ones.

So she already had fertility problems and she wants to have a baby around 44? Zero chance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, there's a huge difference between age 40 and "almost 42" in this scenario, unfortunately.

It certainly isn't impossible, but it is going to be very unlikely.

She is 41.75 years old and will probably be 42 by the time divorce is finalized. I think it will take her time to be even ready to start dating again and then to find a guy who wants to start trying for a baby immediately seems like it would be very difficult.

She met her husband on a dating app and they did want the family. I think the problem was they were more in love with the idea of marriage that they weren’t in love with one another. Or so the husband says. Baby did not happen immediately and fertility problems magnified everything that was wrong with the relationship. Family and finances were big ones.

So she already had fertility problems and she wants to have a baby around 44? Zero chance.

It was from lack of sex and sperm count. She later shared they stopped having sex and that is why they didn’t seek treatment sooner. They went to initial fertility appointments and then he just called it quits.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, there's a huge difference between age 40 and "almost 42" in this scenario, unfortunately.

It certainly isn't impossible, but it is going to be very unlikely.

She is 41.75 years old and will probably be 42 by the time divorce is finalized. I think it will take her time to be even ready to start dating again and then to find a guy who wants to start trying for a baby immediately seems like it would be very difficult.

She met her husband on a dating app and they did want the family. I think the problem was they were more in love with the idea of marriage that they weren’t in love with one another. Or so the husband says. Baby did not happen immediately and fertility problems magnified everything that was wrong with the relationship. Family and finances were big ones.

Ok, if she has ALREADY had fertility problems, then this is a no. Her best chance is to go it alone and just start IVF now with donor sperm. That might not work and she could need donor eggs, but I would start there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, there's a huge difference between age 40 and "almost 42" in this scenario, unfortunately.

It certainly isn't impossible, but it is going to be very unlikely.

She is 41.75 years old and will probably be 42 by the time divorce is finalized. I think it will take her time to be even ready to start dating again and then to find a guy who wants to start trying for a baby immediately seems like it would be very difficult.

She met her husband on a dating app and they did want the family. I think the problem was they were more in love with the idea of marriage that they weren’t in love with one another. Or so the husband says. Baby did not happen immediately and fertility problems magnified everything that was wrong with the relationship. Family and finances were big ones.

Ok, if she has ALREADY had fertility problems, then this is a no. Her best chance is to go it alone and just start IVF now with donor sperm. That might not work and she could need donor eggs, but I would start there.

Actually I’m assuming first year they were probably actively trying and just didn’t get pregnant naturally.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, there's a huge difference between age 40 and "almost 42" in this scenario, unfortunately.

It certainly isn't impossible, but it is going to be very unlikely.

She is 41.75 years old and will probably be 42 by the time divorce is finalized. I think it will take her time to be even ready to start dating again and then to find a guy who wants to start trying for a baby immediately seems like it would be very difficult.

She met her husband on a dating app and they did want the family. I think the problem was they were more in love with the idea of marriage that they weren’t in love with one another. Or so the husband says. Baby did not happen immediately and fertility problems magnified everything that was wrong with the relationship. Family and finances were big ones.

So she already had fertility problems and she wants to have a baby around 44? Zero chance.

Yeah, way to bury the lede OP.

Someone who has fertility problems in their 30’s isn’t going to get pregnant 10 years later no matter how many times you wish upon a star and surround yourself with fairy tales.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is there really that big of a difference between 42 and 44?

I had my third child at 38. I conceived all three of my children the first or second month of trying. Trying just meaning no protection in middle of the month.

I’m 41 now and feel I absolutely could have another child if I wanted.

Yes. Huge difference. And how you feel about it isn’t relevant. Egg quality deteriorates rapidly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My friend had a baby at 42. No one but her very closest friends know that she used a donor egg. Everyone thinks she is a “unicorn” but she’s just a beneficiary of reproductive science, like most people.

This. I am 44 and 8 mo pregnant. Donor eggs. Nobody knows about the donor part. People assume a successful IVF. I havent even told my own mother. I am a “unicorn”

Your friend had to let go of some of her rigid requirements.

Sorry, no one believes that a 44 year old is pregnant with her own eggs.

Sorry, but apparently a bunch of people on page one of this thread do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My friend had a baby at 42. No one but her very closest friends know that she used a donor egg. Everyone thinks she is a “unicorn” but she’s just a beneficiary of reproductive science, like most people.

This. I am 44 and 8 mo pregnant. Donor eggs. Nobody knows about the donor part. People assume a successful IVF. I havent even told my own mother. I am a “unicorn”

Your friend had to let go of some of her rigid requirements.

Sorry, no one believes that a 44 year old is pregnant with her own eggs.

Sorry, but apparently a bunch of people on page one of this thread do.

I know a couple ladies who had oops babies at 44/45. These women had children about to start high school and were already talking about empty nest plans. There is no way in hell they went through fertility treatments and paid for donor eggs. One went to my church and she was pretty devastated. It happens.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My friend had a baby at 42. No one but her very closest friends know that she used a donor egg. Everyone thinks she is a “unicorn” but she’s just a beneficiary of reproductive science, like most people.

This. I am 44 and 8 mo pregnant. Donor eggs. Nobody knows about the donor part. People assume a successful IVF. I havent even told my own mother. I am a “unicorn”

Your friend had to let go of some of her rigid requirements.

Sorry, no one believes that a 44 year old is pregnant with her own eggs.

I had my dd at 44 with my own eggs. It happens.

[Anonymous]

OP, could you clarify your original statement about how she is not in a financial position to have a child on her own? Does that mean she can’t afford (or just doesn’t like) adoption? Can’t afford IVF/donor eggs? Or can afford all that, but doesn’t think she has enough money to raise a child to adulthood on her own?