Why do married women look so sad?

[Anonymous]

This is a strange thread; I hope I'm right in reading most of it as ironic.

My marriage is the best thing that ever happened to me, but I'd rather take an icepick to my left nostril than go to the mall with my husband or anyone else. God gave us on-line shopping for a reason. The reason is that malls suck.

Maybe there are married women who like malls but have husbands who don't. Maybe you stumbled on some families who, like mine, can't all head in the same direction in a store at gunpoint. We attempted a World Market trip yesterday and lost track of our basket three times, our child four times, and each other at least five. Were it not for Maggiano's Carb Therapy (TM), we'd still be bewildered.

Marriage can change you, it's true. In our case we married late enough in life that we were pretty well settled into our routines and ways of thinking. Marriage made us both secure enough to go to a restaurant after a hardware store trip at the end of a day of home repairs; it made us calm enough about our futures to flip out less when work or money or health goes bad. It didn't lower our expectations -- it raised them. I expect to be loved and respected and taken care of (mutually) every day. I expect to wake up with the coffee already brewing. I expect great sex as soon as my kid falls asleep.

The Mall marriages sound like what you see on sitcoms. Husbands and wives in very different gender roles holding their noses while they accommodate each other's alien needs. But that's not because of marriage itself; it's because some people choose a stereotyped version of it over partnership, and then are left with very little when the initial blush of romance wears off.

Also, kids tire you out and suck the life out of you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Perhaps it isn't their marital status and instead the fact that they are stuck in the crowded hot mall during the holiday season being run over by teenagers in jeans that are too tight and that have nothing to do but stroll around, yell, laugh too loudly and be generally annoying. Not to mention the other mall entities: the slow walker, the person walking against the flow of traffic, the man trying to sell you lotion as you just want to get to the f-ing CVS to buy some f-ing tampons.

I generally want to kill everyone at the mall, including anyone who might happen to be with me. If I was there with my mom, you might say " why do all married women hate their moms?"

The reason I look unhappy at the mall is that my husband and I are there desperately searching for a gift for my in-laws who are impossible to please. We're racing against the babysitter clock, searching and searching for the perfect gift that I will never find. Finally, we settle on something that they hopefully won't hate or make a snide comment about. While we wait in line I play a game with myself, trying to figure out what they will find wrong with the gift. Will they make another comment about how it wasn't wrapped well? Will they say "you really shouldn't give people food items as gifts? That's just not a good idea." Or my favorite, "oh, just what we need, another one of these." I wonder if just this once I happened upon some magical gift that will make everyone happy for the rest of their lives. Finally, I fantasize about taking the gift and whacking my in-laws on the head with it.

See, it's nothing to do with an unhappy marriage. It's gift buying stress.

[Anonymous]

Basing the state of married women on one woman's weekend visit to the mall (esp. 5 weeks before Christmas, when parking/crowds start becoming a nightmare) is surely one of the silliest things I've read on here in a long time!

[Anonymous]

I think it's weird that you're walking around the mall having these conversations with random people. You have to wonder about the people who respond to you. I suspect you talked to one person and have now made some sweeping generalization based on that conversation. This is a very odd topic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Basing the state of married women on one woman's weekend visit to the mall (esp. 5 weeks before Christmas, when parking/crowds start becoming a nightmare) is surely one of the silliest things I've read on here in a long time!

Agree! OP, PLEASE get a life! FWIW, love my husband, think shopping at the mall is like sticking needles in my eyes.

[Anonymous]

Great time!? The whole time I was in Greece I was asked; "Mrs..Gellar, Why you cry?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:LOL. Troll? If you're for real, then I suspect you just aren't very observant and/or you were only seeing what you wanted to see.

I think this person is the worst kind of troll. Start something when there is no need. The Op was make an observation that I have seen myself quite abit. Married men or women don't seem as happy as the single people. I agree with the Op, but even if I didn't she has a right to an observation, doesn't she? You seem like an insecure troll, because you're wondering if your husband is really happy or not.

SNORT. This is ridiculous. Are you married or single? How is your own security level?

Are you kidding, you're the one that couldn't brace the fact that the Op had a valid observation. Married people do seem alittle less happy. I can see why you're own husband is probably unhappy, because you're not able to have a normal adult conversation. You result to name calling and have probably called your husband a few names. No wonder he is miserable.

I am the "snort" poster. Your response is awesome! I always enjoy a good laugh during the work day. My husband is unhappy because I find a DCUM post ridiculous? That is some serious logic you're applying. I can't have a normal adult conversation? You're right, I generally just hurl Legos at people, fling myself to the floor and pound with hands and fists - all while calling my husband names like "you meanie" and "stupid head" - and he is oh so miserable. Poor guy. Too bad he married me. He could be with you instead - someone who is able to make such stunningly accurate observations and inferences from my fifteen word post on DCUM.

[Anonymous]

Let me get this right. You don't think there is any parallel to calling someone a troll or snort, real life? When you do this to a complete stranger, how do you think she would talk to her own husband or kids? Name calling as an adult shows an immaturity level. I don't have to know her to believe that she has problem got an attitude problem with most people she knows.

Whereas making grossly inaccurate leaps of (il)logic based on a one line post - and calling someone else's marriage unhappy and husband miserable - that's mature?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Let me get this right. You don't think there is any parallel to calling someone a troll or snort, real life? When you do this to a complete stranger, how do you think she would talk to her own husband or kids? Name calling as an adult shows an immaturity level. I don't have to know her to believe that she has problem got an attitude problem with most people she knows.

Whereas making grossly inaccurate leaps of (il)logic based on a one line post - and calling someone else's marriage unhappy and husband miserable - that's mature?


OP here and I gotta say I agree with you.

To the PP saying my post is silly: Yeah, I know. Not every post in this website is about song lyrics, stroller choices, H1N1 or toddler beds. And I'm entitled to post what's on my mind.

To the PP saying I'm weird for "talking to random people": I'm not pulling people I don't know to the side and asking them weird questions just because I need to talk to someone, but that's what you made me seem like. I was sitting on a couch at Macy's Home for example and a lady asked me if I knew the price. I said I did and she said "My ex would hate that color. I think I might just buy it." And that's how I knew she wasn't married. A woman trying shoes on next to me asked where I got those from and then said she was going to ask her husband to look for them in the store. That's how I knew she was. You people are very odd. Just because I talk to people, it doesn't make me a creep. You must be one of those people who never smile back or never say hello. I've read other threads about you.

To the PP who said I based the state of married women on my visit to the mall: I never said married women ARE unhappy, I just said they looked sad and annoyed. And just so I wouldn't base the state of married women on what I see and since I'm not friends with married women, I decided to come here and ask. That's all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I said I did and she said "My ex would hate that color. I think I might just buy it." And that's how I knew she wasn't married.

There's happiness for you. Getting a couch in a certain color just because the ex would hate it. Divorced woman ARE happier.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I said I did and she said "My ex would hate that color. I think I might just buy it." And that's how I knew she wasn't married.

There's happiness for you. Getting a couch in a certain color just because the ex would hate it. Divorced woman ARE happier.

You people are so sarcastic and bitter...

[Anonymous]

First, I hate the mall so much I shop on-line almost exclusively.

Second, OP raised a valid question and does have a point. There are a lot of people in unhappy marriages everywhere -- even on this board. Just go look at the Sex and Relationships Forum. I can barely read it anymore. It's depressing enough to make me think about slashing my wrists. Perhaps the posters responding to OP with such venom are the ones in these unhappy marriages.

OP, PPs: There's a great book, entitled "Mrs. Kimble" by Jennifer Haigh. Besides being a good read, it's a good reflection of the ideal many women place on marriage, and what they are willing to do in order to get it and keep it. It suggests an answer to OPs question.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

No tinclined to read all the posts, but I am guessing (ina rather educated fashion) that OP wants to be with a particular married man. SO TRANSPARENT.

This is EXACTLY why I didn't want to mention on my OP that I am single. I am not a troll nor do I want a married man. I have a live in boyfriend who is wonderful and I think he is about to propose. I am very happy, but also very apprehensive, afraid this might change things as they are between us or make him feel differently. I love him deeply, but I'm just afraid the change will be for the worst. That's all. Not a troll. Not a creepy married people stalker, not a home wrecker. Some of you people have issues...

OP, based on this post, it seems to me that you are anxious or worried about getting engaged or married. If something inside of you is telling you to hold off, maybe that's why you're "seeing" married women as unhappy and single women as happier. Just a suggestion to try to take a step back and think about where YOU really want your relationship to go. It can be hard to say "wait a minute, I'm not sure I'm ready for the next step," but you can still move forward later on if you decide it's right for you. It's a lot harder to get engaged and break off an engagement when you realize you're not comfortable, or call off a wedding at the last minute, or get married and realize the next item on the agenda is a divorce. This is not to say your relationship isn't right, and marriage isn't the right thing for your and your boyfriend - it may well be a great relationship heading down exactly the right path. But pay attention to your anxieties and don't discount them. Examine them, think about them, and then make the decision that is right for YOU. Loving someone doesn't always mean the person is right for you on a permanent basis; living together doesn't mean you have to get married. I wish you the best, whether that means getting engaged to and marrying your boyfriend, or taking a step back and holding off for a while. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Let me get this right. You don't think there is any parallel to calling someone a troll or snort, real life? When you do this to a complete stranger, how do you think she would talk to her own husband or kids? Name calling as an adult shows an immaturity level. I don't have to know her to believe that she has problem got an attitude problem with most people she knows.

Whereas making grossly inaccurate leaps of (il)logic based on a one line post - and calling someone else's marriage unhappy and husband miserable - that's mature? first impressions are right most of the time. You were first to jump down people's throats because you don't agree with something that was clearly an observation. Now, you can disagree, but do it in a manner that offers or conveys a different point of view. You were angry when you jumped and hopefully you teach your kids to use their words in a constructive manner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Perhaps the posters responding to OP with such venom are the ones in these unhappy marriages.

Nah. People are just chuckling that she would generalize that all married women are unhappy based on a few observations of women at a shopping mall.