Is anyone afraid we are raising a generation of spoiled impolite kids

[Anonymous]

The parents of today are the fu(k (their) mom generation. Their kids treat their parents like crap inside their homes. I have seen things like toddlers who hit their moms, are defiant and laugh, straight up disrespectful. Outside the house they are charming.
The parents think it’s cute. Until it’s not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My therapist friend sometimes shares that in general, based on what she sees, she fears a generation of kids who are coddled into being afraid of everything. Afraid to go away for college. Afraid of responsibility. Afraid of breaking out of any comfort zone.

Is that spoiled? It might be a form of it. Not rebellion as OP described but more of parents spoiling kids so they never grow.

Teachers would agree with that therapist.

There's really not one group to blame, it's a combination of parents, schools, technology, and the media. I think this actually measurable unlike generalizations about the behavior of kids these days. It's starts with the parents keeping them from leaving the yard, or walking to the bus stop lest they be found neglectful or because of fear of what the news tells them could happen. This is reinforced by the rules of the school in the name of safety. When they are tweens and teens they monitor their texts and web history, follow their whereabouts, correct their homework; basically taking away any autonomy or difficult decision making. Then magically these cocooned children are supposed to become functional adults. No wonder anxiety is so common.

It's hard to blame kids for the culture we live in or parents who sincerely believe the more involved they are, the more they care.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Drilling politeness into kids under 7 or 8 is stupid and old-fashioned in my opinion. At that age they're just being shamed into it or blindly following orders. When they're a bit older (depending on the maturity of the kid, but for my kids it was mid-late elementary) they're able to understand why you are requiring politeness, what the word sorry really means, and why we should treat others with respect. At that point you can teach them to be genuinely kind and respectful to other people, not just socialized monkeys.

Right. And they listen when you teach them to look both ways when crossing the street for the same reason: "because this is what we do". So it becomes habit. Then, when they're crossing the street alone as an 8 or 10 year old they won't get run down by some jabroni texting on their phone.

They're not developmentally astute enough to know why we eat with a fork, go to bed on time, or pee in a toilet. So we teach them. It doesn't make them monkeys. It makes them part of society.

Except those things aren't really the same. It doesn't really matter why we eat with a fork. It does matter why we apologize. You can make "please" and "thank you" incredibly rude (and thereby defeat the purpose of saying them) if you have no thought about why you saying them, because tone matters. It would be as though the kid look both ways before crossing the street, but didn't stop even though he observed the oncoming car. Further, drilling these kinds of rules just leads to the sort of well-mannered, but truly horrible people that think because they complied with some social custom, they're fine, even if it results in some extremely cruel outcome.

None of which is to say that politeness isn't important. Or that some things must be done simply because that it is the proper way to do something, i.e. pee in the toilet, not on the wall. But when it comes to humans and social interactions, I think it is much better to focus on kindness than rote learning of some rule.

[Anonymous]

My kids are polite and not selfish. They are tweens and teens. Everyone thinks the next gen is going to be illmannered. It doesnt really happen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Drilling politeness into kids under 7 or 8 is stupid and old-fashioned in my opinion. At that age they're just being shamed into it or blindly following orders. When they're a bit older (depending on the maturity of the kid, but for my kids it was mid-late elementary) they're able to understand why you are requiring politeness, what the word sorry really means, and why we should treat others with respect. At that point you can teach them to be genuinely kind and respectful to other people, not just socialized monkeys.

7 is already too late to instill good habits, and manners. The younger the better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My therapist friend sometimes shares that in general, based on what she sees, she fears a generation of kids who are coddled into being afraid of everything. Afraid to go away for college. Afraid of responsibility. Afraid of breaking out of any comfort zone.

Is that spoiled? It might be a form of it. Not rebellion as OP described but more of parents spoiling kids so they never grow.

I work at a college and have frequent interface with students. All of this is so true. The students are actually (for the most part) pretty polite and nice. It's just the total bewilderment of the world around them, the hand holding, the constant reassurance and recognition they require...it's tiring.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Drilling politeness into kids under 7 or 8 is stupid and old-fashioned in my opinion. At that age they're just being shamed into it or blindly following orders. When they're a bit older (depending on the maturity of the kid, but for my kids it was mid-late elementary) they're able to understand why you are requiring politeness, what the word sorry really means, and why we should treat others with respect. At that point you can teach them to be genuinely kind and respectful to other people, not just socialized monkeys.

7 is already too late to instill good habits, and manners. The younger the better.

If you say so. All the posts to the contrary must be mistaken.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My therapist friend sometimes shares that in general, based on what she sees, she fears a generation of kids who are coddled into being afraid of everything. Afraid to go away for college. Afraid of responsibility. Afraid of breaking out of any comfort zone.

Is that spoiled? It might be a form of it. Not rebellion as OP described but more of parents spoiling kids so they never grow.

I work at a college and have frequent interface with students. All of this is so true. The students are actually (for the most part) pretty polite and nice. It's just the total bewilderment of the world around them, the hand holding, the constant reassurance and recognition they require...it's tiring.

Its no different than when we grew up. The only difference is the negativity and if anything more hands off parenting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Drilling politeness into kids under 7 or 8 is stupid and old-fashioned in my opinion. At that age they're just being shamed into it or blindly following orders. When they're a bit older (depending on the maturity of the kid, but for my kids it was mid-late elementary) they're able to understand why you are requiring politeness, what the word sorry really means, and why we should treat others with respect. At that point you can teach them to be genuinely kind and respectful to other people, not just socialized monkeys.

Right. And they listen when you teach them to look both ways when crossing the street for the same reason: "because this is what we do". So it becomes habit. Then, when they're crossing the street alone as an 8 or 10 year old they won't get run down by some jabroni texting on their phone.

They're not developmentally astute enough to know why we eat with a fork, go to bed on time, or pee in a toilet. So we teach them. It doesn't make them monkeys. It makes them part of society.

Except those things aren't really the same. It doesn't really matter why we eat with a fork. It does matter why we apologize. You can make "please" and "thank you" incredibly rude (and thereby defeat the purpose of saying them) if you have no thought about why you saying them, because tone matters. It would be as though the kid look both ways before crossing the street, but didn't stop even though he observed the oncoming car. Further, drilling these kinds of rules just leads to the sort of well-mannered, but truly horrible people that think because they complied with some social custom, they're fine, even if it results in some extremely cruel outcome.

None of which is to say that politeness isn't important. Or that some things must be done simply because that it is the proper way to do something, i.e. pee in the toilet, not on the wall. But when it comes to humans and social interactions, I think it is much better to focus on kindness than rote learning of some rule.

...it's not that deep.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Drilling politeness into kids under 7 or 8 is stupid and old-fashioned in my opinion. At that age they're just being shamed into it or blindly following orders. When they're a bit older (depending on the maturity of the kid, but for my kids it was mid-late elementary) they're able to understand why you are requiring politeness, what the word sorry really means, and why we should treat others with respect. At that point you can teach them to be genuinely kind and respectful to other people, not just socialized monkeys.

Right. And they listen when you teach them to look both ways when crossing the street for the same reason: "because this is what we do". So it becomes habit. Then, when they're crossing the street alone as an 8 or 10 year old they won't get run down by some jabroni texting on their phone.

They're not developmentally astute enough to know why we eat with a fork, go to bed on time, or pee in a toilet. So we teach them. It doesn't make them monkeys. It makes them part of society.

Except those things aren't really the same. It doesn't really matter why we eat with a fork. It does matter why we apologize. You can make "please" and "thank you" incredibly rude (and thereby defeat the purpose of saying them) if you have no thought about why you saying them, because tone matters. It would be as though the kid look both ways before crossing the street, but didn't stop even though he observed the oncoming car. Further, drilling these kinds of rules just leads to the sort of well-mannered, but truly horrible people that think because they complied with some social custom, they're fine, even if it results in some extremely cruel outcome.

None of which is to say that politeness isn't important. Or that some things must be done simply because that it is the proper way to do something, i.e. pee in the toilet, not on the wall. But when it comes to humans and social interactions, I think it is much better to focus on kindness than rote learning of some rule.

I see your point, but a 3 yo is only developmentally able to grasp the "what", not the "why". They get positive reinforcement for enacting social norms, which leads to more reinforcement, more "thanks you"s, etc. Empathy is learned along the way, but isn't the starting point. "Here, you go first", said no toddler, ever. Which is why you don't wait until age 8 (or whatever crazy age above poster mentioned) to start teaching politeness. By age 8, they get the empathy part. But if "please" and "thank you" aren't well-learned habits by then, well, that horse has left the barn.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Drilling politeness into kids under 7 or 8 is stupid and old-fashioned in my opinion. At that age they're just being shamed into it or blindly following orders. When they're a bit older (depending on the maturity of the kid, but for my kids it was mid-late elementary) they're able to understand why you are requiring politeness, what the word sorry really means, and why we should treat others with respect. At that point you can teach them to be genuinely kind and respectful to other people, not just socialized monkeys.

Right. And they listen when you teach them to look both ways when crossing the street for the same reason: "because this is what we do". So it becomes habit. Then, when they're crossing the street alone as an 8 or 10 year old they won't get run down by some jabroni texting on their phone.

They're not developmentally astute enough to know why we eat with a fork, go to bed on time, or pee in a toilet. So we teach them. It doesn't make them monkeys. It makes them part of society.

Except those things aren't really the same. It doesn't really matter why we eat with a fork. It does matter why we apologize. You can make "please" and "thank you" incredibly rude (and thereby defeat the purpose of saying them) if you have no thought about why you saying them, because tone matters. It would be as though the kid look both ways before crossing the street, but didn't stop even though he observed the oncoming car. Further, drilling these kinds of rules just leads to the sort of well-mannered, but truly horrible people that think because they complied with some social custom, they're fine, even if it results in some extremely cruel outcome.

None of which is to say that politeness isn't important. Or that some things must be done simply because that it is the proper way to do something, i.e. pee in the toilet, not on the wall. But when it comes to humans and social interactions, I think it is much better to focus on kindness than rote learning of some rule.

lol. When I was a teacher, I could smell kids with parents like you from a mile away. No thank you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Drilling politeness into kids under 7 or 8 is stupid and old-fashioned in my opinion. At that age they're just being shamed into it or blindly following orders. When they're a bit older (depending on the maturity of the kid, but for my kids it was mid-late elementary) they're able to understand why you are requiring politeness, what the word sorry really means, and why we should treat others with respect. At that point you can teach them to be genuinely kind and respectful to other people, not just socialized monkeys.

Right. And they listen when you teach them to look both ways when crossing the street for the same reason: "because this is what we do". So it becomes habit. Then, when they're crossing the street alone as an 8 or 10 year old they won't get run down by some jabroni texting on their phone.

They're not developmentally astute enough to know why we eat with a fork, go to bed on time, or pee in a toilet. So we teach them. It doesn't make them monkeys. It makes them part of society.

Except those things aren't really the same. It doesn't really matter why we eat with a fork. It does matter why we apologize. You can make "please" and "thank you" incredibly rude (and thereby defeat the purpose of saying them) if you have no thought about why you saying them, because tone matters. It would be as though the kid look both ways before crossing the street, but didn't stop even though he observed the oncoming car. Further, drilling these kinds of rules just leads to the sort of well-mannered, but truly horrible people that think because they complied with some social custom, they're fine, even if it results in some extremely cruel outcome.

None of which is to say that politeness isn't important. Or that some things must be done simply because that it is the proper way to do something, i.e. pee in the toilet, not on the wall. But when it comes to humans and social interactions, I think it is much better to focus on kindness than rote learning of some rule.

you should take a child development course at your local community college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Bill Maher calls it the "F*ck you Mom" generation

Bill Maher is right about literally everything and it is so scary because he is such a smug little bastard.

#maga