Is anyone afraid we are raising a generation of spoiled impolite kids

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Bill Maher calls it the "F*ck you Mom" generation

I thought that was the boomer generation...don't trust anyone over 30?

[Anonymous]

Drilling politeness into kids under 7 or 8 is stupid and old-fashioned in my opinion. At that age they're just being shamed into it or blindly following orders. When they're a bit older (depending on the maturity of the kid, but for my kids it was mid-late elementary) they're able to understand why you are requiring politeness, what the word sorry really means, and why we should treat others with respect. At that point you can teach them to be genuinely kind and respectful to other people, not just socialized monkeys.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Drilling politeness into kids under 7 or 8 is stupid and old-fashioned in my opinion. At that age they're just being shamed into it or blindly following orders. When they're a bit older (depending on the maturity of the kid, but for my kids it was mid-late elementary) they're able to understand why you are requiring politeness, what the word sorry really means, and why we should treat others with respect. At that point you can teach them to be genuinely kind and respectful to other people, not just socialized monkeys.

I disagree. Even very young children grasp concepts of kindness and respect. There is nothing wrong with teaching them to have good manners and respect toward their peers and elders as early as possible. Expectations should adjust according to age, of course, but that's a different matter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Drilling politeness into kids under 7 or 8 is stupid and old-fashioned in my opinion. At that age they're just being shamed into it or blindly following orders. When they're a bit older (depending on the maturity of the kid, but for my kids it was mid-late elementary) they're able to understand why you are requiring politeness, what the word sorry really means, and why we should treat others with respect. At that point you can teach them to be genuinely kind and respectful to other people, not just socialized monkeys.

Right. And they listen when you teach them to look both ways when crossing the street for the same reason: "because this is what we do". So it becomes habit. Then, when they're crossing the street alone as an 8 or 10 year old they won't get run down by some jabroni texting on their phone.

They're not developmentally astute enough to know why we eat with a fork, go to bed on time, or pee in a toilet. So we teach them. It doesn't make them monkeys. It makes them part of society.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Drilling politeness into kids under 7 or 8 is stupid and old-fashioned in my opinion. At that age they're just being shamed into it or blindly following orders. When they're a bit older (depending on the maturity of the kid, but for my kids it was mid-late elementary) they're able to understand why you are requiring politeness, what the word sorry really means, and why we should treat others with respect. At that point you can teach them to be genuinely kind and respectful to other people, not just socialized monkeys.

Right. And they listen when you teach them to look both ways when crossing the street for the same reason: "because this is what we do". So it becomes habit. Then, when they're crossing the street alone as an 8 or 10 year old they won't get run down by some jabroni texting on their phone.

They're not developmentally astute enough to know why we eat with a fork, go to bed on time, or pee in a toilet. So we teach them. It doesn't make them monkeys. It makes them part of society.

Agree wholeheartedly. Some things do need to be drilled until they get it. You can't reason everything all the time, especially when they are too young to understand. The understanding sometimes come later but the foundation is laid earlier.

[Anonymous]

I absolutely teach politeness to my kids, ages 7 and 9, and have since they were much younger. I insist they make eye contact with adults when speaking to them, and when someone asks how they are, to respond by asking how the other person is as well. My older kid has gotten especially adept at this, and has realized that it results in a lot of positive attention when he shows an interest; he now does it naturally with us, other family members, and friends' parents and so on. He'll ask how your day was; remember if we've done something and ask about it (how was book club? how did you sleep? etc.). His 7 year old sister is not great at it yet, but she's getting there.

But the distinction for me is that I have taken the time to talk with them about what it means to be considerate of others, rather than forcing them into robotic responses. At restaurants, I remind them not to drop food or napkins or leave a mess because being a server is hard work. I've explained how showing an interest in others makes them feel good and that they'll get positive attention for it, which they've quickly come to like.

For me, having kind, considerate and thoughtful kids who are aware of other people is among my highest priorities--if not the highest. Sure, I want them to do well in school and find things they love doing, but the fact that m 3rd grader's report card called out how kind and helpful he is in class made me much prouder than hearing what his reading or math scores were.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Every generation says this about the next.

+1 read the little house on the prairie books. Laura’s pa tells stories about how much more we’ll behaved kids in his generation had to be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just look how many people think jumping on a rec center couch is ok...yes, lots of overly permissive parents out there.

or playing in public flower beds.

[Anonymous]

Spoiled snowflakes, yes. My kids and their friends are not impolite but man are they spoiled and sensitive.

[Anonymous]

Please keep in mind that more kids than you think have autism and might not be making eye contact or saying hi because they really can't do it comfortably.

As the mom of one of these kids, I still make a point of telling him it's required, but when he was three, there was absolutely nothing I could have done that would have convinced him to say hi to adults. It just wasn't going to happen. Ever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Every generation says this about the next.

+1 read the little house on the prairie books. Laura’s pa tells stories about how much more we’ll behaved kids in his generation had to be.

+1000000. Somehow I don't think we're going to be the ones to take humanity down. Someone in the previous generation raised Donald Trump so I'm not sure how pervasive the politeness teaching was back then either!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I absolutely teach politeness to my kids, ages 7 and 9, and have since they were much younger. I insist they make eye contact with adults when speaking to them, and when someone asks how they are, to respond by asking how the other person is as well. My older kid has gotten especially adept at this, and has realized that it results in a lot of positive attention when he shows an interest; he now does it naturally with us, other family members, and friends' parents and so on. He'll ask how your day was; remember if we've done something and ask about it (how was book club? how did you sleep? etc.). His 7 year old sister is not great at it yet, but she's getting there.

But the distinction for me is that I have taken the time to talk with them about what it means to be considerate of others, rather than forcing them into robotic responses. At restaurants, I remind them not to drop food or napkins or leave a mess because being a server is hard work. I've explained how showing an interest in others makes them feel good and that they'll get positive attention for it, which they've quickly come to like.

For me, having kind, considerate and thoughtful kids who are aware of other people is among my highest priorities--if not the highest. Sure, I want them to do well in school and find things they love doing, but the fact that m 3rd grader's report card called out how kind and helpful he is in class made me much prouder than hearing what his reading or math scores were.

Op here - I love this. My kids are 2 and 5. I don't think I have had the conversations you have had behind why we do what We do so I am going to incorporate that. To date at least with the 5 year old I don't have to tell him to say thank you anymore but when he misses it I do cue him by saying what do you say. The looking people in the eye and saying hello we work on daily and he's pretty good about it. I do model it constantly though and occasionally do have to remind him to say hello to folks before we enter a room or leave the car for our destination.

We haven't gotten beyond thank you with the little guy. He's a work in progress. Kudos to you for what you've achieved so far with your kids. You should be very proud.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I absolutely teach politeness to my kids, ages 7 and 9, and have since they were much younger. I insist they make eye contact with adults when speaking to them, and when someone asks how they are, to respond by asking how the other person is as well. My older kid has gotten especially adept at this, and has realized that it results in a lot of positive attention when he shows an interest; he now does it naturally with us, other family members, and friends' parents and so on. He'll ask how your day was; remember if we've done something and ask about it (how was book club? how did you sleep? etc.). His 7 year old sister is not great at it yet, but she's getting there.

But the distinction for me is that I have taken the time to talk with them about what it means to be considerate of others, rather than forcing them into robotic responses. At restaurants, I remind them not to drop food or napkins or leave a mess because being a server is hard work. I've explained how showing an interest in others makes them feel good and that they'll get positive attention for it, which they've quickly come to like.

For me, having kind, considerate and thoughtful kids who are aware of other people is among my highest priorities--if not the highest. Sure, I want them to do well in school and find things they love doing, but the fact that m 3rd grader's report card called out how kind and helpful he is in class made me much prouder than hearing what his reading or math scores were.

Op here - I love this. My kids are 2 and 5. I don't think I have had the conversations you have had behind why we do what We do so I am going to incorporate that. To date at least with the 5 year old I don't have to tell him to say thank you anymore but when he misses it I do cue him by saying what do you say. The looking people in the eye and saying hello we work on daily and he's pretty good about it. I do model it constantly though and occasionally do have to remind him to say hello to folks before we enter a room or leave the car for our destination.

We haven't gotten beyond thank you with the little guy. He's a work in progress. Kudos to you for what you've achieved so far with your kids. You should be very proud.

Well I have a three year old who I don't have to remind to say thank you. Do I win? Do I prove you wrong?

This is ridiculous, the concept of a post ridiculing other parents for not teaching politeness is irony/hypocrisy at its finest!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't have a problem with politeness in the kids I know. I do, however, think we are all so incredibly disconnected from ourselves and each other as a result of looking at these f'ing screens all day. Yes, I'm a hypocrite as I frequent this site. I should be reading a book or breathing or just about anything else. It's a compulsion that numbs me. We're sick.

As a child I was always with my nose in a book, so I was kind of rude and disengaged pre-cell era.
I actually find teens today more polite to adults than in my generation.

[Anonymous]

I had a kid destroying my front yard the other day and I came out to ask if he did what he just did. He stared at me for a few seconds and said, "yeah." I told him to stay out of my yard. He turned his back to me and started walking away, not even listening.

His mom was standing ten feet away and said nothing, only smiled. Then they walked on.

I do fear the younger generation will have a higher rate of narcissism, sociopathy, and possibly incarceration because their parents simply refuse to teach them appropriate manners, boundaries and how to communicate respectfully with adults.

It doesn't matter if your kid is "gifted" (and I use this word very loosely these days) if they're not a good person at heart.