Is anyone afraid we are raising a generation of spoiled impolite kids

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I absolutely teach politeness to my kids, ages 7 and 9, and have since they were much younger. I insist they make eye contact with adults when speaking to them, and when someone asks how they are, to respond by asking how the other person is as well. My older kid has gotten especially adept at this, and has realized that it results in a lot of positive attention when he shows an interest; he now does it naturally with us, other family members, and friends' parents and so on. He'll ask how your day was; remember if we've done something and ask about it (how was book club? how did you sleep? etc.). His 7 year old sister is not great at it yet, but she's getting there.

But the distinction for me is that I have taken the time to talk with them about what it means to be considerate of others, rather than forcing them into robotic responses. At restaurants, I remind them not to drop food or napkins or leave a mess because being a server is hard work. I've explained how showing an interest in others makes them feel good and that they'll get positive attention for it, which they've quickly come to like.

For me, having kind, considerate and thoughtful kids who are aware of other people is among my highest priorities--if not the highest. Sure, I want them to do well in school and find things they love doing, but the fact that m 3rd grader's report card called out how kind and helpful he is in class made me much prouder than hearing what his reading or math scores were.

Op here - I love this. My kids are 2 and 5. I don't think I have had the conversations you have had behind why we do what We do so I am going to incorporate that. To date at least with the 5 year old I don't have to tell him to say thank you anymore but when he misses it I do cue him by saying what do you say. The looking people in the eye and saying hello we work on daily and he's pretty good about it. I do model it constantly though and occasionally do have to remind him to say hello to folks before we enter a room or leave the car for our destination.

We haven't gotten beyond thank you with the little guy. He's a work in progress. Kudos to you for what you've achieved so far with your kids. You should be very proud.

Well I have a three year old who I don't have to remind to say thank you. Do I win? Do I prove you wrong?

This is ridiculous, the concept of a post ridiculing other parents for not teaching politeness is irony/hypocrisy at its finest!

Hmm sorry you read it that way (or took it that way). There's no win vs. Losing so not quite sure what you are getting at. Maybe it would be helpful to reread my post? In any event it is something I see and struggle with myself and I find it hard work that seems constant and never ending.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I absolutely teach politeness to my kids, ages 7 and 9, and have since they were much younger. I insist they make eye contact with adults when speaking to them, and when someone asks how they are, to respond by asking how the other person is as well. My older kid has gotten especially adept at this, and has realized that it results in a lot of positive attention when he shows an interest; he now does it naturally with us, other family members, and friends' parents and so on. He'll ask how your day was; remember if we've done something and ask about it (how was book club? how did you sleep? etc.). His 7 year old sister is not great at it yet, but she's getting there.

But the distinction for me is that I have taken the time to talk with them about what it means to be considerate of others, rather than forcing them into robotic responses. At restaurants, I remind them not to drop food or napkins or leave a mess because being a server is hard work. I've explained how showing an interest in others makes them feel good and that they'll get positive attention for it, which they've quickly come to like.

For me, having kind, considerate and thoughtful kids who are aware of other people is among my highest priorities--if not the highest. Sure, I want them to do well in school and find things they love doing, but the fact that m 3rd grader's report card called out how kind and helpful he is in class made me much prouder than hearing what his reading or math scores were.

Op here - I love this. My kids are 2 and 5. I don't think I have had the conversations you have had behind why we do what We do so I am going to incorporate that. To date at least with the 5 year old I don't have to tell him to say thank you anymore but when he misses it I do cue him by saying what do you say. The looking people in the eye and saying hello we work on daily and he's pretty good about it. I do model it constantly though and occasionally do have to remind him to say hello to folks before we enter a room or leave the car for our destination.

We haven't gotten beyond thank you with the little guy. He's a work in progress. Kudos to you for what you've achieved so far with your kids. You should be very proud.

Well I have a three year old who I don't have to remind to say thank you. Do I win? Do I prove you wrong?

This is ridiculous, the concept of a post ridiculing other parents for not teaching politeness is irony/hypocrisy at its finest!

Hmm sorry you read it that way (or took it that way). There's no win vs. Losing so not quite sure what you are getting at. Maybe it would be helpful to reread my post? In any event it is something I see and struggle with myself and I find it hard work that seems constant and never ending.

Your post title is inflammatory and accusatory. This 'is our generation doomed because we're terrible parents' vibe is insulting. And I say this as the PP who clearly does value politeness as my kids get it drilled from toddlerhood.

Maybe I need to read more of these books on this new parenting philosophy but what I see when out and about doesn't instill confidence that that approach is the right one. My parents drilled things into us, please, thank you, excuse me until it became second nature.

/\ that quote is passive aggressive and rude. Its also generalizing. I know many polite kind respectful children. And if I see a kid throwing a tantrum or having a hard time I'm more likely to give the mom a compassionate smile that says, 'haven't we all been there?' then to assume she neglects teaching her children manners.

Kindness is politeness' sister and is just as important to teach our children and to model ourselves in front of them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I absolutely teach politeness to my kids, ages 7 and 9, and have since they were much younger. I insist they make eye contact with adults when speaking to them, and when someone asks how they are, to respond by asking how the other person is as well. My older kid has gotten especially adept at this, and has realized that it results in a lot of positive attention when he shows an interest; he now does it naturally with us, other family members, and friends' parents and so on. He'll ask how your day was; remember if we've done something and ask about it (how was book club? how did you sleep? etc.). His 7 year old sister is not great at it yet, but she's getting there.

But the distinction for me is that I have taken the time to talk with them about what it means to be considerate of others, rather than forcing them into robotic responses. At restaurants, I remind them not to drop food or napkins or leave a mess because being a server is hard work. I've explained how showing an interest in others makes them feel good and that they'll get positive attention for it, which they've quickly come to like.

For me, having kind, considerate and thoughtful kids who are aware of other people is among my highest priorities--if not the highest. Sure, I want them to do well in school and find things they love doing, but the fact that m 3rd grader's report card called out how kind and helpful he is in class made me much prouder than hearing what his reading or math scores were.

Op here - I love this. My kids are 2 and 5. I don't think I have had the conversations you have had behind why we do what We do so I am going to incorporate that. To date at least with the 5 year old I don't have to tell him to say thank you anymore but when he misses it I do cue him by saying what do you say. The looking people in the eye and saying hello we work on daily and he's pretty good about it. I do model it constantly though and occasionally do have to remind him to say hello to folks before we enter a room or leave the car for our destination.

We haven't gotten beyond thank you with the little guy. He's a work in progress. Kudos to you for what you've achieved so far with your kids. You should be very proud.

Well I have a three year old who I don't have to remind to say thank you. Do I win? Do I prove you wrong?

This is ridiculous, the concept of a post ridiculing other parents for not teaching politeness is irony/hypocrisy at its finest!

Hmm sorry you read it that way (or took it that way). There's no win vs. Losing so not quite sure what you are getting at. Maybe it would be helpful to reread my post? In any event it is something I see and struggle with myself and I find it hard work that seems constant and never ending.

Your post title is inflammatory and accusatory. This 'is our generation doomed because we're terrible parents' vibe is insulting. And I say this as the PP who clearly does value politeness as my kids get it drilled from toddlerhood.

Maybe I need to read more of these books on this new parenting philosophy but what I see when out and about doesn't instill confidence that that approach is the right one. My parents drilled things into us, please, thank you, excuse me until it became second nature.

/\ that quote is passive aggressive and rude. Its also generalizing. I know many polite kind respectful children. And if I see a kid throwing a tantrum or having a hard time I'm more likely to give the mom a compassionate smile that says, 'haven't we all been there?' then to assume she neglects teaching her children manners.

Kindness is politeness' sister and is just as important to teach our children and to model ourselves in front of them.

Hmm I don't think I was referring to kids throwing tantrums or people having a hard time. I'd have to read through my post again but don't believe any mention of that was made. I was however talking about having your kids say thank you, hello, I am sorry - those types of things. I recall helping a kid or two on a few occasions with something and the kid never said thank you. The parents may have but they never asked their kid to. That is something that I do have a problem with (and I'm not talking about a 2 or 3 year old). I may have to prompt my kids occasionally to do so but that's only because I've worked tirelessly on it andvwhen they don't say it I definitely prompt them and wait until they do before I also thank the individual. In my mind that is establishing the foundation and expectation. And gosh I will say this again - it's exhausting!

Regarding whether my post was generalizing - of course it was- that is why I asked for people's opinions. It was a generalization of what I have seen. Is that all I have seen no - but it is something i see very very often.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had a kid destroying my front yard the other day and I came out to ask if he did what he just did. He stared at me for a few seconds and said, "yeah." I told him to stay out of my yard. He turned his back to me and started walking away, not even listening.

His mom was standing ten feet away and said nothing, only smiled. Then they walked on.

I do fear the younger generation will have a higher rate of narcissism, sociopathy, and possibly incarceration because their parents simply refuse to teach them appropriate manners, boundaries and how to communicate respectfully with adults.

It doesn't matter if your kid is "gifted" (and I use this word very loosely these days) if they're not a good person at heart.

Well said!

Mom of 3 teens. Part of my job as a mom is to model and teach and correct and remind my children how to be polite and kind and mannerly.

I work for our local school system. You know what I see daily? A general lack of respect for elders, most especially adults.

I’ve experienced multiple neighbor kids question me when I’ve said to stop playing ON my driveway ( I’m backing out in my car), to not climb my backyard fence, to go home, etc. All reasonable requests from me, a very kind, “nice” mom. Horrified to get in each situation either a “why?” as a response or worse, the beginnings of a temper tantrum.

We as a generation of parents explain entirely too much to our kids,instead of saying,”stop!” This is the result; rude back talk and endless questions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I absolutely teach politeness to my kids, ages 7 and 9, and have since they were much younger. I insist they make eye contact with adults when speaking to them, and when someone asks how they are, to respond by asking how the other person is as well. My older kid has gotten especially adept at this, and has realized that it results in a lot of positive attention when he shows an interest; he now does it naturally with us, other family members, and friends' parents and so on. He'll ask how your day was; remember if we've done something and ask about it (how was book club? how did you sleep? etc.). His 7 year old sister is not great at it yet, but she's getting there.

But the distinction for me is that I have taken the time to talk with them about what it means to be considerate of others, rather than forcing them into robotic responses. At restaurants, I remind them not to drop food or napkins or leave a mess because being a server is hard work. I've explained how showing an interest in others makes them feel good and that they'll get positive attention for it, which they've quickly come to like.

For me, having kind, considerate and thoughtful kids who are aware of other people is among my highest priorities--if not the highest. Sure, I want them to do well in school and find things they love doing, but the fact that m 3rd grader's report card called out how kind and helpful he is in class made me much prouder than hearing what his reading or math scores were.

Op here - I love this. My kids are 2 and 5. I don't think I have had the conversations you have had behind why we do what We do so I am going to incorporate that. To date at least with the 5 year old I don't have to tell him to say thank you anymore but when he misses it I do cue him by saying what do you say. The looking people in the eye and saying hello we work on daily and he's pretty good about it. I do model it constantly though and occasionally do have to remind him to say hello to folks before we enter a room or leave the car for our destination.

We haven't gotten beyond thank you with the little guy. He's a work in progress. Kudos to you for what you've achieved so far with your kids. You should be very proud.

Well I have a three year old who I don't have to remind to say thank you. Do I win? Do I prove you wrong?

This is ridiculous, the concept of a post ridiculing other parents for not teaching politeness is irony/hypocrisy at its finest!

Hmm sorry you read it that way (or took it that way). There's no win vs. Losing so not quite sure what you are getting at. Maybe it would be helpful to reread my post? In any event it is something I see and struggle with myself and I find it hard work that seems constant and never ending.

Your post title is inflammatory and accusatory. This 'is our generation doomed because we're terrible parents' vibe is insulting. And I say this as the PP who clearly does value politeness as my kids get it drilled from toddlerhood.

Maybe I need to read more of these books on this new parenting philosophy but what I see when out and about doesn't instill confidence that that approach is the right one. My parents drilled things into us, please, thank you, excuse me until it became second nature.

/\ that quote is passive aggressive and rude. Its also generalizing. I know many polite kind respectful children. And if I see a kid throwing a tantrum or having a hard time I'm more likely to give the mom a compassionate smile that says, 'haven't we all been there?' then to assume she neglects teaching her children manners.

Kindness is politeness' sister and is just as important to teach our children and to model ourselves in front of them.

Hmm I don't think I was referring to kids throwing tantrums or people having a hard time. I'd have to read through my post again but don't believe any mention of that was made. I was however talking about having your kids say thank you, hello, I am sorry - those types of things. I recall helping a kid or two on a few occasions with something and the kid never said thank you. The parents may have but they never asked their kid to. That is something that I do have a problem with (and I'm not talking about a 2 or 3 year old). I may have to prompt my kids occasionally to do so but that's only because I've worked tirelessly on it andvwhen they don't say it I definitely prompt them and wait until they do before I also thank the individual. In my mind that is establishing the foundation and expectation. And gosh I will say this again - it's exhausting!

Regarding whether my post was generalizing - of course it was- that is why I asked for people's opinions. It was a generalization of what I have seen. Is that all I have seen no - but it is something i see very very often.

I think you sound like kind of an unkind and judgemental person. Maybe you're not. I tend to not keep score when I'm interacting with children. Great that you're teaching your kids to be polite, like I said I am too. But different kids move at different speeds and have different strengths. Be the change you want to see and stop worrying about other people, it will get your farther and you'll be more happy on the journey.

[Anonymous]

I'm not afraid that I am, but I am afraid that "you" are. Yesterday I saw a young teenage girl push past an old woman and the woman almost lost her balance. The teenager didn't say excuse me or I'm sorry.

I yell at my daughters every single time I don't hear them saying 'Thank you" or whatever. I point out excellent and awful manners to my kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: Forget the kids. Where did all these moms come from recently who refuse to say "no" to their kids? And I do not mean "no" in a disciplinarian way. Mine are older now but I am noticing this trend among younger moms of not wanting to disappoint their children by denying them ANYTHING.

This is the problem.

This is how you get the kids who do damage to the neighbor’s lawn or fence as was mentioned, and don’t see anything wrong with it. They have no concept of other people’s property, or of taking care of things, or of the cost to fix or replace things. Because they’ve always just gotten what they asked for.

[Anonymous]

we live in Baltimore and this does not ring true to me. Most kids are nice and well behaved. My own kids can be a handful at home but they are very well behaved at school, teachers hold them as role models etc. i chaperone on accession and kids (5-8) behaved no worse than when I was a kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm not afraid that I am, but I am afraid that "you" are. Yesterday I saw a young teenage girl push past an old woman and the woman almost lost her balance. The teenager didn't say excuse me or I'm sorry.

I yell at my daughters every single time I don't hear them saying 'Thank you" or whatever. I point out excellent and awful manners to my kids.

Op here. Agree with this point. My 5 year old nearly did that the other day. I had to tell him to stop turn around and say sorry. He shouldn't have been running to begin with I realize but that is another story. I know im not alone in this clearly and am happy that I'm not. The struggle is real. Sometimes I think I'm always at it and maybe the minority that's always at it but again many posters have confirmed I'm not and to get the end results one just has to continue at it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm not afraid that I am, but I am afraid that "you" are. Yesterday I saw a young teenage girl push past an old woman and the woman almost lost her balance. The teenager didn't say excuse me or I'm sorry.

I yell at my daughters every single time I don't hear them saying 'Thank you" or whatever. I point out excellent and awful manners to my kids.

Op here. Agree with this point. My 5 year old nearly did that the other day. I had to tell him to stop turn around and say sorry. He shouldn't have been running to begin with I realize but that is another story. I know im not alone in this clearly and am happy that I'm not. The struggle is real. Sometimes I think I'm always at it and maybe the minority that's always at it but again many posters have confirmed I'm not and to get the end results one just has to continue at it.

Parenting is not a one time thing. Its constant reminders, constant teaching and modeling the behavior you want to see.

[Anonymous]

I disagree with the premise. Lots of us are raising polite kids.

But a huge part of the problem is that we've discouraged other adults to correct our children. Other adults used to step in and tell kids not to run at the pool or jump on couches. Other adults used to ask kids to say please before getting a cupcake, etc.

[Anonymous]

My parents didn't teach me basic manners like "please" and "thank you," looking people in the eye, etc, but somehow I figured it all out as I grew up, and I'm a polite and well-mannered adult. What my parents DID teach me that I see this generation lacking is respect for adults and authority. I am appalled at the way children speak to and behave toward adults. Kids need to listen to their parents, teachers, etc because these people are IN CHARGE. It's a hard concept for many kids these days.

[Anonymous]

My therapist friend sometimes shares that in general, based on what she sees, she fears a generation of kids who are coddled into being afraid of everything. Afraid to go away for college. Afraid of responsibility. Afraid of breaking out of any comfort zone.

Is that spoiled? It might be a form of it. Not rebellion as OP described but more of parents spoiling kids so they never grow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My therapist friend sometimes shares that in general, based on what she sees, she fears a generation of kids who are coddled into being afraid of everything. Afraid to go away for college. Afraid of responsibility. Afraid of breaking out of any comfort zone.

Is that spoiled? It might be a form of it. Not rebellion as OP described but more of parents spoiling kids so they never grow.

Teachers would agree with that therapist.

[Anonymous]

I try to teach my kids to always give way to older people. Hold doors, step aside on the sidewalk, etc.

Got yelled at by an elderly woman because she heard me say this to my kid and took exception to being called "old".

Can't win