Is all PTA volunteering like a pyramid scheme?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There is so much wrong on this thread!

OP, if you don't wamt to volunteer for a project or event, just say "no." That's a you problem, not a PTA problem!

The reason friends ask their friends to volunteer tear is that they already sent multiple requests to the list serv and didn't get enough volunteers! Then it's up to the chair(s) to get it done any way they can (which means asking friends).

None of my kids schools had PTAs where parents are bored and just want to socialize. Not sure if its jealousy over SAH vs working, but nobody volunteers countless hours to socialize, to get thanks, or any other reason other than they are selfless and are doing it for hundreds of kids.

The budget is public and voted on/approved by the membership. If the membership didn't want an event to happen, it would not be hard to stop it - a majority needs to vote against that item/event.

Chrome books are provided now. I have been a PTA member as part of MCPS for 11 years, and plenty of PTAs I was a member of in that time have purchased both chrome books and promethean boards. Why? Because of equity- some classrooms had them and some didn't. I wanted to be part of the solution as far as making sure every student had access to the technology.

If you don't like teacher appreciation week, don't participate. Teachers are with your kids 6+ hours per day. They don't make nearly as much money as you and most spend hundreds (and many spend thousands) of their own money for their students, YOUR kids. I appreciate what they do, and am happy to do those little things (yes, flowers, food, gift cards, etc) for them. If you are not, don't do it, but please stop whining about it.

At our school, they are doing it to get preferential treatment for their kids and to choose their teachers. This widely known at our school - no one hides it or denies it.

[Anonymous]

Op, you are right-on regarding many points. Thanks for posting. The Chair wants her leadership role recognized while the minions do the work. Very school specific, of course. Some people (and organizations and I think PTA is one of them) are die-hard believers in involving as many people as possible. I, on the other hand, can't stand blatant inefficiency. It goes against every professional fiber of my being. I found PTA a huge time suck and found it's lack of efficiency embarrassing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:$7000? What are you looking at? State taxes total? You know that very little of your property tax goes to school. And ~20% of what is used for school tax is returned to northern va, but ~80% goes to the southern counties in Virginia? It's fine if you don't want to donate, but don't propogate misinformation that your taxes pay for schools up here.

Our PTA funds a lot of things that we appreciate...supplies, school buses for field trips, art and science enrichment programs for the class. Some of the programs, we don't appreciate as much, but we still donate time to those we do, and money if we can.

These black and white, good vs. bad, PTA analysis are missing the point. If you want to be involved, do so. If you don't, it doesn't mean it is all bad. I work full time and donate a lot of time and energy.

No it's the school line. We live in an expensive house, and DH and i each make close to seven figures.

You make that kind of money and are complaining about donating $5 to a class party and volunteering. Have your nanny or housekeeper do it then. As a room parent, I have to laugh at those who I know don't have a lot seem to donate the most and those like you with the big incomes, fancy cars and fancy houses are stingy. They send in the absolute minimum and do nothing for basics like parties and leave it to the rest of us to fund... You do realize your kids watch everything you do and see how selfish you are.

But does it surprise you? Really? I mean, we all know this mother, right? Every school has at least one or two. She isn't going to do a damn thing. In reality, she probably has to ask the nanny to remind her of her kids' birthdays. We ALL know this woman.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There is so much wrong on this thread!

OP, if you don't wamt to volunteer for a project or event, just say "no." That's a you problem, not a PTA problem!

The reason friends ask their friends to volunteer tear is that they already sent multiple requests to the list serv and didn't get enough volunteers! Then it's up to the chair(s) to get it done any way they can (which means asking friends).

None of my kids schools had PTAs where parents are bored and just want to socialize. Not sure if its jealousy over SAH vs working, but nobody volunteers countless hours to socialize, to get thanks, or any other reason other than they are selfless and are doing it for hundreds of kids.

The budget is public and voted on/approved by the membership. If the membership didn't want an event to happen, it would not be hard to stop it - a majority needs to vote against that item/event.

Chrome books are provided now. I have been a PTA member as part of MCPS for 11 years, and plenty of PTAs I was a member of in that time have purchased both chrome books and promethean boards. Why? Because of equity- some classrooms had them and some didn't. I wanted to be part of the solution as far as making sure every student had access to the technology.

If you don't like teacher appreciation week, don't participate. Teachers are with your kids 6+ hours per day. They don't make nearly as much money as you and most spend hundreds (and many spend thousands) of their own money for their students, YOUR kids. I appreciate what they do, and am happy to do those little things (yes, flowers, food, gift cards, etc) for them. If you are not, don't do it, but please stop whining about it.

+1 I volunteer maybe for one event for year with the PTA, and at my kid's school, most of the volunteers have full-time jobs, and we're usually setting up and cleaning up for the event, and making sure it runs smoothly. These are not "socializing" events.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There is so much wrong on this thread!

OP, if you don't wamt to volunteer for a project or event, just say "no." That's a you problem, not a PTA problem!

The reason friends ask their friends to volunteer tear is that they already sent multiple requests to the list serv and didn't get enough volunteers! Then it's up to the chair(s) to get it done any way they can (which means asking friends).

None of my kids schools had PTAs where parents are bored and just want to socialize. Not sure if its jealousy over SAH vs working, but nobody volunteers countless hours to socialize, to get thanks, or any other reason other than they are selfless and are doing it for hundreds of kids.

The budget is public and voted on/approved by the membership. If the membership didn't want an event to happen, it would not be hard to stop it - a majority needs to vote against that item/event.

Chrome books are provided now. I have been a PTA member as part of MCPS for 11 years, and plenty of PTAs I was a member of in that time have purchased both chrome books and promethean boards. Why? Because of equity- some classrooms had them and some didn't. I wanted to be part of the solution as far as making sure every student had access to the technology.

If you don't like teacher appreciation week, don't participate. Teachers are with your kids 6+ hours per day. They don't make nearly as much money as you and most spend hundreds (and many spend thousands) of their own money for their students, YOUR kids. I appreciate what they do, and am happy to do those little things (yes, flowers, food, gift cards, etc) for them. If you are not, don't do it, but please stop whining about it.

1. If you live in the DC area, your teachers make a decent amount of money and might in fact more than many of us per hour based on the fact that they get a ton of breaks and the summers off.
2. They are not with the kids 6+ hours a day in an elementary setting. Look at the schedule sometime. Between lunch, recess, specials, it's maybe around 4 hours a day. No they are not with your kids at any of these times. They often don't even have to transport them from place to place.

I value teachers and I think they do a noble job and should be appreciated. I don't think they need all the rinky-dink homemade food, flowers, arts and crafts BS. And btw, if you talk to any teachers and I have several in my family, they don't want any of that stuff anyway. Get them gift cards. Period.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:One of the moms I know from my kids' school always signs up for some big PTA gig - auction chair or that sort of thing. Then she tries to get everyone she knows to do some part of the work. I totally understand that all the big events etc require a village to pull off. But I feel like I'm constantly getting gang-pressed into stuff that I just don't want to do. I work FT and so I have to be strategic about how and when to volunteer at my kids' schools, and finding sponsors for the back-to-school carnival would not be on my list. So I would never sign up to do it! But the mom in question is very nice and our kids are friends, so I have trouble saying sorry, I'm too busy (esp bc of the SAHM-WOHM dynamics.) Same way I might feel social pressure to buy some MLM crap that I'd never pick up in an actual store.

And it occurred to me that this is not accidental - the only way this stuff gets done is if some parent takes on a big job and then arm-twists/guilt-trips her friends into helping. Which makes me feel extra badly about the whole situation. Can anyone else relate to this? And does anyone have a really persuasive way to extricate yourself from this kind of thing? I know, I could just say no, but I feel like I'm being insulting or unsupportive.

Don't engage.

The Russians are behind most PTA work to perpetuate white privilege and racial strife in the US.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One of the moms I know from my kids' school always signs up for some big PTA gig - auction chair or that sort of thing. Then she tries to get everyone she knows to do some part of the work. I totally understand that all the big events etc require a village to pull off. But I feel like I'm constantly getting gang-pressed into stuff that I just don't want to do. I work FT and so I have to be strategic about how and when to volunteer at my kids' schools, and finding sponsors for the back-to-school carnival would not be on my list. So I would never sign up to do it! But the mom in question is very nice and our kids are friends, so I have trouble saying sorry, I'm too busy (esp bc of the SAHM-WOHM dynamics.) Same way I might feel social pressure to buy some MLM crap that I'd never pick up in an actual store.

And it occurred to me that this is not accidental - the only way this stuff gets done is if some parent takes on a big job and then arm-twists/guilt-trips her friends into helping. Which makes me feel extra badly about the whole situation. Can anyone else relate to this? And does anyone have a really persuasive way to extricate yourself from this kind of thing? I know, I could just say no, but I feel like I'm being insulting or unsupportive.

OP, please consider how offensive it is to compare the pTA to a pyramid scheme, when no one is making any profit off hard work on big events like the carnival, which everyone hates but the kids love.

Then re-read the bolded part. The problem is not your fried nor is it the PTA, not even the stupid carnival. The problem is you apparently can't say no. Grow a spine, set some boundaries, say yes when you can and no when you can't and move on with your life. You can't say no, so everyone else is the problem? Um, no. Life is too short to feel guilty every minute of the day for saying reasonably, no.

This. Op-you're slandering people volunteering their time and you don't have adult skills to say no. Look inwards.

NP.

It's more complicated than this.

My experience is some of the people who do the asking have expectations for how things should be done that don't match mine. I don't need the pinterest level carnival or room party. My kids don't need it. And I don't find it enjoyable and I don't want to do it. That's where it gets awkward. It's not just saying no and moving on. It's I've said yes agreeably and now you're bulldozing me with your Martha Stewart level aspirations.

See: Too much time on people's hands.

Your kids don't need a classroom Halloween party or end of the year party? Ok. Then don't organize it. Pick up your kids early if they find classroom parties offensive. That's fine. My kids love it (and the kids in the classroom seem to enjoy it too.) And I've never seen a "pinterest party" in my years as an elementary school parents. Most of the parents at my kids' school work, and we get the events done, but there's nothing pinterest-y about them.

My kids enjoy the party. I'm not saying don't do the parties. They don't need to have 4 games up set up that all involve "crafting" to create, an intricate craft, and a snack that is both cute and clever.

Just because you have never experienced something in your years as an elementary school parent doesn't mean it has never happened.

Why get so bothered? Just don't volunteer to help with the parties. Help with something else that you are less offended by. Some parents really enjoy doing the pinterest stuff. Unless they are demanding a ridiculous amount of money, is it really hurting anyone?

Some of you are defensive.

I was paired with someone as a room parent who was pinterest queen. We planned the parties. That's part of the job. I pushed back on her elaborate ideas and she did the parties her way anyway. I then participated in the pinterest parties so we could peacefully co-exist and to avoid a situation where it seemed I wasn't doing my share. Yes, some of you will counsel me that I should have just said no and why am I bothered if she wants to have a pinterest party. Let her do it and you do less work. That's great that all of you are out in the world asserting your boundaries left and right. Sometimes I eat shit to get along and keep the peace and maintain good relationships because my kids are involved. Sue me.

So yes, I was bothered. No I couldn't just not help with the parties.

And no, the teacher didn't dictate all the centers and activities.

I still don't get it. This doesn't sound like something an adult would be upset about. Maybe save yourself some stress and don't sign up to be room parent?

I am going to keep engaging in this asinine dialogue because some of you are such freaking know-it-alls and have an answer for every damn thing.

To get back to the point of the thread, I didn't sign up to be a room parent. I was recruited. Heavily. AT back to school night to start with. Guess I should have dodged that event, right?? I finally said yes and laid out parameters. I said I would send out emails and she would do all the party planning. Let's just say the woman was relentless. There was no splitting up the parties. Short of ignoring her emails and texts and telling her to stop speaking to me in person, which I admit I am a terrible spineless person and was not willing to do!!!! -- I went along with her pinterest fantasies.

Sorry to break it to you folks, but some people are kind of relentless. Would I ever get in that position again with this same person? No. But they are out there.

And for what it's worth I'm not all that upset about it. I only cry every third or fourth night in my pillow over it. (For you literals, that is sarcasm.) But hey, it was the topic of the thread and I shared my story.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One of the moms I know from my kids' school always signs up for some big PTA gig - auction chair or that sort of thing. Then she tries to get everyone she knows to do some part of the work. I totally understand that all the big events etc require a village to pull off. But I feel like I'm constantly getting gang-pressed into stuff that I just don't want to do. I work FT and so I have to be strategic about how and when to volunteer at my kids' schools, and finding sponsors for the back-to-school carnival would not be on my list. So I would never sign up to do it! But the mom in question is very nice and our kids are friends, so I have trouble saying sorry, I'm too busy (esp bc of the SAHM-WOHM dynamics.) Same way I might feel social pressure to buy some MLM crap that I'd never pick up in an actual store.

And it occurred to me that this is not accidental - the only way this stuff gets done is if some parent takes on a big job and then arm-twists/guilt-trips her friends into helping. Which makes me feel extra badly about the whole situation. Can anyone else relate to this? And does anyone have a really persuasive way to extricate yourself from this kind of thing? I know, I could just say no, but I feel like I'm being insulting or unsupportive.

OP, please consider how offensive it is to compare the pTA to a pyramid scheme, when no one is making any profit off hard work on big events like the carnival, which everyone hates but the kids love.

Then re-read the bolded part. The problem is not your fried nor is it the PTA, not even the stupid carnival. The problem is you apparently can't say no. Grow a spine, set some boundaries, say yes when you can and no when you can't and move on with your life. You can't say no, so everyone else is the problem? Um, no. Life is too short to feel guilty every minute of the day for saying reasonably, no.

This. Op-you're slandering people volunteering their time and you don't have adult skills to say no. Look inwards.

NP.

It's more complicated than this.

My experience is some of the people who do the asking have expectations for how things should be done that don't match mine. I don't need the pinterest level carnival or room party. My kids don't need it. And I don't find it enjoyable and I don't want to do it. That's where it gets awkward. It's not just saying no and moving on. It's I've said yes agreeably and now you're bulldozing me with your Martha Stewart level aspirations.

See: Too much time on people's hands.

Your kids don't need a classroom Halloween party or end of the year party? Ok. Then don't organize it. Pick up your kids early if they find classroom parties offensive. That's fine. My kids love it (and the kids in the classroom seem to enjoy it too.) And I've never seen a "pinterest party" in my years as an elementary school parents. Most of the parents at my kids' school work, and we get the events done, but there's nothing pinterest-y about them.

My kids enjoy the party. I'm not saying don't do the parties. They don't need to have 4 games up set up that all involve "crafting" to create, an intricate craft, and a snack that is both cute and clever.

Just because you have never experienced something in your years as an elementary school parent doesn't mean it has never happened.

Why get so bothered? Just don't volunteer to help with the parties. Help with something else that you are less offended by. Some parents really enjoy doing the pinterest stuff. Unless they are demanding a ridiculous amount of money, is it really hurting anyone?

Some of you are defensive.

I was paired with someone as a room parent who was pinterest queen. We planned the parties. That's part of the job. I pushed back on her elaborate ideas and she did the parties her way anyway. I then participated in the pinterest parties so we could peacefully co-exist and to avoid a situation where it seemed I wasn't doing my share. Yes, some of you will counsel me that I should have just said no and why am I bothered if she wants to have a pinterest party. Let her do it and you do less work. That's great that all of you are out in the world asserting your boundaries left and right. Sometimes I eat shit to get along and keep the peace and maintain good relationships because my kids are involved. Sue me.

So yes, I was bothered. No I couldn't just not help with the parties.

And no, the teacher didn't dictate all the centers and activities.

I still don't get it. This doesn't sound like something an adult would be upset about. Maybe save yourself some stress and don't sign up to be room parent?

I am going to keep engaging in this asinine dialogue because some of you are such freaking know-it-alls and have an answer for every damn thing.

To get back to the point of the thread, I didn't sign up to be a room parent. I was recruited. Heavily. AT back to school night to start with. Guess I should have dodged that event, right?? I finally said yes and laid out parameters. I said I would send out emails and she would do all the party planning. Let's just say the woman was relentless. There was no splitting up the parties. Short of ignoring her emails and texts and telling her to stop speaking to me in person, which I admit I am a terrible spineless person and was not willing to do!!!! -- I went along with her pinterest fantasies.

Sorry to break it to you folks, but some people are kind of relentless. Would I ever get in that position again with this same person? No. But they are out there.

And for what it's worth I'm not all that upset about it. I only cry every third or fourth night in my pillow over it. (For you literals, that is sarcasm.) But hey, it was the topic of the thread and I shared my story.

Grow a pair and say no, rather than whine about it. And as someone mentioned upthread, you don't need to do every activity with the same person. At our school, when we have multiple room parents, they divide and conquer the tasks and events.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:$7000? What are you looking at? State taxes total? You know that very little of your property tax goes to school. And ~20% of what is used for school tax is returned to northern va, but ~80% goes to the southern counties in Virginia? It's fine if you don't want to donate, but don't propogate misinformation that your taxes pay for schools up here.

Our PTA funds a lot of things that we appreciate...supplies, school buses for field trips, art and science enrichment programs for the class. Some of the programs, we don't appreciate as much, but we still donate time to those we do, and money if we can.

These black and white, good vs. bad, PTA analysis are missing the point. If you want to be involved, do so. If you don't, it doesn't mean it is all bad. I work full time and donate a lot of time and energy.

No it's the school line. We live in an expensive house, and DH and i each make close to seven figures.

You make that kind of money and are complaining about donating $5 to a class party and volunteering. Have your nanny or housekeeper do it then. As a room parent, I have to laugh at those who I know don't have a lot seem to donate the most and those like you with the big incomes, fancy cars and fancy houses are stingy. They send in the absolute minimum and do nothing for basics like parties and leave it to the rest of us to fund... You do realize your kids watch everything you do and see how selfish you are.

But does it surprise you? Really? I mean, we all know this mother, right? Every school has at least one or two. She isn't going to do a damn thing. In reality, she probably has to ask the nanny to remind her of her kids' birthdays. We ALL know this woman.

Sadly, it doesn't but I don't get why you bother having kids if you don't want to raise them. How hard is it for the nanny to pick up some cupcakes, water or fruit when she is shopping for the kids (or housekeeper). Or, even order it off Amazon, Target or where ever and have it delivered to the room parent or teacher. Its ok, when she is old, her kids will remember what she did for them and put her in a nursing home as soon as they can. I like the kids know who I am and they can count on me to take care of that stuff. I'd rather them all be at my house and feed them than for my kid to be at a house with checked out parents who wouldn't bother to throw them some water and a sandwich or pizza.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:One of the moms I know from my kids' school always signs up for some big PTA gig - auction chair or that sort of thing. Then she tries to get everyone she knows to do some part of the work. I totally understand that all the big events etc require a village to pull off. But I feel like I'm constantly getting gang-pressed into stuff that I just don't want to do. I work FT and so I have to be strategic about how and when to volunteer at my kids' schools, and finding sponsors for the back-to-school carnival would not be on my list. So I would never sign up to do it! But the mom in question is very nice and our kids are friends, so I have trouble saying sorry, I'm too busy (esp bc of the SAHM-WOHM dynamics.) Same way I might feel social pressure to buy some MLM crap that I'd never pick up in an actual store.

And it occurred to me that this is not accidental - the only way this stuff gets done is if some parent takes on a big job and then arm-twists/guilt-trips her friends into helping. Which makes me feel extra badly about the whole situation. Can anyone else relate to this? And does anyone have a really persuasive way to extricate yourself from this kind of thing? I know, I could just say no, but I feel like I'm being insulting or unsupportive.

Jfc. Grow a spine and say no.

[Anonymous]

Omg. I’m so tired of being the room parent. And a few minor PTA roles. But literally no one else steps up. It’s so frustrating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I SAH and my friends have learned I am generally a “no.” I’m good for a discrete commitment like help with Bingo night set up, helping distribute spirit wear, etc. But I’m not interesting in an ongoing commitment. I feel zero guilt because it’s a lot of bored moms creating make-work. Some of it is really over the top.

This. So much of this is unnecessary and just a way for moms to stay busy, socializing with their friends. At least IMO.

Do you / your kids attend the PTA sponsored activities and events?

No! We spend all week shuttling back & forth to school. No way are we going back on the weekend too for movie night, games night, chili cookoff, or whatever other waste of a Saturday they come up with next.

[Anonymous]

Is room parent part of the PTA at your school? It’s not at our school so kind of surprised by that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is room parent part of the PTA at your school? It’s not at our school so kind of surprised by that.

At our school there is a room parent coordinator on the PTA and the room parent is supposed to be a liaison between the PTA and parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is room parent part of the PTA at your school? It’s not at our school so kind of surprised by that.

At our school there is a room parent coordinator on the PTA and the room parent is supposed to be a liaison between the PTA and parents.

Our room parents are separate from PTA. No interaction.