Is all PTA volunteering like a pyramid scheme?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I SAH and my friends have learned I am generally a “no.” I’m good for a discrete commitment like help with Bingo night set up, helping distribute spirit wear, etc. But I’m not interesting in an ongoing commitment. I feel zero guilt because it’s a lot of bored moms creating make-work. Some of it is really over the top.

This. So much of this is unnecessary and just a way for moms to stay busy, socializing with their friends. At least IMO.

I'm going to go against the trend and agree with this somewhat.

I volunteer and support PTA doing events and programming FOR THE KIDS. Too much at my school is for the adults to socialize and over the top things for the teachers. The teachers get plenty of classroom-level and individual parent love. And they get a salary. Teachers do not need a potluck lunch provided for them on teacher conference days or a weeklong extravaganza for teacher appreciation week.

Well, that's your school--maybe you should speak up and offer a different opinion about what you think should be done, since you clearly have spare time to complain about your PTA on the internet. My PTA does amazing enrichment activities for the kids, funds 200$ classroom budgets for each teacher to buy supplies, pays for extra tutoring for kids not meeting grade level standards, and has a pantry of emergency supplies for poor families to access. I'm not a PTA officer, and I don't volunteer much, but they do amazing things for our school.

So your suggestion is that I should go to the PTA meeting and tell these women to stop the potluck lunch for the teachers and the morning coffees for parents that they've been doing since I started at the school 8 years ago? Or maybe email and share my feelings? Tell them that I think it's a waste of their time.

Thank you for your advice, but I'm not committing that act of social suicide.

If I really thought funds were being wasted on an activity, and had a better idea, I would say something, and the PTA officers can accept or reject. Saying that it's an act of social suicide seems like an excuse from a lazy person.

I don't think funds are being wasted. I think they are wasting their time and trying to waste mine. They are asking me to sign up to bring food, cut flowers, coffee, make crafts, etc. I'm not talking deep fraud, waste, and abuse here. They are creating shit to do that doesn't need to be done. In my opinion.

If you don't think it's social suicide to walk into the group of women who are invested in all this and in many cases thought it up to begin with and tell them I think they are wasting their time, then you and I don't have the same set of interpersonal skills.

I don't get where all the PTA money goes. We don't use it on the teachers/supplies and they charge a lot for their activities and clothing, etc. For teacher appreciation stuff, they ask for donations for everything from food to gifts. It is a closed group and they will be fake friendly for the stuff but when you show up to help they don't want you there. I don't think there is fraud but I do question where the money is going and would like more spent on the school and the school's needs.

So ask them to see the budget. If you are a PTA member, you should have access to their financial records. And you should be voting on it as a membership. Are you a PTA member? Do you go to your PTA meetings? They should be discussing it each and every meeting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I SAH and my friends have learned I am generally a “no.” I’m good for a discrete commitment like help with Bingo night set up, helping distribute spirit wear, etc. But I’m not interesting in an ongoing commitment. I feel zero guilt because it’s a lot of bored moms creating make-work. Some of it is really over the top.

This. So much of this is unnecessary and just a way for moms to stay busy, socializing with their friends. At least IMO.

I'm going to go against the trend and agree with this somewhat.

I volunteer and support PTA doing events and programming FOR THE KIDS. Too much at my school is for the adults to socialize and over the top things for the teachers. The teachers get plenty of classroom-level and individual parent love. And they get a salary. Teachers do not need a potluck lunch provided for them on teacher conference days or a weeklong extravaganza for teacher appreciation week.

Well, that's your school--maybe you should speak up and offer a different opinion about what you think should be done, since you clearly have spare time to complain about your PTA on the internet. My PTA does amazing enrichment activities for the kids, funds 200$ classroom budgets for each teacher to buy supplies, pays for extra tutoring for kids not meeting grade level standards, and has a pantry of emergency supplies for poor families to access. I'm not a PTA officer, and I don't volunteer much, but they do amazing things for our school.

So your suggestion is that I should go to the PTA meeting and tell these women to stop the potluck lunch for the teachers and the morning coffees for parents that they've been doing since I started at the school 8 years ago? Or maybe email and share my feelings? Tell them that I think it's a waste of their time.

Thank you for your advice, but I'm not committing that act of social suicide.

If I really thought funds were being wasted on an activity, and had a better idea, I would say something, and the PTA officers can accept or reject. Saying that it's an act of social suicide seems like an excuse from a lazy person.

I don't think funds are being wasted. I think they are wasting their time and trying to waste mine. They are asking me to sign up to bring food, cut flowers, coffee, make crafts, etc. I'm not talking deep fraud, waste, and abuse here. They are creating shit to do that doesn't need to be done. In my opinion.

If you don't think it's social suicide to walk into the group of women who are invested in all this and in many cases thought it up to begin with and tell them I think they are wasting their time, then you and I don't have the same set of interpersonal skills.

I don't get where all the PTA money goes. We don't use it on the teachers/supplies and they charge a lot for their activities and clothing, etc. For teacher appreciation stuff, they ask for donations for everything from food to gifts. It is a closed group and they will be fake friendly for the stuff but when you show up to help they don't want you there. I don't think there is fraud but I do question where the money is going and would like more spent on the school and the school's needs.

So ask them to see the budget. If you are a PTA member, you should have access to their financial records. And you should be voting on it as a membership. Are you a PTA member? Do you go to your PTA meetings? They should be discussing it each and every meeting.

+1 We get a report every year. It's not super detailed, but you can see that x$ went to a fund for teachers to buy relevant classroom supplies not covered by the school, x$ went to event x etc.

[Anonymous]

A lot of our PTO money is spent on tech the school doesn’t need. My ES kid doesn’t need tons of time a day on a chrome book in lieu of actual teaching, thanks. And it’s an affluent school, so no one is behind on screen time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A lot of our PTO money is spent on tech the school doesn’t need. My ES kid doesn’t need tons of time a day on a chrome book in lieu of actual teaching, thanks. And it’s an affluent school, so no one is behind on screen time.

That's your school. In my school, there's no tech purchased from the PTA budget unless teachers opt to buy tech stuff from their PTA fund allotment. But again, if you feel strongly that funds should be spent elsewhere, why don't you say something?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One of the moms I know from my kids' school always signs up for some big PTA gig - auction chair or that sort of thing. Then she tries to get everyone she knows to do some part of the work. I totally understand that all the big events etc require a village to pull off. But I feel like I'm constantly getting gang-pressed into stuff that I just don't want to do. I work FT and so I have to be strategic about how and when to volunteer at my kids' schools, and finding sponsors for the back-to-school carnival would not be on my list. So I would never sign up to do it! But the mom in question is very nice and our kids are friends, so I have trouble saying sorry, I'm too busy (esp bc of the SAHM-WOHM dynamics.) Same way I might feel social pressure to buy some MLM crap that I'd never pick up in an actual store.

And it occurred to me that this is not accidental - the only way this stuff gets done is if some parent takes on a big job and then arm-twists/guilt-trips her friends into helping. Which makes me feel extra badly about the whole situation. Can anyone else relate to this? And does anyone have a really persuasive way to extricate yourself from this kind of thing? I know, I could just say no, but I feel like I'm being insulting or unsupportive.

OP, please consider how offensive it is to compare the pTA to a pyramid scheme, when no one is making any profit off hard work on big events like the carnival, which everyone hates but the kids love.

Then re-read the bolded part. The problem is not your fried nor is it the PTA, not even the stupid carnival. The problem is you apparently can't say no. Grow a spine, set some boundaries, say yes when you can and no when you can't and move on with your life. You can't say no, so everyone else is the problem? Um, no. Life is too short to feel guilty every minute of the day for saying reasonably, no.

This. Op-you're slandering people volunteering their time and you don't have adult skills to say no. Look inwards.

NP.

It's more complicated than this.

My experience is some of the people who do the asking have expectations for how things should be done that don't match mine. I don't need the pinterest level carnival or room party. My kids don't need it. And I don't find it enjoyable and I don't want to do it. That's where it gets awkward. It's not just saying no and moving on. It's I've said yes agreeably and now you're bulldozing me with your Martha Stewart level aspirations.

See: Too much time on people's hands.

Your kids don't need a classroom Halloween party or end of the year party? Ok. Then don't organize it. Pick up your kids early if they find classroom parties offensive. That's fine. My kids love it (and the kids in the classroom seem to enjoy it too.) And I've never seen a "pinterest party" in my years as an elementary school parents. Most of the parents at my kids' school work, and we get the events done, but there's nothing pinterest-y about them.

My kids enjoy the party. I'm not saying don't do the parties. They don't need to have 4 games up set up that all involve "crafting" to create, an intricate craft, and a snack that is both cute and clever.

Just because you have never experienced something in your years as an elementary school parent doesn't mean it has never happened.

Why get so bothered? Just don't volunteer to help with the parties. Help with something else that you are less offended by. Some parents really enjoy doing the pinterest stuff. Unless they are demanding a ridiculous amount of money, is it really hurting anyone?

Some of you are defensive.

I was paired with someone as a room parent who was pinterest queen. We planned the parties. That's part of the job. I pushed back on her elaborate ideas and she did the parties her way anyway. I then participated in the pinterest parties so we could peacefully co-exist and to avoid a situation where it seemed I wasn't doing my share. Yes, some of you will counsel me that I should have just said no and why am I bothered if she wants to have a pinterest party. Let her do it and you do less work. That's great that all of you are out in the world asserting your boundaries left and right. Sometimes I eat shit to get along and keep the peace and maintain good relationships because my kids are involved. Sue me.

So yes, I was bothered. No I couldn't just not help with the parties.

And no, the teacher didn't dictate all the centers and activities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One of the moms I know from my kids' school always signs up for some big PTA gig - auction chair or that sort of thing. Then she tries to get everyone she knows to do some part of the work. I totally understand that all the big events etc require a village to pull off. But I feel like I'm constantly getting gang-pressed into stuff that I just don't want to do. I work FT and so I have to be strategic about how and when to volunteer at my kids' schools, and finding sponsors for the back-to-school carnival would not be on my list. So I would never sign up to do it! But the mom in question is very nice and our kids are friends, so I have trouble saying sorry, I'm too busy (esp bc of the SAHM-WOHM dynamics.) Same way I might feel social pressure to buy some MLM crap that I'd never pick up in an actual store.

And it occurred to me that this is not accidental - the only way this stuff gets done is if some parent takes on a big job and then arm-twists/guilt-trips her friends into helping. Which makes me feel extra badly about the whole situation. Can anyone else relate to this? And does anyone have a really persuasive way to extricate yourself from this kind of thing? I know, I could just say no, but I feel like I'm being insulting or unsupportive.

OP, please consider how offensive it is to compare the pTA to a pyramid scheme, when no one is making any profit off hard work on big events like the carnival, which everyone hates but the kids love.

Then re-read the bolded part. The problem is not your fried nor is it the PTA, not even the stupid carnival. The problem is you apparently can't say no. Grow a spine, set some boundaries, say yes when you can and no when you can't and move on with your life. You can't say no, so everyone else is the problem? Um, no. Life is too short to feel guilty every minute of the day for saying reasonably, no.

This. Op-you're slandering people volunteering their time and you don't have adult skills to say no. Look inwards.

NP.

It's more complicated than this.

My experience is some of the people who do the asking have expectations for how things should be done that don't match mine. I don't need the pinterest level carnival or room party. My kids don't need it. And I don't find it enjoyable and I don't want to do it. That's where it gets awkward. It's not just saying no and moving on. It's I've said yes agreeably and now you're bulldozing me with your Martha Stewart level aspirations.

See: Too much time on people's hands.

Your kids don't need a classroom Halloween party or end of the year party? Ok. Then don't organize it. Pick up your kids early if they find classroom parties offensive. That's fine. My kids love it (and the kids in the classroom seem to enjoy it too.) And I've never seen a "pinterest party" in my years as an elementary school parents. Most of the parents at my kids' school work, and we get the events done, but there's nothing pinterest-y about them.

My kids enjoy the party. I'm not saying don't do the parties. They don't need to have 4 games up set up that all involve "crafting" to create, an intricate craft, and a snack that is both cute and clever.

Just because you have never experienced something in your years as an elementary school parent doesn't mean it has never happened.

Why get so bothered? Just don't volunteer to help with the parties. Help with something else that you are less offended by. Some parents really enjoy doing the pinterest stuff. Unless they are demanding a ridiculous amount of money, is it really hurting anyone?

Some of you are defensive.

I was paired with someone as a room parent who was pinterest queen. We planned the parties. That's part of the job. I pushed back on her elaborate ideas and she did the parties her way anyway. I then participated in the pinterest parties so we could peacefully co-exist and to avoid a situation where it seemed I wasn't doing my share. Yes, some of you will counsel me that I should have just said no and why am I bothered if she wants to have a pinterest party. Let her do it and you do less work. That's great that all of you are out in the world asserting your boundaries left and right. Sometimes I eat shit to get along and keep the peace and maintain good relationships because my kids are involved. Sue me.

So yes, I was bothered. No I couldn't just not help with the parties.

And no, the teacher didn't dictate all the centers and activities.

There's no reason you have to do all parties together with another room parent. We had 2 room parents last year and 2 classroom parties. Each of us took a party to organize, and sent a sign up genius to parents for whatever extra volunteer support we needed. You don't need to work as Siamese twins.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have met very very few PTA & school volunteers who do it "for the kids". It is 1) to have something to do 2) to be thanked 3) to control something.

I was room mom for 2 years because I genuinely wanted to help in my son's classroom.BUT the fake work, teacher coddling, and over the top party expectations turned me off. Sign up sheets went up today for room mom and 3-4 moms sprinted for it. Glad I'm not one now!

So you did it “for the kids” but the other volunteers do it for self serving reasons. Got it!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One of the moms I know from my kids' school always signs up for some big PTA gig - auction chair or that sort of thing. Then she tries to get everyone she knows to do some part of the work. I totally understand that all the big events etc require a village to pull off. But I feel like I'm constantly getting gang-pressed into stuff that I just don't want to do. I work FT and so I have to be strategic about how and when to volunteer at my kids' schools, and finding sponsors for the back-to-school carnival would not be on my list. So I would never sign up to do it! But the mom in question is very nice and our kids are friends, so I have trouble saying sorry, I'm too busy (esp bc of the SAHM-WOHM dynamics.) Same way I might feel social pressure to buy some MLM crap that I'd never pick up in an actual store.

And it occurred to me that this is not accidental - the only way this stuff gets done is if some parent takes on a big job and then arm-twists/guilt-trips her friends into helping. Which makes me feel extra badly about the whole situation. Can anyone else relate to this? And does anyone have a really persuasive way to extricate yourself from this kind of thing? I know, I could just say no, but I feel like I'm being insulting or unsupportive.

OP, please consider how offensive it is to compare the pTA to a pyramid scheme, when no one is making any profit off hard work on big events like the carnival, which everyone hates but the kids love.

Then re-read the bolded part. The problem is not your fried nor is it the PTA, not even the stupid carnival. The problem is you apparently can't say no. Grow a spine, set some boundaries, say yes when you can and no when you can't and move on with your life. You can't say no, so everyone else is the problem? Um, no. Life is too short to feel guilty every minute of the day for saying reasonably, no.

This. Op-you're slandering people volunteering their time and you don't have adult skills to say no. Look inwards.

NP.

It's more complicated than this.

My experience is some of the people who do the asking have expectations for how things should be done that don't match mine. I don't need the pinterest level carnival or room party. My kids don't need it. And I don't find it enjoyable and I don't want to do it. That's where it gets awkward. It's not just saying no and moving on. It's I've said yes agreeably and now you're bulldozing me with your Martha Stewart level aspirations.

See: Too much time on people's hands.

Agree, when working with volunteers you need to be grateful for what they bring. Those people who act like the boss and have to have every event be over the top are the worst. My trick in ES was to find something that I could do alone and at home (stuffing envelopes, cutting out things, any prep work) or things directly with the kids like recess or volunteering in the classroom. Now that kids are in MS and HS, I literally just say "no" or "I don't want to" or "Thanks, I've done my part". Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have met very very few PTA & school volunteers who do it "for the kids". It is 1) to have something to do 2) to be thanked 3) to control something.

I was room mom for 2 years because I genuinely wanted to help in my son's classroom.BUT the fake work, teacher coddling, and over the top party expectations turned me off. Sign up sheets went up today for room mom and 3-4 moms sprinted for it. Glad I'm not one now!

So you did it “for the kids” but the other volunteers do it for self serving reasons. Got it!

Yeah, pretty much! You can tell who is who.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A lot of our PTO money is spent on tech the school doesn’t need. My ES kid doesn’t need tons of time a day on a chrome book in lieu of actual teaching, thanks. And it’s an affluent school, so no one is behind on screen time.

That's your school. In my school, there's no tech purchased from the PTA budget unless teachers opt to buy tech stuff from their PTA fund allotment. But again, if you feel strongly that funds should be spent elsewhere, why don't you say something?

Nah, I just don’t donate to the fund. It’s simpler. All the gunners can run themselves ragged buying stuff we don’t need, but I don’t feel compelled to help. I make sure to tell my child’s actual teacher each year to please let me know if there is anything she needs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A lot of our PTO money is spent on tech the school doesn’t need. My ES kid doesn’t need tons of time a day on a chrome book in lieu of actual teaching, thanks. And it’s an affluent school, so no one is behind on screen time.

That's your school. In my school, there's no tech purchased from the PTA budget unless teachers opt to buy tech stuff from their PTA fund allotment. But again, if you feel strongly that funds should be spent elsewhere, why don't you say something?

Nah, I just don’t donate to the fund. It’s simpler. All the gunners can run themselves ragged buying stuff we don’t need, but I don’t feel compelled to help. I make sure to tell my child’s actual teacher each year to please let me know if there is anything she needs.

Great! You can be cheap and go on a shopping trip with the money you saved, and others can fund your kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A lot of our PTO money is spent on tech the school doesn’t need. My ES kid doesn’t need tons of time a day on a chrome book in lieu of actual teaching, thanks. And it’s an affluent school, so no one is behind on screen time.

That's your school. In my school, there's no tech purchased from the PTA budget unless teachers opt to buy tech stuff from their PTA fund allotment. But again, if you feel strongly that funds should be spent elsewhere, why don't you say something?

Nah, I just don’t donate to the fund. It’s simpler. All the gunners can run themselves ragged buying stuff we don’t need, but I don’t feel compelled to help. I make sure to tell my child’s actual teacher each year to please let me know if there is anything she needs.

Great! You can be cheap and go on a shopping trip with the money you saved, and others can fund your kid.

Nope, you won’t guilt me. My kids don’t need the crap the PTO buys. They are welcome to stop buying it!!

[Anonymous]

I usually chair one or two events per year and I do hit up our friends for help. I don’t think of it as a pyramid scheme though.

I chaired and volunteered when I worked. I now have 2 kids in elementary and a toddler. I no longer chair but am happy to volunteer when I can. That requires coordination with DH or a sitter usually.

[Anonymous]

The teacher appreciation week nonsense has to stop. I'm as supportive of teachers as anyone but a whole week of casseroles and cookies etc.... is too much. I'm sure they would all prefer a $15 gift card to Amazon.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I usually chair one or two events per year and I do hit up our friends for help. I don’t think of it as a pyramid scheme though.

I chaired and volunteered when I worked. I now have 2 kids in elementary and a toddler. I no longer chair but am happy to volunteer when I can. That requires coordination with DH or a sitter usually.

It's not a pyramid scheme. Op is a twit. Any large event requires support by more than one person. That's just basic logistics.