Do families re write history re how much they helped you out/spent on you??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, my mom does this. I absolutely got the car response, except it was "you only asked once". To be fair, she bought me a brand new car in college. Also, she told me I should have asked her to help with buying a SFH instead of a townhouse. I am SUPER amused by that - she made it clear at the time that she gave what she was going to give and that was that. 15+ years later, she realizes that I would have been a lot better off with the SFH (along with my DH and kids), and I think she regrets not giving me the money. I wish she would just SAY that, though, instead of trying to rewrite history.

To be fair?? HA! Yeah, you're fair.

I am stunned by all the people who whine while casually acknowledging brand-new cars, partial college contributions, rent payments for several years, etc. Get out of town people. Seriously. Where is this expectation is coming from that you were owed EVERYTHING? And any partial contribution is barely worth a mention?

Who told you that a child is king who is entitled to everything and adults must sacrifice any shred of self-interest? Why adults prioritizing something for themselves is a crime? And what kind of generation will we have of those who a toddlers now? Much scarier thought than the old folks bragging about something that actually didn't happen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, my mom does this. I absolutely got the car response, except it was "you only asked once". To be fair, she bought me a brand new car in college. Also, she told me I should have asked her to help with buying a SFH instead of a townhouse. I am SUPER amused by that - she made it clear at the time that she gave what she was going to give and that was that. 15+ years later, she realizes that I would have been a lot better off with the SFH (along with my DH and kids), and I think she regrets not giving me the money. I wish she would just SAY that, though, instead of trying to rewrite history.

To be fair?? HA! Yeah, you're fair.

I am stunned by all the people who whine while casually acknowledging brand-new cars, partial college contributions, rent payments for several years, etc. Get out of town people. Seriously. Where is this expectation is coming from that you were owed EVERYTHING? And any partial contribution is barely worth a mention?

Who told you that a child is king who is entitled to everything and adults must sacrifice any shred of self-interest? Why adults prioritizing something for themselves is a crime? And what kind of generation will we have of those who a toddlers now? Much scarier thought than the old folks bragging about something that actually didn't happen.

This post makes no sense. So toddlers today are going to be worse off than today’s children because the parents are less selfish? This makes no sense.

[Anonymous]

Y'all have no idea my pain. My baby sibling is 16 years younger, so still in HS. My mom is in a tizzy figuring out how to pay for college and a car.

I got NEITHER. Worked my way thru school limping along with a sometimes-running $500 sedan. She's totally forgotten.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, my mom does this. I absolutely got the car response, except it was "you only asked once". To be fair, she bought me a brand new car in college. Also, she told me I should have asked her to help with buying a SFH instead of a townhouse. I am SUPER amused by that - she made it clear at the time that she gave what she was going to give and that was that. 15+ years later, she realizes that I would have been a lot better off with the SFH (along with my DH and kids), and I think she regrets not giving me the money. I wish she would just SAY that, though, instead of trying to rewrite history.

To be fair?? HA! Yeah, you're fair.

I am stunned by all the people who whine while casually acknowledging brand-new cars, partial college contributions, rent payments for several years, etc. Get out of town people. Seriously. Where is this expectation is coming from that you were owed EVERYTHING? And any partial contribution is barely worth a mention?

Who told you that a child is king who is entitled to everything and adults must sacrifice any shred of self-interest? Why adults prioritizing something for themselves is a crime? And what kind of generation will we have of those who a toddlers now? Much scarier thought than the old folks bragging about something that actually didn't happen.

This post makes no sense. So toddlers today are going to be worse off than today’s children because the parents are less selfish? This makes no sense.

Because they are raised to be selfish brats by parents who make their children the center of the universe.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Y'all have no idea my pain. My baby sibling is 16 years younger, so still in HS. My mom is in a tizzy figuring out how to pay for college and a car.

I got NEITHER. Worked my way thru school limping along with a sometimes-running $500 sedan. She's totally forgotten.

NP. This is going to sound harsh but here goes …

Too bad, so sad. NOT. Get over it. You must be in your 30s now. You need to name it, claim it and dump it; otherwise it will be a monkey on your back for the rest of your life. Your sibling is 16 years younger than you with totally different circumstances for your mom and the sib. Your sib is getting treated differently? Oh well, that's the way it goes!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Y'all have no idea my pain. My baby sibling is 16 years younger, so still in HS. My mom is in a tizzy figuring out how to pay for college and a car.

I got NEITHER. Worked my way thru school limping along with a sometimes-running $500 sedan. She's totally forgotten.

NP. This is going to sound harsh but here goes …

Too bad, so sad. NOT. Get over it. You must be in your 30s now. You need to name it, claim it and dump it; otherwise it will be a monkey on your back for the rest of your life. Your sibling is 16 years younger than you with totally different circumstances for your mom and the sib. Your sib is getting treated differently? Oh well, that's the way it goes!

NP.

Name it, claim it, and dump it. I so love it. I am stealing this.

I have a family full of women and we whine about everything. It's what we do, and I find it pretty annoying. So I am going to start telling everyone to "Name it, claim it, and dump it!"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Y'all have no idea my pain. My baby sibling is 16 years younger, so still in HS. My mom is in a tizzy figuring out how to pay for college and a car.

I got NEITHER. Worked my way thru school limping along with a sometimes-running $500 sedan. She's totally forgotten.

NP. This is going to sound harsh but here goes …

Too bad, so sad. NOT. Get over it. You must be in your 30s now. You need to name it, claim it and dump it; otherwise it will be a monkey on your back for the rest of your life. Your sibling is 16 years younger than you with totally different circumstances for your mom and the sib. Your sib is getting treated differently? Oh well, that's the way it goes!

NP.

Name it, claim it, and dump it. I so love it. I am stealing this.

I have a family full of women and we whine about everything. It's what we do, and I find it pretty annoying. So I am going to start telling everyone to "Name it, claim it, and dump it!"

Glad you like it! Just so you know it is an old AA (Alcoholics Anonymous) saying. I heard it from one of my relatives and adopted it for myself. It basically says it all, doesn't it!?!

[Anonymous]

In front of me, my mom has complained to acquaintances about how she and my dad can't afford anything anymore because they put their kids through college. They didn't. I got scholarships and slowly have been paying off the extra I paid in loans, always worked 2-3 jobs during college and never asked for anything from them. My brother was/is the same way. When my youngest brother went to the wildly overpriced state school that they encouraged him to attend, they suddenly decided they weren't even willing to cosign a loan and told him to ask me instead. I was furious and felt awful for my youngest brother that they left him out to dry more than us older 2.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In front of me, my mom has complained to acquaintances about how she and my dad can't afford anything anymore because they put their kids through college. They didn't. I got scholarships and slowly have been paying off the extra I paid in loans, always worked 2-3 jobs during college and never asked for anything from them. My brother was/is the same way. When my youngest brother went to the wildly overpriced state school that they encouraged him to attend, they suddenly decided they weren't even willing to cosign a loan and told him to ask me instead. I was furious and felt awful for my youngest brother that they left him out to dry more than us older 2.

Why don't you set the record straight with her?

[Anonymous]

I just came back from visiting my parents. Having posted on this thread earlier, and having others responses in mind I tried to keep an open mind while interacting with my parents. I do think they take credit for certain things, or explain certain things away as wishful thinking of what they had done (so much so they believe it.) I also think there is a sense of insecurity on their part, which makes no sense at all to me. They both came from modest means, but did very well for themselves, and by me...I credit them for my ability to manage my own finances well...but I think they see DH and I as spendthrifts. While we are generous right back to them, they in turn have decided they are essentially done spending on us or the grandchildren. It's a weird relationship, and the best I can say is, I don't think they mean to be gas lighting me at every turn. (But it totally feels like they are.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I just came back from visiting my parents. Having posted on this thread earlier, and having others responses in mind I tried to keep an open mind while interacting with my parents. I do think they take credit for certain things, or explain certain things away as wishful thinking of what they had done (so much so they believe it.) I also think there is a sense of insecurity on their part, which makes no sense at all to me. They both came from modest means, but did very well for themselves, and by me...I credit them for my ability to manage my own finances well...but I think they see DH and I as spendthrifts. While we are generous right back to them, they in turn have decided they are essentially done spending on us or the grandchildren. It's a weird relationship, and the best I can say is, I don't think they mean to be gas lighting me at every turn. (But it totally feels like they are.)

Any people born during the Great Depression or right after, or born/alive during WW II, will usually have a lot of feelings of insecurity related to finances, safety, etc. I think people today have no idea what it was like back then. There were no social programs and no safety nets. There were no food banks or anything like that, and many people did not have any sort of regular health or dental care. Couple that with a World War, hordes of young men away from home fighting, very little communication, and it is no wonder that now that they are elderly they have feelings of insecurity. Even their children, adults now in their 50s-60s, raised by Depression or War babies, may feel the reaches of those times.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, my mom does this. I absolutely got the car response, except it was "you only asked once". To be fair, she bought me a brand new car in college. Also, she told me I should have asked her to help with buying a SFH instead of a townhouse. I am SUPER amused by that - she made it clear at the time that she gave what she was going to give and that was that. 15+ years later, she realizes that I would have been a lot better off with the SFH (along with my DH and kids), and I think she regrets not giving me the money. I wish she would just SAY that, though, instead of trying to rewrite history.

To be fair?? HA! Yeah, you're fair.

I am stunned by all the people who whine while casually acknowledging brand-new cars, partial college contributions, rent payments for several years, etc. Get out of town people. Seriously. Where is this expectation is coming from that you were owed EVERYTHING? And any partial contribution is barely worth a mention?

Who told you that a child is king who is entitled to everything and adults must sacrifice any shred of self-interest? Why adults prioritizing something for themselves is a crime? And what kind of generation will we have of those who a toddlers now? Much scarier thought than the old folks bragging about something that actually didn't happen.

This post makes no sense. So toddlers today are going to be worse off than today’s children because the parents are less selfish? This makes no sense.

Because they are raised to be selfish brats by parents who make their children the center of the universe.

I think you are missing the point. The poster (and others) is complaining about a changed story and the discomfort of supporting at family gatherings.

I paid for grad school. My dad did not. I didn't expect him to, and I was fine with his choice - I didn't ask for assistance because it was my life.

However, I could have lived without him taking credit for having paid, told the family he did so, and all the uncomfortable crap that results when I'm supposed to nod my head about how generous he was. And since the bragging continues, the uncomfortable moments do, as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, my mom does this. I absolutely got the car response, except it was "you only asked once". To be fair, she bought me a brand new car in college. Also, she told me I should have asked her to help with buying a SFH instead of a townhouse. I am SUPER amused by that - she made it clear at the time that she gave what she was going to give and that was that. 15+ years later, she realizes that I would have been a lot better off with the SFH (along with my DH and kids), and I think she regrets not giving me the money. I wish she would just SAY that, though, instead of trying to rewrite history.

To be fair?? HA! Yeah, you're fair.

I am stunned by all the people who whine while casually acknowledging brand-new cars, partial college contributions, rent payments for several years, etc. Get out of town people. Seriously. Where is this expectation is coming from that you were owed EVERYTHING? And any partial contribution is barely worth a mention?

Who told you that a child is king who is entitled to everything and adults must sacrifice any shred of self-interest? Why adults prioritizing something for themselves is a crime? And what kind of generation will we have of those who a toddlers now? Much scarier thought than the old folks bragging about something that actually didn't happen.

This post makes no sense. So toddlers today are going to be worse off than today’s children because the parents are less selfish? This makes no sense.

Because they are raised to be selfish brats by parents who make their children the center of the universe.

I think you are missing the point. The poster (and others) is complaining about a changed story and the discomfort of supporting at family gatherings.

I paid for grad school. My dad did not. I didn't expect him to, and I was fine with his choice - I didn't ask for assistance because it was my life.

However, I could have lived without him taking credit for having paid, told the family he did so, and all the uncomfortable crap that results when I'm supposed to nod my head about how generous he was. And since the bragging continues, the uncomfortable moments do, as well.

+1

I think posters who disagree with this sentiment are missing the point and simply do not experience this type of behavior. Instead of being grateful, they try to spin the post - much like the history rewriters spin what really happened.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Same here and in other families I’ve observed. I think partially old people need to believe they were good parents and so have a narrative in their heads of that. I’ve seen it lead to conflict with grown children in need of validation of some past wrong. I also think it was a very selfish time for parents when we were growing up. They were divorcing and focusing on themselves. That generation still drinks from plastic water bottles and they don’t care.

+1. I wonder if I’ll be as bad of a parent as mine were to me.

+10000

Thank you for this thread and this particular comment. "they were divorcing and focusing on themselves" - absolutely true in my case. And the water bottle comment, hilarious.

We always speak reverently about how we were raised: the freedoms we had, the latch key lifestyle we led.
But we were so ignored, we never got shit, and we were never included in things.