Target lower tier schools for merit aid?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"Why give more to one sibling than another?

If the one worked harder I definitely would."

This is a really tough question. Who is to say what working harder means?

If S1 has a learning disability and manages a 3.5 uw 4.2 w (so lots of AP classes) GPA with only a 28 ACT score, did they work more or less than S2 who got a 3.5 uw 4.2 w at TJ with a 1580 SAT?

What if S1 prepped like crazy and manages a 1500 SAT but only a 3.8 uw GPA and S2 didn't prep at all and got a 1400 SAT but managed a 4.0 uw GPA in the same set of classes.

If S1's 1500 gets them into an expensive school that S2's 1400 kept them out of, I'm not sure I would pay even though S1 had a better plan and followed through to make it work.

Omg, regurgitating all of the stats for your kids is crazy!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For a very top student I would send them to the top college if they get in. It increases your families social capital pretty much forever. Our dad went to a top school and grad school and excelled and if neant great jobs for him as well as friendly intelligent colleagues and their families for us to socialize with. It meant that our parents could also afford good schooling options for us kids as well.

When dad died young and all of those things largely dried up our lives changed drastically and it was not good. We ended up going to state schools, including the Maryland ‘flagship’ and maybe it’s changed, but we encountered indifferent and sometimes outwardly hostile professors, many classmates who didn’t care much for school, a job track to a place where I faced discrimination and sexism in my field (another woman from a top school did not face similar discrimination) professors from top universities who just assumed that we were dumb and inferior compared to students at their schools and who weren’t shy about saying so. I still enjoyed my education, but my child now has the chance to take her brains and study skills elsewhere for a better education and future and we figure that that is what money is for, much like my grandparents invested their precious resources in my father.

I think that the people who discourage spending money on a child’s education don’t have children with that option and they want to discourage you from taking that opportunity to equalize things for their children.

+ 1. This is the attitude that most Asians have. Sure they start earlier than others in terms of educating their kids but the end goal is the same (of course everyone else calls it prepping but that's another thread). I remember my father borrowing money from his retirement savings to pay for private school for us (there were no good public schools where i come from). My parents would sit late at night and discuss how to make ends meet. The objective of every generation should be (1) to take care of the previous one (2) ensure that the next generation is better intellectually, financially and influentially better than their own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For a very top student I would send them to the top college if they get in. It increases your families social capital pretty much forever. Our dad went to a top school and grad school and excelled and if neant great jobs for him as well as friendly intelligent colleagues and their families for us to socialize with. It meant that our parents could also afford good schooling options for us kids as well.

When dad died young and all of those things largely dried up our lives changed drastically and it was not good. We ended up going to state schools, including the Maryland ‘flagship’ and maybe it’s changed, but we encountered indifferent and sometimes outwardly hostile professors, many classmates who didn’t care much for school, a job track to a place where I faced discrimination and sexism in my field (another woman from a top school did not face similar discrimination) professors from top universities who just assumed that we were dumb and inferior compared to students at their schools and who weren’t shy about saying so. I still enjoyed my education, but my child now has the chance to take her brains and study skills elsewhere for a better education and future and we figure that that is what money is for, much like my grandparents invested their precious resources in my father.

I think that the people who discourage spending money on a child’s education don’t have children with that option and they want to discourage you from taking that opportunity to equalize things for their children.

+ 1. This is the attitude that most Asians have. Sure they start earlier than others in terms of educating their kids but the end goal is the same (of course everyone else calls it prepping but that's another thread). I remember my father borrowing money from his retirement savings to pay for private school for us (there were no good public schools where i come from). My parents would sit late at night and discuss how to make ends meet. The objective of every generation should be (1) to take care of the previous one (2) ensure that the next generation is better intellectually, financially and influentially better than their own.

Every parent wants do the same. Not just Asians.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For a very top student I would send them to the top college if they get in. It increases your families social capital pretty much forever. Our dad went to a top school and grad school and excelled and if neant great jobs for him as well as friendly intelligent colleagues and their families for us to socialize with. It meant that our parents could also afford good schooling options for us kids as well.

When dad died young and all of those things largely dried up our lives changed drastically and it was not good. We ended up going to state schools, including the Maryland ‘flagship’ and maybe it’s changed, but we encountered indifferent and sometimes outwardly hostile professors, many classmates who didn’t care much for school, a job track to a place where I faced discrimination and sexism in my field (another woman from a top school did not face similar discrimination) professors from top universities who just assumed that we were dumb and inferior compared to students at their schools and who weren’t shy about saying so. I still enjoyed my education, but my child now has the chance to take her brains and study skills elsewhere for a better education and future and we figure that that is what money is for, much like my grandparents invested their precious resources in my father.

I think that the people who discourage spending money on a child’s education don’t have children with that option and they want to discourage you from taking that opportunity to equalize things for their children.

+ 1. This is the attitude that most Asians have. Sure they start earlier than others in terms of educating their kids but the end goal is the same (of course everyone else calls it prepping but that's another thread). I remember my father borrowing money from his retirement savings to pay for private school for us (there were no good public schools where i come from). My parents would sit late at night and discuss how to make ends meet. The objective of every generation should be (1) to take care of the previous one (2) ensure that the next generation is better intellectually, financially and influentially better than their own.

Proud to be an honorary Asian then.

I would also say that if your kid goes the public university route you really need a PhD. I was an A student in a tough field, but I stopped after getting my masters degree which was a mistake.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For a very top student I would send them to the top college if they get in. It increases your families social capital pretty much forever. Our dad went to a top school and grad school and excelled and if neant great jobs for him as well as friendly intelligent colleagues and their families for us to socialize with. It meant that our parents could also afford good schooling options for us kids as well.

When dad died young and all of those things largely dried up our lives changed drastically and it was not good. We ended up going to state schools, including the Maryland ‘flagship’ and maybe it’s changed, but we encountered indifferent and sometimes outwardly hostile professors, many classmates who didn’t care much for school, a job track to a place where I faced discrimination and sexism in my field (another woman from a top school did not face similar discrimination) professors from top universities who just assumed that we were dumb and inferior compared to students at their schools and who weren’t shy about saying so. I still enjoyed my education, but my child now has the chance to take her brains and study skills elsewhere for a better education and future and we figure that that is what money is for, much like my grandparents invested their precious resources in my father.

I think that the people who discourage spending money on a child’s education don’t have children with that option and they want to discourage you from taking that opportunity to equalize things for their children.

+ 1. This is the attitude that most Asians have. Sure they start earlier than others in terms of educating their kids but the end goal is the same (of course everyone else calls it prepping but that's another thread). I remember my father borrowing money from his retirement savings to pay for private school for us (there were no good public schools where i come from). My parents would sit late at night and discuss how to make ends meet. The objective of every generation should be (1) to take care of the previous one (2) ensure that the next generation is better intellectually, financially and influentially better than their own.

Every parent wants do the same. Not just Asians.

pp here.. Should have structured my post better. The last sentence should have been a separate paragraph. Of course it applies to all parents and not just Asians.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For a very top student I would send them to the top college if they get in. It increases your families social capital pretty much forever. Our dad went to a top school and grad school and excelled and if neant great jobs for him as well as friendly intelligent colleagues and their families for us to socialize with. It meant that our parents could also afford good schooling options for us kids as well.

When dad died young and all of those things largely dried up our lives changed drastically and it was not good. We ended up going to state schools, including the Maryland ‘flagship’ and maybe it’s changed, but we encountered indifferent and sometimes outwardly hostile professors, many classmates who didn’t care much for school, a job track to a place where I faced discrimination and sexism in my field (another woman from a top school did not face similar discrimination) professors from top universities who just assumed that we were dumb and inferior compared to students at their schools and who weren’t shy about saying so. I still enjoyed my education, but my child now has the chance to take her brains and study skills elsewhere for a better education and future and we figure that that is what money is for, much like my grandparents invested their precious resources in my father.

I think that the people who discourage spending money on a child’s education don’t have children with that option and they want to discourage you from taking that opportunity to equalize things for their children.

+ 1. This is the attitude that most Asians have. Sure they start earlier than others in terms of educating their kids but the end goal is the same (of course everyone else calls it prepping but that's another thread). I remember my father borrowing money from his retirement savings to pay for private school for us (there were no good public schools where i come from). My parents would sit late at night and discuss how to make ends meet. The objective of every generation should be (1) to take care of the previous one (2) ensure that the next generation is better intellectually, financially and influentially better than their own.

Proud to be an honorary Asian then.

I would also say that if your kid goes the public university route you really need a PhD. I was an A student in a tough field, but I stopped after getting my masters degree which was a mistake.

Don't you think it depends on the field of study though? I'm in consulting (think Accenture). Most people here don't go back to school after undergrad. Even at the partner level. I see that it's the same across the industry. I realize that high end consulting (e.g.McKinsey) draws top MBAs but I rarely see Ph.Ds.

I'd say the same goes for IT as well unless you want to teach.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Even some lower tier schools will try to "game" you, insist you visit for a chance at decent scholarships

And this is “gaming” applicants...how?

Do you think it is unfair for a college to want to vet a candidate in person before handing over another $50,000?

It's gaming when the school gives under 2 weeks notice for the scholarship visit, and it's across the country. How many people can swing airfare for a kid and accompanying adult, plus lodging, plus get time off work to travel, with 12 days notice? All with the hoe that you'll get one of 8 big scholarships? I priced it out at close to 1800 in costs...And there was no offer of airfare or lodging for the student

When my DC was invited to compete for additional merit money, the school provided plenty of advance notice, and paid travel and lodging expenses.

not every school does it the same. My first DC was invited put to Cali, got a month of notice, but no offer to fund trip. My tjird DC also invited to a different Cali school, only 10 days notice, no ofger if funding. That same DC was flown in to a midwest school with room and airfare covered, stayed in the dorms

[Anonymous]

Sorry for typos

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Why give more to one sibling than another?

If the one worked harder I definitely would."

This is a really tough question. Who is to say what working harder means?

If S1 has a learning disability and manages a 3.5 uw 4.2 w (so lots of AP classes) GPA with only a 28 ACT score, did they work more or less than S2 who got a 3.5 uw 4.2 w at TJ with a 1580 SAT?

What if S1 prepped like crazy and manages a 1500 SAT but only a 3.8 uw GPA and S2 didn't prep at all and got a 1400 SAT but managed a 4.0 uw GPA in the same set of classes.

If S1's 1500 gets them into an expensive school that S2's 1400 kept them out of, I'm not sure I would pay even though S1 had a better plan and followed through to make it work.

Who is to say what working harder is?

^^^That is the question.
Omg, regurgitating all of the stats for your kids is crazy!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Why give more to one sibling than another?

If the one worked harder I definitely would."

This is a really tough question. Who is to say what working harder means?

If S1 has a learning disability and manages a 3.5 uw 4.2 w (so lots of AP classes) GPA with only a 28 ACT score, did they work more or less than S2 who got a 3.5 uw 4.2 w at TJ with a 1580 SAT?

What if S1 prepped like crazy and manages a 1500 SAT but only a 3.8 uw GPA and S2 didn't prep at all and got a 1400 SAT but managed a 4.0 uw GPA in the same set of classes.

If S1's 1500 gets them into an expensive school that S2's 1400 kept them out of, I'm not sure I would pay even though S1 had a better plan and followed through to make it work.

Omg, regurgitating all of the stats for your kids is crazy!

Who is to say what working harder is?

^^^That is the question.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"Why give more to one sibling than another?

If the one worked harder I definitely would."

This is a really tough question. Who is to say what working harder means?

If S1 has a learning disability and manages a 3.5 uw 4.2 w (so lots of AP classes) GPA with only a 28 ACT score, did they work more or less than S2 who got a 3.5 uw 4.2 w at TJ with a 1580 SAT?

What if S1 prepped like crazy and manages a 1500 SAT but only a 3.8 uw GPA and S2 didn't prep at all and got a 1400 SAT but managed a 4.0 uw GPA in the same set of classes.

If S1's 1500 gets them into an expensive school that S2's 1400 kept them out of, I'm not sure I would pay even though S1 had a better plan and followed through to make it work.

Put them in a cage and let them fight for the college money. Winner takes all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For a very top student I would send them to the top college if they get in. It increases your families social capital pretty much forever. Our dad went to a top school and grad school and excelled and if neant great jobs for him as well as friendly intelligent colleagues and their families for us to socialize with. It meant that our parents could also afford good schooling options for us kids as well.

When dad died young and all of those things largely dried up our lives changed drastically and it was not good. We ended up going to state schools, including the Maryland ‘flagship’ and maybe it’s changed, but we encountered indifferent and sometimes outwardly hostile professors, many classmates who didn’t care much for school, a job track to a place where I faced discrimination and sexism in my field (another woman from a top school did not face similar discrimination) professors from top universities who just assumed that we were dumb and inferior compared to students at their schools and who weren’t shy about saying so. I still enjoyed my education, but my child now has the chance to take her brains and study skills elsewhere for a better education and future and we figure that that is what money is for, much like my grandparents invested their precious resources in my father.

I think that the people who discourage spending money on a child’s education don’t have children with that option and they want to discourage you from taking that opportunity to equalize things for their children.

Can you wrap your mind around the notion that a family CANNOT PAY for a "top" school without jeopardizing other family needs including retirement?

[Anonymous]

" "Why give more to one sibling than another?

If the one worked harder I definitely would."

This is a really tough question. Who is to say what working harder means?

If S1 has a learning disability and manages a 3.5 uw 4.2 w (so lots of AP classes) GPA with only a 28 ACT score, did they work more or less than S2 who got a 3.5 uw 4.2 w at TJ with a 1580 SAT?

What if S1 prepped like crazy and manages a 1500 SAT but only a 3.8 uw GPA and S2 didn't prep at all and got a 1400 SAT but managed a 4.0 uw GPA in the same set of classes.

If S1's 1500 gets them into an expensive school that S2's 1400 kept them out of, I'm not sure I would pay even though S1 had a better plan and followed through to make it work.

Omg, regurgitating all of the stats for your kids is crazy!"

Wow, it's hard to believe even on DCUM that someone thought that any of those stats weren't made up for that poster's example.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For a very top student I would send them to the top college if they get in. It increases your families social capital pretty much forever. Our dad went to a top school and grad school and excelled and if neant great jobs for him as well as friendly intelligent colleagues and their families for us to socialize with. It meant that our parents could also afford good schooling options for us kids as well.

When dad died young and all of those things largely dried up our lives changed drastically and it was not good. We ended up going to state schools, including the Maryland ‘flagship’ and maybe it’s changed, but we encountered indifferent and sometimes outwardly hostile professors, many classmates who didn’t care much for school, a job track to a place where I faced discrimination and sexism in my field (another woman from a top school did not face similar discrimination) professors from top universities who just assumed that we were dumb and inferior compared to students at their schools and who weren’t shy about saying so. I still enjoyed my education, but my child now has the chance to take her brains and study skills elsewhere for a better education and future and we figure that that is what money is for, much like my grandparents invested their precious resources in my father.

I think that the people who discourage spending money on a child’s education don’t have children with that option and they want to discourage you from taking that opportunity to equalize things for their children.

Can you wrap your mind around the notion that a family CANNOT PAY for a "top" school without jeopardizing other family needs including retirement?

Agree. This is very dangerous way of thinking and planning for a future that may not come to fruition.

[Anonymous]

" For a very top student I would send them to the top college if they get in. It increases your families social capital pretty much forever. Our dad went to a top school and grad school and excelled and if neant great jobs for him as well as friendly intelligent colleagues and their families for us to socialize with. It meant that our parents could also afford good schooling options for us kids as well.

When dad died young and all of those things largely dried up our lives changed drastically and it was not good. We ended up going to state schools, including the Maryland ‘flagship’ and maybe it’s changed, but we encountered indifferent and sometimes outwardly hostile professors, many classmates who didn’t care much for school, a job track to a place where I faced discrimination and sexism in my field (another woman from a top school did not face similar discrimination) professors from top universities who just assumed that we were dumb and inferior compared to students at their schools and who weren’t shy about saying so. I still enjoyed my education, but my child now has the chance to take her brains and study skills elsewhere for a better education and future and we figure that that is what money is for, much like my grandparents invested their precious resources in my father.

I think that the people who discourage spending money on a child’s education don’t have children with that option and they want to discourage you from taking that opportunity to equalize things for their children.

Can you wrap your mind around the notion that a family CANNOT PAY for a "top" school without jeopardizing other family needs including retirement?"

It's much more than CANNOT PAY without jeopardizing other needs. For that poster's dad who could (and did) excel at the top schools it worked. There are an equal number of families whose dad did not excel. Even if they did graduate, say in the bottom 20%, they would have been banished to a lessor grad school and been shut out of all of those advantages.

Then there is the problem that for dad the top school grads were "friendly and intelligent colleagues" but for the daughter they were, "professors from top universities who just assumed that we were dumb and inferior compared to students at their schools" because you know that the top school grads are the ones most likely to end up profs at top universities. How does the daughter reconcile these ideas?