Living at home while attending nearby college

[Anonymous]

It's fine.

Better to live at school and begin the process of launching though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's fine.

Better to live at school and begin the process of launching though.

Considering the alcohol, why exactly?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The kids miss out on so much living at home, but it depends if you value that dorm experience.

I was a commuter student. I had plenty of the dorm experience, because my friends lived in them. I was so happy to not have to sleep in a shared cell!

Some would argue the experience of having a roommate and otherwise managing your life in a dorm (getting up on time, going for meals, dealing with the social stuff and communal living) is every bit as educational, if not more so, than stuff taught in the classrooms.

Yes, but people like op would never understand this.

We have done both - one kid lived on campus and the second commuted from home. Living on campus is convenient but its benefits are exaggerated.

Agree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My daughter and niece are the same age. Daughter is away at college, niece stayed home. Niece's maturity level is CLEARLY stunted and my daughter is changing pretty dramatically (in a good way). Kids need to get away from home and the high school cliques and regional mores to grow.

This is my experience. When you're a teenager, there is great transformative value in separating from the familiarity of home and childhood; it tells you more about who you are and helps you define/redefine your own goals and values. My sister lived at home to commute to college for the entirety of her college experience. She spent time with the same people she went to high school with, and life for her was just a continuation of high school with my mom still making dinner every night. Parents still imposed a curfew, and I think it stunted her at a really pivotal time. Living at home after high school just does not provide the same growth opportunities in terms of time management, social skills, and life skills.

I would recommend that any college student try an on-campus experience for at least a year if it's financially possible. You can always move back with mom and dad the next year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks for the replies. We would be looking to do this mostly for financial reasons but also because my kid would never want to share a bedroom with anyone and its hard to find colleges where singles are the norm - often you need some kind of special circumstances to qualify for that.

But what about off-campus housing? With roommates (but each in own room?)

I lived at home while going to a junior college, then when I transferred to a university, I lived alone in someone's converted 1/2 garage and walked to school. It was good for me; I'm nerdy and would have gone nuts with all the noise and chaos and lack of privacy and sleep. I did well in school, had a couple of deep friendships, and ended up getting into HYS law school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

because my kid would never want to share a bedroom

This is odd. Don't enable this. You do your child no favor by sheltering them from others. Learning to live with roommates is important. Most people have several roommates over the course of the college years, some they choose, some they don't. And all are important. I would almost say essential. The person gains a perspective on manners and common courtesy and what it takes to live with others - - those who don't love them and excuse behavior because they're family. The person will be a better spouse, probably pick a better spouse, be a better in-law, and houseguest. The mistakes of others, they witness in the dorm are as much a learning experience as their own flaws that are pointed-out by others. Don't short-change your kid by the spoiling of not sharing a room.

Why?

Other than my first semester in college, I never had to share bedrooms or had a roommate in my life. Never. I'm a pretty good spouse and an excellent houseguest.

So you say.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This idea that campus dorms are reserved exclusively for sex, drugs and alcohol is bizarre....it makes me wonder what sort of schools you people are referring to or perhaps you're Footloose type fundamentalists. Regardless, the better schools require on-campus housing for a portion or all of the student's tenure.

+1 My college campus was dry. Some people broke the rules and ended up expelled. There was partying, but it happened off campus.

[Anonymous]

I commuted and it was the best decision I made. I lived 20min from campus.

Never missed living in a dorm. Went to visit enough friends to realize I never would either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My daughter and niece are the same age. Daughter is away at college, niece stayed home. Niece's maturity level is CLEARLY stunted and my daughter is changing pretty dramatically (in a good way). Kids need to get away from home and the high school cliques and regional mores to grow.

On the other hand, the first time I talked to my brother after my niece came home for her freshman year holidays, he said "How does someone come home less mature from college?".

I am a professor at GMU. I think there are benefits of both. GMU is set up as a commuter school, so living off campus is fairly common and the school has created lots of spaces for students to hand out. It is also a very diverse campus with tons of activities, so students can find a group pretty easily. We even have programs that are set up to solely find friends for students.

I don't know if living in dorms makes you more responsible. I think in many ways living on a campus makes you more self-centered. You are only responsible for yourself. Many students start spiraling and every little things becomes a big thing because everything is about them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The college I attended was 10 minute drive from home and so I commuted. It was a great decision! No communal showers, gross cafeteria food, irksome roommates, etc. I was still able to make friends and be involved in stuff and do well in my classes.

I’m now 46 and I am quite well-adjusted despite having never lived in a dorm, LOL. That’s a pretty uniquely upper-middle class American phenomenon anyway; most of world doesn’t do it. I don’t understand the obsession with the whole “dorm experience” to be honest.

+1.

Very similar experience here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's fine.

Better to live at school and begin the process of launching though.

Considering the alcohol, why exactly?

Lol....you're going to hide from alcohol your entire life? And being afraid to have DC exposed to alcohol says more about your opinion of DC's agency and judgement than it does about the college environment.

[Anonymous]

^^ OP here. I'm not hiding my child from alcohol nor am I anti-dorm because of alcohol or anything similar, like smoking or drugs.

My kid is an introvert who thrives in social situations but needs to go to a quiet place and chill thereafter. He also needs quiet to concentrate on work and projects, compose music - while not imposing this on others. Having his own space is what makes sense for him, as an individual. I am not criticizing other people's choices but just mindful of the choices he wishes to make. We don't all need to be sheep.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I completely understand the cost issue driving kids to stay at home but not living on campus really deprives the child of the full richness of the college experience and to pretend otherwise is delusional.

Meh. Like tipping and wearing clunky white tennis shoes and exercise attire despite having no plans to exercise...the whole “college experience” is one of those things foreigners find so perplexing about Americans. The on-campus residential experience is not something the vast, vast majority of the world has, to act like anyone is “deprived” is delusional.

+1
American idea is college is completely twisted.
I am an immigrant and I am stunned at the amount of money many people are ready to pay so that their kids can have some bullshit "college experience"

I started college at my home country (commuting from my parents' home as everyone else) and transferred to a US college (top 20 us news) in my junior year. I lived on campus for one semester and the rest off campus with what I thought was a very reasonable commute but gradually realized was much further than any other student lived.

"college experience" seemed to me largely about wasting time. I felt zero desire to spend time in clubs or sororities. I had the highest gpa in my class and went to the best graduate program of anyone I knew. I was also able to pack two (almost three!) majors into those two years and took more classes than anyone else including many that were considered to be very difficult graduate level classes. Many students were taking bullshit classes for unclear reasons.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I completely understand the cost issue driving kids to stay at home but not living on campus really deprives the child of the full richness of the college experience and to pretend otherwise is delusional.

Meh. Like tipping and wearing clunky white tennis shoes and exercise attire despite having no plans to exercise...the whole “college experience” is one of those things foreigners find so perplexing about Americans. The on-campus residential experience is not something the vast, vast majority of the world has, to act like anyone is “deprived” is delusional.

+1
American idea is college is completely twisted.
I am an immigrant and I am stunned at the amount of money many people are ready to pay so that their kids can have some bullshit "college experience"

I started college at my home country (commuting from my parents' home as everyone else) and transferred to a US college (top 20 us news) in my junior year. I lived on campus for one semester and the rest off campus with what I thought was a very reasonable commute but gradually realized was much further than any other student lived.

"college experience" seemed to me largely about wasting time. I felt zero desire to spend time in clubs or sororities. I had the highest gpa in my class and went to the best graduate program of anyone I knew. I was also able to pack two (almost three!) majors into those two years and took more classes than anyone else including many that were considered to be very difficult graduate level classes. Many students were taking bullshit classes for unclear reasons.

Well said. Thank you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I completely understand the cost issue driving kids to stay at home but not living on campus really deprives the child of the full richness of the college experience and to pretend otherwise is delusional.

Meh. Like tipping and wearing clunky white tennis shoes and exercise attire despite having no plans to exercise...the whole “college experience” is one of those things foreigners find so perplexing about Americans. The on-campus residential experience is not something the vast, vast majority of the world has, to act like anyone is “deprived” is delusional.

+1
American idea is college is completely twisted.
I am an immigrant and I am stunned at the amount of money many people are ready to pay so that their kids can have some bullshit "college experience"

I started college at my home country (commuting from my parents' home as everyone else) and transferred to a US college (top 20 us news) in my junior year. I lived on campus for one semester and the rest off campus with what I thought was a very reasonable commute but gradually realized was much further than any other student lived.

"college experience" seemed to me largely about wasting time. I felt zero desire to spend time in clubs or sororities. I had the highest gpa in my class and went to the best graduate program of anyone I knew. I was also able to pack two (almost three!) majors into those two years and took more classes than anyone else including many that were considered to be very difficult graduate level classes. Many students were taking bullshit classes for unclear reasons.

Well said. Thank you.

You are not the OP, why are you thanking this poster?