Living at home while attending nearby college

[Anonymous]

My DH lived at home and had virtually no college social life. When he wasn't studying, working or going to class he just hung out with old HS friends who did not go to college. I think it CAN work, if the student makes a real commitment to being engaged in campus activities, building their social network, etc. but DH (who was the first in his family to go to college) just never gave that any thought. He now thinks it's really important that our kids live on campus at least for the first year even if they choose local college (which I doubt they will).

[Anonymous]

I lived at home during college. The major benefit was financial. I graduated debt free due to scholarships, working all through college, and savings.

I didn't have the same college experience. I lived at home and worked evenings and weekends. At the time I didn't care at all. My focus was on getting through school.

I now work on a college campus and I realize that there are aspects I missed out on. I never felt part of the campus community or really identified with my campus / college. It was a place to go to class. I didn't join any extracurriculars or get involved in the life of the college - I wasn't aware of much of what was available - again due to the fact that I drove in for class then left. Also since I was at home my social circle and activities were community based, not college based. I see that for many students - college is really a life experience - so much more than just academic credits.

It is a toss up though. If I could do it again, I would still live at home as the financial benefits to me outweigh the experiential ones. What I would do differently is to be more involved in campus life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks for the replies. We would be looking to do this mostly for financial reasons but also because my kid would never want to share a bedroom with anyone and its hard to find colleges where singles are the norm - often you need some kind of special circumstances to qualify for that.

My nephew did this the first two years of college, did not want to have a roommate. Worked out fine, we never saw him during those two years he was so busy socially and academically.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The kids miss out on so much living at home, but it depends if you value that dorm experience.

I was a commuter student. I had plenty of the dorm experience, because my friends lived in them. I was so happy to not have to sleep in a shared cell!

I lived in a dorm and never had to share a bedroom with anyone and didn't have any kind of special circumstances. There were dorms that were set up I Reb like apartments, so you shared a living space and bathroom but not a bedroom.

I agree with the first PP that commuting is not the same, and if you can at all manage to live in campus you should try to do so.

[Anonymous]

What will the commute be like? Are there going to be large gaps between classes?

My nephew commuted from Loudoun County to GMU and only lasted one year doing it. He got tired of never having his own space on campus to hang between his classes. If he had a 3 hour gap between classes, he pretty much had to stay on campus because by the time he drove home, it was time to jump back into traffic and fight his way back. As the semester went on it was harder to find seats in the library and other study areas. He had plenty of friends on campus and did hang out at their places from time-to-time, but always felt like a mooch (his words, not mine).

He said he also found it easier to skip classes that way because if he had an extreme gap in classes, say a class ending at 10:30 and didn't have another one until 3:30, he'd go home and then have to really convince himself to drive back. He also missed a few early morning classes by not allowing himself enough time to account for traffic and accidents. Same with bad weather when the university didn't close and he'd have to try to get to GMU or miss an important class. I know a few times his parents rented a hotel room for him when they were calling for bad weather just to ensure he was near enough to campus so as not to miss a big test.

[Anonymous]

Also, be aware that even some local universities require freshmen to live on campus, even if they live in the same town as the university.

My freshmen year roommate's mom was a professor at the university and they lived in the town but she still had to live on-campus because that was our universities' rule.

[Anonymous]

My son lives at home and attends Montgomery College. It works out just fine. He has his own car and he earns his own money. We ask that he be considerate of us - let us know when he's coming and going, watch the dogs if we go away for the weekend. We buy food, but he pays for whatever else he needs. Sometimes he helps clean up around the house, but not so much because he has a lot on his plate.

[Anonymous]

If you have to, you have to ...
Op, have you sacrificed? Is this a decision based on medical need?
Have you blown the college fund because of new cars, repeated home renovations, some other indulgence?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thanks for the replies. We would be looking to do this mostly for financial reasons but also because my kid would never want to share a bedroom with anyone and its hard to find colleges where singles are the norm - often you need some kind of special circumstances to qualify for that.

There's usually a certain distance you can live within to stay off campus as a freshman. I had friends who did this and hated it. Most of them moved on campus for sophomore and junior years, but I think it would depend on the atmosphere at the school.

Part of me wants to tell you that sharing a room builds character, but I absolutely did not get a long with my freshman roommate - we were not well matched.

OP here. I have my own experience of sharing rooms - in European boarding school. And I can tell you there is nothing character building about it and everything bad. My UK university had mostly single bedrooms - doubles were RARE - so I was fine.

CAN you do a spin off thread? For those of us who want hear why it’s not all jolly hockey sticks?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you have to, you have to ...
Op, have you sacrificed? Is this a decision based on medical need?
Have you blown the college fund because of new cars, repeated home renovations, some other indulgence?

Did you read? Go chase your finger. It’s still wagging.

[Anonymous]

I did it because I paid my own tuition with no loans. It was NOT fun.

[Anonymous]

I had friends who were commuters. They had some college friends but mainly hung out with their high school friends and never really moved on. One friend's mom allowed it for two years and got fed up and signed him up for the dorms without him knowing, packed up his stuff and moved him. She basically handed him the keys when he returned home one day. He was really pissed but ended up liking it. It was really funny. I liked the dorms. I would not have wanted to live at home. I had a roommate 1st semester and she moved out to be with a good friend, which was great as I got the room to myself and when I transferred schools for a year (roommate was fine but we had very different lives). Then, I rented an apartment off campus with a friend senior year. We aren't giving our child a choice as long as we can afford it. I think its good for kids to be out on their own. They can move back after graduation to save money for a few years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks for the replies. We would be looking to do this mostly for financial reasons but also because my kid would never want to share a bedroom with anyone and its hard to find colleges where singles are the norm - often you need some kind of special circumstances to qualify for that.

Look at the "residence life" webpages of colleges your child might be interested in - you might be surprised. The school I graduated from had entire dorms that were all or mostly all singles. It was thousands of rooms. There are also renovated dorms at some colleges that give each kid a "bedroom" in basically a small apartment type living situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Some would argue the experience of having a roommate and otherwise managing your life in a dorm (getting up on time, going for meals, dealing with the social stuff and communal living) is every bit as educational, if not more so, than stuff taught in the classrooms.

I don't know about this...Large group communal living with age-mates, meal plan eating etc. is pretty peculiar to college life-- so even though like most things it's "educational," I'm not sure it's particularly usable knowledge (though some of the social navigating surely is...) I think living at home might mimic a bit more of the juggling of real non-college life--you've got to manage getting to class on time with traffic, feed yourself, make friends when you don't live around 100 people your age etc. and thus might be just as much--if not more--educational.

Back to the original question, I know two students who live(d) at home and commute to GMU:
A colleague's son lived on campus his freshman year (Honors College) to make the break and to establish a social group at the same time everyone else is doing the same. He then moved back home for the second year on to save money. Their family could afford to pay for the room & board expenses, he (the son) just didn't think it was worth the extra money when his house was less than 15 min away.He graduated last year--no debt, employed in his field, and now lives in downtown DC (with a roommate I think) and is already self-supporting. Worked out well for them. My colleague said the first year on-campus was worth it as much for him and his wife as their son--helped them break out of the parent-child role.

A neighbor's daughter is currently a GMU student who lives at home, but is really involved in some student organizations so spends a lot of time on campus. She scored an AMAZING paid summer internship that involved living away last summer. Her family also did a deal with her that if she went to GMU and lived at home (instead of going to an OOS school she wanted) they would pay for study abroad program--so she's out of the country right now.

So both cases I knew of worked out really well, but both also had some 'away from home living' in college. They also strike me as mature for their age.

[Anonymous]

^^^ really helpful and informative response, many thanks.