Settling at 32.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All of these things are superficial. Being kind, employed, good company, and attractive to you--that's a better foundation for a relationship. I think your list is part of the problem.

Op here. I do want a kind, respectful, and loyal man, but I also want a guy who makes comparable to my salary. I came from a poor and then middle income family growing up. My family was once homeless when I was about 7 years old, and lived in a poverty stricken area. I don't want to live paycheck to paycheck. I want better for my future children.

How on earth does someone with your background end up a conservative? That just doesn't track.

I know plenty of men with that sort of background who are conservative. My father for example.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All of these things are superficial. Being kind, employed, good company, and attractive to you--that's a better foundation for a relationship. I think your list is part of the problem.

Op here. I do want a kind, respectful, and loyal man, but I also want a guy who makes comparable to my salary. I came from a poor and then middle income family growing up. My family was once homeless when I was about 7 years old, and lived in a poverty stricken area. I don't want to live paycheck to paycheck. I want better for my future children.

How on earth does someone with your background end up a conservative? That just doesn't track.

Are you kidding? Poor republicans who vote for politicians that vote away all the programs in their best interests. This is classic red state deception built on racism. It's perfectly aligned.

YUP! The GOP and Fox News have convinced poor whites to vote against their best interests with guns, abortion and racism. They have somehow convinced them that Big Business is their Savior despite the fact that all the CEOs get bonuses based on how many people they lay off, keep at part time, and get off benefits.

And poor people like my stepFIL think they 'deserve" the Medicaid they are on but "those other people don't deserve it."

I wish I were exaggerating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You broke up with this guy because you didn't see a future with him and now you want to have a child with him?

Forgive my harshness Op, but that is just plain stupid!

A child is forever as is your connection to the other parent. That means once you get over your baby panic and have a baby you will remember all the reasons you didn't want to be with this guy long-term only then you'll have a child with him and you can't make in clean break. You'll either have to go through a divorce and put your kid through a divorce or stay stuck in a miserable marriage.

You're 32 not old at all. Stop reading redpill sites and panic button women's magazines. They re not benefiting you in any way.

Go to a therapist. Yes you need one. Commit to going at least 6 months.
Then looking into dating but change the way you date after 6 months of therapy you shoulf have some insight into why you choose dead in relationships.

32 is old if you want children. Quit listening to people who make it seem easy to get pregnant in your late 30s and 40s. They are not disclosing the multiple miscarages and IVF treatment.

It's not old a recent science is showing this .. Getting pregnant in you later 30s and 40 can be easy and done without miscarriages and IVF. If you struggle to get pregnant in your 30s and 40s it's likely you would have struggled at 20 something.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You broke up with this guy because you didn't see a future with him and now you want to have a child with him?

Forgive my harshness Op, but that is just plain stupid!

A child is forever as is your connection to the other parent. That means once you get over your baby panic and have a baby you will remember all the reasons you didn't want to be with this guy long-term only then you'll have a child with him and you can't make in clean break. You'll either have to go through a divorce and put your kid through a divorce or stay stuck in a miserable marriage.

You're 32 not old at all. Stop reading redpill sites and panic button women's magazines. They re not benefiting you in any way.

Go to a therapist. Yes you need one. Commit to going at least 6 months.
Then looking into dating but change the way you date after 6 months of therapy you shoulf have some insight into why you choose dead in relationships.

32 is old if you want children. Quit listening to people who make it seem easy to get pregnant in your late 30s and 40s. They are not disclosing the multiple miscarages and IVF treatment.

It's not old a recent science is showing this .. Getting pregnant in you later 30s and 40 can be easy and done without miscarriages and IVF. If you struggle to get pregnant in your 30s and 40s it's likely you would have struggled at 20 something.

Absolutely false. Please cite your 'recent science'. Not only is it twice as hard to get pregnant at 35 vs 30, an expectant mother over 35 is literally termed a 'geriatric pregnancy' and triggers high risk protocols due to increased risks to herself and for the baby. By age 40 a woman only has a 5% chance of getting pregnant each month and miscarriage and stillborn rates double such that the odds are greater that a 40 year old woman will miscarry than have a live birth. Whatever your motives, you do women no service by spreading false information. Spend some time on the infertility site and you will learn a great deal.
Citations:
https://m.acog.org/Patients/FAQs/Having-a-Baby-After-Age-35?IsMobileSet=true
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC188498/
http://www.parenting.com/article/pregnancy-at-20-30-40

[Anonymous]

PP quit instilling panicked fear! Just stop. It is far, far wiser to bring a baby into this world with a compatible partner a couple of years later than might be "ideal" vs rushing into procreating with someone who will forever be connected to your life who you have doubts about.

Egg freezing, while not a perfect solution, has come a very long way- you can afford a few extra years now. Sorry I don't have the time nor patience to dig up citations- just google egg freezing technology, or not.

[Anonymous]

PP quit instilling panicked fear! Just stop. It is far, far wiser to bring a baby into this world with a compatible partner a couple of years later than might be "ideal" vs rushing into procreating with someone who will forever be connected to your life who you have doubts about.

Egg freezing, while not a perfect solution, has come a very long way- you can afford a few extra years now. Sorry I don't have the time nor patience to dig up citations- just google egg freezing technology, or not.

This. I felt like OP when I was 32 and am very, very glad that I did not "settle"---I know too many women who did and had children with men who were lousy husbands (in one case even physically abusive) and mediocre fathers. Unfortunately, egg freezing was not widespread technology when I was 32 but had it been, I would have done it. I went on to meet DH and marry at 40, but we did struggle with infertility and we were not able to have biological children. So definitely go for the egg-freezing as an insurance policy.

[Anonymous]

Don't even think about becoming a single mom. Raising children is hard with two committed parents. Settle if the only issue is something like finances or appearance but not if the guy makes you feel bad about yourself in other ways, like if he puts you down or has a roving eye.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NP here. OP, I have two kids, a great guy who satisfies everything I ever wanted (except for tall, which trust me is not worth it compared to things on the list like responsible, smart, funny, loves his good job with a good salary, etc, shares my values).

Kids are really really hard. If I had to do it again, I'd think much more critically about having kids. Not to say that you shouldn't have kids but honestly, don't make yourself unhappy just to have them because they will wear you down. Without a great relationship to have them in, you'd be much much better off enjoying your career and doing other things.

Just my two cents.

Or you can be childfree and happy like me

[Anonymous]

DW settled by marrying me at 33. I was 40. I married up. Her biological clock stopped ticking after two kids in the next two years. (She became pregnant while still single -- she started using birth control but then something made her stop and she decided to "let God decide." It worked out. The kids are teens now. We still get along pretty well.

[Anonymous]

When you say "settling", are you talking about relaxing your checklist a bit and finding someone who doesn't check a couple of the boxes? Or are you talking about marrying a guy who you feel "meh" about and will probably stop sleeping with a year or two after the wedding because you weren't that into him in the first place?

If it's the first, definitely consider relaxing your standards a bit to see if you can find someone you like. If it's the second, don't do it. I know women who have done that and it's hard to watch from the outside.

Plenty of my friends have met nice guys after 32, so I wouldn't rush into anything just for that.

[Anonymous]

16:47 here - also, if you really want to marry someone, don't do the single mom thing. If you think dating is hard at 32 and child-free, it is SOOOO MUCH HARDER after you have a kid. There just isn't a lot of time and energy left for dating, especially if you do it completely solo. I got pregnant unexpectedly, and when I decided to continue the pregnancy, it was with the knowledge that it might be a death knell for my love life. Which is was. I was sort of expecting that, but I'll be honest, the lack of sex/love life is even harder than I anticipated, and I caution friends who are considering it to really think hard about what they'd choose if they had to choose "the guy" or "the kid."