Would you allow your 5 year old to stay with Grandma out of town?

[Anonymous]

It's possible you're being helicoptery. Or it's possible your gut is telling you something. Is grandma being pushy even though you're not ready? Why the push for right now? Maybe in two or six months you'll feel more comfortable for reasons you can't quite articulate. The sleepover offer presumably doesn't expire if you don't do it entirely grandma's way right now.

[Anonymous]

Definitely. My nephew stayed with us for a week the summer he was five, and did just fine.

Grandma will give her plenty of extra love and I don't think she'll be any worse off for it -- in fact, it will probably benefit her to realize she's capable of being just find on her own and tackling new experiences. Even if she gets sad for a night, getting through that will make her stronger in the end, and it sounds like grandma is ready and willing to help her through that. You're not doing her favors by coddling her, especially when you know she'll be somewhere where she is safe and loved.

That said, I have a 7 year old who really struggles with sleepovers, and I wouldn't in good faith foist that onto his grandma without good reason - mostly because I'd feel back having grandma having to comfort him for long stretches of the night. This separation anxiety doesn't seem typical of his peers though, and he actually was fine at age 5 staying with relatives and his 5 year old sibling would totally be game for it.

[Anonymous]

Yes, you're definitely being helicoptery/unreasonable. We've sent our older child to stay with both sets of grandparents for close to a week since he was 4. And often when we travel with the grandparents, they "keep" our kids in their room/condo and the kids love it, versus staying w mom and dad. We've done that since they were babies.

[Anonymous]

My almost-five-year-old is spending a week with her grandparents on the other side of the country this summer. She is so excited! I have very fond memories of weeks spend with my grandparents, and I'm so happy that she will be able to experience the same thing. A close relationship with loving grandparents is a wonderful thing for a child.

[Anonymous]

When DH and I travel for business at the same time, I fly to Chicago and drop 2 year old DD off with my mother before continuing on to wherever. Grandma has a power of attorney for stuff, and she and DD have a BLAST. You're worrying too much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No, my kids belong with me. I don't ship them off.

LOL.

[Anonymous]

Not for us. No way. My MIL loves our children but has no common sense and will not follow directions. She laughs when the children misbehave and thinks that I am too strict. I definitely am not. Call me crazy but I don't allow soda, processed foods like hotdogs, delI meat, and crappie peanut butter. My DD has a milk allergy and she "forgets" all the time. I simply don't trust her. No sleep overs.

[Anonymous]

My 3 year old has a BLAST at grandma's.

I do hesitate with the other grandparents, just because she spends less time with them and I don't think she'd be as comfortable at their house. I suspect this will get better over the next year or so, and I think by next summer she'll be doing an over night there twice a year or so.

So by 5, I think regular over nights at a loving grandparents house is an awesome thing for everyone.

I'd encourage you to take the advice of others and just start slowly. Do one night. Find a 1/2 way point and meet there to do the hand off, which means less driving for everyone.

[Anonymous]

Depends on the Grandma and the child, of course. But if the issue is whether you would let your child stay with another trusted adult - then yes, absolutely.

I let my babies stay with their nanny at our house while we travelled for a weekend, did the same thing when they were 2 and we went to Europe for a week, leave them for 3 nights quite regularly with my best friend and her family, etc...

It gives us all a treat - kids included.

[Anonymous]

It would never occur to my MIL to offer this kind of weekend. She says she is a nana, not a nanny. So, your MIL sounds lovely, fun and generous to me. I think you need to be able to trust that your MIL is a competent caretaker and that she can provide some kind of emotional support if your daughter misses you. If you don't trust her with this or if she really is lacking either of these skills, it seems like this weekend won't work. My mom is great with the emotional stuff, but less "safe" than she used to be. I think that's why she feels less comfortable with my two year old than my four year old. My four year old is excellent at expressing her needs. My guess is that your five year old can be a great guest and can express her needs too.

If I were you, I would do it. Just two nights, not three. Bring a bunch of things from home-- like her pillow, a blanket, and some favorite toys.

[Anonymous]

My now 4 yo CANNOT WAIT to go spend a week at Grandma and Grandpa's house at the beach next summer when she is in kindergarten.

Camp Grandparents, I call it.

You do you, OP, but if your grandparent in question is responsible and trustworthy and your kid is up for it - let go and go for it. That bond is really important, too.

[Anonymous]

Not only are you holding on too tight, but you're preventing you and your daughter from developing some important life skills. Spending the night with grandparents (assuming they are loving and competent, of course) is a fantastic first step of independence for a little kid.

Also, it gives you reassurance that you have someone available in the event of an emergency. And emergencies DO happen.
Our younger DD was unexpectedly hospitalized when she was 2. Fortunately, our son (then aged 5) had already spent the night with his grandparents for fun, so it wasn't a problem or upsetting to him when he went there for two days so we could focus on DD. I am so glad we didn't have the added stress of dealing with our son or worrying about how he was doing on his first overnight when in the midst of dealing with our daughter's health.

Be thankful you have living, healthy, loving grandparents for your kids, and let them develop a healthy and loving relationship with one another.

[Anonymous]

It's a great age for kids to start spending time with family without mom and dad. Maybe in a few summers, s me her to camp for a week. Then try 2 weeks. My 12 yr old is going to camp for 4 weeks this summer. He went for 2 weeks the past 3 summers and for one week when he was 8. He loves camp and is never happier than when we drop him off. I miss him after. 2 weeks so I don't know what I will do this summer. But that is my problem, not his. Your job is a parent is to foster independence as they get older. A few days with grandma is a great place to start.

[Anonymous]

No one is telling OP to "adjust her feelings." Of course they're her feelings. She has shared she is feeling anxious and wants some feedback as to whether she should push through those feelings and allow her daughter to make the visit. What folks are prompting her to do is work through them, not ignore or dismiss them.

I will feel sad when my son graduates high school in a few years. I will miss him when he goes to college. That doesn't mean I should stand in the way of that and keep him home. I'll have to work through those feelings. Same for OP.

This is different. It's very different. An adult is starting a life of their own - sure, no other adult should "keep him home". This visit with Grandma is completely different. It might be too long, Grandma might be too crazy, whatever. The only basis for Op's decision is her interpretation - not ours, not anyone else's - no reason for her to "push through" based on the interpretation of strangers.