At what age would you leave your child alone in the hospital?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a 2 year old who has been hospitalized twice so far, and also had a stay in the NICU after she was born. For the NICU stay, there were no parent beds, so I went home after I was discharged, and came to visit at regular intervals during the day. She didn't really know if we weren't there, and there wasn't a ton we could do for her, as we could only hold her for short amounts of time. For the two stays as a toddler, either my husband or I was at her side 24/7. I was lucky that my job is relatively flexible so I could take PTO and make up some hours, but it was really hard and I thought often about how I had no idea what I would have done if I had an inflexible job and/or was a single parent. Having been through that, I could see leaving an older elementary kid who would be okay watching movies and might sleep on their own for periods of time, depending on how serious the situation was and how long the stay was.

Genuine question - how do those in difficult circumstances (for example, single parent with other kids, or parents with inflexible jobs) make it work to leave an active, curious toddler in a hospital room alone even for short amounts of time? I have a ton of sympathy for them and know most wouldn't choose that, but I'm having trouble imagining how it would work. How to avoid the toddler pulling out IVs, sneaking out of the room, etc? I felt like I couldn't even leave to grab a glass of water in case she decided to jump out of bed and follow.

I am sure different hospitals have different protocols but when my DD was at Childrens for 6 months the kids on their own (and she was mostly in the PICU but spent some time on 'the floor') the ones in cribs - babies that could sit up through 2/3 yo - they had cage tops for the cribs to keep kids inside. It was always so sad to see this not to mention the single moms/dads who either had to show up at jobs or had other children. In the PICU they did allow young children to sometimes visit but that was a situation in itself. There are volunteers that will come in and sit with your child but they are limited to 30m each time so that they don't get attached to your child/your family - something along lines of overstepping. We had friends/family come to sit with our DD the very few times neither of us could be there but one of us slept at hospital every night - even when we were in multi-kid in a room situations. There was only one night that they didn't allow this: I could be there but not asleep. I think that has changed on all floors at Childrens now. Hopkins at the time did not allow - I hear that MAY have changed

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I have a child with a chronic condition on her tenth hospitalization. She's now 12 and has never been alone even for the time it would take to get coffee. I just get amazed each time I'm here how many kids are in their rooms totally alone. Little kids and babies. It makes me sad.

Wow, you're very lucky. My child was hospitalized overnight once when he was a toddler, and I had to get food from a cart in the hallway for the pediatric unit (his father was taking an exam that day - one that he could not miss unless it was life or death), and he screamed bloody murder the whole 5 minutes - MAAAMMMAAA MAAAAMMMMMMAAAAAA and on and on and on. I'm pretty sure that's when he ripped out his IV. Another mom tried to calm him down, but it was horrible. We couldn't not eat though.

The child he shared a room with had a single mom, who had other children. She couldn't be there the whole time, but was doing the best she could.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I have a child with a chronic condition on her tenth hospitalization. She's now 12 and has never been alone even for the time it would take to get coffee. I just get amazed each time I'm here how many kids are in their rooms totally alone. Little kids and babies. It makes me sad.

Why?! How crappy is this hospital that you don't think that your DD is going to be ok for 15 minutes by herself???

Medical mistakes happen far too often. I wouldn't leave my kid alone in a hospital room unless I really didn't have a choice (e.g. other kids at home and no caregiver/NICU with no overnight accommodations with parents/my ability to keep insurance or a roof over our head is in jeopardy), until my kid is old enough to reach out to me to tell me that someone has come in to give them something. It sounds like OP's kid may not be there.

My elderly mother, who is 100% with it cognitively, was in the hospital with a broken bone. i asked her to let me stay but she was embarrassed. That night the nurse made a significant error. I wish I'd pushed harder.

+1 (sorry, pp )
I work in a hospital and EVERYONE, regardless of age, needs an advocate. DC has been admitted a few times and DH and I switch off - yes, I realize we are lucky to be able to do so.
However, I also know that some families really struggle with making ends meet to begin with, much less one parent taking time off which may result in a job loss.

[Anonymous]

I had back surgery at 14 after injuring myself training for football.... From what I remember (25 years ago), I was left overnight by myself.... I didn't care then and don't care now... parents had to work.

[Anonymous]

I thought this was going to be a post about someone wondering if their child was old enough to be left alone in the hospital. That might be worth discussion. But no, it's someone who wants to gloat that she does not even pee for days on end when her child is in the hospital. I need to quit DCUM.

[Anonymous]

I left my NICU baby alone in the hospital. So I'd say 0 days old.

[Anonymous]

My memories were at 7, mom stayed with me. At 16, I was left alone.

[Anonymous]

I went to go get food for about 30 mins when my 3 year old was admitted for 24 hrs.

If there was a longer admission I would not stay every night. I would fall apart if I got zero sleep and my DH would not be able to do it either. It doesn't really help your kid if the parent is a zombie.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I thought this was going to be a post about someone wondering if their child was old enough to be left alone in the hospital. That might be worth discussion. But no, it's someone who wants to gloat that she does not even pee for days on end when her child is in the hospital. I need to quit DCUM.

+1

I have been on both sides of the fence: hospitalized for extended periods as a young child after a traumatic and near-fatal car accident, and with our own children for illnesses (extended NICU and PICU stays for 2 kids). I was offended by OP's tone and then later posts as well as others who chimed in to a lesser extent. In my case, I had the best of all circumstances for care and coverage but I do not like how OP is trying to come across as superior in her dedication to her child. Any time a child is in the hospital is tough on a family and families make the best choices they can under trying circumstances. It is inappropriate and downright mean to gloat, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I left my NICU baby alone in the hospital. So I'd say 0 days old.

This made me tear up. Hope your baby is doing well now!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a 2 year old who has been hospitalized twice so far, and also had a stay in the NICU after she was born. For the NICU stay, there were no parent beds, so I went home after I was discharged, and came to visit at regular intervals during the day. She didn't really know if we weren't there, and there wasn't a ton we could do for her, as we could only hold her for short amounts of time. For the two stays as a toddler, either my husband or I was at her side 24/7. I was lucky that my job is relatively flexible so I could take PTO and make up some hours, but it was really hard and I thought often about how I had no idea what I would have done if I had an inflexible job and/or was a single parent. Having been through that, I could see leaving an older elementary kid who would be okay watching movies and might sleep on their own for periods of time, depending on how serious the situation was and how long the stay was.

Genuine question - how do those in difficult circumstances (for example, single parent with other kids, or parents with inflexible jobs) make it work to leave an active, curious toddler in a hospital room alone even for short amounts of time? I have a ton of sympathy for them and know most wouldn't choose that, but I'm having trouble imagining how it would work. How to avoid the toddler pulling out IVs, sneaking out of the room, etc? I felt like I couldn't even leave to grab a glass of water in case she decided to jump out of bed and follow.

I am another former pediatric nurse and we would put a toddler into a special crib called a "high climber". It has very tall sides and prevents the child from climbing out. IV's are splinted and taped heavily to prevent accidental dislodgement. I worked at JHH, and it was always taken into consideration when doing the daily assignment if a child's (especially a toddler's!) parent wasn't staying with them. They would need much more care with feeding, diaper changes, safety, etc. All things a parent would take care of if there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had a NICU baby who stayed in for 88 days. I had 2 older kids at home. I went back to work when she stabilized around 5 weeks. I had to save my maternity leave for when she actually got home. I got A LOT of judgement for it from nurses and other moms. Thank GOD I joined a NICU support group and met lots of women who had to do the exact same thing. I worked from 8- 5, went home and got my other 2 kids settled and went to the NICU around 9pm and spent the night. DH went to NICU straight from work from 5pm and came home around 830 so we could switch. I am not proud of it but I knew she wouldn't be permitted to go to daycare till 12 months so i was already going to be hiring a nanny which was way more money then I had expected so every day of leave and every hour of pay counted for me. I also am the one to carry my families health insurance. Please don't judge unless you've been in a similar situation. No on WANTS to leave their child at a hospital.

Are you kidding me?! You and your DH SHOULD BE SO PROUD of holding it together with this schedule and this stress through this time. so, so, proud.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I have a child with a chronic condition on her tenth hospitalization. She's now 12 and has never been alone even for the time it would take to get coffee. I just get amazed each time I'm here how many kids are in their rooms totally alone. Little kids and babies. It makes me sad.

I'm so sorry about your child. Not everyone has the economic freedom you have to stay with their child at all times. Judge less and if you are inclined, visit with a child who is alone.

-former pediatric nurse

Eloquent and respectful response. Thank you, nurse.
My former NICU child has been in and out of hospitals for years. I'm the sole income earner for my family and two other children. DH not really around or available for reasons I won't get in to. I always drop off the other two with my elderly parents but both of the got pneumonia and I had to run out to try to get my other children to a friend who could take care of them for a few days. When DC1 was out of the hospital I had to take care of DC1 during her recovery, the other two kids and my parents on top of working.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a 2 year old who has been hospitalized twice so far, and also had a stay in the NICU after she was born. For the NICU stay, there were no parent beds, so I went home after I was discharged, and came to visit at regular intervals during the day. She didn't really know if we weren't there, and there wasn't a ton we could do for her, as we could only hold her for short amounts of time. For the two stays as a toddler, either my husband or I was at her side 24/7. I was lucky that my job is relatively flexible so I could take PTO and make up some hours, but it was really hard and I thought often about how I had no idea what I would have done if I had an inflexible job and/or was a single parent. Having been through that, I could see leaving an older elementary kid who would be okay watching movies and might sleep on their own for periods of time, depending on how serious the situation was and how long the stay was.

Genuine question - how do those in difficult circumstances (for example, single parent with other kids, or parents with inflexible jobs) make it work to leave an active, curious toddler in a hospital room alone even for short amounts of time? I have a ton of sympathy for them and know most wouldn't choose that, but I'm having trouble imagining how it would work. How to avoid the toddler pulling out IVs, sneaking out of the room, etc? I felt like I couldn't even leave to grab a glass of water in case she decided to jump out of bed and follow.

I am another former pediatric nurse and we would put a toddler into a special crib called a "high climber". It has very tall sides and prevents the child from climbing out. IV's are splinted and taped heavily to prevent accidental dislodgement. I worked at JHH, and it was always taken into consideration when doing the daily assignment if a child's (especially a toddler's!) parent wasn't staying with them. They would need much more care with feeding, diaper changes, safety, etc. All things a parent would take care of if there.

My DS climbed out of one of those, FWIW.

[Anonymous]

I would hope I would never have to, but I have a flexible job (at least in terms of medical things) and a husband with a job that makes enough money that if it came down to it, we could live off his salary.

I would not judge families who do not have this luxury.