At what age would you leave your child alone in the hospital?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I have a child with a chronic condition on her tenth hospitalization. She's now 12 and has never been alone even for the time it would take to get coffee. I just get amazed each time I'm here how many kids are in their rooms totally alone. Little kids and babies. It makes me sad.

Be grateful for job, income and life flexibility.

Thank you for mansplaining the proper perspective.

Is this the OP responding? This is a NP. What are you talking about mansplaining? You clearly haven't thought through what are some very obvious reasons why people might not stay with their kids. I think everyone has been super nice to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I have a child with a chronic condition on her tenth hospitalization. She's now 12 and has never been alone even for the time it would take to get coffee. I just get amazed each time I'm here how many kids are in their rooms totally alone. Little kids and babies. It makes me sad.

I'm so sorry about your child. Not everyone has the economic freedom you have to stay with their child at all times. Judge less and if you are inclined, visit with a child who is alone.

-former pediatric nurse

You're a nurse??????

[Anonymous]

I worked in a pediatric hospital. It isn't always about the hours. Absolutely nothing wrong with a parent leaving for lunch / a coffee or to work or care for other siblings or to do errands that have to be done.

It is more about predictability (come back when you say you are coming back, feeling loved (some parents left cards or games to give to their child throughout the day with a note), knowing your child (do they need you for IVs?), having someone (parent, extended family) available if kid starts to get really upset (I need mommy, daddy, grandma etc.) that there is someone to call to come in, etc...

Even when parents do stay it is better if they don't hover all the time - let the kids go to the child life room, craft room etc on their own and be with others. Go for coffees or to make phone calls, don't give your kid the impression that this place is so scary / awful that I have to be here every minute to keep you safe.

I would say most parents with preschoolers stayed or had someone stay most of the time but school age - most parents came and went regularly, by teen years, many parents visited but few stayed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I have a child with a chronic condition on her tenth hospitalization. She's now 12 and has never been alone even for the time it would take to get coffee. I just get amazed each time I'm here how many kids are in their rooms totally alone. Little kids and babies. It makes me sad.

I'm so sorry about your child. Not everyone has the economic freedom you have to stay with their child at all times. Judge less and if you are inclined, visit with a child who is alone.

-former pediatric nurse

You're a nurse??????

I used to be!!!!!!!!!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I have a child with a chronic condition on her tenth hospitalization. She's now 12 and has never been alone even for the time it would take to get coffee. I just get amazed each time I'm here how many kids are in their rooms totally alone. Little kids and babies. It makes me sad.

19:24 here (the one whose kid's been hospitalized 10 times). Serious question, though -- How do you know they are in their rooms alone? I mean, often the doors are shut, and/or you can't see the entire room. Unless you were in a shared room?

And it's completely fine to leave your kid to go get coffee. I used to go walk around the hospital for exercise, and eat down in the cafeteria while he was sleeping. The nurses would let me keep his milk and some other foods in a mini fridge down the hall. I often went to get those. 15-20 minute breaks.

[Anonymous]

Honestly, never. I'm 34. Over the past 8 months, I've spent weeks at a time in the hospital. (Both Suburban and Shady Grove) At no point have I ever been alone. Not even for one second. My dad's a physician and he's managed to spend a few hours a day at the hospital with me, in between his own crazy busy schedule. My mom has been there every single day. As have her two best friends. My own best friends have spent the night every single night I've been there, refusing to leave me alone in the evenings. They bring their work clothes for the next day with them and leave from the hospital. Their moms have brought breakfast every single day for whoever is there with me in the morning.

I know I'm insanely lucky to be surrounded by such a loving, caring group of people, and I don't take it for granted for one second, but being in the hospital is terrifying, even as an adult, and I can't for one second imagine being a child and being left alone there. The only reason I've been able to stay sane throughout my hospitalizations is because I've had my friends and family there to get me through it. My doctors have always said that the positivity I'm surrounded by has made a world of difference in the progress I've made and they're right. I haven't had one second to mope or be upset or afraid because I'm constantly surrounded by people who remind me of all the great things I have in my life and that makes fighting my illness so much easier.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I have a child with a chronic condition on her tenth hospitalization. She's now 12 and has never been alone even for the time it would take to get coffee. I just get amazed each time I'm here how many kids are in their rooms totally alone. Little kids and babies. It makes me sad.

Be grateful for job, income and life flexibility.

Thank you for mansplaining the proper perspective.

"Mansplaining" isn't what you think it is PP. The comment you responded to was not an example.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I have a child with a chronic condition on her tenth hospitalization. She's now 12 and has never been alone even for the time it would take to get coffee. I just get amazed each time I'm here how many kids are in their rooms totally alone. Little kids and babies. It makes me sad.

I think you are extreme (and possibly smothering). Go get a freaking coffee.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, never. I'm 34. Over the past 8 months, I've spent weeks at a time in the hospital. (Both Suburban and Shady Grove) At no point have I ever been alone. Not even for one second. My dad's a physician and he's managed to spend a few hours a day at the hospital with me, in between his own crazy busy schedule. My mom has been there every single day. As have her two best friends. My own best friends have spent the night every single night I've been there, refusing to leave me alone in the evenings. They bring their work clothes for the next day with them and leave from the hospital. Their moms have brought breakfast every single day for whoever is there with me in the morning.

I know I'm insanely lucky to be surrounded by such a loving, caring group of people, and I don't take it for granted for one second, but being in the hospital is terrifying, even as an adult, and I can't for one second imagine being a child and being left alone there. The only reason I've been able to stay sane throughout my hospitalizations is because I've had my friends and family there to get me through it. My doctors have always said that the positivity I'm surrounded by has made a world of difference in the progress I've made and they're right. I haven't had one second to mope or be upset or afraid because I'm constantly surrounded by people who remind me of all the great things I have in my life and that makes fighting my illness so much easier.

I think this is very individual. If you are anxious and scared then having people with you 24/7 might be a good feeling. I have been hospitalized many times and the last thing I want is people there 24/7. I don't find hospitals terrifying at all. It is health care. It is nice having people visit for company and to bring me stuff I need but I then like lots of time to just nap and snooze, be miserable if I am in pain, read, etc. There is already so much stimulation in the hospital from noise and movement that I don't need someone in my space 24/7 - that just irritates me. Plus people have things to do and I don't need someone to watch me sleep when they too have lives to take care of. No one sleeps well in the hospital so I never want anyone staying over night unless there is something really serious going on. Much better that they go home and have a good night sleep in their own beds so they aren't compromising their own health for mine.

[Anonymous]

When I was 12, I had to be in the hospital for 3 nights (for the first time ever). My parents went home to go to sleep around 9PM. That seemed perfectly natural to me. I felt well cared for and wasn't worried. And my parents definitely loved me.

When my 6 week old had to have surgery and a 3-night stay in the NICU, the surgeon told us when we scheduled her surgery that there was no way that we could be at her side 24/7. It just isn't possible or healthy (and they only had 2 rooms for parents to take turns sleeping and would probably be booked). Did I ever leave her side? Yes, but only to get 6 hours of sleep and a shower while my husband stayed with here.

So, like all things, I think it depends on your situation and the personality and age of your child.

[Anonymous]

The judgment here is really disappointing. I am a Hospice Minister. Our pediatric patients are dying. I urge parents to leave. To go home. Take a shower. Get some real sleep. Eat a real meal. Go for a walk. Take some time to breathe. It's really important for parents to practice self-care when dealing with an ill child. This is even more critical for long-term illness. Most of our parents have to work. Their jobs are providing the insurance. Many have other children at home who also need them.

You are not a better parent just because you stayed bedside. It's really sad to me to read people judging other parents. You have no idea what another family is dealing with. We need to learn to be more gentle with ourselves and with others. It's perfectly fine to leave your child for a little while. Let the nurses know you are leaving and be sure they have a good contact numbers. Give them a back up number as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I have a child with a chronic condition on her tenth hospitalization. She's now 12 and has never been alone even for the time it would take to get coffee. I just get amazed each time I'm here how many kids are in their rooms totally alone. Little kids and babies. It makes me sad.

I'm so sorry about your child. Not everyone has the economic freedom you have to stay with their child at all times. Judge less and if you are inclined, visit with a child who is alone.

-former pediatric nurse

NP here, you can be saddened by something, and not blame the parent.

My kid was hospitalized for an extended period on the respiratory ward as a toddler. I was fortunate enough to be there. There were several young kids, kids with CF, as well as two kids who were recovering for RSV, whose parents weren't there most of the time, and it was clearly very hard for the kid. The nurses tried so hard, spending any spare moments they had in the room, stopping by whenever the kids would cry, but you'd walk past and see them standing in their crib sobbing or crying in the oxygen tent. My heart would break for them, and for their parents because I know they were caught between a rock and a hard place. Because of infection concerns the respiratory ward doesn't have a playroom like other wards, and the nurses were clear that it wasn't an option for me to go in (I offered) because I presumably had my own kid's germs on me.

I wouldn't leave my kid in a hospital, unless my ability to put bread on the table or a roof over our head, or provide health insurance was jeopardized. But I can't judge a parent who makes a different choice. I also don't have more than one kid. I can still be sad about it, and sad that our country doesn't have the kind of safety net that would make it so a mother or father might not have to make that choice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, never. I'm 34. Over the past 8 months, I've spent weeks at a time in the hospital. (Both Suburban and Shady Grove) At no point have I ever been alone. Not even for one second. My dad's a physician and he's managed to spend a few hours a day at the hospital with me, in between his own crazy busy schedule. My mom has been there every single day. As have her two best friends. My own best friends have spent the night every single night I've been there, refusing to leave me alone in the evenings. They bring their work clothes for the next day with them and leave from the hospital. Their moms have brought breakfast every single day for whoever is there with me in the morning.

I know I'm insanely lucky to be surrounded by such a loving, caring group of people, and I don't take it for granted for one second, but being in the hospital is terrifying, even as an adult, and I can't for one second imagine being a child and being left alone there. The only reason I've been able to stay sane throughout my hospitalizations is because I've had my friends and family there to get me through it. My doctors have always said that the positivity I'm surrounded by has made a world of difference in the progress I've made and they're right. I haven't had one second to mope or be upset or afraid because I'm constantly surrounded by people who remind me of all the great things I have in my life and that makes fighting my illness so much easier.

I'm honestly shocked that overnight visitors were allowed like that--for an adult! I had to be hospitalized for 4 nights after having my first child--we had already been discharged from the birth and 24 hours later I had an infection and had to go back. There were definite "visiting hours" and even though they "bent" them a bit for my breastfeeding newborn and husband, neither were allowed to spend the night.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The judgment here is really disappointing. I am a Hospice Minister. Our pediatric patients are dying. I urge parents to leave. To go home. Take a shower. Get some real sleep. Eat a real meal. Go for a walk. Take some time to breathe. It's really important for parents to practice self-care when dealing with an ill child. This is even more critical for long-term illness. Most of our parents have to work. Their jobs are providing the insurance. Many have other children at home who also need them.

You are not a better parent just because you stayed bedside. It's really sad to me to read people judging other parents. You have no idea what another family is dealing with. We need to learn to be more gentle with ourselves and with others. It's perfectly fine to leave your child for a little while. Let the nurses know you are leaving and be sure they have a good contact numbers. Give them a back up number as well.

Thank you, for this lovely response and perspective, and for the wonderful work that you do. God bless you and all those you care for...and their families.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I have a child with a chronic condition on her tenth hospitalization. She's now 12 and has never been alone even for the time it would take to get coffee. I just get amazed each time I'm here how many kids are in their rooms totally alone. Little kids and babies. It makes me sad.

Be grateful for job, income and life flexibility.

Exactly. I'm a single parent and while I could probably ask my mom to come for one week or so to stay at home with my other child, she works too.