"Gift" from ILs

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, this is not quality time with grandpa. This is grandpa giving an inappropriate gift to an 8 year old and pretending it's age-appropriate. Grandpa gave the gift to himself.

Another mom of little kids?

How can going to a ball game be inappropriate gift to 8 year old and adult people? How can spending time with grandpa and father be inappropriate. Kids are very resilient. We aren't talking about 2 or 3 year olds.

We aren't talking about a teenager, either. 8 is too young.

I disagree. I have fond memories of my dad taking me to Phillies games when I was much younger than a teenager. We'd take pictures and try to get autographs and I loved bringing my glove with me in case a foul ball came our way (even though as a little kid I had no chance of catching it...man, I loved hoping it would happen!). I'm a female, for what it's worth. I definitely think an 8 year old can and will have fun.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can't believe how nasty some of these posts are. Some of them need to be reported to admin.

It's extremely unlikely an 8-year-old is going to enjoy an 2 hour drive, where he is probably going to fall asleep, followed by a 2-3 hour game, where he is probably going to eat a massive amount of junk food and fall asleep, and then wake up so he can walk across a stadium parking lot very late at night and take a 2 hour drive home again. He will be able to tell you all about the cotton candy and nachos, but nothing about the game.

There are not really any nasty posts in this thread, especially none worth bothering Jeff over.

I can only think that posters like you either have very young kids (like preschool age) to make such a statement like the bolded part.

Most 8 year olds would find this to be a very fun, exciting and memorable outing.

This- my kids are 1 and 3, this would suck with them. My 8 year old little neices and cousins would love it. I know 8 year olds who stay up fro NYE, shoot, I remember it myself!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can't believe how nasty some of these posts are. Some of them need to be reported to admin.

It's extremely unlikely an 8-year-old is going to enjoy an 2 hour drive, where he is probably going to fall asleep, followed by a 2-3 hour game, where he is probably going to eat a massive amount of junk food and fall asleep, and then wake up so he can walk across a stadium parking lot very late at night and take a 2 hour drive home again. He will be able to tell you all about the cotton candy and nachos, but nothing about the game.

NP here. I am one of those rare breeds, a guy who really doesn't do any of the major sports (I watch tennis on the Internet). I could care less about any major sports.

That said, I am also on team Grandpa. If there was a habit of breaking rules and an inconsistent schedule messing with the kid's sleep/school, etc, I might understand OP's concern. But in this case, we are talking a one-time late night for a special occasion or event. If this was a must-attend family member's wedding that was 3-4 hours away that the whole family had to attend (like if OP's sibling were being married on a Sunday night), would she be making such a stink? I think she'd find a way to make it happen. Grandpa has come up with a special outing that is a special treat for the a great grandpa-dad-son bonding. As for the timing, it may have been the only tickets he could get, or the cheapest because it was a school night. He may not have had the option of a day game or a non-school night game. As others have said, you need to make a way dad and son to attend this special event. It is creating special memories of dad-son bonding and good memories of spending time with Grandpa. I was 7 years younger than my brother and he has vivid memories of our dad taking him to ball games, circus, etc. He was surprised when I was a teenager and he was in his 20's and Dad hadn't taken me to any of those (Dad and I did other great things together, but not these). My brother took me to those special events and they are special memories of bonding with him, but I do miss having those experiences with my Dad.

OP, while your concern is understandable, I think at this point, the decision should not be about letting them go or not, but about making the experience as safe as possible. After the fact, you can talk with your husband and he can talk to his dad about your concerns for future gifts. So, if you husband is not likely to get a hotel room, then go to the drug store and buy a pack of No Doz. Tell him he should call when they are leaving and you can remind him to take the No Doz. Tell him to find a convenience store and buy a cup of coffee for the trip home. Make sure he has a bluetooth headset and tell him that if he feels sleepy to call you can you can talk to him on the drive to help him keep awake. Alternatively, you can call him about every 45-60 minutes to chat for a minute or so with him to make sure he's awake (it's much easier to answer a call with a bluetooth headset than place a call). Another option, make a special mix track of some of his favorite music on an ipod/phone that can be played on the car stereo system. Give it to him on the way to the game and tell him to save it for the trip home.

Having grown up without my grandfather and having a limited set of such experiences with my dad (who is otherwise a great father), I think it's important to ensure that your child gets such experiences whenever he can. You have about 8-10 years left to make such experiences and memories for your child. Even if he has to to go school late the next day, it's worth it. Don't let your child grow up like the kid in Harry Chapin's "Cat's in the Cradle".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can't believe how nasty some of these posts are. Some of them need to be reported to admin.

It's extremely unlikely an 8-year-old is going to enjoy an 2 hour drive, where he is probably going to fall asleep, followed by a 2-3 hour game, where he is probably going to eat a massive amount of junk food and fall asleep, and then wake up so he can walk across a stadium parking lot very late at night and take a 2 hour drive home again. He will be able to tell you all about the cotton candy and nachos, but nothing about the game.

NP here. I am one of those rare breeds, a guy who really doesn't do any of the major sports (I watch tennis on the Internet). I could care less about any major sports.

That said, I am also on team Grandpa. If there was a habit of breaking rules and an inconsistent schedule messing with the kid's sleep/school, etc, I might understand OP's concern. But in this case, we are talking a one-time late night for a special occasion or event. If this was a must-attend family member's wedding that was 3-4 hours away that the whole family had to attend (like if OP's sibling were being married on a Sunday night), would she be making such a stink? I think she'd find a way to make it happen. Grandpa has come up with a special outing that is a special treat for the a great grandpa-dad-son bonding. As for the timing, it may have been the only tickets he could get, or the cheapest because it was a school night. He may not have had the option of a day game or a non-school night game. As others have said, you need to make a way dad and son to attend this special event. It is creating special memories of dad-son bonding and good memories of spending time with Grandpa. I was 7 years younger than my brother and he has vivid memories of our dad taking him to ball games, circus, etc. He was surprised when I was a teenager and he was in his 20's and Dad hadn't taken me to any of those (Dad and I did other great things together, but not these). My brother took me to those special events and they are special memories of bonding with him, but I do miss having those experiences with my Dad.

OP, while your concern is understandable, I think at this point, the decision should not be about letting them go or not, but about making the experience as safe as possible. After the fact, you can talk with your husband and he can talk to his dad about your concerns for future gifts. So, if you husband is not likely to get a hotel room, then go to the drug store and buy a pack of No Doz. Tell him he should call when they are leaving and you can remind him to take the No Doz. Tell him to find a convenience store and buy a cup of coffee for the trip home. Make sure he has a bluetooth headset and tell him that if he feels sleepy to call you can you can talk to him on the drive to help him keep awake. Alternatively, you can call him about every 45-60 minutes to chat for a minute or so with him to make sure he's awake (it's much easier to answer a call with a bluetooth headset than place a call). Another option, make a special mix track of some of his favorite music on an ipod/phone that can be played on the car stereo system. Give it to him on the way to the game and tell him to save it for the trip home.

Having grown up without my grandfather and having a limited set of such experiences with my dad (who is otherwise a great father), I think it's important to ensure that your child gets such experiences whenever he can. You have about 8-10 years left to make such experiences and memories for your child. Even if he has to to go school late the next day, it's worth it. Don't let your child grow up like the kid in Harry Chapin's "Cat's in the Cradle".

Oops, PP again. The reason I quoted the response that I did was because I have 5 yo twins. I never watch major sports, but once or twice a year when we are spending time with my brother (who is a HUGE football fan), if it is during football season, the kids will watch at least one game with their Uncle. And they love it. He tells them about what's going on and makes it interesting for them. They have no idea who the players are, but they know who "our team" is and whether our team is winning or not. Afterwards and for a week or two later, they'll be able to tell you the highlights that their Uncle loved. If the person chaperoning has a love of the game and can describe the game to kid, most kids can learn to love the game and build memories of what they've seen. You'll find out the next day whether the kid had a memorable experience and remembers much about the game. If (s)he does, then it is a worthwhile experience and worth doing again. If not, then hopefully they had a good time with dad and grandpa and lesson learned, don't do that to that kid again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No big deal. Kid will have a blast and it will be good memories. Ask you husband to manage the over tires kid the next day and then smile and relax.

+1 Quit looking for things to have conflict about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Unless it's the freaking Super Bowl, I would draw the line at it being on a school night. Talk directly to your FIL and explain that young children can't go out that late, especially when they need to get up early for school the next day. Your DH can make an adult decision about himself but the kid stays home. Alternatively, let him go but have him skip school the next day (although it's a ridiculous reason to skip school, unless it's the freaking Super Bowl).

School night game with lots of commuting is a dumb gift, I agree. Maybe you can make it work out this one time but make sure DH explains to FIL that ticketed events needs to be cleared by the family schedule first. There's school, tests, extracurricukoars, and DHs sleep and travel schedule, etc. This sounds like a mini late night vacation and no school the next day can everyone will feel like $hit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some of my husband's fondest memories are taking our daughter to Redskins games when we had season tickets. We had them for several years. She was about 8 or 9 when we gave them up and she loved every minute of every game and so did he. They didn't always stay the whole game. They ate crap and she went in the men's room with him. He took her to Hooters and the young women who worked there fawned all over her. Sometimes she was up too late. Sometimes she zonked out before they left the parking lot at FedEx Field. I wouldn't change a minute of it.

In my house, they would go without a doubt.

Yuck to all of this.

Oh look! An 8 year old is posting!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:FIL gave DH a gift of 3 sports game tickets for Christmas. Game is this weekend. I usually don't go to sports games and we have 2 kids, DS8 and DD5. DD is too young to go. The game is over 2 hours away and is at 8 pm and will last a couple hours at least. They would have to leave here at dinner time, and DS would fall asleep at his regular bedtime an hour after getting there or stay up past his bedtime, then have to sleep in the car and they wouldn't get back until midnight, and DS has school the next day. DH has a sleep disorder and has been extra tired from work this week so I am worried about him driving back afterwards. He wants to take DS to the game but I am opposed to it and think FIL crossed a boundary by giving this as a gift. What would you say or do? I told DH I only agreed to far away games with DS if they are during the daytime and that I think FIL crossed a line. He said he'd think about it. Knowing him, he will probably want to take DS anyway to please FIL. Am I wrong to think this is a lousy gift because of FIL's poor judgement, it's a bad idea for DS, and it puts me in an awkward position and creates conflict between me and DH?

Annoying and inconvenient gift since it is 2 hours away, DS has school, DH has work. Should have given a Sat or Sun afternoon event.

[Anonymous]

So what if this is a gift that they grandfather is actually given to himself? He is your husband's father, and wants to spend time at a sports event with your husband and his grandson. So what if it is inconvenient? And, really, so what if your son enjoys it or not? This is something that your husband's father, who dedicated presumably tremendous effort to raising your husband, wants to do. Let him do it. If you are concerned about safety and driving, strongly request that your husband to get a hotel room for them to make an even bigger event out of it by staying overnight. Also, I would think that your husband should have as much to say in this as you do. If he doesn't find it to be a problem, other than dealing with safety issues, is this really something you want to get worked up about? Kids remember stuff like this. My kids are a few years older than yours, and they remember vividly special night that they spent with grandparents. Even when the following days they were cranky, I have forgotten that and only remembered the good. Give your kids this gift. More importantly, give your husband's father this gift.