"Gift" from ILs

[Anonymous]

I am kind of fascinated by how divided the posts are, and I totally see both sides. I am guessing the determining factor is people who love sports vs those who don't get it.

Three tickets and on a Sunday night is a little thoughtless, and in an ideal world the FIL would have checked first, but grandparents can be somewhat oblivious to day-to-day logistics, and we don't know the backstory - are the father and kids big fans while the OP really prefers to stay home?

The bottom line is what kind of sports event is it - a one-time thing like playoff or bowl game? Or just one of 100 regular season basketball or hockey games. If it is the former, I get it and would let an 8 year miss one day of school. If it is the latter, I would either get a sitter for the kids and make it an adult thing or blow it off

[Anonymous]

I don't think you're evil or a B OP but I do think you're kind of wrapping yourself in the mommy martyr shawl here.

As other PP's have said, this is the kind of thing that could be a memory for life. That you're willing to kill because he might miss a day of school he'll literally never think about again or he might be tired the next day? Schedules are of course important but they're also not like, life rules. Sometimes people stay up past their bedtimes, its a different kind of life lesson but its not like your kid is going to be on this schedule until they die.

Live life like it could change in a second tomorrow, because it can.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am kind of fascinated by how divided the posts are, and I totally see both sides. I am guessing the determining factor is people who love sports vs those who don't get it.

Three tickets and on a Sunday night is a little thoughtless, and in an ideal world the FIL would have checked first, but grandparents can be somewhat oblivious to day-to-day logistics, and we don't know the backstory - are the father and kids big fans while the OP really prefers to stay home?

The bottom line is what kind of sports event is it - a one-time thing like playoff or bowl game? Or just one of 100 regular season basketball or hockey games. If it is the former, I get it and would let an 8 year miss one day of school. If it is the latter, I would either get a sitter for the kids and make it an adult thing or blow it off

I'm one of the 'let them gos'. I am not really that into sports.

I am into not letting the opportunities to bond with family pass you by. I lost a sibling at a very young age and a parent just a year later. You never know how long you have to make memories. An opportunity so spend a special night bonding with family is way more important IMO than one day of school that will be inconsequential in the big picture.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are WAAAY too worked up about this and are looking for reasons to be outraged. (Husband's sleep disorder? You are grasping at threads).

This is an awesome gift and a wonderful father/son/grandpa outing.

The memories from this special night will last your son a lifetime, far longer and more significant than a day of him spending one morning sleepy during third grade math class and one afternoon crabby enoughthe next dsy to need an earlier bed time.

I have a strong suspicion that if this were your mother and the event was Frozen on Ice, you would not have a single qualm.

Don't be a bitchy, joy sucking wife OP. It just isn't worth it, especially with the very limited and short term downsides this change of routine will have for you.

Signed,

Happily married for nearly a quarter century

"Don't be a bitchy, joy-sucking wife." A DW who completely agrees with you. Soooo many of the women here seem to look for problems in their lives, and they are SO CONTROLLING. An eight year old can be tired for one night and one day. What's the big deal other than the fact that OP doesn't care for the idea in general and now has to make drama where there isn't any. FIND A LITTLE JOY.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am kind of fascinated by how divided the posts are, and I totally see both sides. I am guessing the determining factor is people who love sports vs those who don't get it.

Three tickets and on a Sunday night is a little thoughtless, and in an ideal world the FIL would have checked first, but grandparents can be somewhat oblivious to day-to-day logistics, and we don't know the backstory - are the father and kids big fans while the OP really prefers to stay home?

The bottom line is what kind of sports event is it - a one-time thing like playoff or bowl game? Or just one of 100 regular season basketball or hockey games. If it is the former, I get it and would let an 8 year miss one day of school. If it is the latter, I would either get a sitter for the kids and make it an adult thing or blow it off

I am a theater ballet arts person who couldn't care less about almost all sports (except figure skating and gymnastics) and I am emphatically on team grandpa.

OP is being petty in my opinion and looking to pick a fight over something that will be fun and memorable for her kids.

[Anonymous]

I'm surprised at all the people saying they should go. The game is two hours away. It starts at 8pm. Sounds like it will go on for several hours, so let's say it's over at 11pm. Is the child even still awake at this point? Then everyone drives home and is lucky to make it by 1am. Um, no. This would have bee fine on a weekend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't see DH wanting to get a hotel. I don't care if DH goes by himself. He already does that often. Even if DS wants to go, he doesn't know what he's getting himself into. If I put my foot down and say he can't go, then I get blamed as being the bad guy when I'm only looking out for my kid's best interest. Or if I let him go, then I'd feel bad because it goes against my better judgement and something bad will probably come of it.

You are seriously overreacting here. The only real concern you have shared is about your DH being too tired to drive. Just say you'll get a hotel room for them if he wants to go with DS.

I am an elementary teacher and I agree with Pp's that this experience with his dad is more important than any one morning at school. Unless your DS a dreary has an issue with lots of absences, missing one morning won't hurt him.

[Anonymous]

I think "crossing a line" is a bit dramatic. But I do think that it's an inconsiderate gift.

I don't know why people give gifts like (tickets to events on specific days) that unless it was clearly communicated that the person could logistically go.

A gift is not really a gift if it puts an obligation on the receiver.

But this isn't really worth mentioning to FIL. If you don't want to go, don't go. Leave it to your husband to sort out the logistics if he wants to go.

This is the kind of thing where the best course of action for you is no action. Just step back.

Unless DH has narcolepsy, I think your fears of DH falling asleep at the wheel are a little over the top.

As for whether or not this sets a precedent, just deal with things as they come. If FIL does it again, you all can always decline immediately -- like when he hands you the tickets, just say you appreciate that he's trying to do a nice thing, but you are unable to go and so it might be a good idea to touch base with you before buying tickets to events. But I would hold off on that for now. The time to do that was when he handed you the tickets.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm surprised at all the people saying they should go. The game is two hours away. It starts at 8pm. Sounds like it will go on for several hours, so let's say it's over at 11pm. Is the child even still awake at this point? Then everyone drives home and is lucky to make it by 1am. Um, no. This would have bee fine on a weekend.

On top of which her DH has a sleep disorder! NO WAY to him driving two hours home at 11:00 pm with 2 kids in the car. I would tell him that he needs to get a hotel room and bring the kids right to school in the morning. Unless he knows for a fact that loads of caffeine will keep him up and he has a bag of chocolate expresso beans and some red bull in the car.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think posters are underestimating op's concern about dh falling asleep at the wheel. Is getting a hotel room an option?

Ugh. Just get them a hotel room already. Maybe Op can go and spend her day at the hotel spa while the guys go to the game. Or she can just stay in the room and binge watch t.v., order room service and take a bubble bath - sounds doable to me.

Learn how to make lemonade .

This solution sounds best. I retract my no if this can be done

[Anonymous]

Hey, OP. I was you about 10 years ago. DH is from a team-obsessed family with season tickets in a city 4 hours away. A few times a year there are opportunities to go to games.

At first, it really, really, really bugged me. I worried about the driving. (Over the mountains! In winter!) and sleepy kids and missed school. I thought FIL was inconsiderate for offering up tickets once a season.

Fortunately, I'm in a marriage where no one "puts their foot down" unilaterally about child raising decisions, and I trust my DHs judgement, so they went. And they had a fabulous time with Dad and Grandpa and Aunts and Uncles. I stayed home with the little one, and in a few years he would also go so I'd stay behind by myself and enjoyed a quiet house. My kids are teens now and have so many fantastic memories and shared stories about these trips. These are cherished memories for everyone. I am so glad a trusted my DH.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hey, OP. I was you about 10 years ago. DH is from a team-obsessed family with season tickets in a city 4 hours away. A few times a year there are opportunities to go to games.

At first, it really, really, really bugged me. I worried about the driving. (Over the mountains! In winter!) and sleepy kids and missed school. I thought FIL was inconsiderate for offering up tickets once a season.

Fortunately, I'm in a marriage where no one "puts their foot down" unilaterally about child raising decisions, and I trust my DHs judgement, so they went. And they had a fabulous time with Dad and Grandpa and Aunts and Uncles. I stayed home with the little one, and in a few years he would also go so I'd stay behind by myself and enjoyed a quiet house. My kids are teens now and have so many fantastic memories and shared stories about these trips. These are cherished memories for everyone. I am so glad a trusted my DH.

They had a blast and you got a much needed (and deserved!) break. Sounds like a win-win to me.

[Anonymous]

It's one night. Let it go.

[Anonymous]

I can't believe how nasty some of these posts are. Some of them need to be reported to admin.

It's extremely unlikely an 8-year-old is going to enjoy an 2 hour drive, where he is probably going to fall asleep, followed by a 2-3 hour game, where he is probably going to eat a massive amount of junk food and fall asleep, and then wake up so he can walk across a stadium parking lot very late at night and take a 2 hour drive home again. He will be able to tell you all about the cotton candy and nachos, but nothing about the game.

[Anonymous]

Sorry, this is not quality time with grandpa. This is grandpa giving an inappropriate gift to an 8 year old and pretending it's age-appropriate. Grandpa gave the gift to himself.