MoCo - Emotional Support for Gifted Students?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"IQ and success in school (and/or life) are not always correlated. Social skills are equally or more important."

OP here. Yes, that's what the psychologist explained to us and exactly why I've asked about support. Many gifted kids are perfectionists and/or have a very strong fear of failure, which means that they may avoid doing work or not turn it in or have very slow processing speeds. An untrained teacher may conclude that the child has a bad attitude or is not very smart, whereas a trained teacher who understands what is going on may be able to coax her to produce high quality work. And we think that if we can get this support lined up during the middle school years, DD may learn some good coping strategies that will help get her through life.

They will not adjust for processing speed. The operative word you used is "may." There is not a good understanding of gtld in MCPS except possibly in one of the gtld programs. Privates may be able to provide better individual understanding assuming she doesn't need major special education supports.

[Anonymous]

OP, you've gotten a lot of good advice. I looked into MCPS HGCs (for 4th - 5th) but was completely turned off when a teacher kicked off the evening presentation to a packed auditorium full of parents by explaining how so many kids cry at the beginning of the school year.

I suggest private school. Much better equipped to deal with anxious but gifted children.

[Anonymous]

OP here. To be clear, DD does not have a learning disability, does not have anxiety, and does not have a low processing speed. Those were just examples I used in response to various questions such as to what I meant by "emotional support" for gifted kids. DD does tend to be a perfectionist who sometimes avoids doing (or turning in) work because of a fear of making a mistake. So, yes, it would be great if she had some teachers who "got this," as opposed to teachers who just assume she isn't capable . . . . In terms of privates, my understanding of most privates is that they also don't want to teach beyond the norm - that they want kids who are all pretty similar and don't want gifted kids unless those kids are also highly focused on academic achievement (and thus have a good chance of getting into an impressive undergrad program, thereby bolstering the private's reputation). I guess I'm really cynical at this point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. To be clear, DD does not have a learning disability, does not have anxiety, and does not have a low processing speed. Those were just examples I used in response to various questions such as to what I meant by "emotional support" for gifted kids. DD does tend to be a perfectionist who sometimes avoids doing (or turning in) work because of a fear of making a mistake. So, yes, it would be great if she had some teachers who "got this," as opposed to teachers who just assume she isn't capable . . . . In terms of privates, my understanding of most privates is that they also don't want to teach beyond the norm - that they want kids who are all pretty similar and don't want gifted kids unless those kids are also highly focused on academic achievement (and thus have a good chance of getting into an impressive undergrad program, thereby bolstering the private's reputation). I guess I'm really cynical at this point.

OP: I'm PP with GT/LD child at TPMS. She'd fit right in with many others at Takoma. But, the best way for you to get teacher help is to document the need. We did that through a neuropsych report last fall. That, and a private observation I did through an advocate, got us a clear sense of our child's needs and allowed us to work with the school to put everything necessary in place. You have to be pro-active to get what your child needs. It won't just "happen" at any school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. To be clear, DD does not have a learning disability, does not have anxiety, and does not have a low processing speed. Those were just examples I used in response to various questions such as to what I meant by "emotional support" for gifted kids. DD does tend to be a perfectionist who sometimes avoids doing (or turning in) work because of a fear of making a mistake. So, yes, it would be great if she had some teachers who "got this," as opposed to teachers who just assume she isn't capable . . . . In terms of privates, my understanding of most privates is that they also don't want to teach beyond the norm - that they want kids who are all pretty similar and don't want gifted kids unless those kids are also highly focused on academic achievement (and thus have a good chance of getting into an impressive undergrad program, thereby bolstering the private's reputation). I guess I'm really cynical at this point.

15:35 here. Perfectionism and fear of failure is a real issue with gifted kids and can hinder academic achievement vis a vis grades. BTDT with MCPS and a K-8 private. I'd suggest you read some books and perhaps consult with a professional skilled with these issues, and develop ways of talking / guiding her that will help. I know it is tough, but unfortunately if she doesn't get the work in, she'll be labeled as "lazy." If she is bored, I'd suggest you tour some K-8 privates near you. In my experience, the smaller class sizes, close relationship with teachers, and focus on emotional, social, and moral/spiritual development can help, but not completely reverse the problem you are describing. Our child would have continued to "coast" in MCPS and the multiple choice work / boredom was not motivating DC to excel. I think the phenomenon you're describing re college is true by 8th grade, when kids are applying for 9th, but not in the early years. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. To be clear, DD does not have a learning disability, does not have anxiety, and does not have a low processing speed. Those were just examples I used in response to various questions such as to what I meant by "emotional support" for gifted kids. DD does tend to be a perfectionist who sometimes avoids doing (or turning in) work because of a fear of making a mistake. So, yes, it would be great if she had some teachers who "got this," as opposed to teachers who just assume she isn't capable . . . . In terms of privates, my understanding of most privates is that they also don't want to teach beyond the norm - that they want kids who are all pretty similar and don't want gifted kids unless those kids are also highly focused on academic achievement (and thus have a good chance of getting into an impressive undergrad program, thereby bolstering the private's reputation). I guess I'm really cynical at this point.

So you are just saying all her issues are due to the fact that she's "gifted"? I have to roll my eyes at you. Sorry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. To be clear, DD does not have a learning disability, does not have anxiety, and does not have a low processing speed. Those were just examples I used in response to various questions such as to what I meant by "emotional support" for gifted kids. DD does tend to be a perfectionist who sometimes avoids doing (or turning in) work because of a fear of making a mistake. So, yes, it would be great if she had some teachers who "got this," as opposed to teachers who just assume she isn't capable . . . . In terms of privates, my understanding of most privates is that they also don't want to teach beyond the norm - that they want kids who are all pretty similar and don't want gifted kids unless those kids are also highly focused on academic achievement (and thus have a good chance of getting into an impressive undergrad program, thereby bolstering the private's reputation). I guess I'm really cynical at this point.

So you are just saying all her issues are due to the fact that she's "gifted"? I have to roll my eyes at you. Sorry.

My non-gifted kid is also a perfectionist who fears making a mistake. This is not just a gifted phenomenon. I assume teachers are aware some kids are like this. If not - why don't you talk to her teacher to make sure she is aware of it. It doesn't sound like you need any special treatment if this is the only issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for the helpful responses. To be clear, DD is not LD, or autistic, or anxious. She is just not an easy going gifted kid - there are some who are people pleasers and are happy doing whatever extra credit work is given and getting good grades. DD is happy doing deep thinking in whatever areas interest her at the moment. She'll do school work, but often it is reluctantly if it doesn't have meaning to her. But when something does has meaning, she dives deep into it. So we're looking for a program that will let her dive deep and engage in critical thinking, but not something that feels like a pressure cooker, filled only with kids who are focused on grades rather than learning.

Honestly, that sounds pretty normal to me. Can you get into Deal?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. To be clear, DD does not have a learning disability, does not have anxiety, and does not have a low processing speed. Those were just examples I used in response to various questions such as to what I meant by "emotional support" for gifted kids. DD does tend to be a perfectionist who sometimes avoids doing (or turning in) work because of a fear of making a mistake. So, yes, it would be great if she had some teachers who "got this," as opposed to teachers who just assume she isn't capable . . . . In terms of privates, my understanding of most privates is that they also don't want to teach beyond the norm - that they want kids who are all pretty similar and don't want gifted kids unless those kids are also highly focused on academic achievement (and thus have a good chance of getting into an impressive undergrad program, thereby bolstering the private's reputation). I guess I'm really cynical at this point.

So you are just saying all her issues are due to the fact that she's "gifted"? I have to roll my eyes at you. Sorry.

My non-gifted kid is also a perfectionist who fears making a mistake. This is not just a gifted phenomenon. I assume teachers are aware some kids are like this. If not - why don't you talk to her teacher to make sure she is aware of it. It doesn't sound like you need any special treatment if this is the only issue.

There is a lot of research showing that gifted children are more likely to have "perfectionist" tendencies. It is not "just" a gifted phenomenon but it does tend to be more prevalent in the gifted population and so you would hope the teaching staff in HGCs etc. would have the training and experience to deal with this especially since the work load and expectations at magnet programs is higher.
OP I am afraid I do not have a good answer for you. I think it depends on the individual teacher but I would say that on the whole the more experienced teachers in particular are able to understand the issues your gifted child is dealing with. All gifted children need a deeper curriculum and a faster pace of instruction but there are different kinds of children in this population - some are motivated by academic achievement and others are not or they have perfectionist tendencies or executive functioning problems that make it challenging for them to do the work successfully. In our experience there are more kids like this in the HGCs in part because the screening in 3rd grade is more rough and ready. In the MS magnets and HS magnet application process there is much more emphasis on report cards and on teacher recs. so many kids who might have trouble in this area are screened out. There are also kids who make it into these programs despite these issues and it is harder for them. The MS and HS programs are not designed for them- they are designed for gifted kids who are academic achievers . You just have to go in knowing you will have to support your child fully and hope you get experienced teachers. If your child is likely to get sad about poor grades then it is probably not a good fit. If they are excited to learn interesting material and be with interesting peers that might be enough to make it a positive experience.
The Nysmith school in Virginia which was written up in the Washington Post might be a good fit but it is in Herndon and it is expensive.
Perhaps call them and ask them if they have a recommendation for MoCo?
https://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/magazine/how-a-small-school-for-gifted-kids-in-the-dc-exurbs-gets-big-results/2016/02/24/0af4a2a8-b889-11e5-b682-4bb4dd403c7d_story.html
http://www.nysmith.com/

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:MCPS has two competitive middle school magnets. Students apply in 5th grade and you have to live in MCPS at the time to apply (which involves testing and an application with essay). One has a math/science focus and one is communication/arts. Both are in Silver Spring. Both programs are small so they are absolutely competitive but some children are just smart hard workers.

Three actually. Takoma Park for Math, Science and Computer Science program, Eastern for Humanities program, Roberto Clemente for both Math and Humanities program. You are allowed to go to either Takoma park/Eastern or Roberto Clemente based on location and if you get in. These programs have limited space and that is a real shame.

Experienced teachers get it and the peer group definitely gets it. There are a whole bunch of quirky kids, a whole bunch of normal kids, and a whole bunch of jocks and nerds. In short, there are all kinds of kids and they all are incredibly smart. I find the atmosphere very supportive - not as Kumbaya as the HGC in elementary school, but still supportive and inclusive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you've gotten a lot of good advice. I looked into MCPS HGCs (for 4th - 5th) but was completely turned off when a teacher kicked off the evening presentation to a packed auditorium full of parents by explaining how so many kids cry at the beginning of the school year.

I suggest private school. Much better equipped to deal with anxious but gifted children.

Wow! I have never seen this phenomenon of crying on the first day in HGC and I have had three kids who went through the program. I was very involved in the classroom, and there was only one child who was special needs who was apt to get frustrated and tearful at times. However, the parents who volunteered actually rallied around the child and classmates started to be around him to console him when he became weepy. The students, parents and teachers showed a lot of compassion and he found coping mechanism through their support.

That you were completely turned off by what a teacher said says a lot more about you than the program. You are underestimating the hearts of these children. They know that their some of their classmates are anxious and quirky and tend to rally around them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you've gotten a lot of good advice. I looked into MCPS HGCs (for 4th - 5th) but was completely turned off when a teacher kicked off the evening presentation to a packed auditorium full of parents by explaining how so many kids cry at the beginning of the school year.

I suggest private school. Much better equipped to deal with anxious but gifted children.

Wow! I have never seen this phenomenon of crying on the first day in HGC and I have had three kids who went through the program. I was very involved in the classroom, and there was only one child who was special needs who was apt to get frustrated and tearful at times. However, the parents who volunteered actually rallied around the child and classmates started to be around him to console him when he became weepy. The students, parents and teachers showed a lot of compassion and he found coping mechanism through their support.

That you were completely turned off by what a teacher said says a lot more about you than the program. You are underestimating the hearts of these children. They know that their some of their classmates are anxious and quirky and tend to rally around them.

I agree with the PP. There is a lot of stress at the beginning of 4th grade, 6th grade and 9th grade. In addition to being in a new school where you do not know many people (you are not in a neighborhood school) you might for the first time in your life find school challenging. I think it is perfectly normal for some 9 year olds (and some 11 year olds and some 14 year olds for that matter) to cry. The first semester is always tough as each program tries to get the kids to a place where they are all equally prepared to do the work. The kids are really great though and they really support each other.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:MCPS has two competitive middle school magnets. Students apply in 5th grade and you have to live in MCPS at the time to apply (which involves testing and an application with essay). One has a math/science focus and one is communication/arts. Both are in Silver Spring. Both programs are small so they are absolutely competitive but some children are just smart hard workers.

Three actually. Takoma Park for Math, Science and Computer Science program, Eastern for Humanities program, Roberto Clemente for both Math and Humanities program. You are allowed to go to either Takoma park/Eastern or Roberto Clemente based on location and if you get in. These programs have limited space and that is a real shame.

Experienced teachers get it and the peer group definitely gets it. There are a whole bunch of quirky kids, a whole bunch of normal kids, and a whole bunch of jocks and nerds. In short, there are all kinds of kids and they all are incredibly smart. I find the atmosphere very supportive - not as Kumbaya as the HGC in elementary school, but still supportive and inclusive.

I totally agree with the PP - underlined portion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you've gotten a lot of good advice. I looked into MCPS HGCs (for 4th - 5th) but was completely turned off when a teacher kicked off the evening presentation to a packed auditorium full of parents by explaining how so many kids cry at the beginning of the school year.

I suggest private school. Much better equipped to deal with anxious but gifted children.

Wow! I have never seen this phenomenon of crying on the first day in HGC and I have had three kids who went through the program. I was very involved in the classroom, and there was only one child who was special needs who was apt to get frustrated and tearful at times. However, the parents who volunteered actually rallied around the child and classmates started to be around him to console him when he became weepy. The students, parents and teachers showed a lot of compassion and he found coping mechanism through their support.

That you were completely turned off by what a teacher said says a lot more about you than the program. You are underestimating the hearts of these children. They know that their some of their classmates are anxious and quirky and tend to rally around them.

This is the PP. Did you really find it necessary to take a swipe at me? Perhaps the program was different when your kids went thru it. How many years ago was it and which HGC? The teacher talked about the crying at the parents evening meeting held last fall at a high school in or bordering Germantown. (I work up there but we live down county so I don't recall the HS names up there).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you've gotten a lot of good advice. I looked into MCPS HGCs (for 4th - 5th) but was completely turned off when a teacher kicked off the evening presentation to a packed auditorium full of parents by explaining how so many kids cry at the beginning of the school year.

I suggest private school. Much better equipped to deal with anxious but gifted children.

Wow! I have never seen this phenomenon of crying on the first day in HGC and I have had three kids who went through the program. I was very involved in the classroom, and there was only one child who was special needs who was apt to get frustrated and tearful at times. However, the parents who volunteered actually rallied around the child and classmates started to be around him to console him when he became weepy. The students, parents and teachers showed a lot of compassion and he found coping mechanism through their support.

That you were completely turned off by what a teacher said says a lot more about you than the program. You are underestimating the hearts of these children. They know that their some of their classmates are anxious and quirky and tend to rally around them.

Gosh, this school and the children sounds amazing! I'm glad someone is saying nice things about these kids. From what you read on DCUM you'd think they were whiny, hyper competitive jerks who are always "bored" and have helicopter parents who blame every poor behavior on "perfectionism" and "giftedness."