Your experience with sexual abuse...and if you ever told.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When my mom left us alone, my older brother would try to touch me. I ran/fought. I never told my parents or anyone. Back then I was scared but now I feel ashamed that I never told.

Wow, this is terrifying. Why do you think your brother was inclined to do this? Do you believe he may have suffered abuse himself?

Looking back I really believe my uncle molested him. He was a grown man and my mom would allow him to share a bed with my brother when we would visit our grandparents. My uncle lived with his parents (my grandparents). As a child I didnt think it was weird. As an adult OMG I am horrified.

[Anonymous]

Early high school - was getting something from locker in a deserted hallways as a group of boys were passing by and when I bent over one of them stuck something between my legs. Didn't tell - I wasn't wearing my glasses or contacts so I wasn't sure who they were and besides I lacked self esteem and just didn't want hassle.

15-16 a high school teacher who I had great respect for said under his breath "if only you were 15 years older" and he would date me or something. I was so disappointed in him.

Same age - my mother's cousin lived in our building and I used to deliver flyers from door to door. One day we passed by each other and he patted me on my buttocks. I didn't tell - I was afraid my father would kill him.

Same age - our neighbour was a crossing guard down the street. One day as we passed by each other he too patted me on the buttocks, with his sign. I didn't tell at the time but years later my father heard that he was accused of molestation and expressed serious doubt about the claims in a way that pissed me off so I told him that yes, the neighbour was a perv and told him why. He was upset I hadn't told.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When my mom left us alone, my older brother would try to touch me. I ran/fought. I never told my parents or anyone. Back then I was scared but now I feel ashamed that I never told.

Wow, this is terrifying. Why do you think your brother was inclined to do this? Do you believe he may have suffered abuse himself?

Looking back I really believe my uncle molested him. He was a grown man and my mom would allow him to share a bed with my brother when we would visit our grandparents. My uncle lived with his parents (my grandparents). As a child I didnt think it was weird. As an adult OMG I am horrified.

NP. I'm so sorry PP. I think this covert acceptance/aiding of childhood sexual abuse is far more common than people would like to admit. Not just sharing a room, but a bed?? Why on earth would any parent grant such access to a child?

[Anonymous]

Maybe this is why we're a generation of helicopter parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Assaulted by my stepfather from age 11 (when he moved in) until 15 or 16 (when I started spending the night with friends). He and my mom would also go at it while we were all watching TV, or sharing hotel rooms.

I remember finding dried blood in my underwear one morning when I was 11, and thinking it was my period. My period didn't actually start until I was 13.

I never told anyone, except a boyfriend I had in my early 20s, who told me I had to tell my mom and the police. I didn't think my mom would believe me (or care), and I didn't want to blow up my family, so I didn't.

I have low self-esteem and did not make the best dating choices, but as an UMC white woman, I had family support and other resources that protected me from my own bad decisions. It breaks my heart to see women who are in similar situations who can't escape because they don't have those resources. I volunteer at women's shelters, teaching financial planning/budgeting (I'm a CPA), to help women get back on their feet.

On the outside, I really have my life together: educated, gainfully employed, healthy, I don't drink or do drugs, I volunteer, and I run marathons. On the inside, I am a total train wreck. I am married now, and I have a kid, and I am really weird about sex, or being touched, especially in front of my kid. I also don't allow my kid to be left alone with my stepfather.

This is me exactly, right down to the CPA! Thankfully my abuser died when I was pregnant with my first. I've never felt such a sense of relief in my life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:From a poster who DID tell her parents. They did nothing. That hurts as much as the molestation.

I agree. I never told my parents either because I knew my Dad would kill him, and I didn't want my dad going to jail. Now when I talk to my mom about other such instances (Bill Cosby's case for instance) she blames the victim and says either they are lying for money or that's just the way it was back then. I know now she wouldn't have belived me, and that would've been way worse than the abuse. I feel very guilty for not telling because there were 4 other girls who lived with him in the years after. One of them is seriously messed up now, and another is also not doing well. His own daughter was happy when he died, so I suspect he hurt her too. I don't know if he did anything to them, but I'd be shocked if he didn't.

[Anonymous]

I don't even want to think about all the violations I've experienced.

But I was violently abused by my father and other family members. I told my mother but she didn't do anything immediately, so I told someone at school. I was 6 years old. I went to foster care for a little while, and when I came back, Dad left.

[Anonymous]

Age six I was separated from the group of kids I was playing with by a man who then fondled me and exposed himself to me among other things. I didn't report it until a few weeks later when other kids in the area reported the man. My mom remembered me acting odd that day and she asked why I was acting strange and I said a man yelled at me. I had nightmares and was super fearful about being alone. She then told me about what she had heard on the radio about this serial molester in the area and I told her about the incident. Thankfully she believed me, there were witnesses to my abduction and my story hasn't changed a bit to this day. I had to look at a photo line up and I picked the same man three times. I also had to undergo a medical exam even though it had been two weeks (very traumatic) and I was interviewd by the police and psychologists. I was determined too young and fragile to testify and there were older kids he abused. When my mom passed away I found all the newspaper articles about the case. I was able to look the man up on google and found out he is still registered as a sex offender. My case is mentioned in his write up. He went on to get out of prison and then molest kids up and down the west coast. I guess I was lucky in that he didn't do worse to me, but it impacted my life greatly. I was terrified of sex until I married my husband and even then it took years to be comfortable. I am also a paranoid mother who checks on her kids constantly when we are out in public or even in our back yard.

age 11-18 when I finally left home. My stepfather started out with being super touchy fealy with me. That progressed to very inapropriate comments all the time. I couldn't wear shorts or a swimsuit around him. At 13 he made a sexual advance towards me when he was drunk. I refused and he left me alone. He also tried to open mouth kiss me all the time. I was always on guard trying to protect myself from him. My mother excused his bad behavior because she didn't see the bad things. I tried to tell her, but she made it all about her and how I didn't want her to be happy. Age 16-18 I stayed at my dad's house as often as I could. I never told anyone until my mom died. My brother told me he caught my stepdad peeping into my bedroom and under the bathroom door.
He never told because he was scared. From what I understand this is common with step fathers.