Your experience with sexual abuse...and if you ever told.

[Anonymous]

I'm so sorry for the things you all went through. I fear this tremendously for my own children and work hard to do what I can to prevent abuse. I also promise that I will always believe them and will help them.

PP's - can you offer any advice to parents about what we can do best to help our children avoid horrible abuse situations like you had to endure? Is there something specific that they could do or say if they are ever in an unfortunate situation that you think could have saved you? What's the most powerful thing they could do or say to get out of the situation? Obviously, I realize that some situations may be unavoidable for some children, sadly.

[Anonymous]

The highest risk of abuse is when a child lives with an unrelated adult (a boyfriend/girlfriend/stepparent). So I am staying married to my children's father. If we do divorce, I will date, but not marry or cohabitate.

[Anonymous]

Pretty sure i was molested as a child by a male babysitter. For years I have had partial memories. I don't fully remember or even know if it is real, but that fact that I remember the same details all the time makes me think it may have really happened. I also went through a bed wetting stage around the same age I have these memories. I have never told anyone about my suspicions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can't believe all the parents who did nothing once their child reported the abuse. I would absolutely lose my shit if someone hurt my child.

This makes me wonder ... PPs, were your parents otherwise loving and attentive? Was this a one off experience where they seriously dropped the ball? Or do you think you were more vulnerable due to a lack of parental oversight?

I'm so sorry you went through this. I can't imagine the re-victimization of not having your family support you through this.

The PP who was molested at 5 in the neighborhood. My parents were very loving an attentive. But they let us ride bikes and play while they were inside. They didn't see my brother or I go in the house of the neighbor.

When we told my mom, it was in the car. She slammed on the breaks, and asked exactly what happened. But to my knowledge, nothing came of it. The molester came up on our porch one afternoon to use our bike pump, and my brother and I were panicking inside the house when we looked out the window. Our parents did nothing.

As I type this, I realize how much anger I still have about it. I also contributed on the Turner thread about being a rape survivor. I never told my parents about it. I couldn't handle it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The highest risk of abuse is when a child lives with an unrelated adult (a boyfriend/girlfriend/stepparent). So I am staying married to my children's father. If we do divorce, I will date, but not marry or cohabitate.

+1 unfortunately this is true.

[Anonymous]

I was molested repeatedly by my babysitter's boyfriend from maybe 7-10 years old. I was raped by a cab driver in DC when I was 25, about 8 years ago. I was extremely drunk (likely drugged) and he came with me into my apartment, made me do drugs with him and had sex with me. Until very recently I blamed myself and didn't think of it as rape. But of course it was. I was in no shape to consent and never would have consented to that sober.

The only people who know are my therapists and DH. I never told anyone about the childhood abuse until I went to therapy at 26.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Pretty sure i was molested as a child by a male babysitter. For years I have had partial memories. I don't fully remember or even know if it is real, but that fact that I remember the same details all the time makes me think it may have really happened. I also went through a bed wetting stage around the same age I have these memories. I have never told anyone about my suspicions.

Maybe see a therapist.

[Anonymous]

PP. Reading about creepy DC cab driver reminded me of being talked to so inappropriately by a creepy DC cab driver (wonder if it's the same guy). Talked about movies and having fun - lighthearted (so I thought) and he started talking about Ariel (from the Little Mermaid) getting fucked in the ass. That's the only comment I remember specifically - there were many more - but the conversation shocked me, made my stomach turn, I was speechless.

To add insult to injury, my now ex was in the car with me and didn't say a word. He later said it's because I was flirting with the cab driver. (This ex, by the way, ended up being totally psycho and abusive - no surprise.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP. Reading about creepy DC cab driver reminded me of being talked to so inappropriately by a creepy DC cab driver (wonder if it's the same guy). Talked about movies and having fun - lighthearted (so I thought) and he started talking about Ariel (from the Little Mermaid) getting fucked in the ass. That's the only comment I remember specifically - there were many more - but the conversation shocked me, made my stomach turn, I was speechless.

To add insult to injury, my now ex was in the car with me and didn't say a word. He later said it's because I was flirting with the cab driver. (This ex, by the way, ended up being totally psycho and abusive - no surprise.)

Same PP here - just finished reading other woman's experience (page 2) with the cab driver. I'm sorry, I did not mean to compare my experience to yours - I'd only read the first few sentences.

[Anonymous]

These stories are really horrifying but remind me why I'm not letting my daughter so sleep overs. I also think that if my husband and I ever a split up I would never remarry while she was still living at home. Too risky. Would I date? Yes. But no reason to actually move a man into my home and put her even at a minuscule risk.

[Anonymous]

These are so awful. I am so sorry. I am lucky that the worst that's ever happened to me has been catcalls and inappropriate comments about my breasts from construction workers and professional corner-lounging guys. I am regular looking but not beautiful or "hot" and have always been on the heavier side of normal weight, so maybe that's why.

When I was in kindergarten I came home and told my parents that one of the boys in class repeatedly pulled up my skirt and tried to pull down my underwear. My parents were outraged and told the teacher, who said "boys will be boys." Within a week my parents enrolled me in Tae Kwon Do classes, which continued until I quit at age 16 because I had too much schoolwork. They gave me explicitly permission to physically defend myself if the boy or anyone else tried to touch me when I didn't want to be touched. I credit those classes for a lot of my physical self-confidence. (Mental self-confidence, ie considering oneself attractive, is an ongoing issue, however!) Also, my parents explicitly told me and my sister that if anyone ever touched us inappropriately, or we felt threatened, we should tell them. I guess they were ahead of the curve on this since I don't remember sexual assault being discussed anywhere else until I was in college. (I was born in 1980 if dates matter.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The highest risk of abuse is when a child lives with an unrelated adult (a boyfriend/girlfriend/stepparent). So I am staying married to my children's father. If we do divorce, I will date, but not marry or cohabitate.

Your argument is backed by no facts

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:These are so awful. I am so sorry. I am lucky that the worst that's ever happened to me has been catcalls and inappropriate comments about my breasts from construction workers and professional corner-lounging guys. I am regular looking but not beautiful or "hot" and have always been on the heavier side of normal weight, so maybe that's why.

When I was in kindergarten I came home and told my parents that one of the boys in class repeatedly pulled up my skirt and tried to pull down my underwear. My parents were outraged and told the teacher, who said "boys will be boys." Within a week my parents enrolled me in Tae Kwon Do classes, which continued until I quit at age 16 because I had too much schoolwork. They gave me explicitly permission to physically defend myself if the boy or anyone else tried to touch me when I didn't want to be touched. I credit those classes for a lot of my physical self-confidence. (Mental self-confidence, ie considering oneself attractive, is an ongoing issue, however!) Also, my parents explicitly told me and my sister that if anyone ever touched us inappropriately, or we felt threatened, we should tell them. I guess they were ahead of the curve on this since I don't remember sexual assault being discussed anywhere else until I was in college. (I was born in 1980 if dates matter.)

WTF!?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:These are so awful. I am so sorry. I am lucky that the worst that's ever happened to me has been catcalls and inappropriate comments about my breasts from construction workers and professional corner-lounging guys. I am regular looking but not beautiful or "hot" and have always been on the heavier side of normal weight, so maybe that's why.

When I was in kindergarten I came home and told my parents that one of the boys in class repeatedly pulled up my skirt and tried to pull down my underwear. My parents were outraged and told the teacher, who said "boys will be boys." Within a week my parents enrolled me in Tae Kwon Do classes, which continued until I quit at age 16 because I had too much schoolwork. They gave me explicitly permission to physically defend myself if the boy or anyone else tried to touch me when I didn't want to be touched. I credit those classes for a lot of my physical self-confidence. (Mental self-confidence, ie considering oneself attractive, is an ongoing issue, however!) Also, my parents explicitly told me and my sister that if anyone ever touched us inappropriately, or we felt threatened, we should tell them. I guess they were ahead of the curve on this since I don't remember sexual assault being discussed anywhere else until I was in college. (I was born in 1980 if dates matter.)

WTF!?

PP you are quoting -- I agree (and so did my parents!) but frankly this whole thread is WTF because sexual abuse is so awful! It's so terrible to think that there are people in the world who do these things.

[Anonymous]

Molested by uncle for a short time around 3/4 years old -- my older brother (not by much) tried to tell my mom, but she did nothing. It wasn't until years later when uncle was arrested and convicted of molesting a girlfriend's kid that my mom finally acknowledged the abuse.


I was also exposed to mom and her boyfriend's sexual encounters for years. I was totally confused and disgusted by it. Not sure if this constitutes sexual abuse, but I find it deeply inappropriate as an adult and mother of my own children. Like a PP stated, I am very weird about being touched by DH, having sex with my kids in the house, etc.

Before getting married, I was an extremely sexual, "promiscuous" person and I know it's because I had low self-self esteem and was exposed to sex without the proper context at such a young age. I have had probably about 200 partners, although by God's grace, never had an STD or anything of the sort, BUT, about half of those experiences I didn't really want and just didn't know how to say no. You would never look at me today and tell. Not in a million years.

I have two young sons, and I'm so afraid they are going to turn out like monsters.