how do mothers see women without kids?

[Anonymous]

Depends on the woman:
-younger than 30? I see her like me trying to get adulthood going, enjoying the newlywed bliss etc. I was her 10 yrs ago so I can relate as a "past me"
-coworker my age (mid-30s) or older? Friendly but nothing in common. I'm thinking of my kids, they are thinking of their hobbies. They don't want kids...I don't have time for hobbies. I just try to stick to work-related conversations as our personal lives are totally different.
-any age and I find out (not by asking) but if they share as they want kids? Then I can relate as my children were conceived via fertility treatments.

Otherwise, I really don't care that much what other people do/don't do with their lives. Perhaps because I was 32 and had plenty of disposable income but felt so unfulfilled before my babies, I really could care less if they have better stuff. But if stuff or travels or whatever makes them feel more fulfilled than a child, good for them!

But the ONE thing I feel give up when you don't procreate is the right to judge children/parents. You really have NO clue unless you've been a parent. And just because you become a stepmom or stepdad when a kid is half grown (as my aunt who thinks of herself as a mom for marrying a man with a teenage daughter), you still have NO clue what it is like to be a parent to small children. So when a 6mo old is crying on an airplane, you have no right to complain. You were a crying 6mo old at one point too but because you checked the "no" block to parenting... you have NO idea.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband and I weren't able to have kids. (We tried everything and then some.) At work, and in our circle of friends, the women with kids really have a sort of lovely community of sorts. How do women like this see women without kids?

I'm not clear on what you mean... I don't look down on them. I don't envy them. They made different choices than I did or they were unlucky and couldn't make the choice to have kids. On an individual basis, a woman without kids is a person that I will have something in common with or I won't.

That "lovely community" you think you see is just small talk mostly. People with kids make small talk about their kids. It's shallow and not particularly meaningful. We're just passing the time.

This. I see women without kids as...women. I'm going to judge you based on your personality and character, not your reproductive status.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^^^^pp here and want to add: it's hard not to be self-absorbed if you don't have kids.

Ah, yes. Social workers, nurses, pediatric life specialists,nursing home attendants, teachers in inner city schools....they are all very self-absorbed unless they have kids. After all, being a parent is the ONLY way one can learn to think beyond his or herself.

The people I knew who were self-absorbed before they had kids were just as self-absorbed after they had kids. Their self-absorption just includes their kids, who they see basically as extensions of themselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Depends on the woman:
-younger than 30? I see her like me trying to get adulthood going, enjoying the newlywed bliss etc. I was her 10 yrs ago so I can relate as a "past me"
-coworker my age (mid-30s) or older? Friendly but nothing in common. I'm thinking of my kids, they are thinking of their hobbies. They don't want kids...I don't have time for hobbies. I just try to stick to work-related conversations as our personal lives are totally different.
-any age and I find out (not by asking) but if they share as they want kids? Then I can relate as my children were conceived via fertility treatments.

Otherwise, I really don't care that much what other people do/don't do with their lives. Perhaps because I was 32 and had plenty of disposable income but felt so unfulfilled before my babies, I really could care less if they have better stuff. But if stuff or travels or whatever makes them feel more fulfilled than a child, good for them!

But the ONE thing I feel give up when you don't procreate is the right to judge children/parents. You really have NO clue unless you've been a parent. And just because you become a stepmom or stepdad when a kid is half grown (as my aunt who thinks of herself as a mom for marrying a man with a teenage daughter), you still have NO clue what it is like to be a parent to small children. So when a 6mo old is crying on an airplane, you have no right to complain. You were a crying 6mo old at one point too but because you checked the "no" block to parenting... you have NO idea.

I disagree. Everyone was a child once, and everyone has parents. You probably should have some humility before you criticize a parent, but then, I know lots of parents who are super-judgmental of other parents and basically think that because they have a kid, they know everything about raising all children. In fact, kids are different, and none of us have all the answers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Depends on the woman:
-younger than 30? I see her like me trying to get adulthood going, enjoying the newlywed bliss etc. I was her 10 yrs ago so I can relate as a "past me"
-coworker my age (mid-30s) or older? Friendly but nothing in common. I'm thinking of my kids, they are thinking of their hobbies. They don't want kids...I don't have time for hobbies. I just try to stick to work-related conversations as our personal lives are totally different.
-any age and I find out (not by asking) but if they share as they want kids? Then I can relate as my children were conceived via fertility treatments.

Otherwise, I really don't care that much what other people do/don't do with their lives. Perhaps because I was 32 and had plenty of disposable income but felt so unfulfilled before my babies, I really could care less if they have better stuff. But if stuff or travels or whatever makes them feel more fulfilled than a child, good for them!

But the ONE thing I feel give up when you don't procreate is the right to judge children/parents. You really have NO clue unless you've been a parent. And just because you become a stepmom or stepdad when a kid is half grown (as my aunt who thinks of herself as a mom for marrying a man with a teenage daughter), you still have NO clue what it is like to be a parent to small children. So when a 6mo old is crying on an airplane, you have no right to complain. You were a crying 6mo old at one point too but because you checked the "no" block to parenting... you have NO idea.

THIS

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Depends on the woman:
-younger than 30? I see her like me trying to get adulthood going, enjoying the newlywed bliss etc. I was her 10 yrs ago so I can relate as a "past me"
-coworker my age (mid-30s) or older? Friendly but nothing in common. I'm thinking of my kids, they are thinking of their hobbies. They don't want kids...I don't have time for hobbies. I just try to stick to work-related conversations as our personal lives are totally different.
-any age and I find out (not by asking) but if they share as they want kids? Then I can relate as my children were conceived via fertility treatments.

Otherwise, I really don't care that much what other people do/don't do with their lives. Perhaps because I was 32 and had plenty of disposable income but felt so unfulfilled before my babies, I really could care less if they have better stuff. But if stuff or travels or whatever makes them feel more fulfilled than a child, good for them!

But the ONE thing I feel give up when you don't procreate is the right to judge children/parents. You really have NO clue unless you've been a parent. And just because you become a stepmom or stepdad when a kid is half grown (as my aunt who thinks of herself as a mom for marrying a man with a teenage daughter), you still have NO clue what it is like to be a parent to small children. So when a 6mo old is crying on an airplane, you have no right to complain. You were a crying 6mo old at one point too but because you checked the "no" block to parenting... you have NO idea.

THIS

Anybody has a right to complain. Just because every single passenger didn't bring a 6 mo old on the same flight doesn't mean that they are worthless people whose feelings simply don't count because you have a baby and they don't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Depends on the woman:
-younger than 30? I see her like me trying to get adulthood going, enjoying the newlywed bliss etc. I was her 10 yrs ago so I can relate as a "past me"
-coworker my age (mid-30s) or older? Friendly but nothing in common. I'm thinking of my kids, they are thinking of their hobbies. They don't want kids...I don't have time for hobbies. I just try to stick to work-related conversations as our personal lives are totally different.
-any age and I find out (not by asking) but if they share as they want kids? Then I can relate as my children were conceived via fertility treatments.

Otherwise, I really don't care that much what other people do/don't do with their lives. Perhaps because I was 32 and had plenty of disposable income but felt so unfulfilled before my babies, I really could care less if they have better stuff. But if stuff or travels or whatever makes them feel more fulfilled than a child, good for them!

But the ONE thing I feel give up when you don't procreate is the right to judge children/parents. You really have NO clue unless you've been a parent. And just because you become a stepmom or stepdad when a kid is half grown (as my aunt who thinks of herself as a mom for marrying a man with a teenage daughter), you still have NO clue what it is like to be a parent to small children. So when a 6mo old is crying on an airplane, you have no right to complain. You were a crying 6mo old at one point too but because you checked the "no" block to parenting... you have NO idea.

THIS

Anybody has a right to complain. Just because every single passenger didn't bring a 6 mo old on the same flight doesn't mean that they are worthless people whose feelings simply don't count because you have a baby and they don't.

She's saying don't be a jerk just because you chose not to have kids. But the aura be thing goes for all people. Who cares? You're inconvenienced for a time as you're freely traveling the globe. Boohoo.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Depends on the woman:
-younger than 30? I see her like me trying to get adulthood going, enjoying the newlywed bliss etc. I was her 10 yrs ago so I can relate as a "past me"
-coworker my age (mid-30s) or older? Friendly but nothing in common. I'm thinking of my kids, they are thinking of their hobbies. They don't want kids...I don't have time for hobbies. I just try to stick to work-related conversations as our personal lives are totally different.
-any age and I find out (not by asking) but if they share as they want kids? Then I can relate as my children were conceived via fertility treatments.

Otherwise, I really don't care that much what other people do/don't do with their lives. Perhaps because I was 32 and had plenty of disposable income but felt so unfulfilled before my babies, I really could care less if they have better stuff. But if stuff or travels or whatever makes them feel more fulfilled than a child, good for them!

But the ONE thing I feel give up when you don't procreate is the right to judge children/parents. You really have NO clue unless you've been a parent. And just because you become a stepmom or stepdad when a kid is half grown (as my aunt who thinks of herself as a mom for marrying a man with a teenage daughter), you still have NO clue what it is like to be a parent to small children. So when a 6mo old is crying on an airplane, you have no right to complain. You were a crying 6mo old at one point too but because you checked the "no" block to parenting... you have NO idea.

I disagree. Everyone was a child once, and everyone has parents. You probably should have some humility before you criticize a parent, but then, I know lots of parents who are super-judgmental of other parents and basically think that because they have a kid, they know everything about raising all children. In fact, kids are different, and none of us have all the answers.

+1

[Anonymous]

I don't think anything about them, and I would never in a million years ask why or treat them with less attention. I'm divorced and my not getting remarried is a highly sensitive subject out of my own control, and I empathize knowing that whether or not you have a child (most traditional situations) is outside your individual control. There but for the grace of god go I.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have worked with men and women without kids. They have full lives filled with friends, travel, leisure, work. They ask about my kids and I ask about their lives. I don't really think anything...

Exactly! This is ideal.

Bingo.

Having children is not for everyone. I don't believe that women should feel compelled to have children. Sexist nonsense. I have two; I always knew I wanted them. I have many friends that don't and didn't. Don't think any less of them and hope they don't think less of me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As they get older, they seem more and more childlike as they pursue their hobbies and their self absorption unless they branch out into something really meaningful. They think that stories about kids are boring, but the inner details of their hobbies -- the white throated thrust! -- are even more boring. And their obsession with their pets ...

I think it's a toss up, and I have a kid.

This is funny, but true. The obsession with saving dogs is the worst, IMO. My newsfeed is filled with childless couples or singles begging people to look for dogs, adopt a stray they found, picture and picture of these dogs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband and I weren't able to have kids. (We tried everything and then some.) At work, and in our circle of friends, the women with kids really have a sort of lovely community of sorts. How do women like this see women without kids?

I will be honest. I always feel a bit sad, like they are missing out on something so special, that you cannot duplicate anywhere else. Even if it is by choice or they are over the moon about not having kids.

It isn't pity or judgement. I would never say anything about it. It is just a tinge of sadness.

[Anonymous]

I have no problems until I work for one. I've worked for 2 and they just don't get my life or my chosen priorities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband and I weren't able to have kids. (We tried everything and then some.) At work, and in our circle of friends, the women with kids really have a sort of lovely community of sorts. How do women like this see women without kids?

I will be honest. I always feel a bit sad, like they are missing out on something so special, that you cannot duplicate anywhere else. Even if it is by choice or they are over the moon about not having kids.

It isn't pity or judgement. I would never say anything about it. It is just a tinge of sadness.

I agree. If I know they don't want kids, fine. But if they're on the fence or they want kids and can't have them, then I do feel sorry for them. But I'd never say anything either way.

Except to one friend, who claims to want kids but, as far as I can tell by her choices and actions, doesn't really. When she says things like maybe when she's done with her latest high-powered new job she'll adopt a six year old because six year olds are easy to parent, I really want to tell her that kids aren't dogs and she has no f-ing clue what she's talking about. But I know she'll probably never follow up on it so I don't bother.

[Anonymous]

It depends. Often I porobalby don't know whether they have kids or not. If I now someone doesn't have kids I try to make a point of NOT takling about kids in case: 1) the woman looks down on my for havign kids and thinks I can't possibly be as committed to my career, or 2) what if she really wanted kids and just couldn't? I don't want to rub that in her face. Actually, I'm carefully about how much I talk about kids with all coworkers for reason #1.