Wife Bonuses

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I get a wife bonus, ie 50% of my banker DHs bonus. We are very well to do but nowhere near as rich as the people in the article. My husband has always transferred 50% of his bonus to me. It is a non-trivial amount of money. It sort of started out as a sort of joke but has become a tradition with us. I have a job but he outearns me by a wide margin.

What is this transferring money to me? Don't people have shared accounts or is separate accounts more common with wealthier folks bc they are always strategizing a divorce??

I don't have any joint accounts with my husband, we only have separate accounts. I don't really think it matters - it's not as though his assets would be exempt in a divorce just bc they were in accounts only with his name. Our financial situation is complex enough as it is without adding the hassle of opening joint accounts for no good reason.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

feel like the wife bonus article is the flip side to that ridiculous "I can't afford my wife" article making the rounds on facebook, where in both cases, the women are opting out of the formal economy and choosing to participate in the informal economy. All a SAH spouse does (whether a parent or not, and whether for a five-figure, six-figure, or seven-figure dude) is shift her labor onto her husband's side of the ledger so that he can get formal payment and credit for both of their work. There are some economic benefits to this that they share -- he doesn't have to pay sales tax or employer tax for her services like he would have to for a nanny or a maid service, she doesn't have to pay employee tax/SS/Medicare like everyone with a reportable salary does either. However, by and large the bulk of the benefits of this arrangement go to him -- he can tap his SS after retirement, she gets zip credit for all her years of (home) work, and she damn sure doesn't get paid overtime. Their au pair has more legal protections than she does.

Bunk. Absolutely bunk. Do you think dual income families are all hiring nannies and maids and cooks? No. Two things happen. Either one of them takes of the bulk of the work on top of making money or they divide up the household work in a more equitable fashion. The happiest people I know, do the latter. The unhappy people are stuck either way in the former or opting out of the work force.

What I do see is this whole pressure on working spouses to step up every second they are home. They are expected to contribute minute for minute with the spouse whose home (or even worse the home spouse decides they need a break). I had a friend with a SAHD husband. It was the worst because it didn't make anyone's life easier. Everyone was miserable. Dad was miserable being home. Mom was miserable being stressed and having to do a second shift since her SOB husband didn't get things like dinner or laundry done and everyone is miserable because no one feels like the other is doing their part. It's horrible. My friend gave her ex an out, he took it, and she's happily single parenting because it is so much easier to go it alone than to drag an albatross with you through life.

The only way a SAHP works is if that person embraces everything about home life, happily and the working parent is happy carrying the financial burden alone. Otherwise, you are just inserting a bomb in your marriage.

Wow! Right on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Mistress Bonus is fairly common in DC.

I get one at the end of the year

[Anonymous]

Have you all seen this: http://nypost.com/2015/05/28/i-love-my-wife-bonus-deal-with-it/ ?

[Anonymous]

Reads like fanfic. Or The Onion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:More women should consider post-nup agreements before becoming a SAHM. Doesn't necessarily need a bonus in it, but a post-nup would avoid a lot of the heartache around becoming a SAHM that you end up seeing.

Burned SAHM here, who has an advanced degree. As someone who was cast aside when she got older and sagged, and who was replaced by a younger woman, I wholeheartedly second this recommendation

What a great idea.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My best friend is a SAHM and she is paid a salary by her DH. It's a safety net that she banks. I don't think she gets a percentage of his yearly bonus.

This can't be freaking real.

This is making me want to puke. I am a SAHM and was previously a WOHM...the HHI belongs to both of us. I am not sure if this is a cultural thing (I am an immigrant), but these kinds of comments makes me very worried about my DD growing up in this country and having no sense of self -preservation because she was raised in our household with different values than these.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My best friend is a SAHM and she is paid a salary by her DH. It's a safety net that she banks. I don't think she gets a percentage of his yearly bonus.

Safety net from what? Divorce? Sad to have to plan for that... But doesn't she get half of all income anyway, barring prenup?

That's half of previous income. Not half of the future income. Meanwhile her future job prospects are very dim because she stayed at home for too long.

[Anonymous]

Thinking about giving DH a husband bonus. I think he would prefer non cash compensation though...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Allowances are 't just for SAHMs! My husband has an allowance of 350 per paycheck and I have an allowance of 400 per paycheck and we both work.

You can't trust each other to simply buy what you need and discuss any wants together? We both work but I don't get the allowance thing unless one or both of you are serious spenders.

We trust each other and we aren't serious spenders (if that weren't the case, the allowance system wouldn't stop it from being an issue because we can still spend joint money on stuff for the house, kids, etc.), it just makes life simpler. If I know I need $300 in new shoes for this summer because everything from past seasons is worn out, I don't need to run it by him, I can just decide to do it without having to explain/justify. It's not factor between us if I want to buy department store cosmetics instead of CVS brand or he wants to buy a new set of golf clubs to replace a perfectly serviceable set, even though we're also trying to save for a vacation or new living room furniture. We could work all of this out between ourselves without the allowance system, the allowance system just makes it easier.

This is exactly what we do and why we do it, and it's worked for us for 15 years. (We earn about the same, although at times I (DW) have earned quite a bit more). We have literally never argued about money or how to spend it.

[Anonymous]

Actually, this person is exactly write. Women who SAHM are making an irrational decision from an economic point of view. They may not care about that, but it's true. It is not in their self interest, even though they may think so at first.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel like the wife bonus article is the flip side to that ridiculous "I can't afford my wife" article making the rounds on facebook, where in both cases, the women are opting out of the formal economy and choosing to participate in the informal economy. All a SAH spouse does (whether a parent or not, and whether for a five-figure, six-figure, or seven-figure dude) is shift her labor onto her husband's side of the ledger so that he can get formal payment and credit for both of their work. There are some economic benefits to this that they share -- he doesn't have to pay sales tax or employer tax for her services like he would have to for a nanny or a maid service, she doesn't have to pay employee tax/SS/Medicare like everyone with a reportable salary does either. However, by and large the bulk of the benefits of this arrangement go to him -- he can tap his SS after retirement, she gets zip credit for all her years of (home) work, and she damn sure doesn't get paid overtime. Their au pair has more legal protections than she does.

Labor laws exist because exploitation is too too easy. The fact that anyone is being exploited doesn't help the rest of us -- it lowers our earning potential as well (see "scabs"). If one person has an indentured servant and another person doesn't, it's a hell of a lot easier for the person with the indentured servant to pull the all-nighter at the office and get the promotion. You get the point.

I just balk at any of these women (either UES bonus earners or the can't-afford-my-wife-masses) reveling in their status as informal economy workers. Then again, like most other types of cash-only, informal economy workers, they may just have a higher tolerance for high risk/high reward arrangements. And, as a lot of the ex-wives report, this arrangement certainly carries all-or-nothing risks to it.

It scares me that you actually believe this.

[Anonymous]

Wife bonuses are like the 1 percent's answer to the Duggars. So cheesy, so ignorant, so sexist and so backwards.

[Anonymous]

It is their money and what they choose to do with it (as long as it isn't harming someone with it obviously) is their business, imo. And I say that as someone who definitely is not living this lifestyle. Haha!

[Anonymous]

746 here again. Also, if there is discretionary money, I feel like it should be equally available to both partners. So that is how I see the wife bonus (which is a dumb phrase).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thinking about giving DH a husband bonus. I think he would prefer non cash compensation though...

Lol this is great!