Would it be too Mommy Dearest...?

[Anonymous]

OP, I think you should go the psychologist route (and it may not necessarily be long) because even if you find the perfect punishment to stop this particular behavior, another unwanted behavior will likely pop up to take it's place. As she gets older the damage she can do won't lessen.
I know you are pissed about your stuff, but you are being given an opportunity to fix an issue fairly early on. Please take it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand how she is breaking so much of your stuff. Aren't you supervising her? My DS is 5 and I generally know what part of the house he is in and what he's doing. That's not to say that he could never break anything of mine, but it could not happen with great regularity.

You must have missed the post where OP said that she shouldn't have to be supervising her daughter 24/7... first you need to explain to her that yes, she should, and if the child took something from Mum's office, the office door should have been locked in the first place.

Are you kidding me? My desk is in area that does not have a door and my child has never touched anything on it without permission. In addition, I do not follow my 5 year old around like a toddler. She is happy to play independently. I said this up thread but I do not think the OP's daughter's behavior is normal and the suggestions to seek expert opinions is a good one. However, telling the OP that it is her fault for not locking an office door or letting her dd watch cartoons on Saturday is completely ridiculous.

+1

While I agree with most of the PPs that breaking something of hers in return isn't an appropriate reaction, the idea that a 6-year-old must be watched at all times inside her own house is absurd. She's not a toddler! I seriously doubt that none of the PPs criticizing the OP are in the same room with their first graders at all times while at home.

[Anonymous]

Who buys art from Amazon?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why are these things in her reach to begin with?

She's not a toddler. Come on. She shouldn't have to put things out of reach. Are we serious, here?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are these things in her reach to begin with?

She's not a toddler. Come on. She shouldn't have to put things out of reach. Are we serious, here?

She is not a toddler but is behaving like one. The point is that you must set up an environment and a discipline system that works for the type of child you have- both abilities and limitations. Right now this mid cannot be trusted with fragile or "important" things. It does not matter whether she's. 3 or 7. Deal with the root but also set yourselves up for success...watch he like a hawk, remove access, or some combo. I think there is more going in here and OP's somewhat twisted retaliatory solution is prob the tip of the iceberg.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like biting the dog's ear when he snaps at you. Don't think it works.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are these things in her reach to begin with?

She's not a toddler. Come on. She shouldn't have to put things out of reach. Are we serious, here?

She is not a toddler but is behaving like one. The point is that you must set up an environment and a discipline system that works for the type of child you have- both abilities and limitations. Right now this mid cannot be trusted with fragile or "important" things. It does not matter whether she's. 3 or 7. Deal with the root but also set yourselves up for success...watch he like a hawk, remove access, or some combo. I think there is more going in here and OP's somewhat twisted retaliatory solution is prob the tip of the iceberg.

Exactly! OP needs to supervise her child and teach her proper behavior, rather than sigh, as she did up thread, and say, oh well, I guess she'll keep breaking things.

[Anonymous]

I swing around to the other side on this one. If one of my kids took something I valued such as an art print (I've bought them on Amazon, too), I'd be yelling pretty loud. The same goes for the 5-year-old who cut apart the necklace. Now, my yelling is not productive but I lose my temper so it happens.

I think that some kids have significant impulse control issues. They just can't help themselves and do not fully comprehend the consequences of their actions. Should they, at this age? I think it's a gray area.

Breaking her toys will just show her that it's okay to break other people's things. That is not the message you want to give to her.

Instead of telling her all the things she cannot do, tighten the boundaries by telling her everything she is allowed to do. She may enter the kitchen and the family room but not any other rooms. She may get herself cereal but not open the refrigerator. At that age, I kept craft supplies up high and only let my kids use them when supervised because I didn't trust them (too much experimentation with the scissors). If she breaks her boundaries (and your stuff) then just tighten them some more. Put up string or tape around the areas she's not allowed as a reminder to stay out. Reward her for a week of not breaking the rules.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. phew, not all of DCUMs readers are weird. Thank you for those of you out there who agree this is not normal behavior. This item wasn't "broken" per se. I ordered a print off of Amazon and it was in my office waiting to be hung. She took it out and damaged it. It is beyond repair. She has PLENTY of her own art supplies in her room -- paint and paper and markers, etc. It was not some shiny, awesome thing. It was a boring print. I am not sure when this happened. It was either before I got out of bed this morning (Saturdays she gets her own breakfast and watches cartoons) or when she had a playdate this afternoon. In fact maybe it was the other little girl but if so my kid was in on it or probably would have tattled.

It is not at all appropriate for a six year old to consistently break and damage items in the house. Your children must run your homes and that is very disturbing. I agree with one of the PPs though and do think though that this is about being defiant or disobediant and going directly against what she has been told for some reason. This is the crux of the issue. She is clearly testing me for some reason. Now I just need to decide do I go the expensive and slow psychologist route or the quick and cheap punishment route. Donating a toy of hers might get her to think twice next time unlike all the countless other things that I have done.

You're right OP, people shouldn't just let their kids run their household and break their stuff. The point you're missing is that our kids aren't breaking our stuff. Your kid is, and it's your responsibility to get to the bottom of why. Responding with similar action escalation isn't going to help you figure out why she's doing this. If this is a new thing it's time to have a talk, outside of you being pissed that she just broke something. She might only be 6, but she should have the words to explain what's going on leading up to all these incidents. Is she bored? Is she seeking attention? Does she break other people's stuff at school or just yours? If this is long standing behavior but only now "real" because she's bigger, then you need to think about how these precedents got set in her upbringing, or if you've just been ignoring it.

If this was a quick and easy fix, this wouldn't be a problem. Take some time, some patience, some conversation, and money if need be to figure this out.

[Anonymous]

OP, are you the single mom that posted about her anger management issues a few weeks ago? You had posted about DD nearly setting something on fire, for example?

[Anonymous]

^^ yep. same person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:ok, so maybe it's not a good plan. i guess i will continue to let her break things. sigh. thanks DCUMs (who all must have empty rooms since everything that is of value is locked away)

THAT'S the message you got from these responses? Continue to let her break things?

Oh, brother. You're hopeless, OP.

yep, that is the message i got. she's 6 and it happens is what most people said. i'm sorry but i can't lock everything up nor do i have unlimited funds to replace everything nor can i watch her 24/7- nor should i. you all seem strange to me. it must be the money that makes you not care. i, however, am sick and tired of replacing broken items. she went into my office and took something out and broke it. not acceptable. she's not two. must be the same parents in her private who replaced all those winter coats the kids lost and were in the lost and found all winter.

OP I wouldn't break her stuff but I feel your pain. To me the big problem is the touching of your stuff when you've said no. Too many parents let that kind of thing go and would rather blame the parent because they themselves don't parent. Your kid is six, not 2, and you should be able to have your stuff around (within reason). So don't break her stuff but take her stuff. Every time she takes your things when you've said not to you get to go into her room or toy space and pluck something for yourself. Of course you aren't going t keep it but it will make a point to her, I promise. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^^ yep. same person.

Are you OP? Or just someone speculating it's the same person?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:ok, so maybe it's not a good plan. i guess i will continue to let her break things. sigh. thanks DCUMs (who all must have empty rooms since everything that is of value is locked away)

THAT'S the message you got from these responses? Continue to let her break things?

Oh, brother. You're hopeless, OP.

yep, that is the message i got. she's 6 and it happens is what most people said. i'm sorry but i can't lock everything up nor do i have unlimited funds to replace everything nor can i watch her 24/7- nor should i. you all seem strange to me. it must be the money that makes you not care. i, however, am sick and tired of replacing broken items. she went into my office and took something out and broke it. not acceptable. she's not two. must be the same parents in her private who replaced all those winter coats the kids lost and were in the lost and found all winter.

OP I wouldn't break her stuff but I feel your pain. To me the big problem is the touching of your stuff when you've said no. Too many parents let that kind of thing go and would rather blame the parent because they themselves don't parent. Your kid is six, not 2, and you should be able to have your stuff around (within reason). So don't break her stuff but take her stuff. Every time she takes your things when you've said not to you get to go into her room or toy space and pluck something for yourself. Of course you aren't going t keep it but it will make a point to her, I promise. Good luck!

While this punishment looks good on paper, I don't think the child is mature enough to make the connection. Children that age are egocentric and don't have any empathy towards the feelings of others. Taking her toys may make her sad but she won't make the connection that taking her mother's things will make her mother sad. It's just something she has to be told over and over again until she's finally mature enough to figure it out. It might not be for another year or three. In the meantime, the girl needs to be given very specific boundaries on what she can do and where she can go. Certain rooms and areas should be off-limits. Valuable items should be locked up. She should definitely be punished for ruining the print that she took. Perhaps have her write a letter of apology. That actually worked when my 7-year-old misbehaved.

[Anonymous]

Well, I had it out when she came home and very innocently she said, "oh sorry, mommy, I tried to hang it up in my room." She didn't seem at all worried about being in trouble. I told her I understood her wanting to do that but because she's been told many times not to touch my things and she ruined this item she would have to do chores to pay for it (and no play dates or TV until its paid for). Meanwhile its been sitting by the front door all week and she hasn't asked about the chores once. I reminded her and she said she'd do them this weekend (when we normally do chores). I don't think she realizes these are chores above and beyond her regular ones. Wish me luck. This weekend is going to be brutal.