DW Does this Sh*t All the Time

[Anonymous]

The whole idea that one partner needed support from the other so that he could attend to his job does not change no matter PP nit picking the details. Only good excuse on wife's part is (1) no prior knowledge that husband needed help or (2) death or incapacitating injury. The least she could have done is offered to make some calls to find someone to take the daughter to school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:But the underlying issue is DW is NPD/BPD.

Diagnosed by whom, OP? You? And what kind of treatment does she get? If you really think her behavior is attributable to a disease, why wouldn't you be supportive instead of berating her? I'm not saying mental illness gives someone carte blanche to be a jerk, but I'm put off by your contemptuous tone and the assumption that your wife is "crazy" and thus nothing she says could ever be valid or make sense. It takes TWO people to make a marriage, and even if you're not leaving out important details about this morning (which I still think you may be), I can guarantee that what she did today is part of a larger long-standing dynamic that you have BOTH created. I don't know you so I can't say what you are doing to contribute to the situation, but I guarantee it is plenty.

The one who loses out in all of this is your daughter. As a PP pointed out, you are setting an example for how she will view marriage and relationships for the rest of her life. It may seem like she is on your "side" now, but she's going to grow up resenting both of you. I suggest you find ways to meet your wife where she is and respect her as a person, or else just leave. Nobody thinks they can afford it, but a good parent would move heaven and earth to find a way to keep their kid out of a damaging situation.

[Anonymous]

I'm a SAHM and this is bullshit OP. My husband has to work long hours sometimes because that's his job. I love when he's available to do a school pickup or something but I would never just arbitrarily demand he do one in the middle of a busy work week. Would literally never occur to me. Yes staying at home when the spouse works a lot can be hard and you can start to feel like you do it all but that's when I rein it in, give myself a pep talk, plan some me time on the weekend and then put on my big girl birches and be grateful my husband had a good and steady job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:But the underlying issue is DW is NPD/BPD.

Diagnosed by whom, OP? You? And what kind of treatment does she get? If you really think her behavior is attributable to a disease, why wouldn't you be supportive instead of berating her? I'm not saying mental illness gives someone carte blanche to be a jerk, but I'm put off by your contemptuous tone and the assumption that your wife is "crazy" and thus nothing she says could ever be valid or make sense. It takes TWO people to make a marriage, and even if you're not leaving out important details about this morning (which I still think you may be), I can guarantee that what she did today is part of a larger long-standing dynamic that you have BOTH created. I don't know you so I can't say what you are doing to contribute to the situation, but I guarantee it is plenty.

The one who loses out in all of this is your daughter. As a PP pointed out, you are setting an example for how she will view marriage and relationships for the rest of her life. It may seem like she is on your "side" now, but she's going to grow up resenting both of you. I suggest you find ways to meet your wife where she is and respect her as a person, or else just leave. Nobody thinks they can afford it, but a good parent would move heaven and earth to find a way to keep their kid out of a damaging situation.

I don't think that was OP. I think that was a NP trying to say "Bet the underlying issue is DW is NPD/BPD." Which honestly is what I was thinking too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a SAHM and this is bullshit OP. My husband has to work long hours sometimes because that's his job. I love when he's available to do a school pickup or something but I would never just arbitrarily demand he do one in the middle of a busy work week. Would literally never occur to me. Yes staying at home when the spouse works a lot can be hard and you can start to feel like you do it all but that's when I rein it in, give myself a pep talk, plan some me time on the weekend and then put on my big girl birches and be grateful my husband had a good and steady job.

DW's behavior is bullshit or OP is writing bullshit and it never happened?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This guy has posted many times. He does not listen to any of the advice. There have been issues of the DD and him forming a little team against his crazy wife. Does that situation suck? Heck yes, I bet it does.

I get that there are times when she simply has to take on that huge burden of driving your DD to school for a week straight. I don't think that's a big deal. But I do think you are in one heck of a dysfunctional relationship and your posts do come across as vitriolic. I can almost see the bitterness. She's pissed, you're pissed. Whatever you're doing to stay in this for your kid -- newsflash, it's not working. You are both doing damage to her. How in the world is she going to know what a healthy adult relationship looks likes? Trust me, this will impact her later in life.

Oh gross, this is THAT guy?? Never mind my helpful post.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a SAHM and this is bullshit OP. My husband has to work long hours sometimes because that's his job. I love when he's available to do a school pickup or something but I would never just arbitrarily demand he do one in the middle of a busy work week. Would literally never occur to me. Yes staying at home when the spouse works a lot can be hard and you can start to feel like you do it all but that's when I rein it in, give myself a pep talk, plan some me time on the weekend and then put on my big girl birches and be grateful my husband had a good and steady job.

DW's behavior is bullshit or OP is writing bullshit and it never happened?

Wife's behavior is bullshit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:But the underlying issue is DW is NPD/BPD.

Diagnosed by whom, OP? You? And what kind of treatment does she get? If you really think her behavior is attributable to a disease, why wouldn't you be supportive instead of berating her? I'm not saying mental illness gives someone carte blanche to be a jerk, but I'm put off by your contemptuous tone and the assumption that your wife is "crazy" and thus nothing she says could ever be valid or make sense. It takes TWO people to make a marriage, and even if you're not leaving out important details about this morning (which I still think you may be), I can guarantee that what she did today is part of a larger long-standing dynamic that you have BOTH created. I don't know you so I can't say what you are doing to contribute to the situation, but I guarantee it is plenty.

The one who loses out in all of this is your daughter. As a PP pointed out, you are setting an example for how she will view marriage and relationships for the rest of her life. It may seem like she is on your "side" now, but she's going to grow up resenting both of you. I suggest you find ways to meet your wife where she is and respect her as a person, or else just leave. Nobody thinks they can afford it, but a good parent would move heaven and earth to find a way to keep their kid out of a damaging situation.

I don't think that was OP. I think that was a NP trying to say "Bet the underlying issue is DW is NPD/BPD." Which honestly is what I was thinking too.

Wow, to be able to diagnose not one, but two separate complicated mental illnesses based on an angry husband's anonymous internet vents about his wife is pretty impressive. I can't imagine why anyone would see a professional when they can just send you an email, PP, and you can give a diagnosis. While you're at it, maybe you could take a look at this bump on my leg?

[Anonymous]

Thank you.

[Anonymous]

OP does not deserve our attention and time.

[Anonymous]

'Cause he's a man posting on DCUM!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:But the underlying issue is DW is NPD/BPD.

Diagnosed by whom, OP? You? And what kind of treatment does she get? If you really think her behavior is attributable to a disease, why wouldn't you be supportive instead of berating her? I'm not saying mental illness gives someone carte blanche to be a jerk, but I'm put off by your contemptuous tone and the assumption that your wife is "crazy" and thus nothing she says could ever be valid or make sense. It takes TWO people to make a marriage, and even if you're not leaving out important details about this morning (which I still think you may be), I can guarantee that what she did today is part of a larger long-standing dynamic that you have BOTH created. I don't know you so I can't say what you are doing to contribute to the situation, but I guarantee it is plenty.

The one who loses out in all of this is your daughter. As a PP pointed out, you are setting an example for how she will view marriage and relationships for the rest of her life. It may seem like she is on your "side" now, but she's going to grow up resenting both of you. I suggest you find ways to meet your wife where she is and respect her as a person, or else just leave. Nobody thinks they can afford it, but a good parent would move heaven and earth to find a way to keep their kid out of a damaging situation.

I don't think that was OP. I think that was a NP trying to say "Bet the underlying issue is DW is NPD/BPD." Which honestly is what I was thinking too.

Wow, to be able to diagnose not one, but two separate complicated mental illnesses based on an angry husband's anonymous internet vents about his wife is pretty impressive. I can't imagine why anyone would see a professional when they can just send you an email, PP, and you can give a diagnosis. While you're at it, maybe you could take a look at this bump on my leg?

Um, why so angry PP? I knew nothing about personality disorders until a few years ago, but learning about them has given me great insight into dealing the person in my life who I'm pretty sure has one. No one's making a diagnosis, but I, for one, think OP might want to look into it and see if the characteristics match his wife's behaviour. There are books and such that could be helpful if that is the case.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
"This is the most important thing I'll ever do, Jenny. I have to do it well."

"It's not more important than your marriage."

"It is more important than my marriage, right now. These few years while I'm doing this, yes, it's more important than my marriage."


I so identify with Leo McGarry in this.

You had me at Leo.

[Anonymous]

Wtf is wrong with all you posters! The OPs wife is a selfish cow! I work and if one week my husband couldn't help with pick ups and drop offs i would gladly take over. It's team work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wtf is wrong with all you posters! The OPs wife is a selfish cow! I work and if one week my husband couldn't help with pick ups and drop offs i would gladly take over. It's team work.

+1 I agree. Though I do recognize this poster.
OP, is your DW the one who had an affair and wants another baby?
Regardless, if your DW is so terrible then you should find a way to leave.
Life is too short to be this miserable.