Would you let your almost-13 year old, 7th grade DD go to a movie with a 7th grade boy?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Update:

The reason I asked about this is that I monitor my DD's gmail from time to time, and saw that she was in an email discussion with a boy (one whose family we know) about going to the movies. Everything was appropriate in the emails, BTW. (i.e. hey do you wanna go see a movie, idk, lol, etc.)

She hadn't asked me about it yet -- I was trying to figure out how I was going to handle it if/when she did.

The last couple of exchanges, DD has backed off the idea, saying she's not sure she wants to do it. So I think she is policing herself.

So whew! No need to deal with this quite yet. I think, if she did, that I would have had some discussions with her and looked for a middle ground that involved doing activities in a group, like ice skating, etc. I want to approach it with trust but also make sure that she has the skills needed to deal with it. There's lots of "pairing off" going on at her middle school but I don't think it's time for actual dates yet.

Thanks for the update, OP. I was one of the PPs who didn't see a problem with the kids going to a movie, BUT I like the way you think you'll handle it ("middle ground"). Then your daughter will see that you're reasonable and (hopefully) will continue to come to you about such things. Great to keep the lines of communication open!

[Anonymous]

Where do people get the idea that going to a movie or other event "as a group" in any way prevents making out? As a middle-schooler, my biggest make-out sessions were during "group" outings. The boy and I would sit a few rows away from our friends in the theater, or sneak off behind the skating rink building while everyone else was inside, etc. Are you counting on your child's friends to police him/her? In my group, friends were more likely to enable, encourage and provide cover for such activities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Where do people get the idea that going to a movie or other event "as a group" in any way prevents making out? As a middle-schooler, my biggest make-out sessions were during "group" outings. The boy and I would sit a few rows away from our friends in the theater, or sneak off behind the skating rink building while everyone else was inside, etc. Are you counting on your child's friends to police him/her? In my group, friends were more likely to enable, encourage and provide cover for such activities.

Yup, I think some of these moms are naive on how not so innocent middle schoolers can be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Where do people get the idea that going to a movie or other event "as a group" in any way prevents making out? As a middle-schooler, my biggest make-out sessions were during "group" outings. The boy and I would sit a few rows away from our friends in the theater, or sneak off behind the skating rink building while everyone else was inside, etc. Are you counting on your child's friends to police him/her? In my group, friends were more likely to enable, encourage and provide cover for such activities.

Yup, I think some of these moms are naive on how not so innocent middle schoolers can be.

I agree!!! Explaining to my 6th grader why there is an 8th grader in her school knocked up and due in a month. Her and her boyfriend parade around like they are "class couple" and my DD says people talk about how cool and romantic it is. Nice way to start off middle school for my kid. Instead of worrying about 1st kisses or an attempt to date, I am explaining why getting pregnant is not the cool thing to do.

[Anonymous]

Jesus Christ, do none of you remember middle school at all?

Back when I was in middle school I went on many dates, as did the vast majority of my class, it was more about popularity then anything else (ohhhh she's got a boyfriend cool!). And yes, we would 'kiss' (badly) at the end, but it never got any farther then that. It's not awful for a 13 year old to kiss or go to the movies, if they want to, and if they want to they will do as much with or without your permission. For what it is worth, none of my friends ever had sex on one of these middle school dates. There was a rumor that a certain classmate had oral sex with another student in 8th grade, but that probably was just the rumor mill at work.

They are 12 and 13, it is perfectly natural for them to start to be interested in the other sex, but I highly doubt they have any plans to have sex of any kind. They want to goof off, appear cool, etc. honestly most middle schoolers I know would be terrified of the idea of sex.

[Anonymous]

Wow, I went on movie dates at age 12 and 13. We would go to the movies, go eat some fast food, and go home, perhaps occasionally with an awkward peck kiss on the lips first. It was not a big deal.

People in my 8th grade class were having sex, but it was not the kids who went on little movie dates - it was kids whose parents were never home and they had the house to themselves to do whatever they wanted much of the time.

[Anonymous]

Definitely--7th graders should be able to go to a movie together; they do not need a group with them.

[Anonymous]

Middle schoolers do "movie blows"
Not all, but it is out there and the kids know about them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Where do people get the idea that going to a movie or other event "as a group" in any way prevents making out? As a middle-schooler, my biggest make-out sessions were during "group" outings. The boy and I would sit a few rows away from our friends in the theater, or sneak off behind the skating rink building while everyone else was inside, etc. Are you counting on your child's friends to police him/her? In my group, friends were more likely to enable, encourage and provide cover for such activities.

Yup, I think some of these moms are naive on how not so innocent middle schoolers can be.

+1 Puh-lease.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:wow. what a bunch of over-reacting parents.

In our middle school, waaaay back in the '70s, we routinely met boys for roller-skating dates. Somehow, I did not end up a "ho" in high school or college or after that.

This. What's the vast hazard? It's a movie date. It's not like you're flying them out to a resort or something.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Where do people get the idea that going to a movie or other event "as a group" in any way prevents making out? As a middle-schooler, my biggest make-out sessions were during "group" outings. The boy and I would sit a few rows away from our friends in the theater, or sneak off behind the skating rink building while everyone else was inside, etc. Are you counting on your child's friends to police him/her? In my group, friends were more likely to enable, encourage and provide cover for such activities.

Yup, I think some of these moms are naive on how not so innocent middle schoolers can be.

I agree!!! Explaining to my 6th grader why there is an 8th grader in her school knocked up and due in a month. Her and her boyfriend parade around like they are "class couple" and my DD says people talk about how cool and romantic it is. Nice way to start off middle school for my kid. Instead of worrying about 1st kisses or an attempt to date, I am explaining why getting pregnant is not the cool thing to do.

Very astute. Movies in seventh grade definitely produce pregnancies. Who knew??? Sheesh ...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Where do people get the idea that going to a movie or other event "as a group" in any way prevents making out? As a middle-schooler, my biggest make-out sessions were during "group" outings. The boy and I would sit a few rows away from our friends in the theater, or sneak off behind the skating rink building while everyone else was inside, etc. Are you counting on your child's friends to police him/her? In my group, friends were more likely to enable, encourage and provide cover for such activities.

Yup, I think some of these moms are naive on how not so innocent middle schoolers can be.

I agree!!! Explaining to my 6th grader why there is an 8th grader in her school knocked up and due in a month. Her and her boyfriend parade around like they are "class couple" and my DD says people talk about how cool and romantic it is. Nice way to start off middle school for my kid. Instead of worrying about 1st kisses or an attempt to date, I am explaining why getting pregnant is not the cool thing to do.

Very astute. Movies in seventh grade definitely produce pregnancies. Who knew??? Sheesh ...

Some moms actually think middle schoolers are not having intercourse, oral sex, etc... and there are some that are. Many are going to 1st and 2nd base. There are many middle school pregnancies going on these days. Offering your okay on going on a 1 on 1 date in 7th grade is just adding your consent. Maybe not in your mind, but a child's mind "I can date, I am grown-up, I get to have a boyfriend." It is going to lead "somewhere" sooner rather than later.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do kids have crushes and raging hormones? Yes.

Will dating make it worse? Maybe. Why take that chance?



Do married people have crushes and raging libidos. Yes.

Will hanging out with people of opposite sex, who are also available and attractive, alone, in non-work related situations- lead to improper behavior. Maybe. Why take that chance?

Exactly!!! You are playing your just turned teen to be alone with a boy. Once the movies are done and it gets serious in a few months, then what? You already condoned it. No turning back now.

And I have the exact opposite reaction to this. I think you're setting yourself up for a lifetime of misery if you don't trust yourself or your spouse to hang out alone with people of the opposite sex.

I went on movie dates in 7th grade. I would say it did me no harm. My parents dropped us off and picked us up, because we had no other way of getting there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Some moms actually think middle schoolers are not having intercourse, oral sex, etc... and there are some that are. Many are going to 1st and 2nd base. There are many middle school pregnancies going on these days. Offering your okay on going on a 1 on 1 date in 7th grade is just adding your consent. Maybe not in your mind, but a child's mind "I can date, I am grown-up, I get to have a boyfriend." It is going to lead "somewhere" sooner rather than later.

First and second base? I don't think I've heard that since I was in middle school.

(And, speaking of "these days", the birth rate for teenagers aged 10-14 was at a record low of 0.4 births per 1,000 in 2010.)

But the idea that allowing a seventh grader to go to a movie with another seventh grader is basically the same as saying, "Go ahead and have the kind of sexual contact that can lead to pregnancy!"? I'm flabbergasted.

[Anonymous]

Nope! I have a strict 16 is for dating and would tell my DD that she may invite the boy along for a family movie night or I would chaperone my DD if she went with a group of friends that included the boy.