Would you let your almost-13 year old, 7th grade DD go to a movie with a 7th grade boy?

[Anonymous]

Emotionally-healthy teenagers will act like emotionally-healthy teenagers and they will act in age appropriate ways. They really don't need you to tell them what NOT to do. They aren't ready for more, they won't do more.

Now if your kid is screwed-up, all bets are off. If they are self-destructive, their behavior will likely be deviant in multiple areas and it wont be a new concern.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Emotionally-healthy teenagers will act like emotionally-healthy teenagers and they will act in age appropriate ways. They really don't need you to tell them what NOT to do. They aren't ready for more, they won't do more.

Now if your kid is screwed-up, all bets are off. If they are self-destructive, their behavior will likely be deviant in multiple areas and it wont be a new concern.

Hahaha! The reasons tweens and teens get themselves into all kinds of situations is because they think they are ready to do more, but they really aren't. They think they can handle anything, they think they are invincible, they think they are basically adults, they think they know more than their parents...
They don't. That is why they still need parental guidance and rules.

[Anonymous]

OP here. This is really interesting series of posts -- thanks everyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
A MS couple bought their items and there was a couple of high school girls in line behind them. When the HS girls got to the register, my sister could overhear their conversation. It was along the lines of "Middle school girls are such sluts. I am so happy I am beyond that age."

If my younger sister were telling me this story, we would not be talking about what middle school girls may or may not be doing. We would be talking about what the word "slut" means, and why we need to stop using that word.

I would say a middle school girl buying adult lingerie to share with and model for her 13 year old boyfriend would likely fall into that definition.

I would say that you could also do some self-educating about the word "slut". And, since we're talking about teenagers, you could start here:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/10/30/slut-shaming-teen-girls_n_4178812.html

[Anonymous]

I would say yes to a date that was outside in a crowded public place during the day.

I would say no to a movie unless it was a group or I was sitting between them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Emotionally-healthy teenagers will act like emotionally-healthy teenagers and they will act in age appropriate ways. They really don't need you to tell them what NOT to do. They aren't ready for more, they won't do more.

Now if your kid is screwed-up, all bets are off. If they are self-destructive, their behavior will likely be deviant in multiple areas and it wont be a new concern.

Hahaha! The reasons tweens and teens get themselves into all kinds of situations is because they think they are ready to do more, but they really aren't. They think they can handle anything, they think they are invincible, they think they are basically adults, they think they know more than their parents...
They don't. That is why they still need parental guidance and rules.

You know, even if they were going to do something dumb at the movies, that is a pretty low risk place/time to do it. The more you helicopter parent, the less capable your children will be.

You're crippling them, not protecting them.

[Anonymous]

My DD's middle school classmate got pregnant, and then posted on FB ..."Its a girl!"

My niece was in MCPS HS and pregnant girls would sit around sharing the sonogram pictures of their babies (fetus?)

Anyways, nature wants individuals to procreate. So, this urge to have sex is strong. I am not being moralistic, but these hormones are crazy and a momentary lapse of judgement can have grave consequences.

This is not a friendly outing to hang out. They want to date. And that means that they will do what couple who are dating want to do.

Anyways, your child, your rules, your risks. Give them condoms.

Make sure your kids have HPV vaccine. Even boys. Oral sex can give them throat cancer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DD's middle school classmate got pregnant, and then posted on FB ..."Its a girl!"

My niece was in MCPS HS and pregnant girls would sit around sharing the sonogram pictures of their babies (fetus?)

Anyways, nature wants individuals to procreate. So, this urge to have sex is strong. I am not being moralistic, but these hormones are crazy and a momentary lapse of judgement can have grave consequences.

This is not a friendly outing to hang out. They want to date. And that means that they will do what couple who are dating want to do.

Anyways, your child, your rules, your risks. Give them condoms.

Make sure your kids have HPV vaccine. Even boys. Oral sex can give them throat cancer.

Yes, OP, be sure to give your seventh-grade daughter condoms to take on her date to the movies with a seventh-grade boy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DD's middle school classmate got pregnant, and then posted on FB ..."Its a girl!"

My niece was in MCPS HS and pregnant girls would sit around sharing the sonogram pictures of their babies (fetus?)

Anyways, nature wants individuals to procreate. So, this urge to have sex is strong. I am not being moralistic, but these hormones are crazy and a momentary lapse of judgement can have grave consequences.

This is not a friendly outing to hang out. They want to date. And that means that they will do what couple who are dating want to do.

Anyways, your child, your rules, your risks. Give them condoms.

Make sure your kids have HPV vaccine. Even boys. Oral sex can give them throat cancer.

Yes, OP, be sure to give your seventh-grade daughter condoms to take on her date to the movies with a seventh-grade boy.

I am sure that the MS girl who got pregnant would have appreciated them. She was in 7th grade. And the boy was someone the family knew. Shit happens. Let it not be a baby!

And if you can't give her condoms, then maybe they do not need to go on a date?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I am sure that the MS girl who got pregnant would have appreciated them. She was in 7th grade. And the boy was someone the family knew. Shit happens. Let it not be a baby!

And if you can't give her condoms, then maybe they do not need to go on a date?

I don't know about you, but I have gone on dates with people with whom I did not intend to have condom-needing sexual contact, and furthermore actually did not have condom-needing (or any) sexual contact. Including (but not limited to) when I was 13.

And I'm pretty sure that the middle-school girl who got pregnant did not get the sperm exposure while watching a movie at the movie theater, but I guess it's possible that she did.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Emotionally-healthy teenagers will act like emotionally-healthy teenagers and they will act in age appropriate ways. They really don't need you to tell them what NOT to do. They aren't ready for more, they won't do more.

Now if your kid is screwed-up, all bets are off. If they are self-destructive, their behavior will likely be deviant in multiple areas and it wont be a new concern.

Hahaha! The reasons tweens and teens get themselves into all kinds of situations is because they think they are ready to do more, but they really aren't. They think they can handle anything, they think they are invincible, they think they are basically adults, they think they know more than their parents...
They don't. That is why they still need parental guidance and rules.

You know, even if they were going to do something dumb at the movies, that is a pretty low risk place/time to do it. The more you helicopter parent, the less capable your children will be.

You're crippling them, not protecting them.

I disagree. Not letting a 12 yr old date is not crippling her, nor is it helicopter parenting. There are many ways to have independence but in age appropriate ways. If your parenting style is that your 12 year old has no rules, then good for you. You also sound naive to think that nothing sexual has ever happened in a movie theater.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:no!
yikes!
hm. you can go as a family group, and they can sit somewhere else ahead of you.
or you and your spouse go and it's a double-date. again, they can sit somewhere else.

+1000

[Anonymous]

I honestly think you need to ask her WHY she wants to go to the movie with this boy. How long have they had feelings for each other? Do they talk on the phone a lot? Why does she thinking dating is important right now? Do she feel pressure from other friends, him or guy friends? Do you know him? Do you know his family? I would just have a lot of talks like that before sending off my daughter with a guy at the age of 13.

I can see both sides of this. Too strict and they rebel, too laxed and they feel the skies the limit. Both sides could end bad. There has to be communication and understanding.

But dropping off your 7th grader on a date with a boy and they start kissing, he tries to feel her up and then off he goes back to his friends to say he got to first base and then the telephone game starts and your daughter is declared a slut by no fault of her own and YOU drove them on the date. Then she hates you. It seems crazy but kids this age are hormonal, unsure of themselves and you never know what you are going to get. It could backfire big time.

So I would talk to her and really get the reasons for why going on a movie date with the boy is necessary. Maybe you will see her side, maybe you will hear it is pressure, maybe you will see her being naive, etc...

That all said, the chances of me going thru and letting my 7th grade on a date is about 1%. I would never say never and just put my foot down but man, that is really young for dating.

Good luck OP

[Anonymous]

No. Have to wait 'til 16.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Update:

The reason I asked about this is that I monitor my DD's gmail from time to time, and saw that she was in an email discussion with a boy (one whose family we know) about going to the movies. Everything was appropriate in the emails, BTW. (i.e. hey do you wanna go see a movie, idk, lol, etc.)

She hadn't asked me about it yet -- I was trying to figure out how I was going to handle it if/when she did.

The last couple of exchanges, DD has backed off the idea, saying she's not sure she wants to do it. So I think she is policing herself.

So whew! No need to deal with this quite yet. I think, if she did, that I would have had some discussions with her and looked for a middle ground that involved doing activities in a group, like ice skating, etc. I want to approach it with trust but also make sure that she has the skills needed to deal with it. There's lots of "pairing off" going on at her middle school but I don't think it's time for actual dates yet.