Fiancé rude to my mother

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The title of this thread should read "marrying a complete douch-bag because I'm too old for anything better - at least he's not beating me". It's clear OP recognizes this guy's faults and has every intention of marrying him anyway - she just wants to vent. Which is why she seems troll-like, because nothing we could say or advise would change her course.
Good luck, OP.

PP again. Just wanted to add that you CAN do better - I do not agree with your perception that you must settle because you're 40.

Do you know OP? You don't know if she can do better. If she could have, she probably would have.

That's so mean! But OP was probably a troll, so I guess she sort of deserves it.

I disagree that she can't do better on principle. Being alone is better than being with a douchebag. There are unmarried people out there who live satisfying, happy lives without ever getting married OR having children. My aunt never got married and never showed any interest in romance. She is one of the happiest, most accomplished people I know. She has a fantastic career, financial stability, friends, family, a beautiful home, everything she wanted for her life. She even helped raise me and says she feels like she got all of the benefits of motherhood by watching me grow up.

You don't have to be like everyone else to be happy. /Off-topic rant over.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The title of this thread should read "marrying a complete douch-bag because I'm too old for anything better - at least he's not beating me". It's clear OP recognizes this guy's faults and has every intention of marrying him anyway - she just wants to vent. Which is why she seems troll-like, because nothing we could say or advise would change her course.
Good luck, OP.

PP again. Just wanted to add that you CAN do better - I do not agree with your perception that you must settle because you're 40.

Do you know OP? You don't know if she can do better. If she could have, she probably would have.

Anyone can do better, because anyone can choose nothing over an unkind ass. OP can (and should) do better by choosing to leave him and be alone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The title of this thread should read "marrying a complete douch-bag because I'm too old for anything better - at least he's not beating me". It's clear OP recognizes this guy's faults and has every intention of marrying him anyway - she just wants to vent. Which is why she seems troll-like, because nothing we could say or advise would change her course.
Good luck, OP.

PP again. Just wanted to add that you CAN do better - I do not agree with your perception that you must settle because you're 40.

Do you know OP? You don't know if she can do better. If she could have, she probably would have.

That's so mean! But OP was probably a troll, so I guess she sort of deserves it.

I disagree that she can't do better on principle. Being alone is better than being with a douchebag. There are unmarried people out there who live satisfying, happy lives without ever getting married OR having children. My aunt never got married and never showed any interest in romance. She is one of the happiest, most accomplished people I know. She has a fantastic career, financial stability, friends, family, a beautiful home, everything she wanted for her life. She even helped raise me and says she feels like she got all of the benefits of motherhood by watching me grow up.

You don't have to be like everyone else to be happy. /Off-topic rant over.

but OP is already like everyone else in that sense that she wants a husband, kids and a million dollar house in the suburbs. she said so herself and in fact ask rhetorically "what woman doesn't want this...". so she is not like your aunt or "unmarried people out there living happy, satisfying lives...". of couse it is possible to be happy and single and all that, but from the facts presented here, it doesn't seem that OP is the type - all. therefore, the view that "being alone is better than being a douchebag" is highly questionable in her case.

[Anonymous]

OP, also be warned that the anger and sadness you feel because of his rudeness will just get worse over time, even if the bad behavior, itself, doesn't escalate-- although it almost surely will. Imagine when he's like that to your friends, your neighbors, the parents of your children's classmates. . . It will embarrass you.

[Anonymous]

I am a MIL. My Son in law treats me with no respect.....to top it off, my daughter has also started to treat us with no respect....ever since she met him.
My daughter and I were once very close. She has morphed into a totally different person since she met her, now, husband. To say it has broken my heart is an understatement..
To top it off, I would never have treated my paranoid schitzophrenic mother with the disrespect I am treated with.
I will still be there when my daughter has her first child.....I know, I'm an a$$hole.
Thanks for listening....send me a bill!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Give back the ring and move on.

Yes, move on to glorious late 30s dating life. Tick-tock.

Seriously. Ugh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The title of this thread should read "marrying a complete douch-bag because I'm too old for anything better - at least he's not beating me". It's clear OP recognizes this guy's faults and has every intention of marrying him anyway - she just wants to vent. Which is why she seems troll-like, because nothing we could say or advise would change her course.
Good luck, OP.

PP again. Just wanted to add that you CAN do better - I do not agree with your perception that you must settle because you're 40.

Do you know OP? You don't know if she can do better. If she could have, she probably would have.

That's so mean! But OP was probably a troll, so I guess she sort of deserves it.

I disagree that she can't do better on principle. Being alone is better than being with a douchebag. There are unmarried people out there who live satisfying, happy lives without ever getting married OR having children. My aunt never got married and never showed any interest in romance. She is one of the happiest, most accomplished people I know. She has a fantastic career, financial stability, friends, family, a beautiful home, everything she wanted for her life. She even helped raise me and says she feels like she got all of the benefits of motherhood by watching me grow up.

You don't have to be like everyone else to be happy. /Off-topic rant over.

Op here and that woman was not being mean but right. Probably if I could have I would have. And I am not really interested in being alone having been alone for years on end. And end and end. I like being n a couple. But yea to everything many of you have said. He just needs to STOP acting like this towards my mom, who makes him desserts and food and tries to do everything nice for him and he never even acknowledges it. I want to yell at him. Then he asks me if anything is wrong when I don't talk. I guess I need advice on how to handle thousand tell him his behavior is Not acceptable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The title of this thread should read "marrying a complete douch-bag because I'm too old for anything better - at least he's not beating me". It's clear OP recognizes this guy's faults and has every intention of marrying him anyway - she just wants to vent. Which is why she seems troll-like, because nothing we could say or advise would change her course.
Good luck, OP.

PP again. Just wanted to add that you CAN do better - I do not agree with your perception that you must settle because you're 40.

Do you know OP? You don't know if she can do better. If she could have, she probably would have.

That's so mean! But OP was probably a troll, so I guess she sort of deserves it.

I disagree that she can't do better on principle. Being alone is better than being with a douchebag. There are unmarried people out there who live satisfying, happy lives without ever getting married OR having children. My aunt never got married and never showed any interest in romance. She is one of the happiest, most accomplished people I know. She has a fantastic career, financial stability, friends, family, a beautiful home, everything she wanted for her life. She even helped raise me and says she feels like she got all of the benefits of motherhood by watching me grow up.

You don't have to be like everyone else to be happy. /Off-topic rant over.

but OP is already like everyone else in that sense that she wants a husband, kids and a million dollar house in the suburbs. she said so herself and in fact ask rhetorically "what woman doesn't want this...". so she is not like your aunt or "unmarried people out there living happy, satisfying lives...". of couse it is possible to be happy and single and all that, but from the facts presented here, it doesn't seem that OP is the type - all. therefore, the view that "being alone is better than being a douchebag" is highly questionable in her case.

Yes that is correct I have been alone for years and really prefer beng a couple. And yes I want kids in a stable environment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The title of this thread should read "marrying a complete douch-bag because I'm too old for anything better - at least he's not beating me". It's clear OP recognizes this guy's faults and has every intention of marrying him anyway - she just wants to vent. Which is why she seems troll-like, because nothing we could say or advise would change her course.
Good luck, OP.

PP again. Just wanted to add that you CAN do better - I do not agree with your perception that you must settle because you're 40.

Do you know OP? You don't know if she can do better. If she could have, she probably would have.

That's so mean! But OP was probably a troll, so I guess she sort of deserves it.

I disagree that she can't do better on principle. Being alone is better than being with a douchebag. There are unmarried people out there who live satisfying, happy lives without ever getting married OR having children. My aunt never got married and never showed any interest in romance. She is one of the happiest, most accomplished people I know. She has a fantastic career, financial stability, friends, family, a beautiful home, everything she wanted for her life. She even helped raise me and says she feels like she got all of the benefits of motherhood by watching me grow up.

You don't have to be like everyone else to be happy. /Off-topic rant over.

Op here and that woman was not being mean but right. Probably if I could have I would have. And I am not really interested in being alone having been alone for years on end. And end and end. I like being n a couple. But yea to everything many of you have said. He just needs to STOP acting like this towards my mom, who makes him desserts and food and tries to do everything nice for him and he never even acknowledges it. I want to yell at him. Then he asks me if anything is wrong when I don't talk. I guess I need advice on how to handle thousand tell him his behavior is Not acceptable.

This sounds a little more doormatey than I actually am. He tries to act nice to me after he is rude to my mom. That does not make up for it.

[Anonymous]

OP he thinks you and your mom are not worth him. He is spending time with you because you really make the effort and because he is too lazy to find someone else and because no one else wants such a d-bag as him.

[Anonymous]

So have you ever asked him his side of the story?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The title of this thread should read "marrying a complete douch-bag because I'm too old for anything better - at least he's not beating me". It's clear OP recognizes this guy's faults and has every intention of marrying him anyway - she just wants to vent. Which is why she seems troll-like, because nothing we could say or advise would change her course.
Good luck, OP.

PP again. Just wanted to add that you CAN do better - I do not agree with your perception that you must settle because you're 40.

Do you know OP? You don't know if she can do better. If she could have, she probably would have.

That's so mean! But OP was probably a troll, so I guess she sort of deserves it.

I disagree that she can't do better on principle. Being alone is better than being with a douchebag. There are unmarried people out there who live satisfying, happy lives without ever getting married OR having children. My aunt never got married and never showed any interest in romance. She is one of the happiest, most accomplished people I know. She has a fantastic career, financial stability, friends, family, a beautiful home, everything she wanted for her life. She even helped raise me and says she feels like she got all of the benefits of motherhood by watching me grow up.

You don't have to be like everyone else to be happy. /Off-topic rant over.

but OP is already like everyone else in that sense that she wants a husband, kids and a million dollar house in the suburbs. she said so herself and in fact ask rhetorically "what woman doesn't want this...". so she is not like your aunt or "unmarried people out there living happy, satisfying lives...". of couse it is possible to be happy and single and all that, but from the facts presented here, it doesn't seem that OP is the type - all. therefore, the view that "being alone is better than being a douchebag" is highly questionable in her case.

Yes that is correct I have been alone for years and really prefer beng a couple. And yes I want kids in a stable environment.

Having an asshole as a father is not a "stable environment". Your (hypothetical) kids are going to learn how to treat others based on your and his behavior. Do you really want to raise children with someone who will teach them to be assholes?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The title of this thread should read "marrying a complete douch-bag because I'm too old for anything better - at least he's not beating me". It's clear OP recognizes this guy's faults and has every intention of marrying him anyway - she just wants to vent. Which is why she seems troll-like, because nothing we could say or advise would change her course.
Good luck, OP.

PP again. Just wanted to add that you CAN do better - I do not agree with your perception that you must settle because you're 40.

Do you know OP? You don't know if she can do better. If she could have, she probably would have.

That's so mean! But OP was probably a troll, so I guess she sort of deserves it.

I disagree that she can't do better on principle. Being alone is better than being with a douchebag. There are unmarried people out there who live satisfying, happy lives without ever getting married OR having children. My aunt never got married and never showed any interest in romance. She is one of the happiest, most accomplished people I know. She has a fantastic career, financial stability, friends, family, a beautiful home, everything she wanted for her life. She even helped raise me and says she feels like she got all of the benefits of motherhood by watching me grow up.

You don't have to be like everyone else to be happy. /Off-topic rant over.

but OP is already like everyone else in that sense that she wants a husband, kids and a million dollar house in the suburbs. she said so herself and in fact ask rhetorically "what woman doesn't want this...". so she is not like your aunt or "unmarried people out there living happy, satisfying lives...". of couse it is possible to be happy and single and all that, but from the facts presented here, it doesn't seem that OP is the type - all. therefore, the view that "being alone is better than being a douchebag" is highly questionable in her case.

Yes that is correct I have been alone for years and really prefer beng a couple. And yes I want kids in a stable environment.

Having an asshole as a father is not a "stable environment". Your (hypothetical) kids are going to learn how to treat others based on your and his behavior. Do you really want to raise children with someone who will teach them to be assholes?

Oh please, enough with this bullshit. OP believes her bf is a family man (won't cheat, will care about kids) and of she is coreect about it, that's more than many have. If he were so bad, she wouldn't have stayed with him for so long.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are you with him if he can't show basic respect to another person?

It's not like he's rude rude exactly. He responds to questions. He just basically makes no effort whatsoever. Never initiates anything, never tries to help her, he will keep things that could help her put away rather then offer them. I always make a big effort for all of his friends. It's like he's acting like if he just keeps ignoring her she will go away. But we are extremely close (my mother and I) and it hurts my feelings when he acts like that. She's been nice to him time and again and he always acts the same way,

Do not stay with him.
I was married to someone exactly like that...he tolerated my family and as soon as we got married he told me to cut all ties. I couldn't see any of my family or even talk on the phone with them (he would check the phone records to make sure we weren't speaking)

He will not change. Ever.

[Anonymous]

I am a single mom by choice. I have a pretty good life, and I think that's because I generally spend time with decent people. My home isn't full of conflict (okay, except when the three years old freaks out because I put his Thomas the Tank Engine cup on the dinner table instead of letting him do it.) I do envy a few friends their husbands, but I look at many married women I know and feel as if I dodged a bullet, since so many are putting up with poor behavior and unequal treatment.