Does having kids really suck as bad as people say?

[Anonymous]

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I just had a kid. She's 4 months old and the most amazing thing that's ever happened to me. That said it suck. Sucks big time. Being pregnant is horrible. Labor is beyond the worst thing ever. Lack of sleep, no freedom, no time. Taking a shower is an achievement. Going to the bathroom is a luxury. I didn't originally want kids and I should have stuck with that. But that said its an amazing often wonderful experience. [/quote]
I could have written this post, except that my DS is 6 months. He is amazing, and I love him- but I now know why I said I did not want kids. I can and will be an awesome mom for this little guy, but I can imagine my life without being a Mom. For me, it is not all encompassing.[/quote]

Your kids are way too young for you to have any perspective on this question. When my son was this age, I was miserable. At some point, they become little people and that's when any real payoff starts. You also get a lot of freedom back.[/quote]
Yikes, I can still have a perspective, just maybe not yours. And I am sure that my heart will grow with each stage, but the question was posed to parents, and even though my guy is little, I still get to answer. Also, I think its dangerous for parents to tell parents that 'it will get better', because maybe it won't. I love DS, I truly do. But I can already tell that I am different than a lot of Moms of little ones.
[/quote]

You are MUCH more like other new moms than you know. I think the majority spend a good bit of time in a panic about ruining their lives. I know that I did! Now I love my life. It really does get better. And if you continue feeling this way you should try some therapy to make sure it is not depression or anxiety.

[Anonymous]

To be honest, I really did not like having an infant or toddler. I loved DS, but honestly did not enjoy spending time with him. Now that he is a preschooler, we have so much fun together and I love being around him 90 percent of the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is an empirical question. Rather than ask on a website like this, you should look at the research. Unfortunately, that is pretty clear cut that people who have kids are happier than those that don't.

Sorry, meant to say those that don't have kids are happier than those that do!

Right, the problem with all of that research is that no one really agrees on what the definition of "happy" is. So whatever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is an empirical question. Rather than ask on a website like this, you should look at the research. Unfortunately, that is pretty clear cut that people who have kids are happier than those that don't.

Sorry, meant to say those that don't have kids are happier than those that do!

Right, the problem with all of that research is that no one really agrees on what the definition of "happy" is. So whatever.

I would add that research also shows that poor people in third world countries tend to self-report as happier than wealthy people in developed countries.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is an empirical question. Rather than ask on a website like this, you should look at the research. Unfortunately, that is pretty clear cut that people who have kids are happier than those that don't.

Sorry, meant to say those that don't have kids are happier than those that do!

Right, the problem with all of that research is that no one really agrees on what the definition of "happy" is. So whatever.

Exactly. I have no doubt that if you sampled my emotional state at any given moment, I probably have way more moments of anxiety, stress, and exhaustion than nonparents, and fewer moments of relaxation and pleasure. But I am also sure (based on comparing myself before and after) that I have many more moments of pure love, hysterical laughter, satisfaction, and a feeling of groundedness and purpose. I also don't experience the downs that I did pre-kids, when I often felt the days & nights stretch before me with loneliness and confusion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When I clicked on this thread, I was expecting to see post after post about how fabulous kids were and I was really surprised to see all of the people commenting how hard kids were and that it isn't worth it, etc. I am not suggesting that children are for everyone, and that everyone should have kids. But what I can tell you is that not only do I love but children, but I truly enjoy pretty much every moment I spend with them. My DH and I work full-time, so the logistics can be tough (and expensive), but there is no greater joy to me than seeing my kids at the end of the day. No matter how terrible my day at work might have been, and trust me, there have been many bad days, seeing my kids puts a smile on my face. I love watching them grow, I love their relationship with one another, and I love being a parent. I have never found parenting hard. Sure there are times when I'm really, truly tired, ok exhausted beyond belief, and days when I feel like my kids are sucking all our life savings (don't get me started on how much ballet costs), but I cannot imagine our lives without them. We still travel, we still go out to dinner, but just not as much. In fact, I want to be home on Friday nights with my kids and I don't miss going out that much. Yes, there are some trips that we haven't been able to take (yet), and I'd love to trade our SUV for a convertible, but I have never ever looked back. For me, being a parent is joyous, and it isn't that hard. So, no, having kids does not suck.

Look at the ages (for those who are posting them). Those who are saying how wonderful it is have older kids or at least one older kids. Those who are saying it sucks have a 6 month old and younger.

If you asked me when my child was 6 months old, I would have said it sucks and was terrible. Now that she's 3, I think it's totally amazing and even the sucky hard times are amazing. My kid is hysterical.

I have an infant, and would describe parenthood as wonderful. Your opinions regarding the experiences of parents with young babies have been duly noted, PP.

Sigh. Just saying those who view it as hard have light at the end of the tunnel. But yes, you are wonderful and perfect and my post was directly an attack on you and yours.

Overreact much? I'm just saying you don't need to respond to *every single comment* on this thread to say that parents of infants are the ones describing it as terrible, and just wait until they're older! We get it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just had a kid. She's 4 months old and the most amazing thing that's ever happened to me. That said it suck. Sucks big time. Being pregnant is horrible. Labor is beyond the worst thing ever. Lack of sleep, no freedom, no time. Taking a shower is an achievement. Going to the bathroom is a luxury. I didn't originally want kids and I should have stuck with that. But that said its an amazing often wonderful experience.

I could have written this post, except that my DS is 6 months. He is amazing, and I love him- but I now know why I said I did not want kids. I can and will be an awesome mom for this little guy, but I can imagine my life without being a Mom. For me, it is not all encompassing.

Your kids are way too young for you to have any perspective on this question. When my son was this age, I was miserable. At some point, they become little people and that's when any real payoff starts. You also get a lot of freedom back.

I'm the one with the 4 month old. You know what you will NEVER get the freedom you had Pre-kids back. Yeah I will get back more freedom than I have now, but real freedom doesn't hit until they're 18. And I think I have perspective. I know being a parent will be hard and there will be times of great joy, utter despair and everything in between. It's great seeing your kid grow as a person and being a part of making her who she is, and I truly love my daughter. But I would have been happy not having any kids at all. The OP asked for others people's truths and that's what I'm giving her. Who are you to say oh you don't know what you're talking about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NO! I bought into the whining and the complaining. This is what people like to do. Few people talk about when something is wonderful or fantastic. It's easier to complain in general than to put into words how life-changingly spectacular having a kid is. Now I wish I had't listened to the complainers as I'm having trouble getting pregnant a second time. My kid rocks!

I think PP is right. I have friends with kids and friends without kids. I've been on the fence. My friends with kids don't go around and boast about how great their lives are, but they actually seem truly content and able to weather issues in life.

My friends without kids talk incessantly about how great their lives are -- travel and eating out and disposable income -- until something happens, like a big unavoidable expense or a health issue or a job issue, and then they seem way more lost. Then it becomes clear that their contentment is pretty surface level, so long as nothing unexpected happens and they have money and time to constantly do fun things, all is great. But life isn't like that. Neither is aging.

My friends with kids tend to have a larger perspective, and their happiness seems to be built on a more solid foundation.

Of course, these are generalizations. I have a few friends who wanted kids but couldn't have them. And they actually tend not to fall into the generalization above.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just had a kid. She's 4 months old and the most amazing thing that's ever happened to me. That said it suck. Sucks big time. Being pregnant is horrible. Labor is beyond the worst thing ever. Lack of sleep, no freedom, no time. Taking a shower is an achievement. Going to the bathroom is a luxury. I didn't originally want kids and I should have stuck with that. But that said its an amazing often wonderful experience.

I could have written this post, except that my DS is 6 months. He is amazing, and I love him- but I now know why I said I did not want kids. I can and will be an awesome mom for this little guy, but I can imagine my life without being a Mom. For me, it is not all encompassing.

Your kids are way too young for you to have any perspective on this question. When my son was this age, I was miserable. At some point, they become little people and that's when any real payoff starts. You also get a lot of freedom back.

I'm the one with the 4 month old. You know what you will NEVER get the freedom you had Pre-kids back. Yeah I will get back more freedom than I have now, but real freedom doesn't hit until they're 18. And I think I have perspective. I know being a parent will be hard and there will be times of great joy, utter despair and everything in between. It's great seeing your kid grow as a person and being a part of making her who she is, and I truly love my daughter. But I would have been happy not having any kids at all. The OP asked for others people's truths and that's what I'm giving her. Who are you to say oh you don't know what you're talking about.

Right. The issue I have with that statement is that it is easy to say that when you are still young. When you're in your 60s, 70s, 80s, then think about it. EVERY person I know in those age categories who does not have children has told me that they regret not having children. The only exception is if they have a niece or nephew with home they are really close, a niece of nephew who is committed to them in some way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just had a kid. She's 4 months old and the most amazing thing that's ever happened to me. That said it suck. Sucks big time. Being pregnant is horrible. Labor is beyond the worst thing ever. Lack of sleep, no freedom, no time. Taking a shower is an achievement. Going to the bathroom is a luxury. I didn't originally want kids and I should have stuck with that. But that said its an amazing often wonderful experience.

I could have written this post, except that my DS is 6 months. He is amazing, and I love him- but I now know why I said I did not want kids. I can and will be an awesome mom for this little guy, but I can imagine my life without being a Mom. For me, it is not all encompassing.

Your kids are way too young for you to have any perspective on this question. When my son was this age, I was miserable. At some point, they become little people and that's when any real payoff starts. You also get a lot of freedom back.

I'm the one with the 4 month old. You know what you will NEVER get the freedom you had Pre-kids back. Yeah I will get back more freedom than I have now, but real freedom doesn't hit until they're 18. And I think I have perspective. I know being a parent will be hard and there will be times of great joy, utter despair and everything in between. It's great seeing your kid grow as a person and being a part of making her who she is, and I truly love my daughter. But I would have been happy not having any kids at all. The OP asked for others people's truths and that's what I'm giving her. Who are you to say oh you don't know what you're talking about.

Oh lord. Time to get a sitter and get yourself a nap!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Would like to hear from parents of messed up druggies/prison inmates.

I worked for 3 years with prison inmates and one of the programs allowed mothers to keep their infants with them for the first few months while they breast fed.

I assure you, mothers in prison feel the exact same love, fear, exhaustion that you all do in regards to their newborns.

How is this germane to pp's comment?

[Anonymous]

I think a large part of it has to do with your marriage. How happy you are in your marriage and with your spouse often colors your experience as a parent. Outside stress is also a factor - if you are dealing with work, school, cleaning house, cooking, shopping for the house/kids, scheduling, budgeting, all of their appointments, etc, it is tough and you can get so caught up in it that you don't have enough time to truly enjoy your children. I think it also has to do with what you think you have to give up. In this area, you often make the choice between childcare and a vacation, bigger house, nicer car, manicures, etc. You also may have to choose between raising a child and having a life, a career and/or friends. It is all give and take, and you give a piece of yourself away. The question is whether or not you are fulfilled by this gift you get in return. Each person must weigh this for himself/herself and there should be no guilt for people who do not want to be parents. I love people who don't have kids - personally, they are the ones who are most thoughtful toward my kids, get them the best presents, come to every event and offer to babysit

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When I clicked on this thread, I was expecting to see post after post about how fabulous kids were and I was really surprised to see all of the people commenting how hard kids were and that it isn't worth it, etc. I am not suggesting that children are for everyone, and that everyone should have kids. But what I can tell you is that not only do I love but children, but I truly enjoy pretty much every moment I spend with them. My DH and I work full-time, so the logistics can be tough (and expensive), but there is no greater joy to me than seeing my kids at the end of the day. No matter how terrible my day at work might have been, and trust me, there have been many bad days, seeing my kids puts a smile on my face. I love watching them grow, I love their relationship with one another, and I love being a parent. I have never found parenting hard. Sure there are times when I'm really, truly tired, ok exhausted beyond belief, and days when I feel like my kids are sucking all our life savings (don't get me started on how much ballet costs), but I cannot imagine our lives without them. We still travel, we still go out to dinner, but just not as much. In fact, I want to be home on Friday nights with my kids and I don't miss going out that much. Yes, there are some trips that we haven't been able to take (yet), and I'd love to trade our SUV for a convertible, but I have never ever looked back. For me, being a parent is joyous, and it isn't that hard. So, no, having kids does not suck.

Look at the ages (for those who are posting them). Those who are saying how wonderful it is have older kids or at least one older kids. Those who are saying it sucks have a 6 month old and younger.

If you asked me when my child was 6 months old, I would have said it sucks and was terrible. Now that she's 3, I think it's totally amazing and even the sucky hard times are amazing. My kid is hysterical.

I have an infant, and would describe parenthood as wonderful. Your opinions regarding the experiences of parents with young babies have been duly noted, PP.

Sigh. Just saying those who view it as hard have light at the end of the tunnel. But yes, you are wonderful and perfect and my post was directly an attack on you and yours.

Overreact much? I'm just saying you don't need to respond to *every single comment* on this thread to say that parents of infants are the ones describing it as terrible, and just wait until they're older! We get it.

We? You are responding for all of DCUM now?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Would like to hear from parents of messed up druggies/prison inmates.

I worked for 3 years with prison inmates and one of the programs allowed mothers to keep their infants with them for the first few months while they breast fed.

I assure you, mothers in prison feel the exact same love, fear, exhaustion that you all do in regards to their newborns.

How is this germane to pp's comment?

How is it not?

[Anonymous]

It's fantastic. Hard in the way all of the best things are hard. It's a lot easier if you're fairly laid back. If you love to be in control it's going to suck.