Are we too wealthy for financial aid for 3 kids?

[Anonymous]

I can't believe how mean and judgemental people on this board are.

My recommendation is: public for elementary, private for middle or high. This will give you more time, and depending on the age of your kids, you might not be paying for 3 at the same time.

The other harsh reality is that you will be putting your finances through too much stress. You'll be living one paycheck to another just paying for private, just one calamity away from 'not making' it. And your ability to save for college will also be limited.

Sorry, these schools are for the ruling class.

[Anonymous]

PP is right. Your kids might be better off if you save for college. You should think about saving for retirement as well.

[Anonymous]

I had one more thought on this. I knew a SAH mom whose husband earned alot (over $250K?) but they were in the midst of major issues over the building of their house and so they were financially strapped (cash flow) so they asked for financial aid for their kids in pre-school. The school board that evaluated the application were a bit floored by the level of income and the request. So they negotiated that she work in the school as an aide in exchange for tuition assistance. So there is a thought to consider that might help.

[Anonymous]

I think people are being mean because of the cluelessness of the OP. We all have made sacrifices for our priorities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think people are being mean because of the cluelessness of the OP. We all have made sacrifices for our priorities.

Exactly. I also found the OP quite insulting. For one thing, she said that staying at home was better for kids. Now, that is not only up for debate, but it's not a very nice thing to say to the many parents who work in order to provide an education, or those who disagree but are just as committed to their children. And assuming that it was better for kids, that begs the question why this woman deserves a scholarship for her family more than other people who can't afford to pay for private without working outside of the home. Are these kids more special? Is the poster more special? Or is she just the only person in the world who is exempt from facing the consequences of her choices? Many people right now have to think hard before buying a full gallon of milk, and choose between that and filling the gas tank all of the way. Asking whether someone else can pay for you to have EVERYTHING you want shows an insensitivity I seldom see in anyone over the age of six. OP might want to ask herself whether she really wants to "educate" her kids to believe that they are entitled to everything, without sacrificing anything.

[Anonymous]

I may be overreaching here, but...

It sounds as though this inherited house has a lot of emotions attached to it, which is understandable, and why OP and her DH do not want to tap into the equity or sell it. I think there's a sense that tapping the equity in the house is somehow dishonoring the parents who left it to them.

But I think the house needs to be viewed as the asset it is, and not imbued with a lot of other baggage. And I'm sure the ones who left the house to the OP and spouse intended it to be a benefit for them and their children. And right now, the house is not providing the maximum benefit. If private education is a priority for OP's family, then that rises to the top of the list and the house gets bumped down.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think people are being mean because of the cluelessness of the OP. We all have made sacrifices for our priorities.

Exactly. I also found the OP quite insulting. For one thing, she said that staying at home was better for kids. Now, that is not only up for debate, but it's not a very nice thing to say to the many parents who work in order to provide an education, or those who disagree but are just as committed to their children. And assuming that it was better for kids, that begs the question why this woman deserves a scholarship for her family more than other people who can't afford to pay for private without working outside of the home. Are these kids more special? Is the poster more special? Or is she just the only person in the world who is exempt from facing the consequences of her choices? Many people right now have to think hard before buying a full gallon of milk, and choose between that and filling the gas tank all of the way. Asking whether someone else can pay for you to have EVERYTHING you want shows an insensitivity I seldom see in anyone over the age of six. OP might want to ask herself whether she really wants to "educate" her kids to believe that they are entitled to everything, without sacrificing anything.

I can see where OP is coming from but her logic is such that I would expect her to also support welfare for poor women who want to stay at home with their kids.

[Anonymous]

Ahem gentle readers why do they even have to tap equity in the house? The husband brings home $150k a year and they have zero mortgage payments, no rental payment, nada. Where is there money going? I don't think the OP has told us everything. Perhaps they have a vacation house too. Perhaps they just vacation well. Perhaps they have other debts actually. Who knows. But 150,000 dollars buys an awful lot when you have no housing payments. Most families pay between 25 and 33% of their income on housing. Some pay more but that is the "recommended" percentage. I pay more for example.

So without having any housing payments (yes they have utiltities and upkeep), why can't most of the tuition be financed by them? What would they be giving up exactly?

[Anonymous]

To pay three tuitions simultaneously probably takes at least $100K to $120K in pretax income per year, depending on whether you count aftercare, what your marginal tax rate is, etc. On top of that, even if you don't have a mortgage, if you own a house, you pay property tax. That doesn't leave much out of a $150K salary.

[Anonymous]

yes but property tax is not huge (maybe 10K in DC given the value of her home) and they should have savings from however long they have been not having any housing payments! that's what I am asking, where has all their money gone? Granted they may not be able to finance 3 tuitions on his current salary, but surely a huge chunk. And moreover maybe they would not have all 3 at the same time as the ages of kids have not been identified. Plus there are some schools which do cost less.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I may be overreaching here, but...

It sounds as though this inherited house has a lot of emotions attached to it, which is understandable, and why OP and her DH do not want to tap into the equity or sell it. I think there's a sense that tapping the equity in the house is somehow dishonoring the parents who left it to them.

But I think the house needs to be viewed as the asset it is, and not imbued with a lot of other baggage. And I'm sure the ones who left the house to the OP and spouse intended it to be a benefit for them and their children. And right now, the house is not providing the maximum benefit. If private education is a priority for OP's family, then that rises to the top of the list and the house gets bumped down.

If emotional baggage is the issue, then they would be better off with the home equity loan. That way they could stay in the house instead of having to sell it to move to a better public school district. I can't agree that a home equity loan should tap into emotional angst by somehow "sullying" the house -- after all I'm pretty sure the original owners had a mortgage on it at some point in time. PP is right, the legatees probably want the house to be used for it's best purposes, not to become a ball and chain. So you need to figure out what these best purposes are: private education versus preserving the equity for some other purpose such as your retirement or a bequest to your kids.

[Anonymous]

A home equity loan seems like the answer, if the issue is an emotional attachment to the house.

Could OP clarify what the problem is with a home equity loan:

(a) emotional concern that the house is being somehow defiled
(b) want to preserve equity for retirement
(c) want to preserve equity for bequest to kids

I guess I'm viewing myself as a therapist here (I'm not one though). Yes, I've been offended by some of OP's statements, but I'm moving on. She seems to need help sorting out her priorities, because the reality is that she will need to make some choices.

[Anonymous]

OP has already said, "It looks like it's public school or the suburbs for me." So why dig further?

[Anonymous]

Good point. I'm not my DCUM-sister's keeper.

[Anonymous]

I agree no real reason to dig further but this post REALLY annoyed me. The OP reminds me of my SIL. SIL has never applied herself or worked hard. She was a C student who went to a mid to low competitive level state school and was a C student there. I know some very successful people who went to low level state schools and worked very hard to become very successful. You don't have to go to an IVY to succeed.) She had a string of retail and secretary type jobs before getting married. Again I have seen people go into retail and do very well becoming buyers or working hard to make a lot of sales but SIL is the one who just sits behind the counter and talks to co workers. Same is true with administrative assistants, some are amazing and move into $80K positions, others like my SIL just answer the phones and play solitaire on the computer.

SIL now always talks about how she sacrificed her career (what career?) to stay home with her kids. Now that the kids are in school she has the same complaint that she just couldn't go back to work because she wouldn't make enough. She doesn't care about private school but wants more money for vacations and house remodeling. In her view, it would be fun to go to work and she would like to make a lot of money but.....this takes actual work which she is not interested in doing. The kids then become her excuse for why she is doing nothing.

My point to the OP is that you are not going to be handed a very lucrative job at first. You may very well need to build back credentials and start small but almost every avenue if you work hard enough has a range of mobility.