Smoking Pot Question from Naive Parent

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:by the time some kids are juniors and certainly seniors, they are drinking. We do allow specific kids to drink in our house. We also allow them to drink at specific other houses. This gives us a lot more control. We talk to the other parents about who is involved and who has access to cars. Needless to say, there is all about facing reality and ensuring that there is no drinking and driving. The kids, so far, have bought in to this by policing each other. works for us, not everyone.

My kids aren't high school age yet, but I imagine this is how we'll be. I'd rather them drink responsibly (not get wasted) in my home than sneak booze at random parties and drive or ride home with a drunk driver. There were certain families that allowed this when I was in high school. Drinking was allowed (or at least ignored) and then we'd have a big slumber party so no one would drive. The kids whose parents were the strictest were always the kids who were the worst. I was roommates with one such girl in college Freshman year. She spent just about every night her first semester totally wasted and went from being a virgin to having a reputation as a major "slut." I believe her actions were a reaction to growing up in such a strict household.

[Anonymous]

Isn't that the insult that every parent hurls at the school they can't afford, did not get into, is out of their public school boundary/house price range? There's a BIG drug problem at THAT school! I have heard it about EVERY school, except the poor ones -- no drugs there! Poor kids don't take drugs!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:by the time some kids are juniors and certainly seniors, they are drinking. We do allow specific kids to drink in our house. We also allow them to drink at specific other houses. This gives us a lot more control. We talk to the other parents about who is involved and who has access to cars. Needless to say, there is all about facing reality and ensuring that there is no drinking and driving. The kids, so far, have bought in to this by policing each other. works for us, not everyone.

My kids aren't high school age yet, but I imagine this is how we'll be. I'd rather them drink responsibly (not get wasted) in my home than sneak booze at random parties and drive or ride home with a drunk driver. There were certain families that allowed this when I was in high school. Drinking was allowed (or at least ignored) and then we'd have a big slumber party so no one would drive. The kids whose parents were the strictest were always the kids who were the worst. I was roommates with one such girl in college Freshman year. She spent just about every night her first semester totally wasted and went from being a virgin to having a reputation as a major "slut." I believe her actions were a reaction to growing up in such a strict household.

12:02 here. I think there can be a more civilized "medium". While I am not opposed to serving an older teen a glass of wine with dinner, or a celebratory glass of champagne or maybe even a cold beer (singular), being that teen is YOUR CHILD in YOUR HOME. But this is very different than giving them an okay on a boozefest or thinking it is appropriate to know that other kids are drinking in your home, many of whom you know nothing of how their parents regard such a situation.

And when it comes to weed, I have no moral judgment on it, I think it is no worse than alcohol and while I would not campaign for it to become legalized, if it made it to the ballot I would most likely vote in favor of legalization. However, right now, in most states it is illegal and IMO that makes it not worth the risk. On second thought, I do have one moral judgment, unless you know a farmer who is growing it you are probably indirectly supporting the drug cartel, plus you have no idea what kind of chemicals are in what you have bought, consequently making your purchase totally unethical and pretty damn stupid. And for a parent to have a such a relaxed attitude on this is pretty irresponsible parenting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:by the time some kids are juniors and certainly seniors, they are drinking. We do allow specific kids to drink in our house. We also allow them to drink at specific other houses. This gives us a lot more control. We talk to the other parents about who is involved and who has access to cars. Needless to say, there is all about facing reality and ensuring that there is no drinking and driving. The kids, so far, have bought in to this by policing each other. works for us, not everyone.

http://parentonthescene.org/legal.html

Here are your legal penalties if you are caught doing this. Not to mention the civil liabilities you could face if anything happened to a kid who you allowed to drink at your house.

I hope you have a good insurance policy to cover you if you get sued.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DC went to both public and private high schools. Drugs, mostly weed, were at both. I was not really surprised. What *DID* surprise me was that at the private independent DC school, too many of the *PARENTS* had a "don't ask, don't tell" policy, meaning "if you don't come in totally wasted or you and your FRIENDS are not too loud and crazy in the basement, I will not ask if you were smoking weed or drinking and you are not to tell me".

This attitude blew my mind.

Agree with this. My DC attended a 16th bday party of private school kids where many of the kids were drinking, including the bday girl. The parents seemed to be aware of it. My DC had us pick her up early because she wasn't comfortable. I am not sure this is limited to the private schools but certainly seems to be very common in that group in our experience.

Have you ever tried to tell a parent that their kid is on drugs? Good luck with that! Way to make an enemy for life! They won't even believe it when they pick them up from the police station.

[Anonymous]

Drug use at private you get kicked out. In public, not so much. Parents and kids both know and fear this..

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:by the time some kids are juniors and certainly seniors, they are drinking. We do allow specific kids to drink in our house. We also allow them to drink at specific other houses. This gives us a lot more control. We talk to the other parents about who is involved and who has access to cars. Needless to say, there is all about facing reality and ensuring that there is no drinking and driving. The kids, so far, have bought in to this by policing each other. works for us, not everyone.

http://parentonthescene.org/legal.html

Here are your legal penalties if you are caught doing this. Not to mention the civil liabilities you could face if anything happened to a kid who you allowed to drink at your house.

I hope you have a good insurance policy to cover you if you get sued.

I think all of you misread this post. The parent only allowed other children to drink in her home with the permission of those children's parents. And they did so with tight controls on driving and irresponsible behavior. This is not the way I've approached it with my teen, but I can see the benefit here. I had some friends in college who grew up in foreign cultures where drinking was allowed and not a big deal and they were aghast at the binge drinking they saw, they never binged. And I've seen plenty of kids who discovered alcohol for the first time in college, under no watchful eyes, and went off the deep end.

I'm not saying this is the way to go wither. For me, it seems like too much involvement in my child's social life as well as constructing a social life around drinking. But I also understand that my DC has tried alcohol under safe conditions and has a fairly take it or leave it attitude about the whole thing. PP's approach may not be for you. But some of these posts about parents getting sued or getting talked about are just hysterical. There's no reason for other posters to be threatened by this approach.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Drug use at private you get kicked out. In public, not so much. Parents and kids both know and fear this..

Nope, I've known of kids getting caught with drugs at privates who were not kicked out. Privates don't have zero tolerance policies. There are repercussions, but they tend to be individualized.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:by the time some kids are juniors and certainly seniors, they are drinking. We do allow specific kids to drink in our house. We also allow them to drink at specific other houses. This gives us a lot more control. We talk to the other parents about who is involved and who has access to cars. Needless to say, there is all about facing reality and ensuring that there is no drinking and driving. The kids, so far, have bought in to this by policing each other. works for us, not everyone.

http://parentonthescene.org/legal.html

Here are your legal penalties if you are caught doing this. Not to mention the civil liabilities you could face if anything happened to a kid who you allowed to drink at your house.

I hope you have a good insurance policy to cover you if you get sued.

Agree. In high school I was at a "party" like this. Parents were home, provided the booze, everyone was going to sleep over afterwards. A kid was there who was still on painkillers due to having his wisdom teeth out. Of course he didn't disclose this to the homeowners and they weren't really monitoring us closely in any way beyond making sure no one drove. Alcohol + narcotics = very scary trip to the hospital for that kid and a lawsuit against the homeowners by the kid's parents. It also created a mess of a social situation between lots of adults who were friends at some point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Drug use at private you get kicked out. In public, not so much. Parents and kids both know and fear this..

Totally not true. For one thing most private schools, except the boarding schools, only have jurisdiction over what happens on school property. So yes, drug use in the school parking lot might get you kicked out, but not if you are off school grounds. there are a few schools that are generally stricter ( St Albans comes to mind), and many that are very liberal (GDS, Sidwell, Maret for example).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Drug use at private you get kicked out. In public, not so much. Parents and kids both know and fear this..

Totally not true. For one thing most private schools, except the boarding schools, only have jurisdiction over what happens on school property. So yes, drug use in the school parking lot might get you kicked out, but not if you are off school grounds. there are a few schools that are generally stricter ( St Albans comes to mind), and many that are very liberal (GDS, Sidwell, Maret for example).

Not true. First, they'd have to kick a lot of kids out at many independent private schools. Secondly, acknowledging it means, in the principal's mind, risking ratings, so often they look away unless a student is caught dealing on school grounds or getting high on school grounds (in the act).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Drug use at private you get kicked out. In public, not so much. Parents and kids both know and fear this..

Nope, I've known of kids getting caught with drugs at privates who were not kicked out. Privates don't have zero tolerance policies. There are repercussions, but they tend to be individualized.

Most public schools do kick kids out (usually by moving them to another school) for drug use. For that matter I'd say that most private and public schools do have "zero tolerance" policies. I'd also say that "zero tolerance" is just a "buzz phrase" that is not productive to any school community and definitely not helpful to children/students.

[Anonymous]

I love all the conspiracy theories about private schools.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:by the time some kids are juniors and certainly seniors, they are drinking. We do allow specific kids to drink in our house. We also allow them to drink at specific other houses. This gives us a lot more control. We talk to the other parents about who is involved and who has access to cars. Needless to say, there is all about facing reality and ensuring that there is no drinking and driving. The kids, so far, have bought in to this by policing each other. works for us, not everyone.

http://parentonthescene.org/legal.html

Here are your legal penalties if you are caught doing this. Not to mention the civil liabilities you could face if anything happened to a kid who you allowed to drink at your house.

I hope you have a good insurance policy to cover you if you get sued.

Agree. In high school I was at a "party" like this. Parents were home, provided the booze, everyone was going to sleep over afterwards. A kid was there who was still on painkillers due to having his wisdom teeth out. Of course he didn't disclose this to the homeowners and they weren't really monitoring us closely in any way beyond making sure no one drove. Alcohol + narcotics = very scary trip to the hospital for that kid and a lawsuit against the homeowners by the kid's parents. It also created a mess of a social situation between lots of adults who were friends at some point.

Again, PP had the permission of the other parents. Different situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Drug use at private you get kicked out. In public, not so much. Parents and kids both know and fear this..

The first two sentences are wrong - you have this backwards.