Smoking Pot Question from Naive Parent

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We've had our kids at both public and private schools. Drug use was by far more prevalent at the private schools.

Same experience here. Drug use at one private openly joked about and viewed as developmentally appropriate. At public, it happens, but severely frowned upon by the entire admin and faculty, and a student getting caught can count on disciplinary action and intense supervision.

[Anonymous]

This is very simple, you guys: where there is more money, there is better and easier accesses to drugs.

The end.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is very simple, you guys: where there is more money, there is better and easier accesses to drugs.

The end.

That makes no sense. I'd imagine its just like rest of society. If I want to buy drugs in DC, do I go hang out on Wisconsin Avenue in Georgetown? No.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is very simple, you guys: where there is more money, there is better and easier accesses to drugs.

The end.

It's not quite that simple. There are kids with no money who manage to do plenty of drugs and kids with tons of money who never try them. I attended both private and public. I'm sure it varies per particular school, but in my experience, access was much more plentiful at public school. There were never any drugs on our private school campus- kids were much too afraid of being caught.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is very simple, you guys: where there is more money, there is better and easier accesses to drugs.

The end.

That makes no sense. I'd imagine its just like rest of society. If I want to buy drugs in DC, do I go hang out on Wisconsin Avenue in Georgetown? No.

No you sure don't. But if you are a curious teen with lesser judgment, you're sure as hell gonna have an easier time getting them. And once you do, you might share with your like minded friends. And when some of you decide to do it again, it's wont be hard to come up with money, or find a way to get there, or get enough to share.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is very simple, you guys: where there is more money, there is better and easier accesses to drugs.

The end.

It's not quite that simple. There are kids with no money who manage to do plenty of drugs and kids with tons of money who never try them. I attended both private and public. I'm sure it varies per particular school, but in my experience, access was much more plentiful at public school. There were never any drugs on our private school campus- kids were much too afraid of being caught.

Curious what grades you were at which times - MS or HS for public or private?

[Anonymous]

In DC proper it may be safe to assume that those in public school don't have the money of those in the private schools, but cross the border and you'll find plenty of money in the public schools of lower Montgomery County. My impression is that drugs are more pervasive in the large classes of the public schools and at those private schools that trend artsy instead of athletic. I'm talking pot and other non-alcohol drugs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Notwithstanding the Bethesda mag article (read carefully and you will pick up major deficiencies in the methodology), it appears that in the private school community there is a fast social track with access and money, and a not so fast social track, and drug /alcohol use varies substantially between the groups. There are exceptions of course, but my sense is that in some schools (most?) there is great disparity in usage between the groups. Having attended pubic schools myself, I think the gap in some ways is at least as wide or wider in Local privates

Pretty much spot on, PP. This is exactly what I've seen with my kids at a DC independent school, as well as their friends at a wide range of independent and public schools in the area. I'd guess that at most schools about 10% of kids are on the fast track socially -- lots of partying and partaking of various substances. Most other kids will definitely try alcohol or pot at least once, but they're not getting wasted every weekend. The Bethesda mag article was a lot of hype.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In DC proper it may be safe to assume that those in public school don't have the money of those in the private schools, but cross the border and you'll find plenty of money in the public schools of lower Montgomery County. My impression is that drugs are more pervasive in the large classes of the public schools and at those private schools that trend artsy instead of athletic. I'm talking pot and other non-alcohol drugs.

Based on your personal experience with kids on public or private schools, or friends' experiences? Because not only are assumptions and speculation like this pretty unhelpful, they also stand in contradiction to what was said by several PPs above who DO have kids in both public and private. And your arty/athletic private school distinction appears to be lacking in substance, personal or general wisdom, too. Do you really have up-close knowledge of what goes on at schools like Landon, Bullis and Maret?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is very simple, you guys: where there is more money, there is better and easier accesses to drugs.

The end.

That makes no sense. I'd imagine its just like rest of society. If I want to buy drugs in DC, do I go hang out on Wisconsin Avenue in Georgetown? No.

The point is, the buyers have money. We're not talking about the sellers or where they make their drug sales.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One reason we sent our son to an independent school was that we wanted him to be in a more sheltered and controlled environment, hoping that issues like bullying and drug usage would be nipped in the bud. But as I've been reading through other threads on the independent school forum, it does appear that smoking pot (and maybe even dealing?) happen with some frequency even in the private school setting. Maybe no more than at the public schools, but certainly no less.

If you have a high schooler in one of the DC independent school, do you have a sense of whether this is a true problem, or just isolated incidents which are highly publicized or gossiped about simply because it occurs at a DC private school? In other words, do you know whether your kid or any in his/he social circle is actually smoking pot, whether experimenting or abusing?

I am sorry but seriously? So you think that paying $20k+ a year ensures that these things do not exist in your school? Did you go through life with blinders on? If anything, the kids are private school with access to more money from their parents will be able to but more drugs and alcohol than kids at public school. My public school friends were definitely not as involved with these things as the private school kids I knew is High school.

+1

[Anonymous]

OP, you can't head this off by sending your DC to private school. As everyone has pointed out, its everywhere. The vast majority of kids will experiment at some point with alcohol and pot. And for most of them it will just be a toe in. For a small group, they will really indulge.

You might read Lessons of a B Minus, by Wendy Mogel, a great book about raising teens. Her advice is to understand that experimentation happens and not to freak over it. But she also says you shouldn't send the message to your kids that its OK. Finally, she and several mental healthy experts I've spoke with say that it is actually better for kids to experiment in high school, under your roof, than for them to experiment in college where there are no limits and no one who will care. In high school, they have to keep it under control or get in trouble. They are much more likely to dabble than jump in. They are therefore more likely to learn their limits.

I don't like it but my DC experimented and decided he didn't like pot and didn't like the people who party all the time. He tried it, its not forbidden fruit anymore, and he decided "meh."

Face it, you probably experimented as well. Ultimately, you have no control over this situation. Pick a school where you think your DC will be happy, not one where you think he will avoid drugs and alcohol. Such schools don't exist.

[Anonymous]

OP, you can't head this off by sending your DC to private school. As everyone has pointed out, its everywhere. The vast majority of kids will experiment at some point with alcohol and pot. And for most of them it will just be a toe in. For a small group, they will really indulge.

You might read Lessons of a B Minus, by Wendy Mogel, a great book about raising teens. Her advice is to understand that experimentation happens and not to freak over it. But she also says you shouldn't send the message to your kids that its OK. Finally, she and several mental healthy experts I've spoke with say that it is actually better for kids to experiment in high school, under your roof, than for them to experiment in college where there are no limits and no one who will care. In high school, they have to keep it under control or get in trouble. They are much more likely to dabble than jump in. They are therefore more likely to learn their limits.

I don't like it but my DC experimented and decided he didn't like pot and didn't like the people who party all the time. He tried it, its not forbidden fruit anymore, and he decided "meh."

Face it, you probably experimented as well. Ultimately, you have no control over this situation. Pick a school where you think your DC will be happy, not one where you think he will avoid drugs and alcohol. Such schools don't exist.

[Anonymous]

OP, I am sorry you are getting attacked, but I don't think private school is the magic bullet for anything.

risk taking teenager + disposable income+ peer pressure/ low self esteem often leads to teenage drug use.

I think the antidote whetehr in public or prvate is does your teen have a purpose ? Are they driven towards any goal that drug use would screw up, like athletic accomplishment or strong academic interest that give sthme a strong sense themselves ?

Honestly, the only possible benfit of having a kid in Private is that , possibly ( but no guarantee) if you rkid gets busted, they will just lose their position at the prestigous private, and possibly their IVY League acceptance, but in public they will likely be arrested and pick up a criminal record.

Depending on what kind of kid you have, one or the othe rmight be a better deterent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I attended both a public and independent high school. I'm sure things have changed somewhat since then, but generally, drugs and alcohol were equally prevalent among the public/private school crowds. The main difference was that in public school, there was always a group (or groups) who didn't care if their drug use interfered with their education and had no fear of failure or suspension. They would skip school regularly, smoke pot in the parking lot, etc. There was none of the "slacker" mentality at private school and everyone maintained a fear of getting caught.

Also, no one sold drugs at our private school. The private school kids had to buy drugs from public school kids.

THIS is why I'm sending my DC to private. I went to a huge public school in the 1970s in a large city. We snorted coke off the bathroom sinks during the day and smoked pot in the bathrooms, behind the school, you name it. We washed it all down with beer. I laugh at the posters who say poorer kids can't buy drugs. A gram of coke cost 100.00 and 10 of us would pitch in our 10.00 lunch money for the week to buy a gram!! I almost flunked out of school because I got in with the druggie crowd. I barely graduated - and my parents were at their wits end trying to get me off drugs.

My private school friends, however, were all doing just as many drugs, BUT they all graduated with good grades and went to college. The general achievement culture of the school dictated that it was NOT okay to be a slacker and not go to college. In the large public, there were so many different crowds that it was all too easy to fall in with the one where it was cool to ditch class, get Fs and drop out. I was in the cool crowd, but on the fast track to a loser life.

I ended up working for ten years before I finally managed to put myself through college. I became - surprise of surprises - a high school teacher!! I have a good understanding of drugs and teens, I'm not naive - and I chose private because I believe there is less change that DC will flunk out and not go to college. NOT because I think there will be less drugs and alcohol. Because the culture of achievement puts a different kind of pressure on them.

Good luck out there - it's a scary world for teens.