Independent School Teacher Pet Peeve Thread

[Anonymous]

I must be the rare exception independent school teacher who does not have any pet peeves about the parents. And I have been teaching for 16 years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Then I guess there is just no option for you but to keep your child surrounded by people you revile. Nope, no options.

If you don't want people to dislike you, then stop acting like such an entitled snob. I did not pick a fight with you. I simply said that my child got into the school based on merit alone and that some of the kids and parents were really obnoxious. There is no implied insult there. If you are not entitled and obnoxious then you should feel confident that my statements do not apply to you. It's a fact that some kids get in based partly on connections and donations and that maybe some of them are not the smartest kids in the world. I never said that all of the non FA students got in because their parents bought them a place in the school. But you took it that way. If the shoe fits then I guess you will just have to wear it.

Perhaps my reaction was a bit harsh. And I certainly did not read your post as directed at me, because I can assure you that I am not rich. Obnoxious ... well, I suppose that is true now and again. My more serious message was that not all wealthy people are snobs or obnoxious and many of their children are both wealthy AND good candidates for the schools they attend. For most of the private schools in our area, even the families on FA are fairly wealthy depending on how one chooses to define such a thing. I agree with you that the teachers at these schools are very dedicated souls ... it cannot be easy to deal with such highly involved parents on a daily basis. It is my sense that they truly enjoy the kids and the freedoms these schools give them to teach as they truly wish (without worrying about testing, budgetary concerns, excessively large classes and so on.) Peace.

[Anonymous]

The letter made me gag. Seriously, be a grownup and just talk to the teacher without demands or preconceptions. My DS was reading at 3 (self-taught) and I never once had a conversation with a teacher about him being gifted. I simply asked what he did while the other kids were learning how to read and she told me and that was the end of the conversation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Then I guess there is just no option for you but to keep your child surrounded by people you revile. Nope, no options.

If you don't want people to dislike you, then stop acting like such an entitled snob. I did not pick a fight with you. I simply said that my child got into the school based on merit alone and that some of the kids and parents were really obnoxious. There is no implied insult there. If you are not entitled and obnoxious then you should feel confident that my statements do not apply to you. It's a fact that some kids get in based partly on connections and donations and that maybe some of them are not the smartest kids in the world. I never said that all of the non FA students got in because their parents bought them a place in the school. But you took it that way. If the shoe fits then I guess you will just have to wear it.

Perhaps my reaction was a bit harsh. And I certainly did not read your post as directed at me, because I can assure you that I am not rich. Obnoxious ... well, I suppose that is true now and again. My more serious message was that not all wealthy people are snobs or obnoxious and many of their children are both wealthy AND good candidates for the schools they attend. For most of the private schools in our area, even the families on FA are fairly wealthy depending on how one chooses to define such a thing. I agree with you that the teachers at these schools are very dedicated souls ... it cannot be easy to deal with such highly involved parents on a daily basis. It is my sense that they truly enjoy the kids and the freedoms these schools give them to teach as they truly wish (without worrying about testing, budgetary concerns, excessively large classes and so on.) Peace.

Fair enough. I really don't dislike everyone at the school- there are plenty of nice people too. It seems we can agree on teacher appreciation and that was all I was really trying to say. I should have been nicer too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Then I guess there is just no option for you but to keep your child surrounded by people you revile. Nope, no options.

If you don't want people to dislike you, then stop acting like such an entitled snob. I did not pick a fight with you. I simply said that my child got into the school based on merit alone and that some of the kids and parents were really obnoxious. There is no implied insult there. If you are not entitled and obnoxious then you should feel confident that my statements do not apply to you. It's a fact that some kids get in based partly on connections and donations and that maybe some of them are not the smartest kids in the world. I never said that all of the non FA students got in because their parents bought them a place in the school. But you took it that way. If the shoe fits then I guess you will just have to wear it.

Perhaps my reaction was a bit harsh. And I certainly did not read your post as directed at me, because I can assure you that I am not rich. Obnoxious ... well, I suppose that is true now and again. My more serious message was that not all wealthy people are snobs or obnoxious and many of their children are both wealthy AND good candidates for the schools they attend. For most of the private schools in our area, even the families on FA are fairly wealthy depending on how one chooses to define such a thing. I agree with you that the teachers at these schools are very dedicated souls ... it cannot be easy to deal with such highly involved parents on a daily basis. It is my sense that they truly enjoy the kids and the freedoms these schools give them to teach as they truly wish (without worrying about testing, budgetary concerns, excessively large classes and so on.) Peace.

Fair enough. I really don't dislike everyone at the school- there are plenty of nice people too. It seems we can agree on teacher appreciation and that was all I was really trying to say. I should have been nicer too.

Cool. I sincerely hope you have indeed found nice folks at your school as it makes the experience better for both you and your child. As I know you know, there are asshats at every school, including publics!

[Anonymous]

Awww, good for you guys!

[Anonymous]

Group hug. ("Asshat" tee hee).

[Anonymous]

This thread has me shaking my head in wonderment. Two posters reconciling is a rare and wonderful sight! Although it's too bad about all the barfing and gagging on that other issue a few pages ago.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:First, I have a huge amount of respect and gratitude to all teachers.
Second, I have a question - we are new to the area and my kid is new to the lower school. He has no brilliant math student, but he enjoys it and is half-way through a CTY online accelerated math class that puts him 2.5 years ahead of his class. (He finished the last online class with a 92%.) Again - he is no genius, but he's ahead in math and my understanding is that most of these schools, including the one he attends, is not particularly strong in math. Do we just do our thing at home and not mention it to the teacher? I do not expect the school to put him in a math class with kids 2 years older, but I would also prefer he not have to do basic math worksheets if possible. I am at a loss on how to approach this becasue I don't want to offend our new teacher, whom I quite like.
Thanks for any constructive suggestions.

I just have to say I think it's so sad that the attitudes of teachers as documented on this thread would make a parent with an important question about his or her son's needs feel like it would be offensive to bring it up. Even more upsetting is that some parents would rather let their child's needs go unmet than risk annoying a teacher about their special snowflake.

Some of the teachers who have posted here about parent's of advanced children should reconsider their position. There is nothing wrong with speaking to your child's teacher (be it the first day or 3 months in) if you geniunely feel it's needed. If you as a teacher feel like there is good reason not to accelerate than just explain your reasoning and come up with a plan. I think teachers are too quick to disregard parents in many instances.

Here is a blog about a little girl and her family who had such a horrendous time dealing with their school. This thread reminds me of it.
http://educatingarchie.com/?m=200905

That blog is very strange. I feel sorry for Archie. Her mom shouldn't blog about her like that. I hope none of her school mates see it.

I don't think her real name is Archie. She's also like 7 years old and lives in Australia.

Her name must be Emily or Emma or some variant bc the mom slipped up and called her "Em"

Mom created her own problem by insisting her child be skipped - her kid never learned any age appropriate social skills and certainly didn't learn any advanced social skills. It looks like the blog ended in 2009 - hope that poor girl is doing ok..

Her mom sounds neurotic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:#15). We are spending $30K+ to send our child here for Kindergarten. What guarantees can you make to us that she will be admitted into Harvard?

WTH????????? Yes, this is very true!!!!!

Just remember, dear teacher, the neurotic, desperate Ivy-fixation fantasies of these parents keeps you employed. No one really thinks K, 1st, 2nd, etc. is objectively worth $30k, rather, parents want you to give their kids the much sought-after "unfair advantage." Ridiculous, yes, but playing into this fixation is the gig you have chosen. It must feel smarmy most days.

On behalf of all independent teachers in the world (I haven't talked to everyone, but I think they'd be cool), um, no, we don't think our profession is smarmy.

P.S. We also all think you sound like a patronising, judgmental jerk. A few of us in coastal cities who used to be in bands like your use of the word "gig," though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Actually, I'd love to see a thread about what parents can do to show their appreciation to teachers and work with them as partners. Not trying to be a Pollyanna here -- we have 4 kids and have had our share of teachers who were burned out or barely competent, but, for the most part, my kids' teachers have been generous, good-natured, dedicated and resourceful. Whenever people ask me how I like my kids' school, my response is not about the buildings or college exmissions or parent body (God, definitely not that), but about the teachers and the kids -- they're the heart and soul of the place. One thing I'd love to know -- how do the teachers really feel about the faculty appreciation breakfasts? I love to cook and always make something, but, honestly, I never know whether you'd all rather get Starbucks cards.

On one point, however, OP, I do have to take issue with you -- re your first complaint about parents who complain even as they plead their non-complainer bona fides. That would be us. As noted above, we have 4 kids, and last time I tried to count the teachers they've had, I stopped at 60 (the 2 oldest have graduated). We've complained only 3 times, and on only one occasion did we preface our complaint with the disclaimer "We're not the type of parents who . . . " Last year, though, one of our kids (in h.s.) had the most burned-out teacher I've ever seen. The class was a complete waste of time and the kids were out of control -- even other teachers mentioned this to us! We spoke to the teacher, then to our kid's advisor, and, finally, the dept. chair -- by that point the teacher had announced retirement plans, but the subject is one I care about very much and I wanted to be sure the dep't chair was aware of the problems as the school went into the hiring process. Believe me, we owned the issue . . . lock, stock and barrel. So, my point in noting that we haven't been complainers was not to ingratiate ourselves with the admin, but to convey how egregious this situation was.

Some feedback from a teacher in response to your thoughtful post. I know I like the appreciation breakfast or lunch or what-have-you; it is generally done very well and the faculty appreciates the time and effort to plan it and the sentiments behind it. Nicer than a Starbucks card (but, as the kids would say, "not gonna lie" -- I like the Starbucks cards too!).

I can understand your intent in trying to use the "we're not the type of parents who complain" as a short-hand way of highlighting the urgency or egregiousness of the situation. All I can tell you, though, is that the phrase is SO over-used -- and often by the parents who complain constantly -- that it has become an educational equivalent of phrases like "the check's in the mail." At best it is white noise in the conversation, and at worst it sets off a mental alarm bell in the listening teacher's mind and raises a negative presumption (which can of course be overcome by rationality, basic politeness, and a valid issue).

Let me also say that not all parent communications are classified by teachers as "complaints." Filling the teacher in on an issue the student is facing (illness of a family member, illness of student, etc.) is not complaining at all but valuable communication. It's also not complaining to say "my kid doesn't tend to do well on tests but we think he's pretty good at [problem solving in class] [writing papers] [conversational skills in a foreign language]." What a teacher classifies as parent "complaints" are indeed things like "that math teacher is no good" (maybe he isn't good, on the other hand maybe your child isn't studying or seeking extra help); "my child should be playing more" or "my child should have made varsity" (both so so common on the athletic side of independent school education); "the paper shouldn't have gotten a C;" "my child is being treated unfairly" for being disciplined; "suspending my child for cheating will ruin his future" (because she'll have to disclose on college applications).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I work at big 3...


#3 your child really isnt gifted... they are likely above average to well above average, but in my years of teaching I have very rarely encountered a truly gifted child

Just curious - on the very rare occaisions you encountered such a gifted child....how did you as a teacher respond? Did you identify said child to school, contact the family, make any changes? I suspect the child's family beat you to the punch...but curious what would have happened if they hadn't.

I find it sadly telling that none if the teachers will respond to this valid question.

[Anonymous]

I have to admit that whenever I think of the mother's of gifted children, I think of this New Yorker article: http://www.newyorker.com/archive/2006/01/16/060116fa_fact_konigsberg

I know they cannot all be like that. I hope most are not like that! But now the article has tainted my thinking. What a nut case that mother was! The mother in the blog post seems like her. After all, the teasing she describes is not at all unique to gifted children. It also happens to retarded children. It happens to the new kid on the block. It happens to kids of a minority race. In fact, it seems all adults have memories of being that kid, even ones you suspect of having been Miss Popularity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I work at big 3...


#3 your child really isnt gifted... they are likely above average to well above average, but in my years of teaching I have very rarely encountered a truly gifted child

Just curious - on the very rare occaisions you encountered such a gifted child....how did you as a teacher respond? Did you identify said child to school, contact the family, make any changes? I suspect the child's family beat you to the punch...but curious what would have happened if they hadn't.

I find it sadly telling that none if the teachers will respond to this valid question.

So funny. You're all demanding that the experienced teacher speak up because you just know that your child is that one "truly gifted child" that comes along every 5-10 years in a teacher's career.

[Anonymous]

Big 3 teacher here... honestly the gifted children we can differentiate in the younger grades through what ends up being math work sheets with other talented children and similarly with advanced reading selections. Science/history/language/art is a fairly level playing field regardless of level of "giftedness". IMO we can not do an individualized learning plan with every kids but in a class of 14-16 we are able to give individual attention and praise to every child. In LS it is of the utmost important they gain social skills and learn how to work with others. Middle school is tough for everyone... continued differentiation in math, leveling begins. English now goes beyond reading and children are starting to think analytically. Most important thing beyond the classroom is developing independence and an identity. US is where gifted children can thrive. At least in our US teachers are experts and are willing to engage students in conversation at a very high level. As work moves from acquiring "basic skills" to almost exclusively analytical work the gifted child has the chance to excel and be continually challenged on a day to day basis. From what I have seen with these 95th-99th percentile student is that if one child is relatively ahead in a subject, while they really can remain strong in that subject, it levels out a good deal by the time 9th grade rolls around. I have a child in MoCo PS who is 2 grades ahead in math and takes a course at the HS. Honestly I do not think he is gifted, he memorizes well and has good recall. He enjoys the challenge but is not learning the mathematical critical thinking skills students at my big 3 are learning. I find his curriculum is a mile wide and an inch deep. Our math problem covers less in a year but each child has the chance to gain a thorough, deep understanding of the material. My advice on a gifted child - allow them to be a kid, make sure the teacher is working with your child to some degree... not all your wishes will be granted. What you see as this child should be reading with the 6th graders when she is in 4th grade may actually be viewed by the teacher as "while she has a great vocabulary and reads to herself well, she needs to practice reading aloud and learning to communicate/express her ideas with her peers in a meaningful way". Rote levels of "my child can read at this level/he knows math facts x,y,z/he is fluent in this language does not mean he has all the skills gained in that subject that would place him into a gifted/advanced category. My 2 cents... sorry I did not respond immediately. I only visit the board every few days.