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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Actually, I'd love to see a thread about what parents can do to show their appreciation to teachers and work with them as partners.  Not trying to be a Pollyanna here -- we have 4 kids and have had our share of teachers who were burned out or barely competent, but, for the most part, my kids' teachers have been generous, good-natured, dedicated and resourceful.  Whenever people ask me how I like my kids' school, my response is not about the buildings or college exmissions or parent body (God, definitely not that), but about the teachers and the kids -- they're the heart and soul of the place.  One thing I'd love to know -- how do the teachers really feel about the faculty appreciation breakfasts?  I love to cook and always make something, but, honestly, I never know whether you'd all rather get Starbucks cards.

On one point, however, OP, I do have to take issue with you -- re your first complaint about parents who complain even as they plead their non-complainer bona fides.  That would be us.  As noted above, we have 4 kids, and last time I tried to count the teachers they've had, I stopped at 60 (the 2 oldest have graduated).  We've complained only 3 times, and on only one occasion did we preface our complaint with the disclaimer "We're not the type of parents who . . . "   Last year, though, one of our kids (in h.s.) had the most burned-out teacher I've ever seen.  The class was a complete waste of time and the kids were out of control -- even other teachers mentioned this to us!  We spoke to the teacher, then to our kid's advisor, and, finally, the dept.  chair -- by that point the teacher had announced retirement plans, but the subject is one I care about very much and I wanted to be sure the dep't chair was aware of the problems as the school went into the hiring process.  Believe me, we owned the issue . .  . lock, stock and barrel.  So, my point in noting that we haven't been complainers was not to ingratiate ourselves with the admin, but to convey how egregious this situation was.  [/quote]

Some feedback from a teacher in response to your thoughtful post.  I know I like the appreciation breakfast or lunch or what-have-you; it is generally done very well and the faculty appreciates the time and effort to plan it and the sentiments behind it.  Nicer than a Starbucks card (but, as the kids would say, "not gonna lie" -- I like the Starbucks cards too!).

I can understand your intent in trying to use the "we're not the type of parents who complain" as a short-hand way of highlighting the urgency or egregiousness of the situation.  All I can tell you, though, is that the phrase is SO over-used -- and often by the parents who complain constantly -- that it has become an educational equivalent of phrases like "the check's in the mail."  At best it is white noise in the conversation, and at worst it sets off a mental alarm bell in the listening teacher's mind and raises a negative presumption (which can of course be overcome by rationality, basic politeness, and a valid issue).

Let me also say that not all parent communications are classified by teachers as "complaints."  Filling the teacher in on an issue the student is facing (illness of a family member, illness of student, etc.) is not complaining at all but valuable communication.  It's also not complaining to say "my kid doesn't tend to do well on tests but we think he's pretty good at [problem solving in class] [writing papers] [conversational skills in a foreign language]."  What a teacher classifies as parent "complaints" are indeed things like "that math teacher is no good" (maybe he isn't good, on the other hand maybe your child isn't studying or seeking extra help); "my child should be playing more" or "my child should have made varsity" (both so so common on the athletic side of independent school education); "the paper shouldn't have gotten a C;" "my child is being treated unfairly" for being disciplined; "suspending my child for cheating will ruin his future" (because she'll have to disclose on college applications).  [/quote]

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