Annoying Things My Mother says...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:9:00 --"It's OK they have a cripple tag"...

Still choking and laughing so loudly right now that I can probably be heard outside of my house and down onto the sidewalk by passersby. Thank you.

ME TOO! I couldnt sleep so am on computer in guest room.. Amm laughing so hard I am farting and afraid I will wake up whole house, OMG I have NEVER heard this phrase but can SO imagine my deceased grandmother saying this and yes, loudly!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mom has some great things she likes to say, but I want to put in a shout-out for my dad, who looked at DH in the hospital after my son was born and said "that's great, I was worried he was going to be an ugly baby like your niece"

Oh my GOD = I am laughing so hard I am snorting. I too have a shout-out to my Dad... When DH called my dad to ask for his blessing to propose to me, my sweet Dad said to my then-boy friend, "Well, good luck, you are going to need it!"

Thanks, dad....

[Anonymous]

fjjdjd

[Anonymous]

My dad died of lung cancer, from sneaking cigs obviously.

Mom is staying with me and what does she ask me yesterday?

Mom: "whats a pack of cigarettes cost in Virginia".

Me: "how on EARTH am I supposed to know"

Mom: "what!!! You don't look?"

[Anonymous]

My mother informed me her last visit that single women should not buy houses. Men will just want to mooch off them and they should wait hntil they are married to buy a house. I am married with kids so it doesn't apply to me but say what?! This is coming from a working woman who got her masters at a time when many women didn't go to college. She thinks every woman needs a degree...in case your husband leaves you. My parents have been married 45 years!

[Anonymous]

My aunt likes to remind you that dirty poor people masturbate on grapes since they have nowhere else to do it.

Not sure where she got that from but I always wash our produce

[Anonymous]

Every time my 6 month old is fussy my mother is convinced that her tummy hurts - every time - and always tries to push apple sauce on her because according to her it's a cure all! Also she's always asking me if I'm mad at her. I'm rarely upset with her and wouldn't show it if I was because she's so sensitive.

[Anonymous]

I can't sleep, and this thread has been perfect. Laughed so many times. I contributed back in 2011, and it was funny to run across my comment.

I wonder what my daughter will say about about in 25 years.

[Anonymous]

And she says: "You sleep without underwear? What if there was a fire, there you'd be in the street with no underwear on." Unbelievable. Her main occupation seems to be planting seeds of doubt in my mind.

Mine says the opposite: "Why do you all sleep with underwear?" And to young DD in front if DH, "You should try sleeping without underwear. It's so freeing!"

[Anonymous]

Loving this thread! I'm visiting my parents with the kids for a week and these stories are like therapy for me. I love my parents, but this much time with them can stress me out. Thanks for the laughs!

[Anonymous]

I love my mom but she says some weird shit.

While out clothes shopping she told me I better not go up in size. OK. Now I feel like crap.

She loves to talk about how carbs are bad for you.

She told be a better starting doing yoga or I won't live long.

I have surgery coming up and every time I talk to her she aks if I am worried. I say no. She says she will be worried for me. Thanks. Now I am worried.

[Anonymous]

If I call my mother, she never answers her phone because she doesn't hear it ring. If I don't call her for more than a day I get, "Well I haven't heard from you in sooo long, I was sure something happened!"

She constantly harps on the fact that I don't iron my sons' clothes. I don't because in about 20 minutes they'll be covered in grass, dirt, food, or fingerpaint/marker stains. Or the youngest will just strip his off and gleefully toss it as he streaks by. Slight wrinkles are the least of my worries.

I gnashed my teeth as a child and my youngest does it too. My mother talks about it as if she survived some great trauma: "OH it was AWFUL! You used to grind your teeth in your sleep ALL THE TIME! OH that noise is just maddening! That's where he gets it from. I just canNOT stand that sound! Goodness! It's AWFUL!" and on and on and ON.

When we come over to visit, she knows well in advance, yet she never puts breakables up. When the kids jostle something or they try to play with them she carries on about how they're "destructive little monkies". If you don't want them to mess with stuff, put it up or use the baby gates I bought for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know my mother could die and I would miss her. But I love/hate her. Sometimes the annoyance is funny. Sometimes it is spittle-flecked hatred.

Why does she call air conditioning: air-COHN-Deesh? She will say: "I have a stiff neck because of deh air-cohn-DEESH".

Why is she an anti-semite?

Why does she care if I am wearing an un-ironed shirt?

.

I can't answer as to why she says "air-COHN-Deesh (nor do I understand why you would consider this to be anti-semitic). Maybe she cares about wearing unironed clothes it advertises the fact that you are a lazy slob.

And you're a jerk.

[Anonymous]

When DD was a baby, my mom was very concerned that she would need plastic surgery for her nose, b/c it was "too round." It was a normal little nose, like all babies' noses.

When I give DD a time out, my mom tells me I'm "pushing her down." I guess I'm just supposed to let her hit her siblings without any repercussions.

My parents are moving across the country and my mom tells me this is my last chance to ask them to move to Virginia! Ha ha ha!! I always tell her that she would hate it here (I don't want her living anywhere near me.)

[Anonymous]

If I tell my MIL anything that is causing trouble to us, her answer is always the same - either "oh well, never mind dear" or "it will all come out in the wash". WTF???

I had to ask her what the "come out in the wash" phrase was, because it sounds so odd to me. It means everything will be fine in the end.

Idiotic platitudes piss me off.