Did you marry significantly outside of your socio-economic class?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, and after seeing my middle class friend marry a man from a working class/poor background, I wouldn't. Causes so many problems for them. He's very cheap and thinks she's very extravagant.

My mom married "down," and they fought over things like whether it was worth it to send the kids to top private universities. My dad thought that our (mediocre) state university was just fine; my mom insisted that it was worth the tuition (all three children were accepted into top 20 universities). My mom won out. They are now divorced.

This is my DH - my sibs and I all attended top schools; he and his sibs went to Local U. I have no problem with my kids going to our state school if that's what they want, but if they want more, I'm good with that too - I certainly don't want to limit them.

DH's family all seem to assume that our kids will (have to) go to State U., but I just smile and nod. We have enough saved to send them to the colleges of their choice, and that is where they will go.

[Anonymous]

Yes. My husband is a Red Sox fan. Eeew, gross.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was raised blue collar lower middle class. We used china At holidays, went to top private schools and know how to dress. Some of these stereotypes are offensive.

18:27 here. Sounds like you're responding to me. We didn't own china. We didn't live in an area with private schools, because no one could afford them. Nor did we have the social circles to have "occasions" to dress, so I early on found myself very surprised at the concept of a dinner party or lawn party to which people don't wear jeans. Sorry if my life sounds like a stereotype to you. But it was my life. How is my description of my life offensive to you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a European who married an American, so in terms of level of education, culture, and civilization there was a significant gap. It is hard sometimes, but I committed to my own personal "mission civilisatrice".
And I have actually even found myself learning things from the natives here. Their simplicity, their devotion to their work, and their child-like belief in their God, etc.
So a significant socio-economic gap can be a benefit and offer learning opportunities from an anthropological perspective. I suggest you focus on this, and try to enjoy spending time with the lower classes in their natural habitat.

LOL. You are funny. Why do you hate us so much? We give your countries so much money. Man, it's like you're just using us.

Geez, why so serious? I found it very amusing.

[Anonymous]

My parents grew up in post war Europe and there the class was defined by your education level, not so much by your wealth, as the whole land was totally devastated.
Both sets of my grandparents got all their kids to go to university to get degrees in engineering, architecture, etc
All my cousins have degrees and masters. I settled for a little less and married a man from a family where nobody ever cared about higher education. But I do well in my career and we live OK.
I do not associate wealth with class. You can have money and be low class

[Anonymous]

Anyone who marries a Bostonian marries UP, PP.

[Anonymous]

What determines a persons class? My family had more money than dh's but they value education more. My siblings and I all have BA's while dh and his sibling have masters or higher.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What determines a persons class? My family had more money than dh's but they value education more. My siblings and I all have BA's while dh and his sibling have masters or higher.

in your case your husbands family is more educated, but as you have both been to colledge, it probably does not matter that much. Colton from survivor is from a wealthy family but acts like someone who was raised in youth facility.

[Anonymous]

My parents were the first generation in their family to be middle class. Only one of my grandparents graduated high school. My mother's mother only went to school until 4th grade. My parents stayed in their hometown and the urban neighborhood where they grew up. Several of my mother's brothers were in prison for drug dealing when I was a kid. We avoided the police as much as possible, because our family had a bad reputation.

My husband's family has money and are also very, very WASPy. They're very reserved and very into appearances.

We've been married 19 years and will probably stay married forever.

Reasons it works for us:

1. We went to the same private, liberal arts college. We have a shared educational/cultural background through our college. We have similar educational goals and career goals for ourselves and our kids.

2. I learned better money skills than my mother taught me. Early in the marriage, I read "The Millionaire Next Door." It helped explain money to me.

3. My husband learned to relax about appearances and aesthetics. Lots of things that aren't "classy" are fun. There's nothing wrong with dressing down. There's nothing wrong with letting the kids run a little wild in the proper environment. There's nothing wrong with wearing character tshirts sometimes or going to McDonald's sometimes. There are plenty of times when buying El Cheapo gear is better than buying brand name.

4. We compromised on neighborhoods and bought more house than I wanted and considerably less than my husband wanted.

5. We compromised on schools. When the expensive private school my husband favored didn't work for oldest son, we sent oldest son to public school. He loves it and is doing very well there. (DH had a really hard time with the move from private to public, but now says that I was right about sending oldest son to public.)

6. I make sure that the kids are dressed appropriately to see the grandparents. They also have very lovely upperclass manners when they want to use them and the know to use them when they see the grandparents.

[Anonymous]

Sounds to me OP like your families are both still middle class, albeit yours apparently has more money. but still, both middle class. remember, a back hoe driver probably makes more $$$ than you do. My aunt had a plumbing company and retired at 50 with millions in the bank. My mom's fiance is a former chicken farm inspector worth millions. You would never know, so don't always judge a book by it's cover - having a desk job isn't everything when it comes to money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds to me OP like your families are both still middle class, albeit yours apparently has more money. but still, both middle class. remember, a back hoe driver probably makes more $$$ than you do. My aunt had a plumbing company and retired at 50 with millions in the bank. My mom's fiance is a former chicken farm inspector worth millions. You would never know, so don't always judge a book by it's cover - having a desk job isn't everything when it comes to money.

Class isn't just money. It's an intersection of education, money, personal wealth, and profession.

You can play with this calculator to see what I mean:

http://www.nytimes.com/packages/html/national/20050515_CLASS_GRAPHIC/index_01.html

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds to me OP like your families are both still middle class, albeit yours apparently has more money. but still, both middle class. remember, a back hoe driver probably makes more $$$ than you do. My aunt had a plumbing company and retired at 50 with millions in the bank. My mom's fiance is a former chicken farm inspector worth millions. You would never know, so don't always judge a book by it's cover - having a desk job isn't everything when it comes to money.

Class isn't just money. It's an intersection of education, money, personal wealth, and profession.

You can play with this calculator to see what I mean:

http://www.nytimes.com/packages/html/national/20050515_CLASS_GRAPHIC/index_01.html

Duh. But if you work, they work, and what separates you only has 1 or 2 commas, then as far as I'm concerned, you are in the same socio-economic class.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

You have GOT to be kidding with this post!!!! So, you think that everyone is Europe is educated and smart???? And every American is dumb??? This has got to be one of the stupidest posts that I've ever read on DCUM.

I'm also European (German) and I have a slight inclination that you are German, too (hence the arrogance of your post) and let me enlighten you that there are tons of very uneducated Germans (as well as other Europeans) out there.

I feel sorry for your DH. He probably deserved better.

I would agree with you, if the US could ever produce anything approaching the beauty, poetry, and spirituality of this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BQAKRw6mToA

Until that day, your arguments are simply not valid.

USA is number one always and forever. That said, I love the video. Thanks posting the link.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds to me OP like your families are both still middle class, albeit yours apparently has more money. but still, both middle class. remember, a back hoe driver probably makes more $$$ than you do. My aunt had a plumbing company and retired at 50 with millions in the bank. My mom's fiance is a former chicken farm inspector worth millions. You would never know, so don't always judge a book by it's cover - having a desk job isn't everything when it comes to money.

Class isn't just money. It's an intersection of education, money, personal wealth, and profession.

You can play with this calculator to see what I mean:

http://www.nytimes.com/packages/html/national/20050515_CLASS_GRAPHIC/index_01.html

Duh. But if you work, they work, and what separates you only has 1 or 2 commas, then as far as I'm concerned, you are in the same socio-economic class.

No. There are different kinds of work that divide people by class. A plumber is in a different social class than a professor, although good plumbers will undoubtedly earn more than most faculty.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds to me OP like your families are both still middle class, albeit yours apparently has more money. but still, both middle class. remember, a back hoe driver probably makes more $$$ than you do. My aunt had a plumbing company and retired at 50 with millions in the bank. My mom's fiance is a former chicken farm inspector worth millions. You would never know, so don't always judge a book by it's cover - having a desk job isn't everything when it comes to money.

Class isn't just money. It's an intersection of education, money, personal wealth, and profession.

You can play with this calculator to see what I mean:

http://www.nytimes.com/packages/html/national/20050515_CLASS_GRAPHIC/index_01.html

Duh. But if you work, they work, and what separates you only has 1 or 2 commas, then as far as I'm concerned, you are in the same socio-economic class.

No. There are different kinds of work that divide people by class. A plumber is in a different social class than a professor, although good plumbers will undoubtedly earn more than most faculty.

Go tell my retired plumber aunt and uncle that - they are probably on their boat right now. Oh what, no, it's before noon, so my aunt is probably on the horn with her investment advisor asking her if she wants in on an IPO this morning. . . she usually stops trading for the day by noon. How often does your investment firm contact you and offer you IPO's? How many shares of berkshire/hathway do YOU own? Oh, but you are of a higher class than they are? You make me laugh. (eye roll). I'm a measely, average lawyer compared to them. They wipe their butts with my degrees.