This is not real life - paying for college edition

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DCUM area has high proportion of government workers who typically save save save - and are generally pretty fiscally responsible. Here in NYC area you have high earners / high spenders who just plan on covering college from free cash flow, like i’m doing now for two kids enrolled concurrently. Typical ant vs grasshopper lol

I'm the DC saver. Also a widow with a relatively low income - low enough that it was below the "dream" school's advertised "full tuition waiver." Guess what - no FA offered, and when I appealed, I was told that I have more non-retirement money than most parents of incoming freshman. And this is a school with lots of rich kids. I actually said to the FA counselor, "I find that really hard to believe" and I do. Plus, that money has to supplement my income until I retire because I can't meet my monthly expenses on my income alone. My appeal was rejected, and DS is not attending that school.

Sour grapes all around. I have done everything right. But at least I can easily pay for 4 years at the school where DS landed. And he's being great about it; he told me I should never apologize for saving money.

Oh I bet it is more than most incoming freshman! We are full pay, no loans, for two at two different ivies and have nothing non-retirement other than a tiny 529 that was spent the first year they overlapped. Very few of my full pay ivy friends have anything outside of retirement. If you have all of that NON-retirement, presumably you also have adequate retirement savings too-- then why didn't you let him go to his dream school? Why are you spending more than you earn? The dream schools with the full tuition waiver are all ivy/T10 schools. Students there can EASILY get TAships or library jobs that make 5-6k per year, and there are dozens of options to get funded summers, some with generous stipends, never mind the job/career boost.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This might be the most out of touch thread on DCUM. And that’s saying something!

I know. It’s why so few are shocked that the op just figured this out. Instead they’re all patting themselves on the back for saving $300k per kid.

If you live in a small town or suburb in most of America your family home probably cost $350k 10 years ago (except the 10 major metro areas) and your family with 2-4 kids survives on a hhi of around $80k. If mom or dad went to college it was a in state public. There isn’t $500 a month per kid to sock away in a 529. And even if there was, the prevailing culture there is that it’s the parents job to get the kids through high school…after that they’re on their own. The dmv is a weird place.

This is OP. I grew up in a small blue-collar town. Most of the kids who went to college went to a local state school - me included. My parents paid some, and I paid some. They never promised to send me to an expensive college. What I'm having a hard time with is the lack of awareness about the astronomical cost of college and the reality of paying for it. I do think people assume they will receive financial aid and then realize they are way over their heads. Most of these kids should attend community college for 2 years and then transfer to a State School. Paying top dollar for your kid to attend Skidmore, Syracuse, or wherever is insane.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This might be the most out of touch thread on DCUM. And that’s saying something!

I know. It’s why so few are shocked that the op just figured this out. Instead they’re all patting themselves on the back for saving $300k per kid.

If you live in a small town or suburb in most of America your family home probably cost $350k 10 years ago (except the 10 major metro areas) and your family with 2-4 kids survives on a hhi of around $80k. If mom or dad went to college it was a in state public. There isn’t $500 a month per kid to sock away in a 529. And even if there was, the prevailing culture there is that it’s the parents job to get the kids through high school…after that they’re on their own. The dmv is a weird place.

This is OP. I grew up in a small blue-collar town. Most of the kids who went to college went to a local state school - me included. My parents paid some, and I paid some. They never promised to send me to an expensive college. What I'm having a hard time with is the lack of awareness about the astronomical cost of college and the reality of paying for it. I do think people assume they will receive financial aid and then realize they are way over their heads. Most of these kids should attend community college for 2 years and then transfer to a State School. Paying top dollar for your kid to attend Skidmore, Syracuse, or wherever is insane.

I'm a PP, the first gen college one. My parents did not pay for me to go to college, at all. They did support me by allowing me to live at home, I never had to pay for food or laundry or rent until my junior year. I did the CC to State school transfer, and paid for it all on my own with loans, two summer jobs, and part time work during the school year. I lived cheaply. My entire student loan burden was 10k. Can you imagine??? I admit, until a year ago I assumed my kid would do the same...or at least live life expecting to do the same and then, upon graduation from university my intention was to wipe all the loans to zero with our saved money. I wanted our DC to believe that school was their responsibility to pay for, but I didn't want my kid to come out burdened by debt. Psychologically I need DC to have some skin in the game. I assumed a four year degree would be about 100k. And I thought I was being generous. I live stunned by the increases, but I have to forgive myself for not watching this, not when there are so many other things to eat away at our time as parents! Now I have learned my kid won't qualify for loans, at all, given our income, and the cap on loans for school means a shift in strategy. While we are high earners compared to the rest of the US, we didn't start a 529, but we have enough saved to cash flow the cost of VA in-state without a problem. The challenge is: can our kid get in? Or, will our kid end up having to leave the state to find an acceptable school that fits DC's desire and needs. It all sucks. We're also sad that our kid might have to go the CC to State school way - something we wanted to avoid with our kids because we recognize the value in "going away" (since neither of us had that option financially) but we see the financial smarts in this choice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This might be the most out of touch thread on DCUM. And that’s saying something!

I know. It’s why so few are shocked that the op just figured this out. Instead they’re all patting themselves on the back for saving $300k per kid.

If you live in a small town or suburb in most of America your family home probably cost $350k 10 years ago (except the 10 major metro areas) and your family with 2-4 kids survives on a hhi of around $80k. If mom or dad went to college it was a in state public. There isn’t $500 a month per kid to sock away in a 529. And even if there was, the prevailing culture there is that it’s the parents job to get the kids through high school…after that they’re on their own. The dmv is a weird place.

This is OP. I grew up in a small blue-collar town. Most of the kids who went to college went to a local state school - me included. My parents paid some, and I paid some. They never promised to send me to an expensive college. What I'm having a hard time with is the lack of awareness about the astronomical cost of college and the reality of paying for it. I do think people assume they will receive financial aid and then realize they are way over their heads. Most of these kids should attend community college for 2 years and then transfer to a State School. Paying top dollar for your kid to attend Skidmore, Syracuse, or wherever is insane.

I'm a PP, the first gen college one. My parents did not pay for me to go to college, at all. They did support me by allowing me to live at home, I never had to pay for food or laundry or rent until my junior year. I did the CC to State school transfer, and paid for it all on my own with loans, two summer jobs, and part time work during the school year. I lived cheaply. My entire student loan burden was 10k. Can you imagine??? I admit, until a year ago I assumed my kid would do the same...or at least live life expecting to do the same and then, upon graduation from university my intention was to wipe all the loans to zero with our saved money. I wanted our DC to believe that school was their responsibility to pay for, but I didn't want my kid to come out burdened by debt. Psychologically I need DC to have some skin in the game. I assumed a four year degree would be about 100k. And I thought I was being generous. I live stunned by the increases, but I have to forgive myself for not watching this, not when there are so many other things to eat away at our time as parents! Now I have learned my kid won't qualify for loans, at all, given our income, and the cap on loans for school means a shift in strategy. While we are high earners compared to the rest of the US, we didn't start a 529, but we have enough saved to cash flow the cost of VA in-state without a problem. The challenge is: can our kid get in? Or, will our kid end up having to leave the state to find an acceptable school that fits DC's desire and needs. It all sucks. We're also sad that our kid might have to go the CC to State school way - something we wanted to avoid with our kids because we recognize the value in "going away" (since neither of us had that option financially) but we see the financial smarts in this choice.

No you don't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DCUM area has high proportion of government workers who typically save save save - and are generally pretty fiscally responsible. Here in NYC area you have high earners / high spenders who just plan on covering college from free cash flow, like i’m doing now for two kids enrolled concurrently. Typical ant vs grasshopper lol

I'm the DC saver. Also a widow with a relatively low income - low enough that it was below the "dream" school's advertised "full tuition waiver." Guess what - no FA offered, and when I appealed, I was told that I have more non-retirement money than most parents of incoming freshman. And this is a school with lots of rich kids. I actually said to the FA counselor, "I find that really hard to believe" and I do. Plus, that money has to supplement my income until I retire because I can't meet my monthly expenses on my income alone. My appeal was rejected, and DS is not attending that school.

Sour grapes all around. I have done everything right. But at least I can easily pay for 4 years at the school where DS landed. And he's being great about it; he told me I should never apologize for saving money.

Oh I bet it is more than most incoming freshman! We are full pay, no loans, for two at two different ivies and have nothing non-retirement other than a tiny 529 that was spent the first year they overlapped. Very few of my full pay ivy friends have anything outside of retirement. If you have all of that NON-retirement, presumably you also have adequate retirement savings too-- then why didn't you let him go to his dream school? Why are you spending more than you earn? The dream schools with the full tuition waiver are all ivy/T10 schools. Students there can EASILY get TAships or library jobs that make 5-6k per year, and there are dozens of options to get funded summers, some with generous stipends, never mind the job/career boost.

Not everyone has "standard" finances. My retirement savings at 46 is fairly low but that's because I didn't start a 401k till I was 40 because I spent ages 26-40 living and working overseas. However, I do have a generous brokerage account, thanks to the money I saved from working overseas. But it's not classified as retirement savings even if it is meant for my retirement. The person you responded to is a widow, I can see things like life insurance policies making her seem richer than she really is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This might be the most out of touch thread on DCUM. And that’s saying something!

I know. It’s why so few are shocked that the op just figured this out. Instead they’re all patting themselves on the back for saving $300k per kid.

If you live in a small town or suburb in most of America your family home probably cost $350k 10 years ago (except the 10 major metro areas) and your family with 2-4 kids survives on a hhi of around $80k. If mom or dad went to college it was a in state public. There isn’t $500 a month per kid to sock away in a 529. And even if there was, the prevailing culture there is that it’s the parents job to get the kids through high school…after that they’re on their own. The dmv is a weird place.

This is OP. I grew up in a small blue-collar town. Most of the kids who went to college went to a local state school - me included. My parents paid some, and I paid some. They never promised to send me to an expensive college. What I'm having a hard time with is the lack of awareness about the astronomical cost of college and the reality of paying for it. I do think people assume they will receive financial aid and then realize they are way over their heads. Most of these kids should attend community college for 2 years and then transfer to a State School. Paying top dollar for your kid to attend Skidmore, Syracuse, or wherever is insane.

I'm a PP, the first gen college one. My parents did not pay for me to go to college, at all. They did support me by allowing me to live at home, I never had to pay for food or laundry or rent until my junior year. I did the CC to State school transfer, and paid for it all on my own with loans, two summer jobs, and part time work during the school year. I lived cheaply. My entire student loan burden was 10k. Can you imagine??? I admit, until a year ago I assumed my kid would do the same...or at least live life expecting to do the same and then, upon graduation from university my intention was to wipe all the loans to zero with our saved money. I wanted our DC to believe that school was their responsibility to pay for, but I didn't want my kid to come out burdened by debt. Psychologically I need DC to have some skin in the game. I assumed a four year degree would be about 100k. And I thought I was being generous. I live stunned by the increases, but I have to forgive myself for not watching this, not when there are so many other things to eat away at our time as parents! Now I have learned my kid won't qualify for loans, at all, given our income, and the cap on loans for school means a shift in strategy. While we are high earners compared to the rest of the US, we didn't start a 529, but we have enough saved to cash flow the cost of VA in-state without a problem. The challenge is: can our kid get in? Or, will our kid end up having to leave the state to find an acceptable school that fits DC's desire and needs. It all sucks. We're also sad that our kid might have to go the CC to State school way - something we wanted to avoid with our kids because we recognize the value in "going away" (since neither of us had that option financially) but we see the financial smarts in this choice.

I think in Virginia with 3.25 GPA, George Mason offers automatic and direct admission for all high schools in fairfax county, etc...

[Anonymous]

This website skews toward high earners in a high cost of living area. Likely, most of your friends have at least a college education. 40-60% of Americans can't cover the cost of a $1000 emergency. 20-40 % have no retirement savings. The cost of college, the lure of financial aid and loans and scholarships is hard to understand. Costs are high, wages are low, calculations of parent contribution can be unfair - they don't always account for high cost of living, illness, other dependents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This might be the most out of touch thread on DCUM. And that’s saying something!

I know. It’s why so few are shocked that the op just figured this out. Instead they’re all patting themselves on the back for saving $300k per kid.

If you live in a small town or suburb in most of America your family home probably cost $350k 10 years ago (except the 10 major metro areas) and your family with 2-4 kids survives on a hhi of around $80k. If mom or dad went to college it was a in state public. There isn’t $500 a month per kid to sock away in a 529. And even if there was, the prevailing culture there is that it’s the parents job to get the kids through high school…after that they’re on their own. The dmv is a weird place.

This is OP. I grew up in a small blue-collar town. Most of the kids who went to college went to a local state school - me included. My parents paid some, and I paid some. They never promised to send me to an expensive college. What I'm having a hard time with is the lack of awareness about the astronomical cost of college and the reality of paying for it. I do think people assume they will receive financial aid and then realize they are way over their heads. Most of these kids should attend community college for 2 years and then transfer to a State School. Paying top dollar for your kid to attend Skidmore, Syracuse, or wherever is insane.

I'm a PP, the first gen college one. My parents did not pay for me to go to college, at all. They did support me by allowing me to live at home, I never had to pay for food or laundry or rent until my junior year. I did the CC to State school transfer, and paid for it all on my own with loans, two summer jobs, and part time work during the school year. I lived cheaply. My entire student loan burden was 10k. Can you imagine??? I admit, until a year ago I assumed my kid would do the same...or at least live life expecting to do the same and then, upon graduation from university my intention was to wipe all the loans to zero with our saved money. I wanted our DC to believe that school was their responsibility to pay for, but I didn't want my kid to come out burdened by debt. Psychologically I need DC to have some skin in the game. I assumed a four year degree would be about 100k. And I thought I was being generous. I live stunned by the increases, but I have to forgive myself for not watching this, not when there are so many other things to eat away at our time as parents! Now I have learned my kid won't qualify for loans, at all, given our income, and the cap on loans for school means a shift in strategy. While we are high earners compared to the rest of the US, we didn't start a 529, but we have enough saved to cash flow the cost of VA in-state without a problem. The challenge is: can our kid get in? Or, will our kid end up having to leave the state to find an acceptable school that fits DC's desire and needs. It all sucks. We're also sad that our kid might have to go the CC to State school way - something we wanted to avoid with our kids because we recognize the value in "going away" (since neither of us had that option financially) but we see the financial smarts in this choice.

I could have written this exact post.

[Anonymous]

I think in Virginia with 3.25 GPA, George Mason offers automatic and direct admission for all high schools in fairfax county, etc...

Yes, this might be the way, but DC has to lead.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I think in Virginia with 3.25 GPA, George Mason offers automatic and direct admission for all high schools in fairfax county, etc...

Yes, this might be the way, but DC has to lead.


False. It’s only selected high schools - mostly to encourage diversity applicants from lesser-known high schools rarely discussed here. There’s a list on the GMU website of participating high schools. I think there are 12 selected by the GMU Board.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I think in Virginia with 3.25 GPA, George Mason offers automatic and direct admission for all high schools in fairfax county, etc...

Yes, this might be the way, but DC has to lead.


False. It’s only selected high schools - mostly to encourage diversity applicants from lesser-known high schools rarely discussed here. There’s a list on the GMU website of participating high schools. I think there are 12 selected by the GMU Board.

Can you please link to the list of currently participating high schools? I can't find it. I can only find a list of 9 schools on FCPS' website that was last updated for the Class of 25.

My Class of 26 was given direct admission from West Springfield High School, and I know she's not the only Spartan to have been given that offer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I think in Virginia with 3.25 GPA, George Mason offers automatic and direct admission for all high schools in fairfax county, etc...

Yes, this might be the way, but DC has to lead.


False. It’s only selected high schools - mostly to encourage diversity applicants from lesser-known high schools rarely discussed here. There’s a list on the GMU website of participating high schools. I think there are 12 selected by the GMU Board.

APS has a partnership with GMU. I would not call them lesser-known high schools.
https://www.apsva.us/post/three-aps-high-schools-partner-with-george-mason-university-to-offer-students-direct-admission-to-college/

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This website skews toward high earners in a high cost of living area. Likely, most of your friends have at least a college education. 40-60% of Americans can't cover the cost of a $1000 emergency. 20-40 % have no retirement savings. The cost of college, the lure of financial aid and loans and scholarships is hard to understand. Costs are high, wages are low, calculations of parent contribution can be unfair - they don't always account for high cost of living, illness, other dependents.

+1
And the exact profile of parents who don't understand this and are low earners but have kids who are bright enough to get into these excellent schools are the exact ones to get need and merit scholarships. Not be pushed out because "it's too expensive for them and who are they to even apply to these schools?" Sounds like sour grapes from UMC who want more spots for their kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This might be the most out of touch thread on DCUM. And that’s saying something!

I know. It’s why so few are shocked that the op just figured this out. Instead they’re all patting themselves on the back for saving $300k per kid.

If you live in a small town or suburb in most of America your family home probably cost $350k 10 years ago (except the 10 major metro areas) and your family with 2-4 kids survives on a hhi of around $80k. If mom or dad went to college it was a in state public. There isn’t $500 a month per kid to sock away in a 529. And even if there was, the prevailing culture there is that it’s the parents job to get the kids through high school…after that they’re on their own. The dmv is a weird place.

These people go to school for free, almost anywhere in the T30 and up. They qualify for full aid. No need to save. These are the ones the ivies and such are chasing: rural areas especially in less-popular states, high-enough scoring 1480+ smart kids who maxed out their high school's rigor. And yet this group is the least likely to know about ivies or what benefits they can have on a smart kid from a middle class background.

Np here. True, but PP’s post is spot on if you replace the $80K with an income high enough to not receive financial aid, but low enough to not afford to save for college for multiple kids. That’s who really suffers with college debt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was a SAHM for 12 years. We were fine during that time, but we were not able to save much at all for college. We always knew we would have to pay for college as we went and after. In the end, we will have had at least one kid in college for 10 years! They all go to a state college, so nothing fancy. We qualify for PSLF, so by the time we hit 120 payments, we will have paid nowhere near what we would have up front. So this might have ended up being the more financially sound route after all. This is partially luck - because of the covid pause, we have credit for WAY more payments than we’ve actually made. A huge chunk of our loans will be forgiven after only 5 years of payments.

If we had spent those years saving for college, we would not have been able to go on all the vacations and do all the fun things as a family. So basically, we chose to be more liberal with our finances while our kids were young rather than scrimp and save during those years so that we could have better cash flow after they left home.

Was this the smartest decision? Maybe not, especially with the current situation. Keep in mind that we had no idea back then that this country would elect freaking Donald Trump twice and that he would get his kicks by screwing with the finances of every American. Who could have foreseen that? Things are tight right now. But I have no regrets! Kids are only little once, and I am glad we lived our best lives during that time.

SAHM has nothing to do with it. I am a SAHM. We don't have a very high income. We bought a cheap very small house in a "less desirable" neighborhood and don't vacation. Life is about choices. Kids will not remember all the vacations so we prioritized savings over vacations. I cannot remember the last time we were on vacation. We do spend on activities and sports only.

I am the pp you are replying to. Sounds like your priorities were the opposite of ours. All good! To each their own! That’s why this is (supposed to be) a free country.