What do I do: elementary school just ask us for 100k

[Anonymous]

Meetings like this happen at many of the top privates in this area, but rarely so awkwardly. Someone on the advancement committee is either new or got a bad tip about your capacity.

Give the amount that’s comfortable for you. If that means nothing, then give nothing.

If you try to apply to another private, that other private will ask your current school about the family’s involvement. Your current school will need to be honest in order to maintain its relationships with other schools.

This doesn’t mean large donors automatically get in elsewhere or not non-donors don’t get in. It’s part of the entire applicant package.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Here is how the meeting should have gone.

Development: we want you do donate $100k
Parent: how on earth did you come up with that specific amount
Development: we calculate it based on data about you
Parent: specifically what data went into that calculation
Development: data we purchase from data scraping services to estimate your wealth
Parent: that is definitely creepy. I did not consent to that. It is an invasion of my privacy. This meeting is over.

Correct.

And the way they're insisting is beyond rude.

I would start thinking about switching schools, honestly, OP. I refuse to be treated like a money bag. This school does not deserve any of your money beyond tuition.

[Anonymous]

This is a non-issue. Schools ask for money all the time and parents avoid giving money all the time. The end.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Meetings like this happen at many of the top privates in this area, but rarely so awkwardly. Someone on the advancement committee is either new or got a bad tip about your capacity.

Give the amount that’s comfortable for you. If that means nothing, then give nothing.

If you try to apply to another private, that other private will ask your current school about the family’s involvement. Your current school will need to be honest in order to maintain its relationships with other schools.

This doesn’t mean large donors automatically get in elsewhere or not non-donors don’t get in. It’s part of the entire applicant package.

It's completely awful that just because a family may not give beyond their contractually obligated tuition, they might be refused at other schools. What sort of greedy bastards are they at these private schools?!?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here is how the meeting should have gone.

Development: we want you do donate $100k
Parent: how on earth did you come up with that specific amount
Development: we calculate it based on data about you
Parent: specifically what data went into that calculation
Development: data we purchase from data scraping services to estimate your wealth
Parent: that is definitely creepy. I did not consent to that. It is an invasion of my privacy. This meeting is over.

Correct.

And the way they're insisting is beyond rude.

I would start thinking about switching schools, honestly, OP. I refuse to be treated like a money bag. This school does not deserve any of your money beyond tuition.

They don’t use a database. It was probably a friend who suggested the family as having capacity to the development committee.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Meetings like this happen at many of the top privates in this area, but rarely so awkwardly. Someone on the advancement committee is either new or got a bad tip about your capacity.

Give the amount that’s comfortable for you. If that means nothing, then give nothing.

If you try to apply to another private, that other private will ask your current school about the family’s involvement. Your current school will need to be honest in order to maintain its relationships with other schools.

This doesn’t mean large donors automatically get in elsewhere or not non-donors don’t get in. It’s part of the entire applicant package.

So what you're saying is that families are kept hostage unless they pay ransom?

Makes you want to stick to public.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I work in fundraising for a large organization that uses several algorithms to assess wealth. It’s almost always based on real estate holdings, which drives me crazy, especially in this real estate market.

If I were the school’s fundraiser, I’d look at your family and say yeah, they live in a nice home but have 5 kids in private school and don’t appear to multi millionaires, based on your careers, and would not have asked for more than $10k. But I definitely know people who would have done what the school did. I think they are delusional.

I’ve never had anyone be offended by the amount I have asked, usually they just laugh and say something along the lines of being flattered to think they are so rich.

I’d send them an email and focus more on the fact that you are new to the school and that asking for a long term investment in the school at this point is very presumptuous.

But you really do not know this, do you? When I am uncomfortable and caught off guard in such a setting I would also "just laugh" and say something clever to shift the conversation. But you better believe that I will feel highly upset and offended by being put in such an awkward situation.

[Anonymous]

The is a non-issue. Schools ask for money all the time and many parents avoid giving money all the time. The end.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Meetings like this happen at many of the top privates in this area, but rarely so awkwardly. Someone on the advancement committee is either new or got a bad tip about your capacity.

Give the amount that’s comfortable for you. If that means nothing, then give nothing.

If you try to apply to another private, that other private will ask your current school about the family’s involvement. Your current school will need to be honest in order to maintain its relationships with other schools.

This doesn’t mean large donors automatically get in elsewhere or not non-donors don’t get in. It’s part of the entire applicant package.

It's completely awful that just because a family may not give beyond their contractually obligated tuition, they might be refused at other schools. What sort of greedy bastards are they at these private schools?!?

It happens at all the top universities too. If you haven’t heard of it it’s because the likelihood of taking to you is considered not worth the time. We live in a capitalistic society folks. You’re trying to send your kids to the schools that have won the capitalism game. You’re part of the problem. If you don’t like it public is an option.

[Anonymous]

☝️Some people have a lot of time in their hands to argue about this topic.

[Anonymous]

Op here — the people who do not believe that I am a real person are just proving my point. I am writing here because it seems insane and I am so confused.

Let me also say that I am not new to the private school world — my oldest is a freshmen in high school: she went all the way through another k-6 and then switched into another private for middle and high. Nobody has ever asked us for more than a token donation to the annual drive, which we give. (And we have at times been giving it at three separate schools so it adds up)

[Anonymous]

Op again -/ and our jobs have not changed, we have not inherited any money etc in that time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here — the people who do not believe that I am a real person are just proving my point. I am writing here because it seems insane and I am so confused.

Let me also say that I am not new to the private school world — my oldest is a freshmen in high school: she went all the way through another k-6 and then switched into another private for middle and high. Nobody has ever asked us for more than a token donation to the annual drive, which we give. (And we have at times been giving it at three separate schools so it adds up)

That’s because at the other schools, the advancement committee did a better job at figuring out that asking you would not go well.

If your other K-6 did their job well, they have notes from placing those graduates out. Some of those notes allude to borderline candidates who were or were not taken because of the family’s donation history.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The is a non-issue. Schools ask for money all the time and many parents avoid giving money all the time. The end.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I call troll. You’re not using private school terminology.

It’s not “elementary.” It’s lower school. There are basically no private schools that only serve elementary grades.

It’s not “fundraising lady.” It’s Director of Development.

It’s not “principal.” It’s Head of School.

I’ll give you a C for your troll attempt. Research the terminology before you build your character.

FWIW I live outside of the DMV and your terminology is wrong for the private school in my city that I'm familiar with - they absolutely have a principal, and talk about their elementary school.

This.

My siblings both send their kids to private schools and don’t use this lingo. They are far from the DMV.