What do I do: elementary school just ask us for 100k

[Anonymous]

Our small private elementary is fundraising for a building project. They called us in to meet with the fundraising lady and the principal — and they asked us for 100 thousand dollars. Verbally and then in writing.

I am floored. My husband and I drive used cars. We have five kids, four of them in private school (and I have a part time nanny for the fifth, a baby, so I can work.) we have no need based aid but two of my kids go to a high school with merit aid and we did not give them the option of looking at the more competitive local school due in large part because we wanted the aid.

Our hhi is 500-600k and we have about 2.5 million in the stock market.

I have a very wealthy friend with a fortune of about 500 million and she did nobody has ever asked her for that much money. I’m really upset and confused.

To top it all off, these renovations will not be finished while my kids are in elementary, although they will mess up the rest of their time there with constant construction. So they will never get to enjoy them.


Also, are heads of school usually involved like this? I feel like there is a conflict if interest? The principal even referenced a minor disciplinary issue my son had earlier in the year at the start of the meeting.

What on earth are they thinking and how do we respond? We would give them maybe $500 a year. We were expecting them to ask for maybe $5000 and we would go up to a thousand. Two kids at the school and this is our second year there.

[Anonymous]

"No" is a complete sentence.

[Anonymous]

I would laugh in their face, but that's just me.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like they somehow misread your capacity. It's not a great look for the Advancement team, but it happens. It's fine to just go back and say we pledge whatever number works for you and leave it at that. If you are curious, ask how they decided to ask you for that amount, and then say that they got your capacity wrong and tell them how much you are able to give.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like they somehow misread your capacity. It's not a great look for the Advancement team, but it happens. It's fine to just go back and say we pledge whatever number works for you and leave it at that. If you are curious, ask how they decided to ask you for that amount, and then say that they got your capacity wrong and tell them how much you are able to give.

PP here- for asks that size, yes Heads of School are often involved. Weird that they brought up a disciplinary thing though...

[Anonymous]

The answer is NO.
Now is the time to pull your kids from this school.

Is it a religious private or secular?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would laugh in their face, but that's just me.

Also, and more importantly, something is wrong here. What on earth did you disclose for this school to believe that they could ask this of you? Do either of you have a well-known job for which the compensation is publicly available? Even so, the request is not in line with your income. Usually privates have a Development Office and do a pretty good job of researching their wealthy donors to ensure they tailor their "ask" appropriately. Is this a new or inexperienced team at this school? Is it just a crap school that doesn't know what the heck it's doing?

Weird. If I were you, I would ask how they assessed my wealth and how they reached that number, before saying no. They need to do a better job of evaluating donors.

[Anonymous]

Why on earth would you schedule a meeting with the fundraising team? You were asking for trouble when you arranged that. You could have declined back then.

[Anonymous]

I call troll. You’re not using private school terminology.

It’s not “elementary.” It’s lower school. There are basically no private schools that only serve elementary grades.

It’s not “fundraising lady.” It’s Director of Development.

It’s not “principal.” It’s Head of School.

I’ll give you a C for your troll attempt. Research the terminology before you build your character.

[Anonymous]

5 kids all in private and a nanny. You come across as wealthy and you are. Say you can give $5k. Done.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I call troll. You’re not using private school terminology.

It’s not “elementary.” It’s lower school. There are basically no private schools that only serve elementary grades.

It’s not “fundraising lady.” It’s Director of Development.

It’s not “principal.” It’s Head of School.

I’ll give you a C for your troll attempt. Research the terminology before you build your character.

Yup. All these mistakes together indicate weak troll.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why on earth would you schedule a meeting with the fundraising team? You were asking for trouble when you arranged that. You could have declined back then.

We did decline. These requests began last year. They notionally meet with every new family but we thought that was crazy — we had just gotten to the school, I had just had a new baby and none of the other three privates we’ve been at have ever done anything remotely like this. A friend who works in fundraising at another school said to say we would be back in touch at some point in the future, and try for a permanent punt, and they would get the point. They did not get the point. They kept asking and, esp because it is the principal, it got too awkward not to meet with them. Given our epic feet dragging, I never imagined they would ask for anything like this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why on earth would you schedule a meeting with the fundraising team? You were asking for trouble when you arranged that. You could have declined back then.

We did decline. These requests began last year. They notionally meet with every new family but we thought that was crazy — we had just gotten to the school, I had just had a new baby and none of the other three privates we’ve been at have ever done anything remotely like this. A friend who works in fundraising at another school said to say we would be back in touch at some point in the future, and try for a permanent punt, and they would get the point. They did not get the point. They kept asking and, esp because it is the principal, it got too awkward not to meet with them. Given our epic feet dragging, I never imagined they would ask for anything like this.

Nope, I am not a troll. I did go to public school and think it’s dumb to call the principal the head, so I don’t. (Privately.) It’s not a lower school if there is no upper school (actually at our school 4-6 is “upper school” but that is not standard.) this actually happened to me this week and I would appreciate advice on what the hell to do!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I call troll. You’re not using private school terminology.

It’s not “elementary.” It’s lower school. There are basically no private schools that only serve elementary grades.

It’s not “fundraising lady.” It’s Director of Development.

It’s not “principal.” It’s Head of School.

I’ll give you a C for your troll attempt. Research the terminology before you build your character.

Yup. All these mistakes together indicate weak troll.

See my response. I am so upset that I have not code switched into snob speak.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I call troll. You’re not using private school terminology.

It’s not “elementary.” It’s lower school. There are basically no private schools that only serve elementary grades.

It’s not “fundraising lady.” It’s Director of Development.

It’s not “principal.” It’s Head of School.

I’ll give you a C for your troll attempt. Research the terminology before you build your character.

Haha. True