Is there a way to gift a deep clean for next Christmas without being offensive?

[Anonymous]

Pick the hotel. That isn't far at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Long story short - my inlaws house is filthy. Whether they don't deep clean or their dog is the issue (but I suspect the floor hasn't been mopped ever and the banister has the grime to prove it).

My allergies go wild at their house. I don't know that I deep clean would help, but I'd like to try given the nearest hotel is a 1 hour round trip away.

If I had my husband say - hey Mom, as a thank you for letting us stay we'd love to pay for a deep clean of the house to help you prepare.

Is even offering offensive?

I can't handle my inlaws house for health reasons and there are not hotels nearby so I no longer visit. We offered to pay for them to fix the issues, they refused, so this is the consequence.

[Anonymous]

I have a good relationship with my parents and would be able to just say, “you guys need a cleaner; I’ll even pay for the first visit to get it going.” In fact, I did that a few years ago and surprise surprise, they love having cleaners and a clean house. I think me paying the first time was the key to get them over their hesitation. I don’t think it is rude to be honest and offer help if it is done properly.

[Anonymous]

Can you give them a Roomba as a Christmas gift?

[Anonymous]

Do a year's worth of monthly deep clean and then it sounds like gift of love and care.

Do one deep clean before christmas and it sounds like a complaint and shade.

[Anonymous]

I WISH someone would give me this as a gift.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a good relationship with my parents and would be able to just say, “you guys need a cleaner; I’ll even pay for the first visit to get it going.” In fact, I did that a few years ago and surprise surprise, they love having cleaners and a clean house. I think me paying the first time was the key to get them over their hesitation. I don’t think it is rude to be honest and offer help if it is done properly.

+1

We have paid for weekly limited cleaning for our ILs and an aunt for a number of years now. Family also supervises and help with the home, yard, vehicles and other tasks.

Also my ILs and aunt-in law get haircuts/shave, pedicures and clipping toe-nails at home every month from a beautician who comes to their house to tackle all the haircuts of the family etc. The old people are still going strong and living independently with some assistance.

They have all managed to hang on and remain fairly healthy, mobile etc and remain at home. Please understand that the lack of strength and chronic health conditions prevent people from cleaning their home etc. So, it is important that the children step in and help out. It is better for everyone in the long run and the quality of life improves for everyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a good relationship with my parents and would be able to just say, “you guys need a cleaner; I’ll even pay for the first visit to get it going.” In fact, I did that a few years ago and surprise surprise, they love having cleaners and a clean house. I think me paying the first time was the key to get them over their hesitation. I don’t think it is rude to be honest and offer help if it is done properly.

+1

We have paid for weekly maintenance cleaning for our ILs and an aunt for a number of years now. Family also supervises and help with the home, yard, vehicles and other tasks.

They have all managed to hang on and remain fairly healthy, mobile etc and remain at home. Please understand that the lack of strength and chronic health conditions prevent people from cleaning their home etc. So, it is important that the children step in and help out. It is better for everyone in the long run and the quality of life improves for everyone. You do not want to ever be in the nightmare situation of sending your parents to the nursing home when they are disabled and frail.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a good relationship with my parents and would be able to just say, “you guys need a cleaner; I’ll even pay for the first visit to get it going.” In fact, I did that a few years ago and surprise surprise, they love having cleaners and a clean house. I think me paying the first time was the key to get them over their hesitation. I don’t think it is rude to be honest and offer help if it is done properly.

I do too but I'll bet your parents care enough about your allergies to do something that would involve having a stranger come into their home and do work around their personal possessions. My MIL allowed it only because it was my long-time vetted cleaner whom she had witnessed in action while at our home. Telling your parents to get a cleaner and you'll pay for it does not get them over that fear of things being taken or damaged.

[Anonymous]

I just would not go-ekkkk

[Anonymous]

This is your DH’s parents - is it not possible for him to have a very direct conversation with them about how if they can’t do something about the dog hair and dust, you all won’t be able to stay with them?

As a part of that dialogue, seems like there are a few options to solve:
1) agree on some deep cleaning before you come (I think a one-time clean won’t cut it - so it for the whole year or at least a few months in advance)
2) your DH goes 3 days in advance to help clean and get the house ready
3) your family stay at a hotel (or is there a closer Airbnb?)
4) you all meet at a neutral location and make it a vacation
5) you host and gather at your house


My parents house was cleaned regularly but I still couldn’t stay there with my allergies. The 40+ year old curtains, beds and carpet just held too much dust. We stopped gathering there and my mom totally understood because she didn’t want me to suffer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is your DH’s parents - is it not possible for him to have a very direct conversation with them about how if they can’t do something about the dog hair and dust, you all won’t be able to stay with them?

As a part of that dialogue, seems like there are a few options to solve:
1) agree on some deep cleaning before you come (I think a one-time clean won’t cut it - so it for the whole year or at least a few months in advance)
2) your DH goes 3 days in advance to help clean and get the house ready
3) your family stay at a hotel (or is there a closer Airbnb?)
4) you all meet at a neutral location and make it a vacation
5) you host and gather at your house


My parents house was cleaned regularly but I still couldn’t stay there with my allergies. The 40+ year old curtains, beds and carpet just held too much dust. We stopped gathering there and my mom totally understood because she didn’t want me to suffer.

Except for the hour drive to the hotel and back, the third option is the easiest to implement.

[Anonymous]

Just stay in a hotel

[Anonymous]

Stay in a hotel. In my experience being direct doesn't work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you have a baby, my guess is that the baby isn’t mobile, because once the baby is mobile that will be a top priority in why you will want to stay in a hotel, and will want clean floors.

This. Pay for the cleaning service or the hotel. Or eventually doc visits and meds for your kid as the price of visiting the in-laws. You’ll be paying for something either way.