What’s the best part of marriage?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just set up your finances in a way that makes it ok for you to divorce. Marriage is not a lifelong trap if you don’t want it to be. You can decide on your dealbreakers ahead of time, communicate them and move on with life. If you’re just sitting on the fence, scared of what the future holds, life will just pass you by.

My marriage provides stability, strength and love for us and most importantly for our children. And DH is my best friend, intelligent funny and kind. But if for some reason things went very very sour, I would be ok on my own. It’s definitely NOT what I want, but I am still a full independent person, whether married or not.

So your kids’ assets are protected or will a second wife or second set of kids get them instead?
You, him and the kids were there supporting and generating them all for 25 years.
Then what?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Having someone in your life that has your back, just as you have their’s.

As a lesbian in a many decades long relationship, I am not sure that the legal benefits are the best part of marriage. So from the perspective of someone in a long term partnership and a shorter term marriage to the same person (with a bunch of kids), I agree that having someone who always has your back is amazing.

And there’s something to be said about not always having to make the coffee (or wash the dishes or make dinner or mow the lawn . . .). And generally taking care
Of each other.

Another bonus is that if you
Build a family, no one will love, support, be proud of your kids like your co parent/partner/spouse. And no one will appreciate what you do for your family more than your co person.

There’s so much more. But all of it depends on having a partner that loves you, treats you well, doesn’t exploit you
Or otherwise sabotage your lives and doesn’t abuse you. And on your ability to appreciate each other and do things you
Might not want to because it’s important to the other. And your ability to commit. And your ability to recognize your partners contributions

Beautifully said.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Timely thread for me... Has been thinking about leaving my wife and starting a new chapter of my life. After 20+ years most of these ‘best parts’ don’t matter or apply anymore.

That’s weird.

Are there really bad parts now? Or what were your expectations during 20 years of kids or afterwards?

nothing bad, even the semi-regular sex is still good-ish, there's just no attraction/love/care anymore i guess

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Timely thread for me... Has been thinking about leaving my wife and starting a new chapter of my life. After 20+ years most of these ‘best parts’ don’t matter or apply anymore.

No longer need the free childcare, family head, and cooking?

Kids in or done with college so want to relive your 20s?

i did a fair share of that i believe.

just want to be free again. to be me/alone.

[Anonymous]

He works a all the time so I get to have amazing no strings attached with younger men all the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He's my best friend (with benefits)

Same. Lots and lots and lots of benefits. The kids are the icing on cake. I love everything about being married. I come from a wonderful family of origin. I am super close to my birth family and relatives. I chose a DH who is the same and so my family circle has also doubled. I love it.

Been married 35 years. With DH for 38 years.

[Anonymous]

The part before kids.

[Anonymous]

We've been married 20 years. For me, the best part is companionship. Going through life with someone who truly knows you (maybe better than you know yourself), who appreciates you for who you are (most of the time anyway) and who challenges you to grow (even if it comes with conflict) is really wonderful. I have close friendships that are older than my marriage but it's not quite the same.

But it's hard at times. I never expected it to be easy but we have gone through some really rough patches. And we are different people now than we were when we married. But we are committed to each other and our family, and our marriage--for all of its faults--provides a level of stability that can be hard to find in a fickle world.

[Anonymous]

He's always been incredibly supportive and lets me be me. He doesn't sweat the simple stuff and rarely questions the decisions I make. I'm pretty thrifty so he never questions me about what I spend. He's also been incredibly successful in his career so we have a very nice life and he's never referred to it as "his" money. He values my intelligence and he respects my opinions which aren't always aligned with his. Our adult children and our grandchildren all adore him because he really cares about them and they have always been a priority. Lastly, we still have a very active love life which I'm sure would shock our kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Having someone in your life that has your back, just as you have their’s.

This

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We've been married 20 years. For me, the best part is companionship. Going through life with someone who truly knows you (maybe better than you know yourself), who appreciates you for who you are (most of the time anyway) and who challenges you to grow (even if it comes with conflict) is really wonderful. I have close friendships that are older than my marriage but it's not quite the same.

But it's hard at times. I never expected it to be easy but we have gone through some really rough patches. And we are different people now than we were when we married. But we are committed to each other and our family, and our marriage--for all of its faults--provides a level of stability that can be hard to find in a fickle world.

This is beautiful. Going through some challenges now after 25 years, and this is a good reminder.