I’m taking a break from kitchen clean up and dishwasher duties. Teens said they would take over but it’s always ‘later’.

[Anonymous]

Eh, can you assign a different chore instead?

Give them a few choices (set the dinner table, walk the dog, trash, whatever) and whatever they pick agree to it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Eh, can you assign a different chore instead?

Give them a few choices (set the dinner table, walk the dog, trash, whatever) and whatever they pick agree to it.

Op here. It’s done. With pics even for proof.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There are dirty dishes piled in and next to the sink, and a dishwasher full of dishes to be emptied. I couldn’t help but tidy a little.

What should my next move be?

Nothing, especially if you made a big deal about taking a break.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So wait you are not doing dishes and there are two male teenagers involved? No husband?

You expect the two teenagers to work it out between themselves on who’s doing the dishes?

If all of this is true, I think you need to assign days.

Op.
Nope, I’m not doing the dishes. I initially assigned each one a task (you empty, you fill) but told them they were free to switch and bargain as long as it gets done. That’s totally reasonable. They are not babies. So yes, I do expect two teenagers to figure this out. Both kids are highly disciplined and accomplished in their areas of interest, so I realize this is NOT a frontal lobe executive function development issue as someone suggested, it’s pure ‘mom will take care of this for us’. And it’s going to end this summer

Sure, you can dig your heels in and be righteous or you can just realize that even teenage boys can’t read your mind.

It’s not that they’re not doing it. It’s just not being done to your liking because you have some image in your head on how it should be done, but you haven’t shared that.

It sounds like you don’t work do you work?

You don’t just assign something to people at work and say I imagine you’re gonna read my mind and know exactly how I want you to do it. Explain what your expectations are and you have them do it that way.

Seriously how often are you dirty and so many dishes that you have to run a dishwasher.

Mean we run dishes every 2 to 3 days. Are you using dishes and putting them next to the sink? Is that even a thing in your house?

After you use a dish, don’t you put it in the dishwasher?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn’t die on that hill, once they move out they’ll learn. What if they never move out? Well then we have bigger problems as a society and who cares about the dishes (not saying kids are the problem, it’s how society is now).

What the heck? No they won’t learn. I’ve had plenty of roommates in college and in my 20s who never once cleaned. Plenty of my friends dated guys like this.

Chores actually have a lot more to them than just the chore itself. It’s responsibility, respect for belongings and caring for others.

If I were OP, I wouldn't die on this hill. She has now started two different threads this summer about her older teens cooking, doing chores, etc. This isn't working out in her household for whatever reason.

My teens don't have many chores in my house -- they are just really busy with varied and unpredictable schedules. (They had more when they were younger.) That's how it was when I was growing up too, and when I left home I figured it all out with ease -- it's not really hard stuff. I've always had clean and organized homes.

DH and I both work full-time but we are really not overwhelmed by getting a simple meal on the table for dinner, doing the dishes, and wiping down the kitchen.

My teens do most of their laundry and need to keep shared living spaces in our home free of their clutter.

Op here. But it is working overall! Slowly but surely. My older kid has cooked dinners, my younger dc cleans his own bathroom, my kids are doing their own laundry, I have also taught them to iron (and steam) their clothes. Older dc has a job in an office so he’s got to look presentable every day.

Personally, I think you’re giving up too easily with your dc.

You had to teach them how to iron?

[Anonymous]

You cut off the WiFi and cellular to their devices. Most internet providers offer the capacity to do this. There will be howls. Cheerfully say, "Oh, I'll get around to turning it back on. Sometime. After the kitchen is clean."

You will only have to do this once or twice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You cut off the WiFi and cellular to their devices. Most internet providers offer the capacity to do this. There will be howls. Cheerfully say, "Oh, I'll get around to turning it back on. Sometime. After the kitchen is clean."

You will only have to do this once or twice.

+1

"I'll do it later."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So wait you are not doing dishes and there are two male teenagers involved? No husband?

You expect the two teenagers to work it out between themselves on who’s doing the dishes?

If all of this is true, I think you need to assign days.

Op.
Nope, I’m not doing the dishes. I initially assigned each one a task (you empty, you fill) but told them they were free to switch and bargain as long as it gets done. That’s totally reasonable. They are not babies. So yes, I do expect two teenagers to figure this out. Both kids are highly disciplined and accomplished in their areas of interest, so I realize this is NOT a frontal lobe executive function development issue as someone suggested, it’s pure ‘mom will take care of this for us’. And it’s going to end this summer

Sure, you can dig your heels in and be righteous or you can just realize that even teenage boys can’t read your mind.

It’s not that they’re not doing it. It’s just not being done to your liking because you have some image in your head on how it should be done, but you haven’t shared that.

It sounds like you don’t work do you work?

You don’t just assign something to people at work and say I imagine you’re gonna read my mind and know exactly how I want you to do it. Explain what your expectations are and you have them do it that way.

Seriously how often are you dirty and so many dishes that you have to run a dishwasher.

Mean we run dishes every 2 to 3 days. Are you using dishes and putting them next to the sink? Is that even a thing in your house?

After you use a dish, don’t you put it in the dishwasher?

Op here.
Wut? Did you read any of the other posts or did you just start blasting away with nonsense??

Update: op/me works.
Dishes were done.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You cut off the WiFi and cellular to their devices. Most internet providers offer the capacity to do this. There will be howls. Cheerfully say, "Oh, I'll get around to turning it back on. Sometime. After the kitchen is clean."

You will only have to do this once or twice.

Op. They did it

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You cut off the WiFi and cellular to their devices. Most internet providers offer the capacity to do this. There will be howls. Cheerfully say, "Oh, I'll get around to turning it back on. Sometime. After the kitchen is clean."

You will only have to do this once or twice.

Op. They did it

What worked, op?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So wait you are not doing dishes and there are two male teenagers involved? No husband?

You expect the two teenagers to work it out between themselves on who’s doing the dishes?

If all of this is true, I think you need to assign days.

Op.
Nope, I’m not doing the dishes. I initially assigned each one a task (you empty, you fill) but told them they were free to switch and bargain as long as it gets done. That’s totally reasonable. They are not babies. So yes, I do expect two teenagers to figure this out. Both kids are highly disciplined and accomplished in their areas of interest, so I realize this is NOT a frontal lobe executive function development issue as someone suggested, it’s pure ‘mom will take care of this for us’. And it’s going to end this summer

Sure, you can dig your heels in and be righteous or you can just realize that even teenage boys can’t read your mind.

It’s not that they’re not doing it. It’s just not being done to your liking because you have some image in your head on how it should be done, but you haven’t shared that.

It sounds like you don’t work do you work?

You don’t just assign something to people at work and say I imagine you’re gonna read my mind and know exactly how I want you to do it. Explain what your expectations are and you have them do it that way.

Seriously how often are you dirty and so many dishes that you have to run a dishwasher.

Mean we run dishes every 2 to 3 days. Are you using dishes and putting them next to the sink? Is that even a thing in your house?

After you use a dish, don’t you put it in the dishwasher?

Op here.
Wut? Did you read any of the other posts or did you just start blasting away with nonsense??

Update: op/me works.
Dishes were done.

So all the hand ringing over nothing.

You’re exhausting

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You cut off the WiFi and cellular to their devices. Most internet providers offer the capacity to do this. There will be howls. Cheerfully say, "Oh, I'll get around to turning it back on. Sometime. After the kitchen is clean."

You will only have to do this once or twice.

Op. They did it

What worked, op?

The younger one, who is a neat freak (with his own space), did it today. He even sent me pics. I left his precious smoothie blender filthy and that probably pushed him over the edge

I texted the older one about dinner tonight so let’s see how that goes. I have lasagna in the fridge but I asked him to set the table and find a side.

[Anonymous]

a couple of things - the kids need to do the dishes and you need to let some things go - but how? for your consideration - there are two types of people - the one who could leave the dishes forever and the one who can't. Also, some people think of cooking and dishes as 2 activities and some people thing of them as 1 activity. I say spread the wealth - divide cooking and cleaning or assign cooking and cleaning to one person per night. cleaning up teaches you to be more thoughtful about the messes you make. good luck.

[Anonymous]

Didn’t read the replies. Normally I am fine if things get done before bed and for those things that I am not fine about, I specify the deadline. Kitchen clean up is one of those things that can’t wait for me. When you are done with a glass, plate, fork or whatever, it needs to go in the dishwasher right away the sink and counter are not holding areas.

As far as the dishwasher, it needs to be unloaded in time for the newest dirty dishes to go in.

The only other chore that irritates me if it doesn’t get done is that everyone needs to keep their laundry moving so that the washer and dryer are available for the next person that needs them.

[Anonymous]

I’m glad it got done, OP. Did you give them a timeline? It used to drive me nuts when I lived with my parents in the summer and I’d tell my mom that I’d do the dishes before I went to bed, but then if we finished dinner at 7:30 and they weren’t done immediately she’d do them (and get kind of passive aggressive about it).