I’m taking a break from kitchen clean up and dishwasher duties. Teens said they would take over but it’s always ‘later’.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think a household chore for a teen has to come with a timeframe. For kitchen cleanup and dishwasher loading, I'd say before they go to bed is fine. If they don't do it, then it's consequence time. The best two options are - kill the internet or take their phones until it's done, or, if you wake up and it's not done, you go wake them up and make them do it as soon as you're up. Presumably much earlier than they care to be woken.

Make sure you're clear with them ahead of time about the timeframe though. Otherwise, no fair.

Op here. I originally gave a time frame. Both ignored it, made excuses. ‘Mom, I’m doing X, I’ll get to it!’ So what’s the consequence? One teen is at work already, one is home but will leave for practice this afternoon and be gone for 5 hours. I’m at work. Turning off his Phone is not particularly an option for the older one bc he needs it for work. Not sure that would motivate the younger one.
He’s already lost gaming.

You say no, you get to it now.
And you tell the one that has practice it needs to be done prior to leaving.

Why is this difficult?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Set a timeframe you expect it done by and declare what consequence will happen if it isn’t. Then follow through with the consequence. If it continues raise the consequence and enforce that. With teens being open ended rarely works.

And what consequences would you suggest for a 19 year old? Spanking? ;)

Phone is not an option (he needs it for work, but I can turn off digital at night, but there’s still wifi).

What else?

Think, what does your 19 need from you? Car usage, a ride, tuition, WiFi, dinner, etc

Very little unfortunately! None of the things above for the most part, but I could move to turning off his phone except when he’s at work or going to work. He uses his phone to access public transportation so after work I could turn it off and he’d have to figure out how to get home on his own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think a household chore for a teen has to come with a timeframe. For kitchen cleanup and dishwasher loading, I'd say before they go to bed is fine. If they don't do it, then it's consequence time. The best two options are - kill the internet or take their phones until it's done, or, if you wake up and it's not done, you go wake them up and make them do it as soon as you're up. Presumably much earlier than they care to be woken.

Make sure you're clear with them ahead of time about the timeframe though. Otherwise, no fair.

Op here. I originally gave a time frame. Both ignored it, made excuses. ‘Mom, I’m doing X, I’ll get to it!’ So what’s the consequence? One teen is at work already, one is home but will leave for practice this afternoon and be gone for 5 hours. I’m at work. Turning off his Phone is not particularly an option for the older one bc he needs it for work. Not sure that would motivate the younger one.
He’s already lost gaming.

You say no, you get to it now.
And you tell the one that has practice it needs to be done prior to leaving.

Why is this difficult?

Well, I’m not home right now. One is at work and the other who isn’t… I can call him and text him and I left notes, but if he leaves for practice, what then? He will go to practice, whatever I say. He considers his sport his ‘job’ and that this other stuff is ‘moms work’. I’m trying to break that perception.

I think I might rattle him with his dirty smoothie blender though. That will bother him.

[Anonymous]

So your neat freak son who you claim can't stand the mess clearly can if he hasn't cleaned up the dirty dishes in and next to the sink.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn’t die on that hill, once they move out they’ll learn. What if they never move out? Well then we have bigger problems as a society and who cares about the dishes (not saying kids are the problem, it’s how society is now).

Oh hell no! She raised lazy teens who are going to expect their wife to do it for them like Mommy has.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn’t die on that hill, once they move out they’ll learn. What if they never move out? Well then we have bigger problems as a society and who cares about the dishes (not saying kids are the problem, it’s how society is now).

What the heck? No they won’t learn. I’ve had plenty of roommates in college and in my 20s who never once cleaned. Plenty of my friends dated guys like this.

Chores actually have a lot more to them than just the chore itself. It’s responsibility, respect for belongings and caring for others.

Op here. Exactly. Honestly from my other post on cooking for my teens, I think too many parents on here insist on doing too much for their kids. One of dc is already out in the world (but home for summer) and the other one is close, so it’s time they learned.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So your neat freak son who you claim can't stand the mess clearly can if he hasn't cleaned up the dirty dishes in and next to the sink.

Yep. He’s a neat freak in his room and bathroom. He scrubs his own toilet, keeps his room spotless and meticulously organized etc. But yes, he seems to think someone else will magically clean the kitchen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Turn off internet access?
No taking of any more food allowed until kitchen is cleaned. By teens, not you.

Your caving and tidying "a little" just reinforced for your teens that if they wait, you will do it. You are your own worst enemy. Be stronger.

I like you. Turning off the internet access would get immediate attention from mine!

OP, the reality is that you are going to have to remind your kids. I find texting them to be the most effective way to remind them. I also give a hard deadline.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn’t die on that hill, once they move out they’ll learn. What if they never move out? Well then we have bigger problems as a society and who cares about the dishes (not saying kids are the problem, it’s how society is now).

What the heck? No they won’t learn. I’ve had plenty of roommates in college and in my 20s who never once cleaned. Plenty of my friends dated guys like this.

Chores actually have a lot more to them than just the chore itself. It’s responsibility, respect for belongings and caring for others.

If I were OP, I wouldn't die on this hill. She has now started two different threads this summer about her older teens cooking, doing chores, etc. This isn't working out in her household for whatever reason.

My teens don't have many chores in my house -- they are just really busy with varied and unpredictable schedules. (They had more when they were younger.) That's how it was when I was growing up too, and when I left home I figured it all out with ease -- it's not really hard stuff. I've always had clean and organized homes.

DH and I both work full-time but we are really not overwhelmed by getting a simple meal on the table for dinner, doing the dishes, and wiping down the kitchen.

My teens do most of their laundry and need to keep shared living spaces in our home free of their clutter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn’t die on that hill, once they move out they’ll learn. What if they never move out? Well then we have bigger problems as a society and who cares about the dishes (not saying kids are the problem, it’s how society is now).

What the heck? No they won’t learn. I’ve had plenty of roommates in college and in my 20s who never once cleaned. Plenty of my friends dated guys like this.

Chores actually have a lot more to them than just the chore itself. It’s responsibility, respect for belongings and caring for others.

If I were OP, I wouldn't die on this hill. She has now started two different threads this summer about her older teens cooking, doing chores, etc. This isn't working out in her household for whatever reason.

My teens don't have many chores in my house -- they are just really busy with varied and unpredictable schedules. (They had more when they were younger.) That's how it was when I was growing up too, and when I left home I figured it all out with ease -- it's not really hard stuff. I've always had clean and organized homes.

DH and I both work full-time but we are really not overwhelmed by getting a simple meal on the table for dinner, doing the dishes, and wiping down the kitchen.

My teens do most of their laundry and need to keep shared living spaces in our home free of their clutter.

Op here. But it is working overall! Slowly but surely. My older kid has cooked dinners, my younger dc cleans his own bathroom, my kids are doing their own laundry, I have also taught them to iron (and steam) their clothes. Older dc has a job in an office so he’s got to look presentable every day.

Personally, I think you’re giving up too easily with your dc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn’t die on that hill, once they move out they’ll learn. What if they never move out? Well then we have bigger problems as a society and who cares about the dishes (not saying kids are the problem, it’s how society is now).

What the heck? No they won’t learn. I’ve had plenty of roommates in college and in my 20s who never once cleaned. Plenty of my friends dated guys like this.

Chores actually have a lot more to them than just the chore itself. It’s responsibility, respect for belongings and caring for others.

If I were OP, I wouldn't die on this hill. She has now started two different threads this summer about her older teens cooking, doing chores, etc. This isn't working out in her household for whatever reason.

My teens don't have many chores in my house -- they are just really busy with varied and unpredictable schedules. (They had more when they were younger.) That's how it was when I was growing up too, and when I left home I figured it all out with ease -- it's not really hard stuff. I've always had clean and organized homes.

DH and I both work full-time but we are really not overwhelmed by getting a simple meal on the table for dinner, doing the dishes, and wiping down the kitchen.

My teens do most of their laundry and need to keep shared living spaces in our home free of their clutter.

If you think most kids figure it all out with ease, you aren’t paying attention. Listen to what professors are saying and read some Facebook college posts from parents. There is an incredible amount of coddling and micromanaging that goes on

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hate doing the dishes and always have. I like the dishes being done and dishwasher on at bedtime, sink cleaned out. This prevents dried food, things breaking, mice, etc. I would take some dishes away. use paper plates if needed- but if you have less, it needs to get cleaned faster.

No way, I’m not letting them use paper plates. They need to suffer for their laziness

But it might save your sanity too. Thin out the number of plates, cups, bowls, etc. If that doesn't work, shut the kitchen down. Do you pay their tuition?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hate doing the dishes and always have. I like the dishes being done and dishwasher on at bedtime, sink cleaned out. This prevents dried food, things breaking, mice, etc. I would take some dishes away. use paper plates if needed- but if you have less, it needs to get cleaned faster.

No way, I’m not letting them use paper plates. They need to suffer for their laziness

But it might save your sanity too. Thin out the number of plates, cups, bowls, etc. If that doesn't work, shut the kitchen down. Do you pay their tuition?

I do pay it, although I’m not sure I’d threaten that bc that would mess up my life more!

But I texted them. One said ‘I’m at work, mom’ but the other dc indicated he’d cleaned the kitchen and emptied the DW. He’s already left for practice though so I haven’t inspected… but possibly a little win

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:One thing that helped me was to have them unload the dishwasher while I ran a timer. That shocked them and put an end to their whining about how long it took.

Then I did the same for hand washed dishes, counters, drying big things, etc. No more excuses about game days or homework or whatever. Unless they are literally in the Olympics that week or in the final stages of creating a novel vaccine, they have the time to do it.

Op here this is a great idea. A timer. And yep, I hear those excuses ‘I’ve got lifting AND practice today!!’ or ‘I had to work today’ (and I didn’t??).

I want them to learn and notice how much there is to do, and how we all have to find time to chip in

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hate doing the dishes and always have. I like the dishes being done and dishwasher on at bedtime, sink cleaned out. This prevents dried food, things breaking, mice, etc. I would take some dishes away. use paper plates if needed- but if you have less, it needs to get cleaned faster.

No way, I’m not letting them use paper plates. They need to suffer for their laziness

But it might save your sanity too. Thin out the number of plates, cups, bowls, etc. If that doesn't work, shut the kitchen down. Do you pay their tuition?

I do pay it, although I’m not sure I’d threaten that bc that would mess up my life more!

But I texted them. One said ‘I’m at work, mom’ but the other dc indicated he’d cleaned the kitchen and emptied the DW. He’s already left for practice though so I haven’t inspected… but possibly a little win

He sent pics!! It’s really done

Thanks to those who encouraged me to hold my ground