Fair way to address housing

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I totally understand your position, but from his position, if he moves in with you, then he is essentially paying rent that helps you build equity in your home. That isn't fair to him.

I don’t agree with this. If OP is paying the mortgage currently and continues to pay the mortgage, the amount her fiancé is paying towards rent now can go into a joint account to pay for the wedding or towards a saving account for a down payment for a bigger home that they can look for after they are married. They can also figure out if it makes sense to rent OP’s current home once they but a new home post marriage. One of my biggest financial regrets is that I didn’t keep my townhome and rent it out like my parents advised me. Yes, being a landlord would have been work but the appreciation in value would have covered the cost of my kid’s college or been an amazing boost to retirement savings.

If they end up not getting married, the amount in the joint savings should cover any financial obligations for wedding costs and some can be used for the ex-fiancé to put a down payment on their own place.

She says she owns the house outright. So his issue, to the extent he has a legitimate one, would be that “but for me moving into your house, I would have been putting my housing money into my own home and building equity.” I think the answer to that is some kind of agreement where he gets a share of the equity based on his contributions to the housing costs. This is how the law in an equitable division state would handle in in a divorce, so you could try to replicate it if you are not married.

But based on this guy’s dumb idea that he is going to make her sell the house and then they will buy a worse house together, it really sounds like he is trying to get title over her assets that she built before meeting him. Yuck.

OP payed for 100% of the principal of the house and owns it outright, so I don't think there is a world where he gets any equity. At most, he could argue for some of the increase in value starting the day they get married, but even that is a stretch. He should contribute to some expenses, like utilities, maintenance, and taxes. It's surely less than he's paying in rent, and it's not "contributing to the house" because the house is already owned 100% by OP. It's just contributing to their cost of living.

[Anonymous]

I married a man that gave more financially to his long term ex GF (he was generous, she wasn’t good with money). Unfortunately, he’s still not over it and we struggle with money issues because he’s still insecure over it and it’s been 10 years since they broke up. Just know, your BFs insecurity around money may not go away with marriage.