Perfect guy but I hate his family

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In your situation, I would be a lot more concerned if I didn’t like the parents.

And a pretentious brother and sister-in-law is a lot better than if they were attacking you or disrespecting you in some significant way.

So, for me that would not be a dealbreaker.

They don’t attack me in any way. They are just very pretentious with their
“ genius” baby and his “ high powdered” job. His wife boasts on and on about her baby and how she is a SAHM because her husband is wealthy. It’s very annoying. I tune out half of it. I wouldn’t mind if it was a distant relative but it’s his brother and wife who we will see fairly often.

High powdered? Get him to hooked you up with some blow!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You're 30 and you seem pretty immature. They sound annoying yeah but you seriously can't just roll your eyes at their ridiculousness and get over it? You're really willing to let go of the "perfect" guy because they are arrogant? They aren't rude to you right? They don't put you down? They don't make fun of you? They don't say mean things? They just think really highly of themselves and think they are the most amazing people and have the most amazing baby ever? Yeah annoying and I'd vent about them to my best friend. But I'd get over it. It's not that big a deal.

It is a big deal when you see them multiple times a week. The wife is always sending family group texts about their amazing baby and what new thing she bought..

She has never been rude but has definitely put my job down because I don’t make as much as my boyfriend or even close to it. She was a bigwig before staying home. I just hate spending several hours a week with them.

Not the family for you. Find someone else.

You are going to have to put up with sh*t in any relationship. Once you start having kids, you’ll see them less. I have a SIL just like this. She’s a bragger bc It’s a combination of being insecure bc she quit her big job and now is over compensating. It’s also partly insecurity on your part- don’t compare yourself to her! It’s super hard to not feel jealous when she’s “sitting pretty” but the truth is, you have no idea what goes on behind closed doors. It just seems perfect on the outside!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m 30 and met the perfect guy for me almost 1 year ago. He meets and exceeds everything I want in a husband. The only drawback I keep trying to dismiss is that I don’t love his family. His parents are wonderful but his brother and wife are very pretentious and arrogant. They are fairly close and get together pretty often so I’m around them a far amount. I don’t see this ending us but I really would love some insight for people have been there. I’m sure I’m not the only one who is dating someone who doesn’t love their family.

You’ll be too busy to hang out with the brother and SIL.

What makes them so arrogant or pretentious actually?
They went to prep school or they’re racist?
They buy overpriced stuff they can’t afford or they are value shoppers and have opinion in product quality?
They gossip a lot?
They are shallow and superficial? (Those are everywhere jsut avoid and be civil)

How serious are your examples.?.

I explained a little. His brother has a lot of money. He brags about his money and his job. His wife is a SAHM and brags about being able to stay home. She told me I should earn more to keep up with my boyfriend if I wanted to marry him. She made a lot before she quit. I’m not as educated as they are.

Not a racist. They do live in an expensive home that they brag about. They tell everyone how much they paid for their house, their car, expensive furniture, etc. They brag a lot. Even his brother said people think he’s a douchebag when they first meet him.

Are they like first or generation American that they need to brag or talk like this? Is this cultural? Most Americans know how much expensive things cost so no need to tell others.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m 30 and met the perfect guy for me almost 1 year ago. He meets and exceeds everything I want in a husband. The only drawback I keep trying to dismiss is that I don’t love his family. His parents are wonderful but his brother and wife are very pretentious and arrogant. They are fairly close and get together pretty often so I’m around them a far amount. I don’t see this ending us but I really would love some insight for people have been there. I’m sure I’m not the only one who is dating someone who doesn’t love their family.

You’ll be too busy to hang out with the brother and SIL.

What makes them so arrogant or pretentious actually?
They went to prep school or they’re racist?
They buy overpriced stuff they can’t afford or they are value shoppers and have opinion in product quality?
They gossip a lot?
They are shallow and superficial? (Those are everywhere jsut avoid and be civil)

How serious are your examples.?.

I explained a little. His brother has a lot of money. He brags about his money and his job. His wife is a SAHM and brags about being able to stay home. She told me I should earn more to keep up with my boyfriend if I wanted to marry him. She made a lot before she quit. I’m not as educated as they are.

Not a racist. They do live in an expensive home that they brag about. They tell everyone how much they paid for their house, their car, expensive furniture, etc. They brag a lot. Even his brother said people think he’s a douchebag when they first meet him.

How’d the brother make all his money?

What did the wife used to work in?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m 30 and met the perfect guy for me almost 1 year ago. He meets and exceeds everything I want in a husband. The only drawback I keep trying to dismiss is that I don’t love his family. His parents are wonderful but his brother and wife are very pretentious and arrogant. They are fairly close and get together pretty often so I’m around them a far amount. I don’t see this ending us but I really would love some insight for people have been there. I’m sure I’m not the only one who is dating someone who doesn’t love their family.

You’ll be too busy to hang out with the brother and SIL.

What makes them so arrogant or pretentious actually?
They went to prep school or they’re racist?
They buy overpriced stuff they can’t afford or they are value shoppers and have opinion in product quality?
They gossip a lot?
They are shallow and superficial? (Those are everywhere jsut avoid and be civil)

How serious are your examples.?.

I explained a little. His brother has a lot of money. He brags about his money and his job. His wife is a SAHM and brags about being able to stay home. She told me I should earn more to keep up with my boyfriend if I wanted to marry him. She made a lot before she quit. I’m not as educated as they are.

Not a racist. They do live in an expensive home that they brag about. They tell everyone how much they paid for their house, their car, expensive furniture, etc. They brag a lot. Even his brother said people think he’s a douchebag when they first meet him.

Are they like first or generation American that they need to brag or talk like this? Is this cultural? Most Americans know how much expensive things cost so no need to tell others.

They are white and have been in American for generations. His parents and my boyfriend aren’t like that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m 30 and met the perfect guy for me almost 1 year ago. He meets and exceeds everything I want in a husband. The only drawback I keep trying to dismiss is that I don’t love his family. His parents are wonderful but his brother and wife are very pretentious and arrogant. They are fairly close and get together pretty often so I’m around them a far amount. I don’t see this ending us but I really would love some insight for people have been there. I’m sure I’m not the only one who is dating someone who doesn’t love their family.

You’ll be too busy to hang out with the brother and SIL.

What makes them so arrogant or pretentious actually?
They went to prep school or they’re racist?
They buy overpriced stuff they can’t afford or they are value shoppers and have opinion in product quality?
They gossip a lot?
They are shallow and superficial? (Those are everywhere jsut avoid and be civil)

How serious are your examples.?.

I explained a little. His brother has a lot of money. He brags about his money and his job. His wife is a SAHM and brags about being able to stay home. She told me I should earn more to keep up with my boyfriend if I wanted to marry him. She made a lot before she quit. I’m not as educated as they are.

Not a racist. They do live in an expensive home that they brag about. They tell everyone how much they paid for their house, their car, expensive furniture, etc. They brag a lot. Even his brother said people think he’s a douchebag when they first meet him.

How’d the brother make all his money?

What did the wife used to work in?

He is a CFO. Makes bank and his wife was a lawyer.

My boyfriend and I both work in healthcare. He makes great money and I make much less than him. He has an MBA and I have an associates. The wife has told me that I need to go back to school and earn more. I don’t earn anywhere near what they do but I make a little over six figures and I enjoy my job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In your situation, I would be a lot more concerned if I didn’t like the parents.

And a pretentious brother and sister-in-law is a lot better than if they were attacking you or disrespecting you in some significant way.

So, for me that would not be a dealbreaker.

They don’t attack me in any way. They are just very pretentious with their
“ genius” baby and his “ high powdered” job. His wife boasts on and on about her baby and how she is a SAHM because her husband is wealthy. It’s very annoying. I tune out half of it. I wouldn’t mind if it was a distant relative but it’s his brother and wife who we will see fairly often.

What does he say to his sister? I can’t imagine anyone is a fan of this behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In your situation, I would be a lot more concerned if I didn’t like the parents.

And a pretentious brother and sister-in-law is a lot better than if they were attacking you or disrespecting you in some significant way.

So, for me that would not be a dealbreaker.

+1 this wouldn’t phase me at all. It’s just something to insanely shrug over. It does t sound like they are deliberately cruel. Now the parents…that would be more difficult.

[Anonymous]

^^* inwardly shrug over

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m 30 and met the perfect guy for me almost 1 year ago. He meets and exceeds everything I want in a husband. The only drawback I keep trying to dismiss is that I don’t love his family. His parents are wonderful but his brother and wife are very pretentious and arrogant. They are fairly close and get together pretty often so I’m around them a far amount. I don’t see this ending us but I really would love some insight for people have been there. I’m sure I’m not the only one who is dating someone who doesn’t love their family.

You’ll be too busy to hang out with the brother and SIL.

What makes them so arrogant or pretentious actually?
They went to prep school or they’re racist?
They buy overpriced stuff they can’t afford or they are value shoppers and have opinion in product quality?
They gossip a lot?
They are shallow and superficial? (Those are everywhere jsut avoid and be civil)

How serious are your examples.?.

I explained a little. His brother has a lot of money. He brags about his money and his job. His wife is a SAHM and brags about being able to stay home. She told me I should earn more to keep up with my boyfriend if I wanted to marry him. She made a lot before she quit. I’m not as educated as they are.

Not a racist. They do live in an expensive home that they brag about. They tell everyone how much they paid for their house, their car, expensive furniture, etc. They brag a lot. Even his brother said people think he’s a douchebag when they first meet him.

How’d the brother make all his money?

What did the wife used to work in?

He is a CFO. Makes bank and his wife was a lawyer.

My boyfriend and I both work in healthcare. He makes great money and I make much less than him. He has an MBA and I have an associates. The wife has told me that I need to go back to school and earn more. I don’t earn anywhere near what they do but I make a little over six figures and I enjoy my job.

PP here. Ooohhh, just read this. Well yeah, annoying as F but wouldn’t dissuade me, if everything rise was as good as you describe.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m 30 and met the perfect guy for me almost 1 year ago. He meets and exceeds everything I want in a husband. The only drawback I keep trying to dismiss is that I don’t love his family. His parents are wonderful but his brother and wife are very pretentious and arrogant. They are fairly close and get together pretty often so I’m around them a far amount. I don’t see this ending us but I really would love some insight for people have been there. I’m sure I’m not the only one who is dating someone who doesn’t love their family.

You’ll be too busy to hang out with the brother and SIL.

What makes them so arrogant or pretentious actually?
They went to prep school or they’re racist?
They buy overpriced stuff they can’t afford or they are value shoppers and have opinion in product quality?
They gossip a lot?
They are shallow and superficial? (Those are everywhere jsut avoid and be civil)

How serious are your examples.?.

I explained a little. His brother has a lot of money. He brags about his money and his job. His wife is a SAHM and brags about being able to stay home. She told me I should earn more to keep up with my boyfriend if I wanted to marry him. She made a lot before she quit. I’m not as educated as they are.

Not a racist. They do live in an expensive home that they brag about. They tell everyone how much they paid for their house, their car, expensive furniture, etc. They brag a lot. Even his brother said people think he’s a douchebag when they first meet him.

How’d the brother make all his money?

What did the wife used to work in?

He is a CFO. Makes bank and his wife was a lawyer.

My boyfriend and I both work in healthcare. He makes great money and I make much less than him. He has an MBA and I have an associates. The wife has told me that I need to go back to school and earn more. I don’t earn anywhere near what they do but I make a little over six figures and I enjoy my job.

There it is. You have an associate’s degree. I think you feel inferior to them.

I have a friend who never finished college. She always felt and said people were pretentious or snobby. When I met the same people, I never felt this way. I’m now a SAHM, but I’m ivy educated and have two masters. When I’m around uber wealthy or highly educated people, I never feel bad. Some are boring. DH earns a few million per year. I know his friends may talk about watches or cars or whatever new gadget or toy. Sometimes cost comes up whether it is a home renovation or the cost of a watch. Because we are all equals in one way or another, it feels normal.

Once in a while I will have someone over who is of lesser means and I have told DH to tone it down. Don’t mention our recent trips or vacations in front of my single mom friend who cannot take her kids to the beach for an overnight.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m 30 and met the perfect guy for me almost 1 year ago. He meets and exceeds everything I want in a husband. The only drawback I keep trying to dismiss is that I don’t love his family. His parents are wonderful but his brother and wife are very pretentious and arrogant. They are fairly close and get together pretty often so I’m around them a far amount. I don’t see this ending us but I really would love some insight for people have been there. I’m sure I’m not the only one who is dating someone who doesn’t love their family.

It’s not going to work unless he’s willing to spend minimal time with his family the rest of your life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m 30 and met the perfect guy for me almost 1 year ago. He meets and exceeds everything I want in a husband. The only drawback I keep trying to dismiss is that I don’t love his family. His parents are wonderful but his brother and wife are very pretentious and arrogant. They are fairly close and get together pretty often so I’m around them a far amount. I don’t see this ending us but I really would love some insight for people have been there. I’m sure I’m not the only one who is dating someone who doesn’t love their family.

You’ll be too busy to hang out with the brother and SIL.

What makes them so arrogant or pretentious actually?
They went to prep school or they’re racist?
They buy overpriced stuff they can’t afford or they are value shoppers and have opinion in product quality?
They gossip a lot?
They are shallow and superficial? (Those are everywhere jsut avoid and be civil)

How serious are your examples.?.

I explained a little. His brother has a lot of money. He brags about his money and his job. His wife is a SAHM and brags about being able to stay home. She told me I should earn more to keep up with my boyfriend if I wanted to marry him. She made a lot before she quit. I’m not as educated as they are.

Not a racist. They do live in an expensive home that they brag about. They tell everyone how much they paid for their house, their car, expensive furniture, etc. They brag a lot. Even his brother said people think he’s a douchebag when they first meet him.

How’d the brother make all his money?

What did the wife used to work in?

He is a CFO. Makes bank and his wife was a lawyer.

My boyfriend and I both work in healthcare. He makes great money and I make much less than him. He has an MBA and I have an associates. The wife has told me that I need to go back to school and earn more. I don’t earn anywhere near what they do but I make a little over six figures and I enjoy my job.

PP here. Ooohhh, just read this. Well yeah, annoying as F but wouldn’t dissuade me, if everything rise was as good as you describe.

As I read OP’s follow up, I kind of get it now. Assuming OP’s bf is a doctor and she is a tech or nurse or assistant of some sort.

BIL is a surgeon. I don’t think he cares what the girl does, but there has to be a certain level of education. It is probably less about how much op earns, but going to college. At least be a PA or NP. You may never have to work another day, but you should have bare minimum credentials. This perfect guy may not want to marry someone who doesn’t have a college degree.

[Anonymous]

Just the title of this thread . . . I didn't have to read your post nor any of the other replies.

If you HATE his family, he is NOT the perfect guy for you.

We are all a product of our families. We can work hard to overcome the flaws but many of us don't even recognize the problems until midlife and then we scramble to try to sort things out. This board is full of posts about spouses coping with the manifestations of their spouse's childhood issues, all the while failing to see their own manifestations of dysfunction.

If you hate his family you should not be with this guy because once honeymoon phase of relationship wears off, you'll find out he's much like his family and then you'll spend years obsessed with fixing him.

Go find somebody whose baggage is a better fit for yours.

[Anonymous]

You two aren’t even engaged.
Girl, find a new man.