Perfect guy but I hate his family

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You sound jealous.

I thought the same thing. OP sounds judgemental and suffering from inferiority complex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You sound jealous.

I thought the same thing. OP sounds judgemental and suffering from some weird inferiority complex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m 30 and met the perfect guy for me almost 1 year ago. He meets and exceeds everything I want in a husband. The only drawback I keep trying to dismiss is that I don’t love his family. His parents are wonderful but his brother and wife are very pretentious and arrogant. They are fairly close and get together pretty often so I’m around them a far amount. I don’t see this ending us but I really would love some insight for people have been there. I’m sure I’m not the only one who is dating someone who doesn’t love their family.

Don’t act like a child. You don’t like them and so what? You are not supposed to like everyone, and everyone isn’t supposed to like you. Learn to deal with people you don’t like. Your life shouldn’t stop because you have to be around some people you don’t like.

[Anonymous]

Lots of black and white thinking here when there's actually a ton of grey.

People's pretentiousness often comes from insecurity.

Obnoxiously pretentious people can also have many redeeming qualities if you try to see/find them.

Life has a way of curbing pretensions. (Multiple kids will disabuse one of the tendency to take credit or feel superior. Job/economic swings can take the wind out of career braggadocios, illness/hardship will soften the edges of "superior" people, etc... Life is long, people can change.

Parents are key - if you generally like them, and really love your boyfriend, I wouldn't think so drastically about this.

Your ability to discuss things (gently, with utmost respect for his relationships with his family and the fact that you really haven't known them that long) will be FAR more important to your relationship strength (or not) that your simple opinions of his family.

I'm in my 50's. You sound like me in my 20's.

Life tempers all things quite a lot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lots of black and white thinking here when there's actually a ton of grey.

People's pretentiousness often comes from insecurity.

Obnoxiously pretentious people can also have many redeeming qualities if you try to see/find them.

Life has a way of curbing pretensions. (Multiple kids will disabuse one of the tendency to take credit or feel superior. Job/economic swings can take the wind out of career braggadocios, illness/hardship will soften the edges of "superior" people, etc... Life is long, people can change.

Parents are key - if you generally like them, and really love your boyfriend, I wouldn't think so drastically about this.

Your ability to discuss things (gently, with utmost respect for his relationships with his family and the fact that you really haven't known them that long) will be FAR more important to your relationship strength (or not) that your simple opinions of his family.

I'm in my 50's. You sound like me in my 20's.

Life tempers all things quite a lot.

I was just going to say this. Time gets us all.

[Anonymous]

My DH said to be patient with his mum, she is old and not going to be around for long. Its been 35 years. I've no doubt that she'll outlive me.

[Anonymous]

Lesson: You know your patience level. If you think ILs are going to cause real troubles in your married life, move away. If they'll just be annoying, limit contact but smile and tolerate when you need to.

[Anonymous]

If I knew my enmeshed ILs were completely dependent on DH and fight to move in with us, I wouldn't have married him or had kids with him.

[Anonymous]

In law issues can be a huge problem in a marriage- so you are right to be considering this.

However- this honestly does not sound like a major issue to me. A BIL/SIL who are (based on your description) kind of self righteous and braggy, and/or just plain get on your nerves? Pretty common. As far as IL issues go, this is pretty minor. And as others have said so well- life will likely soon start to get in the way of spending so much time with them, and will also likely humble them a bit over time.

Even if you were to call it off with fiance and eventually get engaged to someone else- you’d most likely face issues with that guy’s family too (at a similar level to this, or potentially worse). It would be pretty unlikely to truly like and enjoy spending time with every single member of your DH’s side of the family….it could happen, but is unrealistic to expect IMHO. In most cases, there will be some relatives you just tolerate. And your BIL/SIL sound annoying- but tolerable.

[Anonymous]

Break up
I'm sure a perfect guy with better siblings or an only child is in store for you in 2026.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In law issues can be a huge problem in a marriage- so you are right to be considering this.

However- this honestly does not sound like a major issue to me. A BIL/SIL who are (based on your description) kind of self righteous and braggy, and/or just plain get on your nerves? Pretty common. As far as IL issues go, this is pretty minor. And as others have said so well- life will likely soon start to get in the way of spending so much time with them, and will also likely humble them a bit over time.

Even if you were to call it off with fiance and eventually get engaged to someone else- you’d most likely face issues with that guy’s family too (at a similar level to this, or potentially worse). It would be pretty unlikely to truly like and enjoy spending time with every single member of your DH’s side of the family….it could happen, but is unrealistic to expect IMHO. In most cases, there will be some relatives you just tolerate. And your BIL/SIL sound annoying- but tolerable.

Yes, this. It is doubtful that you will like all of your in-laws. At least in your case, they sound well off and can chip in as needed when your MIL/FIL start needing help. I married into a struggling family, except DH, so our challenges are significant as they often involve tradeoffs between supporting our kids or his parents/siblings. I could easily tolerate an annoying or braggy BIL/SIL. You could limit the time you spend with them and let DH do some of his visits solo.

[Anonymous]

So you have a perfect boyfriend and you are complaining that his brother and wife are too braggy? Would you rather have a less than boyfriend with a perfect brother and wife?

Most people don’t care for their in laws. You are just kind of stuck with them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m 30 and met the perfect guy for me almost 1 year ago. He meets and exceeds everything I want in a husband. The only drawback I keep trying to dismiss is that I don’t love his family. His parents are wonderful but his brother and wife are very pretentious and arrogant. They are fairly close and get together pretty often so I’m around them a far amount. I don’t see this ending us but I really would love some insight for people have been there. I’m sure I’m not the only one who is dating someone who doesn’t love their family.

You’ll be too busy to hang out with the brother and SIL.

What makes them so arrogant or pretentious actually?
They went to prep school or they’re racist?
They buy overpriced stuff they can’t afford or they are value shoppers and have opinion in product quality?
They gossip a lot?
They are shallow and superficial? (Those are everywhere jsut avoid and be civil)

How serious are your examples.?.

I explained a little. His brother has a lot of money. He brags about his money and his job. His wife is a SAHM and brags about being able to stay home. She told me I should earn more to keep up with my boyfriend if I wanted to marry him. She made a lot before she quit. I’m not as educated as they are.

Not a racist. They do live in an expensive home that they brag about. They tell everyone how much they paid for their house, their car, expensive furniture, etc. They brag a lot. Even his brother said people think he’s a douchebag when they first meet him.

This seems more like a you problem.

DH has some colleagues who just brag a lot. They are very full of themselves and unaware. DH doesn’t mind them. I think they are obnoxious. I think they are just excited and want to share their happiness. They talk about new cars, boats, kids. Thankfully DH is not like that.

[Anonymous]

Hasn't anyone seen "Odd Mom Out"? Use their ridiculous behavior as fodder for a bestselling book/TV show/movie and then lord your success over them.

[Anonymous]

As far as annoying relatives go, this is actually pretty minor OP.

I would absolutely NOT be seeing them multiple times per week, however. Dial that back and see how your boyfriend reacts. Make other plans with friends, do your hobby, or just plain say you need downtime and want to rest (let boyfriend hang out with them on his own), See how your boyfriend reacts. For all you know, the guys would rather hang out alone anyway, and SIL is only joining in because YOU are. LOL. Especially if she has an infant. Not saying to never see them- but multiple times/wk is well beyond a normal expectation. If that is going to be an issue, better to find that out now.