Working Moms and Do It All Expectation

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is such an UMC bubble discussion.

this is a message board for working parents in the DMV area. the conversation is reflective of the group having it. whats your point again?

No, it’s not a message board for working parents. It’s a message board for parents, not all of whom work and/or are UMC.

Your bias is showing.


Your bias is showing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is such an UMC bubble discussion.

this is a message board for working parents in the DMV area. the conversation is reflective of the group having it. whats your point again?

No, it’s not a message board for working parents. It’s a message board for parents, not all of whom work and/or are UMC.

Your bias is showing.


Your bias is showing.

This is the Jobs and Careers board. Why do you think think this wouldn't be for working parents?

[Anonymous]

Women are doing this to themselves, OP. It isn't your job to make them see reality. They want to be mom martyrs, so let them. Tune them out. Live your life. Let them choose to be miserable in theirs. These are all choices we make for ourselves. Their choices are theirs to make, and they alone get to deal with the consequences of those decisions.

[Anonymous]

It’s 2025 not 1955 or 1985.

Men born after 1980 likely had a mom who worked outside the home, many had a divorced or single mom. They should understand how a two-career household runs. They are capable of pulling their weight with household and parenting labor. If they aren’t, that’s a husband/partner problem.

If you have a knowledge worker job, you have more technology and flexibility of hours or location post-pandemic than any prior generation. This applies to parents of all genders.

Many families were spoiled during the pandemic with both parents working at home and fewer kid activities - and were able to handle things themselves. Slowly but surely I’ve seen my neighbors rebuild the kind of community support system my parents had when I was growing up - with car pools and pitching in to watch each others’ kids to help make it all work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s 2025 not 1955 or 1985.

Men born after 1980 likely had a mom who worked outside the home, many had a divorced or single mom. They should understand how a two-career household runs. They are capable of pulling their weight with household and parenting labor. If they aren’t, that’s a husband/partner problem.

If you have a knowledge worker job, you have more technology and flexibility of hours or location post-pandemic than any prior generation. This applies to parents of all genders.

Many families were spoiled during the pandemic with both parents working at home and fewer kid activities - and were able to handle things themselves. Slowly but surely I’ve seen my neighbors rebuild the kind of community support system my parents had when I was growing up - with car pools and pitching in to watch each others’ kids to help make it all work.

Men born after 1980 are still living at home and playing video games.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just saw a social media fb post on a local moms page from a lamenting mom earnestly asking the question of how in the world moms are supposed to work 9-5, but still get kids to school by 8AM and picked up at 3PM and have time to make dinner and energy for homework help and so on and so on.

The clear answer is, of course, that they aren’t supposed to do this. In fact, most men were perfectly happy with the arrangement of division of labor where he performed the “outside” labor that secured earned income for the family and she performed the domestic labor that allowed the home and children to be cared for without outsourcing those duties and payments to someone else.
No one asked women to “do it all”—and women were offended by this!
And yet, somehow about 40 years ago some so-called feminists convinced women that they were being oppressed and needed the “freedom” to go spend their days working outside the home as well.
Yay for feminism!

No, women are offended by whiny, bit-- a$$, man children who are not capable to doing housework, child care, or carrying their weight at home. I am very lucky with my DH but, then again, I did not let him off the hook and made clear he was expected to carry the load. And he does. But, his mother didn't raise a momma's boy who feigns incompetence with household matters. It all starts with the boy moms and I hope that they are teaching their boys better. Or you're going to see more girls opt out of marriage altogether.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Women are doing this to themselves, OP. It isn't your job to make them see reality. They want to be mom martyrs, so let them. Tune them out. Live your life. Let them choose to be miserable in theirs. These are all choices we make for ourselves. Their choices are theirs to make, and they alone get to deal with the consequences of those decisions.

You think women are to blame for everything. And there are too many of you misogynist a$$-fux on here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just saw a social media fb post on a local moms page from a lamenting mom earnestly asking the question of how in the world moms are supposed to work 9-5, but still get kids to school by 8AM and picked up at 3PM and have time to make dinner and energy for homework help and so on and so on.

The clear answer is, of course, that they aren’t supposed to do this. In fact, most men were perfectly happy with the arrangement of division of labor where he performed the “outside” labor that secured earned income for the family and she performed the domestic labor that allowed the home and children to be cared for without outsourcing those duties and payments to someone else.
No one asked women to “do it all”—and women were offended by this!
And yet, somehow about 40 years ago some so-called feminists convinced women that they were being oppressed and needed the “freedom” to go spend their days working outside the home as well.
Yay for feminism!

No, women are offended by whiny, bit-- a$$, man children who are not capable to doing housework, child care, or carrying their weight at home. I am very lucky with my DH but, then again, I did not let him off the hook and made clear he was expected to carry the load. And he does. But, his mother didn't raise a momma's boy who feigns incompetence with household matters. It all starts with the boy moms and I hope that they are teaching their boys better. Or you're going to see more girls opt out of marriage altogether.

Yeah, well, then they shouldn’t marry them. The red flag are usually there.

[Anonymous]

When I started dating 20 years ago, the men would make out very clear they needed partner who makes money so they feel more secure when there are lay offs.
Never met a single man who wants to handle the outside while I handle the domestic.

[Anonymous]

And yet the majority of moms (70%) do it

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s 2025 not 1955 or 1985.

Men born after 1980 likely had a mom who worked outside the home, many had a divorced or single mom. They should understand how a two-career household runs. They are capable of pulling their weight with household and parenting labor. If they aren’t, that’s a husband/partner problem.

If you have a knowledge worker job, you have more technology and flexibility of hours or location post-pandemic than any prior generation. This applies to parents of all genders.

Many families were spoiled during the pandemic with both parents working at home and fewer kid activities - and were able to handle things themselves. Slowly but surely I’ve seen my neighbors rebuild the kind of community support system my parents had when I was growing up - with car pools and pitching in to watch each others’ kids to help make it all work.

Men born after 1980 are still living at home and playing video games.

Plenty are not. This is my age cohort and my whole social circle of married professional men with kids in Bethesda.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:And yet the majority of moms (70%) do it

And a decent number of the 30% are SAHMs because they literally would make less after-tax then it would cost for childcare. They aren't living a charmed life.

Now many of these MC SAHMs return to the workforce when kids start school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just saw a social media fb post on a local moms page from a lamenting mom earnestly asking the question of how in the world moms are supposed to work 9-5, but still get kids to school by 8AM and picked up at 3PM and have time to make dinner and energy for homework help and so on and so on.

The clear answer is, of course, that they aren’t supposed to do this. In fact, most men were perfectly happy with the arrangement of division of labor where he performed the “outside” labor that secured earned income for the family and she performed the domestic labor that allowed the home and children to be cared for without outsourcing those duties and payments to someone else.
No one asked women to “do it all”—and women were offended by this!
And yet, somehow about 40 years ago some so-called feminists convinced women that they were being oppressed and needed the “freedom” to go spend their days working outside the home as well.
Yay for feminism!

No, women are offended by whiny, bit-- a$$, man children who are not capable to doing housework, child care, or carrying their weight at home. I am very lucky with my DH but, then again, I did not let him off the hook and made clear he was expected to carry the load. And he does. But, his mother didn't raise a momma's boy who feigns incompetence with household matters. It all starts with the boy moms and I hope that they are teaching their boys better. Or you're going to see more girls opt out of marriage altogether.

Unless you have a MIL like mine who raised her son to help her with household chores but expects his wife to wait on him like a prince.

[Anonymous]

by saying that there was a division of labor and it was better when moms didn’t work and managed to single-handedly take care of kids needs, is still putting all the responsibility for child care on the women’s shoulder.

As a society, we decide what is important. Given that there is no minimum parental leave, affordable childcare, good before / aftercare options, we have decided as a society that having children is not valued. The moms lamenting are a result of that. But it’s not the feminists to blame, it’s all of us as a society because these are our values: families and children are not priority for us as a society. It’s that simple.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:by saying that there was a division of labor and it was better when moms didn’t work and managed to single-handedly take care of kids needs, is still putting all the responsibility for child care on the women’s shoulder.

As a society, we decide what is important. Given that there is no minimum parental leave, affordable childcare, good before / aftercare options, we have decided as a society that having children is not valued. The moms lamenting are a result of that. But it’s not the feminists to blame, it’s all of us as a society because these are our values: families and children are not priority for us as a society. It’s that simple.

Yep, having children is just some personal choice (possibly selfish) luxury for parents, at least as far as society sees it and is willing to support it.

Women having the ability to have economic independence from men is crucial, whether they choose to SAH or not. This really isn't debatable. Better options for meaninful part time work when kids are young, or even ability for a single earner family to support an average lifestyle, would be great for family's everywhere.