Equality vs Equity

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A lot of high paying jobs really really suck and lower paying jobs are more enjoyable.

I’m the highest paid sibling and while making this money is nice, it’s a lot sacrifice and stress. I am completely tied down to a single geographical area that I don’t particularly enjoy because of it. I’d love to live somewhere else - but my career is here and I don’t want to give it up and become destitute. I only do my career at this point for the money not because I like it. If I had $10M liquid I would move to another region of the world and pursue my passions.

My siblings live wherever they want because they work service industry jobs that pay next to minimum wage, but their jobs are honestly fun and more fulfilling than mine - I envy them, minus the crappy income.

So if my parents decided to reward my siblings with all the money it would be like punishing me for trying to be the responsible one in the family. It’s super messed up to reward the children who chose fun over responsibility.

So, what's stopped you quitting your job and applying for theirs?

Did you even read the post? Money!

They have cool jobs but rely on food stamps, Medicaid, and handouts from my parents to survive whenever an emergency pops up. They had decent career paths years ago but quit them voluntarily to go into low paying passion jobs.

My parents give my siblings tons of money but barely help us with anything. What annoys me is they went from a middle class income to low income all due to easily avoidable choices.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your intent is to permanently damage their sibling relationship, then sure, leave them different amounts.

+1 Can't stress this enough. My father plans on giving all of his money to my lazy brother because he "needs it more." I already told my brother that I will terminate our relationship if he doesn't give me an equal share. I also have mixed feelings about my father doing something like this.

It's also complicated because your stance on equality vs equity is likely influenced by political ideology. My father is very far to the left and I think that is a factor.

So if I was your brother I would probably say…”well, have a nice life”.

Doesn’t sound like you two are close so why would he care about your ultimatum?

That's an understandable position if you lack integrity.

What does integrity have to do with this?

Doesn’t sound like he took advantage of the parent in any way…PP sounds like someone you might cut out of the will.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A lot of high paying jobs really really suck and lower paying jobs are more enjoyable.

I’m the highest paid sibling and while making this money is nice, it’s a lot sacrifice and stress. I am completely tied down to a single geographical area that I don’t particularly enjoy because of it. I’d love to live somewhere else - but my career is here and I don’t want to give it up and become destitute. I only do my career at this point for the money not because I like it. If I had $10M liquid I would move to another region of the world and pursue my passions.

My siblings live wherever they want because they work service industry jobs that pay next to minimum wage, but their jobs are honestly fun and more fulfilling than mine - I envy them, minus the crappy income.

So if my parents decided to reward my siblings with all the money it would be like punishing me for trying to be the responsible one in the family. It’s super messed up to reward the children who chose fun over responsibility.

I don’t really know of many “fun” service industry jobs paying minimum wage. Nor is it fun to be working those jobs at 40.

I suppose the next time an adult serves me at McDonalds I will comment about how much fun they must be having (sure that will go over well).

I guess if a sibling is a river rafting guide or a ski instructor, those are possibly fun jobs…but they pay more than minimum wage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I'd never accept more than half, as I'm not selfish.

But if your sibling needs the money and you don't, you are selfish. Even if you delude yourself into thinking otherwise.

Why what if one sibling is lazy, does drugs and is just waiting for an inheritance? Does he "need it more"?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I'd never accept more than half, as I'm not selfish.

But if your sibling needs the money and you don't, you are selfish. Even if you delude yourself into thinking otherwise.

Why what if one sibling is lazy, does drugs and is just waiting for an inheritance? Does he "need it more"?

If one of the kids does drugs, and god forbid is an addict, most normal parents would do what they can to correct that situation, even if that means no inheritance for the other kids..too bad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I'd never accept more than half, as I'm not selfish.

But if your sibling needs the money and you don't, you are selfish. Even if you delude yourself into thinking otherwise.

Why what if one sibling is lazy, does drugs and is just waiting for an inheritance? Does he "need it more"?

Well according to the crazy pp lady, the drug addict gets the money and you are selfish if you think that you should get 50%. If she practices what she preaches, her legacy is going to be that she tore up her family lmao

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your intent is to permanently damage their sibling relationship, then sure, leave them different amounts.

+1 Can't stress this enough. My father plans on giving all of his money to my lazy brother because he "needs it more." I already told my brother that I will terminate our relationship if he doesn't give me an equal share. I also have mixed feelings about my father doing something like this.

It's also complicated because your stance on equality vs equity is likely influenced by political ideology. My father is very far to the left and I think that is a factor.

So if I was your brother I would probably say…”well, have a nice life”.

Doesn’t sound like you two are close so why would he care about your ultimatum?

That's an understandable position if you lack integrity.

What does integrity have to do with this?

Doesn’t sound like he took advantage of the parent in any way…PP sounds like someone you might cut out of the will.

That's correct, took advantage of a sibling though in this scenario. There is a reason why pretty much everyone says to split it evenly or you are asking for trouble. Exception is obviously some type of disability.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would say that it depends on how many kids they each have.

I personally hate this answer. So Kid 1 has 1 kid, Kid 2 has 3 so he gets 75% of the money? I would personally never do it that way. Divide it equally and let each kid make their own life choices.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:8 figures is a ton, even split in half. I would give to both equally. The only time I say otherwise is in the case of severe disability where the adult child needs lifelong caregiving.

This. Even then, the other child should still receive a substantial inheritance.

[Anonymous]

While you are alive, you might provide more material support to Kid 2. My parents do this with my older sister, and I'm fine with it. But split the inheritance equally...it'll be easier for everyone.

[Anonymous]

Assuming OP has closer to $10M, it will likely grow to, say, $15 or $20 M by the time they "move on". Wouldn't it better to set up an irrevocable trust in their will so the kids have access to earnings of the trust and not principal? This way, grandkids and beyond get to benefit as well..

[Anonymous]

Wow. Look at how much arguing this post is generating. We have 8-figures that the children do not know about. We may skip inheritance all together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow. Look at how much arguing this post is generating. We have 8-figures that the children do not know about. We may skip inheritance all together.

Yes.. good discussion, mostly from people that seem to be parents or identify with Kid 1. Would love to hear from Kid 2s. Anyone that watched their big brother/sister go to private college, buy a house, study abroad, etc. on their parents' dime but did not get it themselves and yet parents want to split everything in half at the end of the day.

[Anonymous]

Split equally - I’m one of three and earn 90k, siblings earn around 225k and 175k. All of us are getting the same inheritance. I would feel uncomfortable getting more and would understand if my siblings were upset.

If I end up having a kid, I could see my parents helping out financially, but probably giving all their kids extra money. You and your husband can each gift 18k a year to both kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Equal inheritance.

And you will most improve your kids' lives by giving them money while they are young/you are alive. If you want to give more financial support to your younger kid, do it now. It will make the most difference.

Equal inheritance.

Agree with this, plus what would it do to their relationship if they got unequal inheritances?