Equality vs Equity

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your intent is to permanently damage their sibling relationship, then sure, leave them different amounts.

+1 Can't stress this enough. My father plans on giving all of his money to my lazy brother because he "needs it more." I already told my brother that I will terminate our relationship if he doesn't give me an equal share. I also have mixed feelings about my father doing something like this.

It's also complicated because your stance on equality vs equity is likely influenced by political ideology. My father is very far to the left and I think that is a factor.

So if I was your brother I would probably say…”well, have a nice life”.

Doesn’t sound like you two are close so why would he care about your ultimatum?

That's an understandable position if you lack integrity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your intent is to permanently damage their sibling relationship, then sure, leave them different amounts.

+1 Can't stress this enough. My father plans on giving all of his money to my lazy brother because he "needs it more." I already told my brother that I will terminate our relationship if he doesn't give me an equal share. I also have mixed feelings about my father doing something like this.

It's also complicated because your stance on equality vs equity is likely influenced by political ideology. My father is very far to the left and I think that is a factor.

So if I was your brother I would probably say…”well, have a nice life”.

Doesn’t sound like you two are close so why would he care about your ultimatum?

That's an understandable position if you lack integrity.

NP. I agree with the prior two posters who said you're the jerk here. And why would you be angrier at your brother than your father who is making the decision? That's so bizarre. For me personally, I live a comfortable life and need nothing, so if my parents left money to my mess fortunate brother, that would make me happy. And if for some reason they left it equally to both of us, I would be happy to give him my share because he needs it more than me and I love him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your intent is to permanently damage their sibling relationship, then sure, leave them different amounts.

+1 Can't stress this enough. My father plans on giving all of his money to my lazy brother because he "needs it more." I already told my brother that I will terminate our relationship if he doesn't give me an equal share. I also have mixed feelings about my father doing something like this.

It's also complicated because your stance on equality vs equity is likely influenced by political ideology. My father is very far to the left and I think that is a factor.

So if I was your brother I would probably say…”well, have a nice life”.

Doesn’t sound like you two are close so why would he care about your ultimatum?

That's an understandable position if you lack integrity.

NP. I agree with the prior two posters who said you're the jerk here. And why would you be angrier at your brother than your father who is making the decision? That's so bizarre. For me personally, I live a comfortable life and need nothing, so if my parents left money to my mess fortunate brother, that would make me happy. And if for some reason they left it equally to both of us, I would be happy to give him my share because he needs it more than me and I love him.

I'd never accept more than half, as I'm not selfish.

[Anonymous]

Equal unless you want to torch their relationship

[Anonymous]

Similar circumstances- one sub and I are UMC, 1 barely MC. This is b/c of degree choices, saving opportunities, marriage partner, and in that 1 DC circumstance, ugly divorce.

Sub and I both told parents to live their best life and then to gift $ to sib.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your intent is to permanently damage their sibling relationship, then sure, leave them different amounts.

+1 Can't stress this enough. My father plans on giving all of his money to my lazy brother because he "needs it more." I already told my brother that I will terminate our relationship if he doesn't give me an equal share. I also have mixed feelings about my father doing something like this.

It's also complicated because your stance on equality vs equity is likely influenced by political ideology. My father is very far to the left and I think that is a factor.

So if I was your brother I would probably say…”well, have a nice life”.

Doesn’t sound like you two are close so why would he care about your ultimatum?

That's an understandable position if you lack integrity.

But if you don't need the money and the sibling does, you are selfish. Even if you delude yourself into thinking otherwise.
NP. I agree with the prior two posters who said you're the jerk here. And why would you be angrier at your brother than your father who is making the decision? That's so bizarre. For me personally, I live a comfortable life and need nothing, so if my parents left money to my mess fortunate brother, that would make me happy. And if for some reason they left it equally to both of us, I would be happy to give him my share because he needs it more than me and I love him.

I'd never accept more than half, as I'm not selfish.

[Anonymous]

I'd never accept more than half, as I'm not selfish.

But if your sibling needs the money and you don't, you are selfish. Even if you delude yourself into thinking otherwise.

[Anonymous]

I would not in a million years bequeath more to kid 2 over kid 1 - unless there’s a medical disability that requires more resources. It’s not about the money. It’s about fairness. Kid 1 is going to be hurt if are giving more to kid 2 bc he didn’t work as hard.

I get you about so much of one’s life comes down to serendipity. But you are talking about $5 million each minimum. Your kids have already won the serendipity sweepstakes. And I would not ruin relationships and hurt kid 1s feelings for this. Kid 1 is going to assume you love kid 2 more. And that will lead to bad feelings and hurt.

[Anonymous]

I kind of wish my parent would give more money to my sibling because I don’t need it and I am worried about my sibling’s retirement income but I’d rather they inherit than be a in position where i am trying to give them cash.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I'd never accept more than half, as I'm not selfish.

But if your sibling needs the money and you don't, you are selfish. Even if you delude yourself into thinking otherwise.

You are rewarding crap behavior.

Oftentimes loser siblings are losers because they are lazy, irresponsible, and refuse to make sacrifices to get ahead. Of course this will cause resentment.

Now if you want to give your portion to your sibling because you genuinely feel sorry for them and want to help them, then by all means go for it.

[Anonymous]

A lot of high paying jobs really really suck and lower paying jobs are more enjoyable.

I’m the highest paid sibling and while making this money is nice, it’s a lot sacrifice and stress. I am completely tied down to a single geographical area that I don’t particularly enjoy because of it. I’d love to live somewhere else - but my career is here and I don’t want to give it up and become destitute. I only do my career at this point for the money not because I like it. If I had $10M liquid I would move to another region of the world and pursue my passions.

My siblings live wherever they want because they work service industry jobs that pay next to minimum wage, but their jobs are honestly fun and more fulfilling than mine - I envy them, minus the crappy income.

So if my parents decided to reward my siblings with all the money it would be like punishing me for trying to be the responsible one in the family. It’s super messed up to reward the children who chose fun over responsibility.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A lot of high paying jobs really really suck and lower paying jobs are more enjoyable.

I’m the highest paid sibling and while making this money is nice, it’s a lot sacrifice and stress. I am completely tied down to a single geographical area that I don’t particularly enjoy because of it. I’d love to live somewhere else - but my career is here and I don’t want to give it up and become destitute. I only do my career at this point for the money not because I like it. If I had $10M liquid I would move to another region of the world and pursue my passions.

My siblings live wherever they want because they work service industry jobs that pay next to minimum wage, but their jobs are honestly fun and more fulfilling than mine - I envy them, minus the crappy income.

So if my parents decided to reward my siblings with all the money it would be like punishing me for trying to be the responsible one in the family. It’s super messed up to reward the children who chose fun over responsibility.

So, what's stopped you quitting your job and applying for theirs?

[Anonymous]

Split the inheritance equally unless one of the children has disability or serious medical issue that will require costly treatment. If one of the kids has this issue, set aside a certain amount in a trust to cover their medical care and split the remaining inheritance equally between the siblings.

[Anonymous]

My parents have two daughters and have not been equal with gifts.
Daughter 1: full ride to college, works very hard in low paying field (science) married to low earner
Daughter 2: got useless expensive degree, married high earner, doesn't work
Gifts are all grandkid-related and there seems to be no resentment (obviously I am Daughter 1.)

[Anonymous]

Does the 8 figures mean $10 million or $99 million?