Equality vs Equity

[Anonymous]

Sounds like your kids are still young. My siblings and I have mostly evened out despite me having a higher degree and having more of a career. My sister was a late bloomer and my brother will always make less but he’s doing great in the field he is in and honestly his job might survive longer than me or my sister’s job with AI. I would split equally- also money doesn’t equate to happiness especially at that level.

[Anonymous]

Your post gives me the feeling that you favor (maybe coddle) kid #2. I’m guessing kid 1 sees that and if you give #2 a larger inheritance this will solidify your favoritism. Do not make your daughter live with that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Equally.

If I’m understanding right, kid 2 is still in college? If so, I think it is pretty sad for some posters to pass judgement on them so soon. Kid 2 is still young and still figuring it out.

It’s not the posters doing that, it’s the op.

[Anonymous]

Equal unless you want your kids to resent each other after you’re gone. I’ve heard it’s best to do equal shares even if the kids are vastly different in wealth, unless there are significant disabilities or special needs. It creates so much ill will. It’s hard not to see it as punishment for being successful, or a measure of love.

Plus your kids are way too young to speculate about how their lives will unfold. It could go differently—it often does.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Spilt it absent disabilities - that amount is in the (high end of the) sweet spot of being significant even when split to be a very generous inheritance/safety net - but not so significant that flat out greed/dynastic wealth kicks in.

Regarding giving $$ to grandchildren - do they have kids yet? Do they have a similar number of kids? More kids on the way? Stepkids? That can be a landmine for many reasons (child with more kids might feel entitled to more, child with no kids might feel it’s unfair, etc etc)

Grandchildren inheritance gets complicated. You have one family 3-4 grandkids and one family with 0-1. “My brother the financial planner is pushing my parents to leave their money to the grandkids.” Can you guess who has the most kids? Imagine what it can do to the sibling and cousin relationships.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Equal inheritance.

And you will most improve your kids' lives by giving them money while they are young/you are alive. If you want to give more financial support to your younger kid, do it now. It will make the most difference.

Equal inheritance.

Equal unless you want the older one to hate you for not treating them equally. I've always worked hard and my parents always helped my siblings and cousins, not me. It feels like a punishment for making my parent's lives easier.

[Anonymous]

Equal, unless the younger one has a disability or the older one requests an equitable split.

I'm the higher-achieving sibling (like many on DCUM), and I would be okay if my parents left the estate 60/40 to my younger brother. He was a late bloomer who was a bit aimless at first, but he's really pulled it together. Plus, I received real advantages as the firstborn that have only compounded over the years.

Also, my brother is a good person and I love him very much. I know that if I fell on unforeseen hard times, he would always help me.

[Anonymous]

How is this even a question? You give to them equally.

[Anonymous]

Equally, duh. OP you said yourself that kid 2 is “not as driven”, how is that at all caused by differences in luck?

Also think about it this way: if you give the less driven and responsible kid more money, he’s way more likely to squander it vs kid 1.

This is the dynamic in my family as well. Every generation has that sibling who can’t get it together and makes dumb life choices. In every situation that I’ve observed, when this type of person receives money from an inheritance, they blow it all on dumb s***, while the more successful siblings actually invest it to preserve the familial wealth (or at least spend it responsibly).

If anything, I would give LESS to the sibling who demonstrated they can’t generate their own wealth. They won’t be able to handle it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If your intent is to permanently damage their sibling relationship, then sure, leave them different amounts.

This, my mom and sister played all kinds of games and hid my dad's inheritance. My mom is very secretive about her money so I assume it will go to my sister or she'll do another grab with my mom's blessing. It destroyed what little relationships I had with both of them. I don't care about the money as much as how they treated me. If you want to do something like a downpayment for #2, you talk to both and say hey, we paid mor your education and want to make it up, are you ok with that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Equally, duh. OP you said yourself that kid 2 is “not as driven”, how is that at all caused by differences in luck?

Also think about it this way: if you give the less driven and responsible kid more money, he’s way more likely to squander it vs kid 1.

This is the dynamic in my family as well. Every generation has that sibling who can’t get it together and makes dumb life choices. In every situation that I’ve observed, when this type of person receives money from an inheritance, they blow it all on dumb s***, while the more successful siblings actually invest it to preserve the familial wealth (or at least spend it responsibly).

If anything, I would give LESS to the sibling who demonstrated they can’t generate their own wealth. They won’t be able to handle it.

What does this mean? If one kid works hard but at a low-paying career or SAHP, are they not driven and not as worthy? You are horrible. And, greedy. You treat your kids the same.

I don't work. I am very responsible with our money. My parents only help my sibling. We have equal HHI but we have a child and they don't. They do nothing for our child. So, its not going to future generations....who knows where it will go. We are fine but there is no "family" anymore as there is a huge split with the greedy sibling and us. My parents even expect us to pay for their meals out as well as their partners and kids (we went out with the partner and his grandkids - all adults and we got stuck with the bill). Never again.

Its funny as they say we'll blow it when we've never done anything and made better decisions, like buying a house/paying it off quickly vs. renting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Spilt it absent disabilities - that amount is in the (high end of the) sweet spot of being significant even when split to be a very generous inheritance/safety net - but not so significant that flat out greed/dynastic wealth kicks in.

Regarding giving $$ to grandchildren - do they have kids yet? Do they have a similar number of kids? More kids on the way? Stepkids? That can be a landmine for many reasons (child with more kids might feel entitled to more, child with no kids might feel it’s unfair, etc etc)

Are you kidding? $5 million is a nightmare.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your intent is to permanently damage their sibling relationship, then sure, leave them different amounts.

+1 Can't stress this enough. My father plans on giving all of his money to my lazy brother because he "needs it more." I already told my brother that I will terminate our relationship if he doesn't give me an equal share. I also have mixed feelings about my father doing something like this.

It's also complicated because your stance on equality vs equity is likely influenced by political ideology. My father is very far to the left and I think that is a factor.

I know this will fall on deaf ears, but in this situation, YTA. Actually, YT greedy A.

I can't believe you wrote what you did thinking that you are in the right.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your intent is to permanently damage their sibling relationship, then sure, leave them different amounts.

+1 Can't stress this enough. My father plans on giving all of his money to my lazy brother because he "needs it more." I already told my brother that I will terminate our relationship if he doesn't give me an equal share. I also have mixed feelings about my father doing something like this.

It's also complicated because your stance on equality vs equity is likely influenced by political ideology. My father is very far to the left and I think that is a factor.

I know this will fall on deaf ears, but in this situation, YTA. Actually, YT greedy A.

I can't believe you wrote what you did thinking that you are in the right.

Maybe you are braindead, not sure?

The greedy person is the person who will accept an unequal share of an inheritance. A person with any morals or integrity would make things right.

[Anonymous]

You should never punish a kid for working hard and becoming successful on their own. That’s messed up.