Kids out of the house 8+ hours a day

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents put me in aftercare and before care, same as your schedule. It was fine at the time bc it's all I knew. But I always longed for spending more time with them. Basically that experience is what made me never want to work FT as a mom though I did have to work part-time and she was I childcare ~6hrs/day until starting school.

putting you in after/before care wasn’t the problem if you feel this way. It was the time they neglected you between aftercare and before care and then on the weekends, that has led to your trauma.

I’m not the poster you’re replying to but I felt similarly to her. You don’t realize that the limited time my parents had between aftercare and before care and on the weekends was necessary for them to do the myriad of other things they had to do to take care of us (grocery shop, clean the house, cook, run errands etc). And they also needed a little time to themselves which they rarely took, since they were exhausted all the time. They were not neglecting me— they just had no flexibility to live less frazzled lives and definitely did not make enough to pay for help. I hated coming home to an empty house and would have loved knowing my mom was home, even if she was in a home office mostly, because it just felt so much less lonely when a parent was home even if I didn’t interact much with them as a sullen teen/ preteen. I loved the days when she got off work early or had a holiday and was home before me— there was always a candle lit and a small snack waiting and maybe some old timey music on the cd player.

I am sorry you felt so alone! But there is a way to do this and have your kids feel loved and not lonely. It usually means the parents are always acting for the the common good of the family and many of the chores and errands include the kids. Prioritizing family meal times even if it means parents are getting off work at 6 pm and doing work after the kids go to bed. If two parents who work out of the house want it to work, it can work. I promise you that!

[Anonymous]

Are you concerned about the ultra-processed, sugar- full “foods” your kids are given during those long hours?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you concerned about the ultra-processed, sugar- full “foods” your kids are given during those long hours?

Mine got homemade Peruvian food but I did ask for less salt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you concerned about the ultra-processed, sugar- full “foods” your kids are given during those long hours?

NP but aftercare definitely led to weight gain during my childhood. So many snacks and I didn’t have good willpower. That is why I vowed to never send my kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The aftercare is when they do fun classes and it's also the main time for playground play and seeing friends who aren't in their classroom. My kids dislike being picked up before 5 for that reason.

Same with mine! They get relatively unstructured time with different friends in their after school program. Crafts, playground, imaginative play. If I picked them up at the end of the school day, nothing they did at home would be nearly as good.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is that the norm nowadays with both parents RTO? My kids are in before and after childcare and then school during the day. Drop off is 7am and pick up is 6pm.

It is but also it really sucks

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you concerned about the ultra-processed, sugar- full “foods” your kids are given during those long hours?

NP but aftercare definitely led to weight gain during my childhood. So many snacks and I didn’t have good willpower. That is why I vowed to never send my kids.

Snacking habit leads to metabolic problems. Read “Metabolical”, written by Dr R. Lustig, a pediatric neuro- endocrinologist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hate that and have avoided doing that to my child through conscious choices. Some things that have worked for us included hiring a nanny when the child was young and reducing hours to work part time. Of course that was all done in a thoughtful manner with lots of planning. Times are suddenly tough now that the meanest of the bullies are in charge and no one has been given the courtesy of time to make alternative plans. It's not easy to hire a good nanny with less than a week's notice to work in the office fulltime with NO flexibility to telework. Sadly it is families and children who are being effected the most. Every family has to do what they have to do to survive.

Are you saying one on one time with a nanny is preferable to learning and playing with a group of peer and caregivers? If yes, please explain how it is definitively better?

A nanny was preferable in my situation so that the child could relax with downtime at home. I didn't want my child in a structured environment for the entire day. 8+ hours is a long day when most young children are only awake 12 hours a day. No one said anything about keeping a child away from peer groups. Kids can go to school and have after school nannies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents put me in aftercare and before care, same as your schedule. It was fine at the time bc it's all I knew. But I always longed for spending more time with them. Basically that experience is what made me never want to work FT as a mom though I did have to work part-time and she was I childcare ~6hrs/day until starting school.

putting you in after/before care wasn’t the problem if you feel this way. It was the time they neglected you between aftercare and before care and then on the weekends, that has led to your trauma.

I’m not the poster you’re replying to but I felt similarly to her. You don’t realize that the limited time my parents had between aftercare and before care and on the weekends was necessary for them to do the myriad of other things they had to do to take care of us (grocery shop, clean the house, cook, run errands etc). And they also needed a little time to themselves which they rarely took, since they were exhausted all the time. They were not neglecting me— they just had no flexibility to live less frazzled lives and definitely did not make enough to pay for help. I hated coming home to an empty house and would have loved knowing my mom was home, even if she was in a home office mostly, because it just felt so much less lonely when a parent was home even if I didn’t interact much with them as a sullen teen/ preteen. I loved the days when she got off work early or had a holiday and was home before me— there was always a candle lit and a small snack waiting and maybe some old timey music on the cd player.

I am sorry you felt so alone! But there is a way to do this and have your kids feel loved and not lonely. It usually means the parents are always acting for the the common good of the family and many of the chores and errands include the kids. Prioritizing family meal times even if it means parents are getting off work at 6 pm and doing work after the kids go to bed. If two parents who work out of the house want it to work, it can work. I promise you that!

Why are you denying this PP's lived experience, that it isn't just about quality time but also some level of quantity and daily routine? Maybe that can't be achieved for everyone, maybe some kids don't need or want that. But certainly for some that is tough and it's strange to just say it's not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is that the norm nowadays with both parents RTO? My kids are in before and after childcare and then school during the day. Drop off is 7am and pick up is 6pm.

I'm confused. My kids get on the bus at 8:45am and don't get home until 4:30. They are out of the house almost 8 hours a day and I work from home without any childcare. 8 hours is not unusual, OP. WTF?

[Anonymous]

Quite long but mine are out from 830 to 5 if it helps

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hate that and have avoided doing that to my child through conscious choices. Some things that have worked for us included hiring a nanny when the child was young and reducing hours to work part time. Of course that was all done in a thoughtful manner with lots of planning. Times are suddenly tough now that the meanest of the bullies are in charge and no one has been given the courtesy of time to make alternative plans. It's not easy to hire a good nanny with less than a week's notice to work in the office fulltime with NO flexibility to telework. Sadly it is families and children who are being effected the most. Every family has to do what they have to do to survive.

Are you saying one on one time with a nanny is preferable to learning and playing with a group of peer and caregivers? If yes, please explain how it is definitively better?

A nanny was preferable in my situation so that the child could relax with downtime at home. I didn't want my child in a structured environment for the entire day. 8+ hours is a long day when most young children are only awake 12 hours a day. No one said anything about keeping a child away from peer groups. Kids can go to school and have after school nannies.

This is my philosophy as well. Kids go to preschool/elementary school and do some after school activities. They are otherwise at home with our nanny. To me this is preferable particularly for babies and toddlers - I think being in daycare all day is too much stimulation for them and it’s nice for them to be able to have downtime and nap in their own bedrooms/cribs/beds. Daycare costs these days are similar to a nanny, and once you have two kids in daycare a nanny makes sense. Obviously preschool is an additional cost, but the difference isn’t crazy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is that the norm nowadays with both parents RTO? My kids are in before and after childcare and then school during the day. Drop off is 7am and pick up is 6pm.

I'm confused. My kids get on the bus at 8:45am and don't get home until 4:30. They are out of the house almost 8 hours a day and I work from home without any childcare. 8 hours is not unusual, OP. WTF?

Yes 8 hours is typical for elementary school - my son gets on a bus at 7:30 and his school ends at 3:30. A lot of kids are in aftercare until 5 or 6 pm. That’s more like 11 hours and I think is a really long day. My son does two activities after school and the rest of the days are downtime, which he needs. Apart from the winter, he spends most of the afternoon school hours playing in our backyard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you concerned about the ultra-processed, sugar- full “foods” your kids are given during those long hours?

NP but aftercare definitely led to weight gain during my childhood. So many snacks and I didn’t have good willpower. That is why I vowed to never send my kids.

That is a really weird reason not to send your kids to aftercare.

[Anonymous]

Yup. Leave the house with DS at 7am and return home 7pm. DD is similar but her school is a little closer so more like 8-6. Has been like this for years but we think it’s better than hiring a sitter to care for them 1:1.